John316C Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I took this from a webpage: This is what I'm still suffering from. It'l probably be years and years before I fully overcome it; (I'm 27 1/2). I may never completely eliminate it. I want to have a relationship with a very beautiful, loving and mature woman (a very feminine person). But I wonder. I'm a really really good looking guy. I have very strong values and stuff. But I simply feel no attraction for any girl who isn't physically compatible. Do you have any thoughts/suggestions on my question that would help me? Effects on Children Children who witness resentment, anger, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, or physical violence walk on eggshells. The usual symptoms are: Depression (looks like chronic boredom with little interest in things that usually interest kids) Anxiety (worry, especially about things kids don't usually worry about) School problems Aggressiveness Hyperactivity (can't sit still) Low self-esteem (don't feel as good as other kids) Over emotionality (anger, excitability or crying) that sometimes comes out of nowhere No emotions at all They feel: Disregarded Untrusting Powerless, inadequate, or unlovable Like burdens to their parents Living in a household where they walk on eggshells makes a child 10 times more likely to become either an abuser or a victim of abuse. As adults, they are at increased risk of: Alcoholism Drug abuse Criminality Mental health problems Poverty Witnessing a parent victimized is usually more psychologically damaging to children than injuries from direct child abuse. Seeing a parent abused is child abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John316C Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Generally, really beautiful women will have problems of their own but that doesn't negate the fact that they will likely have a lot of offers and you're not exactly 'cream of the crop', emotionally speaking. The question is, what are YOU doing to fix them? Are you in therapy of any kind, or are you just expecting a beautiful woman to float in like a fairy princess and ignore all your issues? You have negative traits, to be sure but what are your positive qualities? If the good outweighs the bad you might have better luck. Can you give me an example of "good traits". I have lots of good traits, but they're overshadowed by sensitivity, shyness, aggression, low energy. I'm not anti-social. My good traits are I have goodwill towards others. I'm understanding, patient and knowledgeable. Good looking. "Universal". I feel other peoples constraints limit my potential. Of course no one would see those things because people don't see those things on the outside. The negative is whats seen. I do a lot to fix my problems. It'l be about 2 years of self-therapy, programs, hypnosis, just trying to reprogram my dysfunctional thoughts by December. Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 It'l be about 2 years of self-therapy, programs, hypnosis, just trying to reprogram my dysfunctional thoughts by December. Why the December deadline? Link to post Share on other sites
Author John316C Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 theres no deadline. by the time december comes i would have worked on myself seriously for 2 years Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 My belief is that a person with your issues needs to change direction. You need to start filling your life with accomplishments apart from mental stuff. Take classes. Join some clubs. Build a doghouse. DO something to be proud of yourself, and you'll start liking yourself more and the rest will fall away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I do a lot to fix my problems. It'l be about 2 years of self-therapy, programs, hypnosis, just trying to reprogram my dysfunctional thoughts by December. I believe one of the first things you can do is completely dismiss the idea a time frame required towards "reprogramming your dysfunctional thoughts." I have known people who have spent YEARS in therapy to help themselves through serious issues. You indicate you have a lot of problems to fix; why set a deadline on mental health? I am a multiple rape victim (three times). I was in and out of therapy for over a decade. Had I given myself a time limit to be healed, I would have given up and committed suicide half-way through my healing process. Changing one's dysfunctional thoughts and actions can be a life-long endeavor. Don't look for a magic date on a calendar when everything will suddenly be different for you. Know that in some ways, you will always have doubts and questions about your thought processes. And then accept who you are and what you have to offer a person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I think everybody has flaws and minor to major issues personally. I might be missing a piece of the story here, is that list issues you're dealing with? I think you need to take turnera's advice, its solid Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I believe one of the first things you can do is completely dismiss the idea a time frame required towards "reprogramming your dysfunctional thoughts." I have known people who have spent YEARS in therapy to help themselves through serious issues. You indicate you have a lot of problems to fix; why set a deadline on mental health? I am a multiple rape victim (three times). I was in and out of therapy for over a decade. Had I given myself a time limit to be healed, I would have given up and committed suicide half-way through my healing process. Changing one's dysfunctional thoughts and actions can be a life-long endeavor. Don't look for a magic date on a calendar when everything will suddenly be different for you. Know that in some ways, you will always have doubts and questions about your thought processes. And then accept who you are and what you have to offer a person. ^^^^^^^^^ this timeline and those sort of issues speaking from experience are not that easy to just deal with and give an end date they will always have an affect........i have had years of therapy....a lot of the abuse never even came up because we were dealing with my mental issues which stem from just one or two abusive situations.....and they do affect the way i view things....ect didnt numb the abuse memories a time line is fine if you are saying...." ok i have been working on this for two years and i accept how far i have come and now i want to work on another area of my life"...because two years is a long time to be living and working on your past ...your future is slipping by...but if you expect to be healed....it wont happen...you need to accept that it happened and not make the abuse integral to who you are now and at one point you have to let it go....i have found forgiving those who were abusive towards you helps a great deal..........deb Link to post Share on other sites
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