jcs0521 Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Hi, I'm new to the site but I have been browsing the past couple of months and it has given me some comfort. My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. We were 2gether 2 yrs 8 mnths. We had a great relationship, went on holidays and I thought things were okay. The problems started when he wanted to get a house with a friend and not me. Obviously I was upset but I understood he wasn't ready to settle down and I did my best to be happy for him. He wanted me to be included in it, help decorate and buy things. He said "one day the stuff we buy for this place will be our stuff for our place". I was happy to hear it. Sometimes I can be a bit moody, my home life isn't that great and I'd go round his and be upset. He was always telling me how much he loved me and tried to comfort me if I was down. I was also shy around his friends and family because I wanted them to like me. (He brought all this stuff up when he dumped me). He dumped me over the phone and cited his main reasons was that his heart wasn't in it anymore, he doesn't have the motivation to be in a relationship. I guess he must be in the process of moving in with his friend by now, I haven't heard from him. I've sent letters but had no reply. Some people have said he might be stressed about the move and to give it time. What hurts the most is that I didn't see it coming. He was always telling me he loved me, talking about the future, made me feel so special. I honestly don't know what to do. Problems we had could have been cleared up, but instead he just gave up. It was my b'day last week, very upset when I didn't hear from him. What do u guys think? Should I give up? Give it time? Keep contact or no contact. I do desire reconcilliation. We're both 26. Any ideas/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Honestly, I would leave him alone. Regardless of how much "stress" he is under with the move.. before the two of you were in a romantic relationship, you were friends right? I would NEVER treat my friend that way... It seems to me he is wanting to be single right now.. he is moving into a new place with one of his buddies and wants to do the single thing. I think the way he ended things with you is sh*tty.. and the way he has treated you following the breakup is even worse. Stop sweating him.. don't contact him. His ego is all good to go at this point without you sending him more letters or making calls to him. I know it's hard for you and you feel badly.. but continuing to try to contact someone that has made it painfully obvious they don't care about you, will only make you feel worse. Get out with your friends.. keep yourself busy.. maybe in time he will figure out what he had with you and want to reconcile.. but even if he doesn't, your life goes on and you will find happiness again. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie1207 Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 try to leave on as best terms as possible, because it will make the lonely times much better, just to know that he MIGHT be missing you. in my case i know for a fact taht my ex was glad i wasnt talking to her and for her not to miss me is really difficult. did he ever say why exactly you guys wanted to break up? besides some of that general stuff. im sure there were reasons behind his motivation to not have his heart in it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcs0521 Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 No, those were his basic reasons. I miss him so much, I'm still quite shocked by it all. I always believed things were going okay. I hate the thought of not being with him at xmas. We'd get drunk with his family and have a really good time. Should I really make the effort with no contact? Would that be best? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Originally posted by jcs0521 No, those were his basic reasons. I miss him so much, I'm still quite shocked by it all. I always believed things were going okay. I hate the thought of not being with him at xmas. We'd get drunk with his family and have a really good time. Should I really make the effort with no contact? Would that be best? Leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcs0521 Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 I know I need to leave him alone and get on with my life. I can't see myself with anyone else, I've been asked out by another guy but it's not really what I want. My ex is a really great guy, my best friend, he said I was his too. I am angry at him for finishing with me over minor things and in such a cruel way. It all seems so ridiculous. I find it hard to believe he isn't missing me, I suppose he's so busy with his new place that that is at the forefront of his mind, not me. None of his friends are single, the bloke he's moving in with has a girlfriend. My ex was always saying how we have a better relationship than all his friends put together. So how come I got dumped? I'm a nice person, a little moody sometimes. I'd never cheat, I'm smart, good looking, good sense of humour, I'm not a liar. What the hell is wrong with him/me? I can't face the thought of never talking to him again. This sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
TranslucentThoughts Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Ugh. I know exactly how you feel. My ex did the exact same thing. We weren't together as long as you had been with yours... but it's still so incredibly painful. He told me that he just wasn't "in" love with me anymore... and honestly, this came as a huge shock to me also because the same as your ex did, he lead me to believe that we'd have some kind of future together. He was always telling me how in love with me he was... and then poof... he's gone. It's been about 2 months for me as well since the breakup... and i'm still hurting really bad. I'm not contacting him though... especially not now... I just found out that he's already into someone else. And... Owch... all over again. It makes me feel like he never really loved me... if he can just move on this easily. You know? I have to see him at school tomorrow.... I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him again. It's just all to much to bare. I think that you should just try and forget about him. That's what I am trying really hard to do right now. He does still miss you... but he's trying to move on as well more than likely. Give him some space for awhile and just do your own thing.. Maybe he will contact you and maybe he won't... But, talking to him and being around him right now will only make you feel worse. Besides... he's being a jerk. I really hope you get through all this and that things get better for you. *hug!!* Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcs0521 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 Translucent Thoughts Thankyou for your kind words, I feel for you too Link to post Share on other sites
mischafan160 Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by jcs0521 He dumped me over the phone and cited his main reasons was that his heart wasn't in it anymore, he doesn't have the motivation to be in a relationship. What hurts the most is that I didn't see it coming. He was always telling me he loved me, talking about the future, made me feel so special. I honestly don't know what to do. Problems we had could have been cleared up, but instead he just gave up. AAAHHHH I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!!!! This is exactly what happened with me and my boyfriend, one fine day he just up and "falls out of love" with me, I mean REALLY, how does that just HAPPEN? And like your situation, he was telling me he loved me and acting pretty much like he always had right up until the end. My conclusion to this ridiculous schizophrenic behavior, after almost two months of being single, is that men really, truly are confused and don't know what they want at this age. Not to offend any men on here, but I think the vast majority of guys in college age or early 20s are not ready to be in lasting committed relationships...society is telling them they should be playing the field. I think clinginess inspires these sudden "fading feelings" in men also...I was definitely clingy towards the end of our relationship for the first time, before that I had always been independent and lived my own life, but for several reasons in the last month of being together he slowly became my whole life, and I recognize now that was my mistake. I have to recommend the book "Bonds that Make us Free" by C. Terry Warner. It's helped me realize my own part in causing the breakup and really in life, when people give you sh*t all you can do is control how you react and how you improve yourself. . Do no contact, you will feel so much better about yourself. I did and now he initiates contact with me all the time, and it really helps you regain your confidence and sense of dignity. If you decide clinginess was the reason for your breakup, this will help because it is the opposite of clinginess. Also, if you can, date other people. From what I've read on here, ex's miraculously experience a change of heart when they feel like you have moved on or that they've lost you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcs0521 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 Well, I've sent him one last e mail 2day, telling him 50 things (quite specific) I miss about him. If I received an email like that I would be very flattered and wondering if tthis person is so bad after all........we'll see. I wanted to do it just to see if it may make any difference. I'm not gonna get my hopes up tho.....it's been over 2 months now and I'm getting a little sick of the no response. He's treated me like I've shagged his best mate or something, it's ridiculous! I'm gonna go with no contact now......it's the only thing I haven't tried and to be honest I'm feeling like an emotional nutjob. Going on holiday this Saturday so that's something to look forward to. Not looking forward to xmas tho, really miss his family too. Link to post Share on other sites
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