Friendships Change???

[JackieQ]

First, I feel a bit silly writing this. I've just never been good at dealing with change or dealing with friendships well. Im pretty shy and private and think I take things too seriously.

 

My best friend and I used to get together about every week. Her husband worked nites and we would just hang out.

 

Then he changed shifts and now I don't see her much at all. Or hear from her. I really miss her. I've talked to her about it and she says it's not her and me but she's had trouble dealing with what he wants and needs. I understand that he comes first .. or at least my brain does. The other part of me just gets mad that I get the short end of the deal.

 

I feel like I do this to myself...get too close to people that can't return the favor. But it just makes me not want to get close to anyone. And there's always a part of me that thinks it's something that I did. That's awful cause I can never figure out what it is I did.

 

I guess I'd like to know a couple things...first can marriage really cause that much interference in your friendships? (I've never been married). and 2)how do you guys deal with it.

[Merin]

Originally posted by JackieQ

First, I feel a bit silly writing this. I've just never been good at dealing with change or dealing with friendships well. Im pretty shy and private and think I take things too seriously.

 

My best friend and I used to get together about every week. Her husband worked nites and we would just hang out.

 

Then he changed shifts and now I don't see her much at all. Or hear from her. I really miss her. I've talked to her about it and she says it's not her and me but she's had trouble dealing with what he wants and needs. I understand that he comes first .. or at least my brain does. The other part of me just gets mad that I get the short end of the deal.

 

I feel like I do this to myself...get too close to people that can't return the favor. But it just makes me not want to get close to anyone. And there's always a part of me that thinks it's something that I did. That's awful cause I can never figure out what it is I did.

 

I guess I'd like to know a couple things...first can marriage really cause that much interference in your friendships? (I've never been married). and 2)how do you guys deal with it.

 

You've got to understand that she is married.. This doesn't mean that she doesn't like you, or enjoy your company.. it means her husband is first priority in her life and she doesn't have as much time on her hands as you may have right now.

 

You know honestly.. I have several friends that are involved in relationships and one that is married.. the one whom is married is usually with her hubby (as it should be) and she doesn't have the kind of free time to spend out with the rest of us, because let's face it.. her hubby really doesn't want to be with a bunch of girls hooting and hollering or talking about girl stuff My other gf's whom are in relationships... well you know they are busy as well... and so the girls time together isn't as much... and we all understand when and how that happens.

 

Don't read so much into it... it isn't that she doesn't like you. Catch up with her when you can, and continue to spend time with your single gf's.

[JackieQ]

Thanks, I think I just needed to hear that. I know you're right. It just helps to vent sometimes. (and since I know in reality that her husband does and should come first) I don't vent this kindof stuff to her.

[Merin]

Originally posted by JackieQ

Thanks, I think I just needed to hear that. I know you're right. It just helps to vent sometimes. (and since I know in reality that her husband does and should come first) I don't vent this kindof stuff to her.

 

You're Welcome:)