It's not over x

[Helen A]

No Betsy - it won't end... Stop fooling yourself.

 

You cheat. You hurt people. You lie.

 

Just stop playing these games with yourself.

 

 

I've only hurt myself so far Sunny as nobody knows ( thankgod)

I do cheat and lie. I've been trying to stop I just haven't been able to ...

I guess I'm not perfect and I don't mean to hurt anybody.

I'm not exactly feeling great again you know

[Calcmag]

I'm starting NC officially AGAIN from tommorow. Getting to 1 month and I figure I shud feel better by then shudnt I?

Blocked from twitter, deleted the number (again) though not sure how to block on an iPhone, and just go from there..,,

 

Start your NC now. Right now.

But if all you're going to do to achieve 'NC' is to block him and delete his number, but you'll carry on going to barbecues and socialising with him and his wife, it's not NC.

 

And honestly, Owl's post may have come across as harsh but for those of us watching from the sidelines, this whole thing is a train wreck and has been from the start. We all knew that you'd end up breaking your previous NC and escalating from EA to PA. We all know it will continue to escalate, and you wouldn't be the first MW to get pregnant under these circumstances.

 

Please think very carefully about what you're doing. No half hearted NC like last time. Look where that got you.

[whichwayisup]

I just want to know why he won't leave this alone when it is nothing to him.

He doesn't cheat on his wife with others I don't believe that, no reason for him to lie about that one and they've been together years.

I'd done the NC and we had decided to leave it be after the kiss but he started it agen and then doesn't want to speak to me after.

 

Because..He can! You let him! He does NOT care about you or what you feel. He knows he can manipulate you into having sex with him. As long as you keep saying yes and putting yourself in situations (aka drinking and being alone with him) then it'll keep on happening. Make it end by staying away from him.

 

You don't know who else he's slept with, you'll never know (he will never tell you!) The guy is a liar, a cheater and a total scum bag.

[Calcmag]

I've only hurt myself so far Sunny as nobody knows ( thankgod)

I do cheat and lie. I've been trying to stop I just haven't been able to ...

I guess I'm not perfect and I don't mean to hurt anybody.

I'm not exactly feeling great again you know

 

It's not true that nobody else is getting hurt. You are hurting your marriage every second you are even just thinking about MOM. You're hurting his wife, your friend. If you think that nobody is getting hurt just because they don't know about the affair, you're mistaken.

[Helen A]

Because..He can! You let him! He does NOT care about you or what you feel. He knows he can manipulate you into having sex with him. As long as you keep saying yes and putting yourself in situations (aka drinking and being alone with him) then it'll keep on happening. Make it end by staying away from him.

 

You don't know who else he's slept with, you'll never know (he will never tell you!) The guy is a liar, a cheater and a total scum bag.

 

You're right I don't really know if he has slept with anyone else do I?

I wud have sed no as they've been together years seemed solid and happy,

But who knows?

 

Oh there's no more bbqs. I'm mental and must sort myself out and stop acting in this disgusting way.

[2sunny]

I've only hurt myself so far Sunny as nobody knows ( thankgod)

I do cheat and lie. I've been trying to stop I just haven't been able to ...

I guess I'm not perfect and I don't mean to hurt anybody.

I'm not exactly feeling great again you know

 

I think the better question is:

 

Why do YOU harm YOURSELF this way? You do this to you - why?

[Owl]

Betsy, I'm going to lay it all down for you.

 

I posted what I did because, quite simply, I've grown incredulous at your posts.

 

In my years here, I can recall one other person as hell bent on self-destruction as you appear to be.

 

You have created thread after thread, disregarded and dismissed advice from every single poster who has ever bothered to respond to you, and STILL continue to do so at every possible turn.

 

I'll be blunt...I am indeed beginning to find your story difficult to believe.

 

I'm not sure if you're actually as clueless as you come across...or if you're having fun seeing how far you can take this.

 

But either way, I just don't know what else you're hoping anyone can say or do for you here on LS.

[trailrunner1975]

There are some people that cannot be helped and will always take the wrong path. Betsy, you have all the great, clear advice you could ever need. Until you stop banging your head on the wall you will be where you are now.

[anne1707]

I'm starting NC officially AGAIN from tommorow. Getting to 1 month and I figure I shud feel better by then shudnt I?

Blocked from twitter, deleted the number (again) though not sure how to block on an iPhone, and just go from there..,,

 

NC after one month and you will be OK? Didn't you do two months of NC before and not feel better? Plus that was before you had sex with him.

 

Oh and how about starting NC today, not tomorrow.

 

 

I've only hurt myself so far Sunny as nobody knows ( thankgod)

I do cheat and lie. I've been trying to stop I just haven't been able to ...

I guess I'm not perfect and I don't mean to hurt anybody.

I'm not exactly feeling great again you know

 

You are hurting your husband and your children. You are hurting his wife and his children. This is already happening. Just go and look on the Infidelity forum and you will see post after post from BS who felt the pain of the WS's affair even before dday. I know my husband felt pain. He even said so on dday.

 

You're right I don't really know if he has slept with anyone else do I?

I wud have sed no as they've been together years seemed solid and happy,

But who knows?

 

Oh there's no more bbqs. I'm mental and must sort myself out and stop acting in this disgusting way.

 

No more BBQS? How are you going to explain that to your H? Are you going to completely end ALL contact with both him AND his wife?

 

How do you plan to sort yourself out? IC? MC? Telling your husband the truth?

[Helen A]

I think the better question is:

 

Why do YOU harm YOURSELF this way? You do this to you - why?

 

I have no idea.

[road]

I just want to know why he won't leave this alone when it is nothing to him.

He doesn't cheat on his wife with others I don't believe that, no reason for him to lie about that one and they've been together years.

I'd done the NC and we had decided to leave it be after the kiss but he started it agen and then doesn't want to speak to me after.

 

 

How you be doing NC and going to barbecues where the OM will be?

 

And where was your BH while you and the OM where "grilling"?

[Helen A]

NC after one month and you will be OK? Didn't you do two months of NC before and not feel better? Plus that was before you had sex with him.

 

Oh and how about starting NC today, not tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

You are hurting your husband and your children. You are hurting his wife and his children. This is already happening. Just go and look on the Infidelity forum and you will see post after post from BS who felt the pain of the WS's affair even before dday. I know my husband felt pain. He even said so on dday.

 

 

 

No more BBQS? How are you going to explain that to your H? Are you going to completely end ALL contact with both him AND his wife?

 

How do you plan to sort yourself out? IC? MC? Telling your husband the truth?

 

 

I haven't thought that far ahead or about how I'm going to end the contact with them yet but I know that I have to.

Why I said NC from tommorow is because we have spoken today.

 

I don't want a DDay how did your husband feel pain did he know there was something going on? Mine wud never in his wildest dreams think there was and I don't want him to I don't want him hurting.

 

This time I'm going to sort myself out because I actually want to and know that I have to. Getting that drunk and doing that it's not right.

 

My frends hubby still thinks that we can be good friends and park it up and just got a bit upset wen we txt and said so wat you're just gonna ignore me on a night out? I sed there will be no nights out it's got to all ènd. He says oh don't I didn't mean to upset you you're a good friend lets park it and be good.

I don't get his way of thinking?

 

I wish him well I can't hate him, but I have to sort out my life now.

I have my little girl and I'm keeping our family together.

[2sunny]

Your words and actions don't match.

 

Tomorrow never comes.

 

Get serious help - you are causing harm to so many by the way you continue to participate.

 

You want to end contact - delete him! And get honest by telling your husband and his wife!

 

Stop playing games - it's gross!

 

And stop drinking! You have a problem - it's not him - it's YOU.

[ladydesigner]

What's to get about his way of thinking? He knows your a sure thing when you get drunk at BBQ's. I truly don't get your way of thinking. And as someone else said, your actions don't match your words. You love your daughter, don't want to break up your happy little home, yet are willing to blow it all up by screwing this guy. You need serious help.

 

I agree with this post. Betsy34 are you in any type of therapy? If not I would seriously consider this for yourself. Your actions are impulsive which might be indicative of serious issues that need to be worked through. Maybe FOO issues or a troubled/abusive past?

[anne1707]

I haven't thought that far ahead or about how I'm going to end the contact with them yet but I know that I have to.

Why I said NC from tommorow is because we have spoken today.

 

I don't want a DDay how did your husband feel pain did he know there was something going on? Mine wud never in his wildest dreams think there was and I don't want him to I don't want him hurting.

 

This time I'm going to sort myself out because I actually want to and know that I have to. Getting that drunk and doing that it's not right.

 

My frends hubby still thinks that we can be good friends and park it up and just got a bit upset wen we txt and said so wat you're just gonna ignore me on a night out? I sed there will be no nights out it's got to all ènd. He says oh don't I didn't mean to upset you you're a good friend lets park it and be good.

I don't get his way of thinking?

 

I wish him well I can't hate him, but I have to sort out my life now.

I have my little girl and I'm keeping our family together.

 

Eh? What is with all this "wud" type writing? Are you a grown woman or a teenager?

 

So what are you going to do? You still haven't answered that question.

[Helen A]

What's to get about his way of thinking? He knows your a sure thing when you get drunk at BBQ's. I truly don't get your way of thinking. And as someone else said, your actions don't match your words. You love your daughter, don't want to break up your happy little home, yet are willing to blow it all up by screwing this guy. You need serious help.

 

 

Um no he does not know it's a sure thing that was the first time I've slept with him we have had loads of bbqs.

There's nobody here on this board that had been married and fallen for someone else? And because they did they need help/therapy?

What?

[2sunny]

Um no he does not know it's a sure thing that was the first time I've slept with him we have had loads of bbqs.

There's nobody here on this board that had been married and fallen for someone else? And because they did they need help/therapy?

What?

 

You're getting good advice and suggestions - why aren't you considering what is suggested?

[anne1707]

You come across to us as a sure thing for him and I reckon he gets the same impression. This might have been the first time you had sex but it was obvious to many of us here that this was going to happen.

 

As for your question of has nobody on this board fallen for....etc. Oh please Betsy who do you think many of the posters are on this site. You know I was a WS for one. Its just you are choosing to ignore advice because you actually want this affair to continue.

Edited August 29, 2013 by anne1707

[Helen A]

You come across to us as a sure thing for him and I reckon he gets the same impression. This might have been the first time you had sex but it was obvious to many of us here that this was going to happen.

 

As for your question of has nobody on this board fallen for....etc. Oh please Betsy who do you think many of the posters are on this site. You know I was a WS for one. Its just you are choosing to ignore my advice because you actually want this affair to continue.

 

That's my point Anne probably half of them have so why are they saying you need help? You need help because you like somebody else?

I do not want it to continue I definitely do not. Why else would I bother posting? I'd just continue. He had been like this all along - ie messages going silent, the kiss going silent etc.... Oh I'm bored stiff of analysing him now tbh.

It's time to move on. We are just both a pair of arseholes

[anne1707]

You need help because you need to find a way out of this mess. You have so far just managed to get yourself deeper into this mess.

 

What do you plan to do? You actually need to take real action to end this. What will that action be?

[Helen A]

You need help because you need to find a way out of this mess. You have so far just managed to get yourself deeper into this mess.

 

What do you plan to do? You actually need to take real action to end this. What will that action be?

 

 

Day one of 100% NC begins today. I'm not even replying if he contacts me but I don't think that he will after what I said yesterday. No more get togethers n stuff, I'm done.

 

Who wants to actually be in a full on affair? Head all over the place, having to lie, wrecking your life? I don't.

 

So I'm staying away from them for good and getting on with my own life.

[anne1707]

Have you blocked him and his wife?

 

How are you going to explain to your husband that you never want to see this couple again?

 

What are you going to do to work on you and your marriage?

 

What makes you think you can end this now when you couldn't before?

[Hazyhead]

Betsy, you're in a mess and so far you are letting these things happen despite knowing that they will cause more mess. I get it - the thrill can be addictive BUT you know that it's not worth it, for you and for your family. NC has to be something that YOU want, not something you put out there because you've received no contact and there's not another meeting coming up, otherwise it won't work: it will merely be a stop-gap between now, when you feel so down, and the next time you encounter him and allow him to excite you again.

 

Throw yourself into your marriage and family and see if it heals some. If it doesn't, face the issues with your husband rather than finding an escape.

 

I know NC is hard when you're low, but it's so doable and rewarding if you genuinely mean it.

 

Good luck.

[Owl]

That's my point Anne probably half of them have so why are they saying you need help? You need help because you like somebody else?

I do not want it to continue I definitely do not. Why else would I bother posting? I'd just continue. He had been like this all along - ie messages going silent, the kiss going silent etc.... Oh I'm bored stiff of analysing him now tbh.

It's time to move on. We are just both a pair of arseholes

 

I'll speak up for Anne here.

 

She's noting that you need help because you...unlike all these others...have patently refused to do one damned thing...to lift a single finger...to change your situation.

 

All those others who are here...don't need help...because they changed their situation. They DID something about it.

 

You post about how bad it is...but you still schtupped him when you got the chance.

 

You've disregarded every bit of advice you've been given...but you keep posting here about how bad you feel.

 

You DO need help, that we can't give you here.

 

You've been given all the help that we can give you...yet you patently refuse it, refute it, ignore it...and then can't understand why folks get burnt out on your repeated cries for help that you'll refuse to take.

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THE POSTERS HERE ON LS???????

[SoleMate]

Betsy, you need help more than most people in affairs do. Most people are making choices that are at least 35% semi-rational and with 17% aware of the consequences. They're also doing things they want to do and enjoy, at least for the moment.

 

You, OTOH, appear irrational, self-destructive, and completely unable to control yourself or think clearly. I believe that your recklessness, drinking, and lack of thought for consequences are all signs of a deeply-rooted issue. That's why you need counselling and AA and to go NC with the twerp whose bratwurst you sauced.

 

And I am also starting to suspect a lack of sincerity in your posts because they just seem too....out there.....to be real.