Neo Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 I go to a fairly mediocre public high school on the west coast that rarely sends kids to Ivy League schools. However, I am a fairly good student academically (4.0 GPA 1520 SAT 800 Math IIC 800 Physics 760 Writing) and I have applied to Princeton Early Decision. Here's the problem though... I have a girlfriend that lives on the east coast and we are currently engaged in a long-distance relationship. I love her more than anything... I visited her over the summer and we visited colleges together. We also first told each other "I love you" and we also had sex. She is the only one for me... so incredibly perfect, someone I would have only been able to dream of and idealize in my mind prior to meeting her. We're only able to see each other during the breaks in school -- next time I will see her is when she comes to visit me in December. We have both applied ED to Princeton. However her stats are a bit higher than mine and she goes to a *very* wealthy private high school that regularly sends kids to Ivies -- one of the top private schools in her state. I've been crying so much lately -- incredibly stressed out. I have a strong feeling that she will get accepted and not me. We want to be with each other more than anything but I feel that my school holds me back from achieving my goals. Princeton sends notification to all ED applications around the 15th of December, roughly. She will be at my house by then, and I don't know what I am going to do if I get rejected. This seems like my only chance to be with her... I want a good school and a life with the one I love. There's just so much pressure... the time it takes waiting until she gets here, the time it takes waiting for my notification, school, my job, my family, there's just too much of it. It just seems so unfair because I know I am a strong applicant even if the resume doesn't coincide fully -- having a job, but no car or cell phone, coupled with the pressure of maintaining top grades and scores, as well as a poor high school, makes it very difficult to stand out in a pool of strong applicants who are just handed these opportunities on a silver platter with constant support from their parents. I don't know what I am going to do... what would I do if I get rejected and she gets accepted? Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Kill yourself? Thats the easy escape, thats admiting your weak and can't deal with the curveball life has thrown you. You need to get that out of your system now, what would it achieve? It would upset your family, friends and this girlfriend you care so much about. Now that I've said that. Well you could start looking at alternatives that are closer to Princeton in case you don't get in, surely you can find one which is closer and it means you can see her at weekends rather than at holidays. I would start looking at this now so if you don't get in and she's there that you can say well this is the alternative and i'll still be close etc. Don't give up hope though and well talk to people about how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 First, a little hope....the Ivies admissions people understand that different students come from different backgrounds. You actually may have a BETTER chance at admission than someone with identical stats who came from a background that is more typical for Princeton. I do hope you played up all your work experiences, gritty home life, tough neighborhood, etc. in your essay or other parts of your application. It's quite possible you will get in and she won't. That would be another problem, I understand that. Second, even if you both are accepted to different colleges, you can have time to be together. One of you could apply for transfer to a state school near the other, or even to Princeton itself. If this must be a LDR, it is painful, but love can survive. You're letting your stress make you "awfulize" everything - turning a problem into a disaster. Please check out some books on cognitive behavioral therapy - such as the Feeling Good Book by David D. Burns. And I do sympathize. You're going through some rough feelings right now, no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 You'll go to a different University. I don't want to dismiss your anxiety over this - you've got a lot going on & I understand that it can get overwhelming, but much of this stress you're feeling is well within your control. Meeting people, falling in love, moving on, falling in love again, sorry to say, but you've got more of this stress comin' your way - now is not the time to put so much emphasis on stuff like this. The vast majority of people in their 20s & 30s will tell you that they are not still with the first incredibly perfect someone they fell in love with at school. Many of them couldn't even tell you his or her name! Sometimes there's nothing we can do but let the future happen. You might get into the same school, you might go to one nearby. Who's to know? Your relationship may change or you could find yourselves even more in love & determined to make it work. Enjoy your time with this girl, concentrate on school & accept that sometimes we can't direct every aspect of our lives, especially where love is involved - trust me, the older you get the more you'll learn this. You need to choose the University that's right for you & not be basing that choice on your feelings for anyone other than yourself. You sound like a bright guy, so you should know this, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 Yes I understand this. My reasoning mainly encompassed the concept of getting into a great school WITH the one I love. No one's going to berate me for applying to Princeton in terms of ambition :/ I know that saying "she is perfect" sounds typical of someone head-over-heels, but I feel that if one were to observe my encounters with an objective scope of interaction they'd see that I'm not exaggerating... I really don't think there is anyone else like her. It would surprise me so much if there was! Thing is, the only "great schools" I know of near PTon would be Columbia, Yale, Brown, and UPenn, but even then they're all Ivies. I don't know of any other good schools nearby that would be worth going to, yet still close enough to be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 I second what the others are saying. You are a bright guy so you can understand that nobody can make another human the sole focus of his life. Bad stuff happens and you can't hang your entire existence on someone else because if something bad happens, you're done for. There are a lot of reasons to live, thrive and stick around to see what the future brings. It's great to love someone. It's great to give them your full devotion. But when you turn your existence over to another human, you're asking for trouble. You will live and you will do well if you can't go to university together. We've all been there and we've all made it. You will, too. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 but I feel that if one were to observe my encounters with an objective scope of interaction they'd see that I'm not exaggerating... I really don't think there is anyone else like her. It would surprise me so much if there was! SURPRISE !! Just what is it that makes you think you're so different from every other sod on the planet? Seriously. There is someone else like her, in fact there's a whole University full of them. Yes, your feelings are real but that's not to say you'll never ever feel this way again about anyone else. You can't predict the future, can you? (I'm not being mean, that was just a reality check !) I don't know of any other good schools nearby that would be worth going to, yet still close enough to be with her. quoting myself now: You need to choose the University that's right for you & not be basing that choice on your feelings for anyone other than yourself. What does she think of the idea of declining if she gets accepted & going to the same school as you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 It's Early Decision. If you get accepted you have to go there. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkdarling Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Some schools within an hour or less of Princeton Rutgers ( 30 min or less), Rider University - 5 min, The College of New Jersey - 5 min, Any school in NYC ( and there's a direct train from nyc to the princeton campus) - not to mention all the schools in Pa and NY that are just over an hour. Or even great schools in the Baltimore area (HOpkins, layola, Towson, Univ of Maryland) - which is 3 hours away AND an amtrack stop in princeton Moral if being close to your Gf is that important you should try thinking of a backup plan - because it is certainly doable and you will still have a wealth of universites to choose from the fit YOUR needs - after all that's what going to college is about in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
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