It's not over x

[shortee]

Betty you dont seem very smart. Why are you making excuses for your behavior? Being drunk is no excuse. Why did you get drunk? Why didnt you say you were sick and leave? Why didnt you stay sober and keep yourself in control at least. Maybe you had no way out of the bbq, but you made the choice to get drunk.

 

I also see that you feel no remorse at all. You dont seem to care what you are doing to your husband and childe. You seem more sad and upset that the om is ignoring you. All you care about is yourself.

 

You didnt block his number. You did nothing to stop om at all. Nc means nc. You only have yourself to blame. You want to have an affair. Sorry but you do.

[Owl]

To be honest, I would not be at all surprised if Betsy's husband or the MOM's wife don't already suspect. The way Betsy has described all these BBQs, I find it hard to believe that there would have been no extended eye contact, standing too close together, etc stuff going on. So when Betsy tells her husband no more BBQs, that could be the final piece of the puzzle for a suspicious spouse.

 

Maybe her H and his W aren't doing anything (about the Betsy/OM situation) because they've got their own thing going on?

[Owl]

Can I just ask how can you have sex with someone and them not want to say anything to them about it/ pretend it didnt happen?

 

 

What do you think are the reasons he does it?

 

Let's bring this back into perspective real quick.

 

Answer these questions from YOUR side, Betsy.

 

You're equally as culpable, equally a participant in this situation.

 

MOM isn't any more at fault here than you are. YOU too had sex with him, but don't want to say anything about it and want to pretend it never happened.

 

Why did you do it? What were your reasons behind it? Why are you not taking steps to prevent it from happening again? Why are you pretending it never happened?

 

Keep the focus real here...he's not the only architect of this situation.

 

You participated quite willingly, even well after you received tons of warnings and advice here on LS.

 

Let's not shift all the responsibility onto him.

 

Why did YOU do this?

 

And...what are you going to do NOW??? Are you going to stop trying to pretend it didn't happen, or are you going to continue to lie to your H and your friend (his W) by ommission?

[stillafool]

I hate to say this OP but being leglessly drunk is very, very unattractive on anyone but especially women. That alone will be a turn off when OM sobered up and thought about your appearance and actions at the BBQ. This is one of the reasons you probably haven't heard from him. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

[Helen A]

Let's bring this back into perspective real quick.

 

Answer these questions from YOUR side, Betsy.

 

You're equally as culpable, equally a participant in this situation.

 

MOM isn't any more at fault here than you are. YOU too had sex with him, but don't want to say anything about it and want to pretend it never happened.

 

Why did you do it? What were your reasons behind it? Why are you not taking steps to prevent it from happening again? Why are you pretending it never happened?

 

Keep the focus real here...he's not the only architect of this situation.

 

You participated quite willingly, even well after you received tons of warnings and advice here on LS.

 

Let's not shift all the responsibility onto him.

 

Why did YOU do this?

 

And...what are you going to do NOW??? Are you going to stop trying to pretend it didn't happen, or are you going to continue to lie to your H and your friend (his W) by ommission?

 

I did it because I really like him. Although I have said here about the way he behaves etc i still can't help how I feel. He has also told me that he likes me a lot or he would never have done any of this ( although I'm not sure what to believe in regards to that)

 

Anyway that is done now, it's definitely over. Because no matter how anybody feels we are both married with children and this isn't right / a disaster.

I'm not trying to say in anyway that I am not as much to blame, I was just saying that the way he behaved afterwards was horrible.

He did tell me that he didnt have a minute he was so busy blah blah and he's not ignoring me and of course he cares etc ( last week) - blah blah.

 

Anyway it's been a full week NC and I'm just going from here really.

 

The only answer I can give is that I really fell for him that's why I did it - in no way blaming him

[Helen A]

I hate to say this OP but being leglessly drunk is very, very unattractive on anyone but especially women. That alone will be a turn off when OM sobered up and thought about your appearance and actions at the BBQ. This is one of the reasons you probably haven't heard from him. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

 

 

He was also drunk. I don't care about being drunk anyway we all were it was a bank holiday weekend. That's not the reason why. He had done this all along I think he likes the chase and then when I've stopped contacting h he will message me he liked the game.

[anne1707]

Apart from NC, what else have you done to deal with this mess since you last posted Betsy?

 

Have you got that book yet? Or looked into IC? Have you blocked the wife too and come up with some excuse for ending the friendship yet?

 

Go on surprise me and actually have done something for once.

[Calcmag]

 

Anyway it's been a full week NC and I'm just going from here really.

 

/QUOTE]

 

 

Right, so now that you're claiming a 'full week NC', it's time to stop going on about him, time to stop trying to analyse him, time for me to stop asking you questions about him to see how you're reading him, and time to start focusing on you and rebuilding your marriage.

And to be clear, NC means just that. No Contact. Stalking his FB or Twitter, reading his old texts again, planning another meeting with him and his wife, that to me is all breaking NC. I know you said no more barbies, but I'm realising that's only because summer's over. You need to get a plan in place for next summer. Or for when they next want to socialise with you and your H. You also need to stop this self indulgent sitting around thinking about him. When thoughts of him come into your head, just STOP and think of something else instead.

The reason we recommend NC is because it's the ONLY way that works to help you move forward when you've still got feelings.

 

Finally on the legless comment earlier, the drinking culture here is definitely very different to the culture in a lot of other countries, so I accept that it's part of our culture for people to drink to excess at a Bank Hol bbq (not saying it's right though). But the point is, you showed considerable lack of self awareness by getting drunk with him around. This is the type of thing you need to be working on. So if you're in the habit of drinking say, on a Friday night when you're on your own and could break NC because you're drunk and it seems like a good idea, you've got to have the self discipline to not get drunk for a while. I hope you see what I'm saying.

 

Most people here are trying to help you stop this from going any further. I'm glad that you came back to post again, I just hope some of what people are saying is starting to sink in with you.

Edited September 4, 2013 by Calcmag

[Artie Lang]

I'm waiting for the next installment two weeks from now where she tells us she's pregnant and not sure who the father is.

 

i'm calling troll on this one.