For OW's..What do you not miss

[Goodbye]

Or, what will you not miss when your affair ends. Yes, I've done similar threads, but they are always worthwhile.

 

 

I do not miss:

 

1. Staying up late to wait for his calls from a different time zone and most likely waiting until his wife is asleep enough for him to sneak out

 

2. Getting the above calls from his car. He would only call me from his car...I got sick of hearing the car noises over time

 

3. Staying in hotels in cities where nobody would know him

 

4. Having him skulk off to the hallway to talk to his wife so I wouldn't hear him bullsh*ting her

 

5. Having to pay for the above hotel room so it wouldn't show up on his credit card

 

6. Knowing on the weekends he is with his wife even though he would tell me otherwise

 

7. Not being able to call him when I wanted/needed

 

8. Not sharing friends

 

9. Listening to his future faking

 

10. Settling for breadcrumbs.

 

There are many more...just needed to change my mindset. I'm feeling pretty lonely these days, and during lonely times it is easy to become nostalgic for exMM.

[Red Wolverine]

*Feeeling guilty and responsible for his family.

 

*Scheduling my life around his calls, emails, and work.

 

*The extreme lows that resulted from the extreme highs.

 

*Analyzing every conversation, look, and interaction.

 

*Waiting for it to end. Finally realized I didn't have to wait for anything since I could make a decision and end it.

 

When we've had this thread before, I used to have so many more to list. I can't remember the points as much anymore. I think that's a very good indication of how much I've let go and moved past him.

 

It's all so ridiculous and easy to see once you're out of it.

[Goodbye]

*Feeeling guilty and responsible for his family.

 

*Scheduling my life around his calls, emails, and work.

 

*The extreme lows that resulted from the extreme highs.

 

*Analyzing every conversation, look, and interaction.

 

*Waiting for it to end. Finally realized I didn't have to wait for anything since I could make a decision and end it.

 

When we've had this thread before, I used to have so many more to list. I can't remember the points as much anymore. I think that's a very good indication of how much I've let go and moved past him.

 

It's all so ridiculous and easy to see once you're out of it.

 

 

Excellent point re: the extreme highs and lows, which in my case were compounded by not being able to share my experience with anyone. And yes, as we move on the list does seem shorter.

[letmoc]

What I don't miss is the insecurity and feeling like i'm not enough. These relationships take so much from you.

[solostand]

Waiting for his calls.

 

Wondering if when he doesn't call he had been caught or was dead. . .

 

Allowing another person's actions or words to make/break my day.

 

Freaking out if his cell phone was turned off.

 

Talking on the phone while in his vehicle on Bluetooth - bad reception.

 

Listening to him talk about his children and wife.

 

Knowing my heart was going to be broken one way or another.

 

Having people gossip about us and suspect and treat me differently because of it.

 

When I allow myself to think about it, the pain it will cause his wife if she finds out. Mostly I block this out.

 

Knowing that I am living in a fairy tale.

 

Allowing myself to be in this situation and not having the courage or perhaps self respect (yet) to stop it.

[missy268]

I do not miss the insecurity, wondering if he was ever going to come round again or text/call. I don't miss the analysing every single word he said, looking for a hidden meaning, that little bit of hope. I don't miss the sleepless nights, the feeling ill, the feeling like i was a victim of some sorts i can't describe that. Having our colleagues gossip as well. He left the company we both work for. Being second best when i deserve to be somebodys first

 

However I miss the passion, the intimacy, the way it was when he was with me, how it was, but that's all it ever was. There was no trust, no real love, we couldn't even communicate with each other.

 

I agree these relationships take so much from you, and i am glad mine is over, even though i do miss him sometimes, i wouldn't go back there.

[GreySkyMorning]

1. That sick churning gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach when I knew he was with her

 

2. Waking up every morning not knowing if we would still be together by bedtime

 

3. Walking on eggshells and censoring myself to keep from saying something that he might take the wrong way

 

4. Waking up in the middle of the night aching for his arms around me and knowing he was laying next to another woman

 

5. Wondering constantly where he was if he didnt respond to me, if something had happened to him, if he was sick or had an accident

 

6. Wondering constantly if he was mad at me for some reason

 

7. Feeling like I wasn't good enough for him to want to be with only me.

 

8. Being jealous of her for getting to be in his life so completely while I could only watch from the sidelines

 

9. Not knowing if he was going to be there for me at any given time

[Lostinlife4now]

Or, what will you not miss when your affair ends. Yes, I've done similar threads, but they are always worthwhile.

 

 

I do not miss:

 

1. Staying up late to wait for his calls from a different time zone and most likely waiting until his wife is asleep enough for him to sneak out

 

2. Getting the above calls from his car. He would only call me from his car...I got sick of hearing the car noises over time

 

3. Staying in hotels in cities where nobody would know him

 

4. Having him skulk off to the hallway to talk to his wife so I wouldn't hear him bullsh*ting her

 

5. Having to pay for the above hotel room so it wouldn't show up on his credit card

 

6. Knowing on the weekends he is with his wife even though he would tell me otherwise

 

7. Not being able to call him when I wanted/needed

 

8. Not sharing friends

 

9. Listening to his future faking

 

10. Settling for breadcrumbs.

 

There are many more...just needed to change my mindset. I'm feeling pretty lonely these days, and during lonely times it is easy to become nostalgic for exMM.

 

 

 

I do not miss...... A N Y OF IT! So glad to be out of the A.

 

Now xmm is drowning....and I am swimming happily along in life......:laugh:

[letmoc]

And let me add the 75 times I tried to end it with no success. I was getting tired of myself at that point. It's amazing how I could relate to everything that all of you had on your lists. All affairs are the same.

[bentleychic]

I won't miss...

 

*the breadcrumbs

*the roller coaster/push and pull

*not being able to go to local places/concerts b/c someone might see him that he knows

*not being able to tell my friends details about my boyfriend

*not being able to have him more active in my/my kids lives

*not having to have him consult his schedule AND her schedule before he can commit to anything

*crying my eyes out for hours b/c he suddenly drops off the face of the earth and refuses to give me any contact at all

[Cocochai]

My feelings for him.... As each week goes by w/ NC my feelings are less and less and it helps to stop yearning and wanting him.

 

I don't miss anticipating his texts or worrying about seeing his BS post on FB about their family in my face.

 

I don't miss the DISRESPECT!!!

[tryingto]

I don't miss so many of the above things that others have already typed so I will just agree with those and add a few of my own... I don't miss:

 

1. feeling like someone else's feelings were more important that my own. Someone else's feelings being considered above mine. He would rather hurt me than to risk discovery and hurt her (and himself).

 

2. being lied to about him spending time with her or what not when we couldn't speak or see each other. Knowing it was happening but not having "proof".

 

3. going a little crazy trying to figure out what was real in my relationship with him and what wasn't.

 

4. going a little crazy trying to figure out what was real in his relationship with her and what may not have been.

 

5. only talking when it was convenient (aka not dangerous) for him

 

6. feeling like I was giving so much to receive so little and knowing "logically" that I shouldn't but was weak and not ending it

 

7. him disappearing for short periods of time

 

8. not having someone I love fully participating in my life

 

 

Goodness... I am so much better off now!

[Speakingofwhich]

1. The guilt feelings.

 

2. Not having him with me all the time.

 

3. Analyzing where he was in his journey to leave M or fix it.

 

4. Not being able to talk about my relationship with him or my dilemma with close friends.

 

5. Lying to my children and a couple of friends by not admitting he is married.

 

6. Thinking about the possibility of being hurt if he stays with his W.

[imbetteroff]

I love this thread. It's been 13 days since I told his fiancé and everyday I feel better and better. I am truly better off without him in my life.

[Goodbye]

I don't miss the compulsion to look at his/her FB page to see any clues of the "truth" about their relationship.

 

I don't miss having anger outbursts that seem unprovoked due to the constant underlying anger over feeling like the runner up.

 

I don't miss wondering if he'll be wearing his wedding ring or not.

[happy stillmore]

I don't miss the constant trying to make a plan that would work where we could be together and everyone would be happy, or at least not destroyed. It seemed impossible and made me depressed a lot. He (so I thought) and I wanted our life together and money was the biggest obstacle. I don't miss fighting for something that I knew in my gut wasn't going to happen.

[egalew]

The drama. My ex created constant chaos and drama. He was addicted to excitement, and that got tiring after a while.

 

He is also a compulsive liar. He was constantly boasting, bragging. A classic NPP. That too got old.

[maidai]

I don't miss his incessant moaning about how hard his life is and how badly everyone treats him and how everything that happens is someone else's fault. He has created another mess around him now. A massive mess he will still not own it.

 

I don't miss his constant whinging that he feels ill, he did not have a bad back, it was broken, he did not have a cold, he could die. He really was a drama queen.

 

I don't miss being a slave to my phone. I could text him and not hear for a couple of hours and be cool. He text me if I did not reply I would have a text every half an hour getting more and more dramatic.

 

I don't miss his lies and bullsh*t. At the time I did not realise that he was a liar but now I am seeing that he was.

 

I don't miss his superior attitude. I have no idea whether it comes with his job he is a police officer. I do not miss being spoken to if we had a disagreement like I was some little no brainer he was arresting, I do not miss being spoken to like a 5 year old child.

 

I do not miss his grabby sponging behaviour. His whining that he was always broke because of his bills and child support. Child support that I am now finding out did not exist.

 

I do not miss him leaning on me for everything. I am learning he was amongst other things an emotional vampire.

 

I do not miss his selfish attitude that he could turn around to being lovely to me and doing stuff for me the minute he got wind I was wising up.

 

I do not miss his sloveness, not only in day to day life but his lazy attitude. His having me running around after him without me realising I was doing just that.

 

I do not miss solving all of his problems.

 

Most of all what I do not miss is being blinded by him. Had you asked me all this about him a month ago before he behaved how he did I would not have seen all this. I can now. The rose tinted spectacles are well and truly off and I have woken up and smelt the coffee. I do not miss him making me weak. It wont happen again!

[fanine]

I don't miss his incessant moaning about how hard his life is and how badly everyone treats him and how everything that happens is someone else's fault. He has created another mess around him now. A massive mess he will still not own it.

 

I don't miss his constant whinging that he feels ill, he did not have a bad back, it was broken, he did not have a cold, he could die. He really was a drama queen.

 

I don't miss being a slave to my phone. I could text him and not hear for a couple of hours and be cool. He text me if I did not reply I would have a text every half an hour getting more and more dramatic.

 

I don't miss his lies and bullsh*t. At the time I did not realise that he was a liar but now I am seeing that he was.

 

I don't miss his superior attitude. I have no idea whether it comes with his job he is a police officer. I do not miss being spoken to if we had a disagreement like I was some little no brainer he was arresting, I do not miss being spoken to like a 5 year old child.

 

I do not miss his grabby sponging behaviour. His whining that he was always broke because of his bills and child support. Child support that I am now finding out did not exist.

 

I do not miss him leaning on me for everything. I am learning he was amongst other things an emotional vampire.

 

I do not miss his selfish attitude that he could turn around to being lovely to me and doing stuff for me the minute he got wind I was wising up.

 

I do not miss his sloveness, not only in day to day life but his lazy attitude. His having me running around after him without me realising I was doing just that.

 

I do not miss solving all of his problems.

 

Most of all what I do not miss is being blinded by him. Had you asked me all this about him a month ago before he behaved how he did I would not have seen all this. I can now. The rose tinted spectacles are well and truly off and I have woken up and smelt the coffee. I do not miss him making me weak. It wont happen again!

 

So true about the phone thing. I had that too. If I didn't answer within ten minutes I would get a string of texts, calls. Yet he thought it was fine to sometimes ignore me.

 

And yes the solving all his problems. Endless problems. All created by him...

[WakingUp]

I don't miss his incessant moaning about how hard his life is and how badly everyone treats him and how everything that happens is someone else's fault. He has created another mess around him now. A massive mess he will still not own it.

 

I don't miss his constant whinging that he feels ill, he did not have a bad back, it was broken, he did not have a cold, he could die. He really was a drama queen.

 

I don't miss being a slave to my phone. I could text him and not hear for a couple of hours and be cool. He text me if I did not reply I would have a text every half an hour getting more and more dramatic.

 

I don't miss his lies and bullsh*t. At the time I did not realise that he was a liar but now I am seeing that he was.

 

I don't miss his superior attitude. I have no idea whether it comes with his job he is a police officer. I do not miss being spoken to if we had a disagreement like I was some little no brainer he was arresting, I do not miss being spoken to like a 5 year old child.

 

I do not miss his grabby sponging behaviour. His whining that he was always broke because of his bills and child support. Child support that I am now finding out did not exist.

 

I do not miss him leaning on me for everything. I am learning he was amongst other things an emotional vampire.

 

I do not miss his selfish attitude that he could turn around to being lovely to me and doing stuff for me the minute he got wind I was wising up.

 

I do not miss his sloveness, not only in day to day life but his lazy attitude. His having me running around after him without me realising I was doing just that.

 

I do not miss solving all of his problems.

 

Most of all what I do not miss is being blinded by him. Had you asked me all this about him a month ago before he behaved how he did I would not have seen all this. I can now. The rose tinted spectacles are well and truly off and I have woken up and smelt the coffee. I do not miss him making me weak. It wont happen again!

 

Yay! Im right with you! Go girl!

[bentleychic]

Oh my gosh, yes! They can go hours without responding, but if we do they get all butt hurt. Screw that. The one time mine did that, I called him on it and told him what a hypocrite he was for it.

[movingon45]

I love love this thread.

 

I agree to everything that has been posted.

 

I don't miss making the extra effort to look good.

 

I don't miss sending photos.

[KentuckyGent]

So true about the phone thing. I had that too. If I didn't answer within ten minutes I would get a string of texts, calls. Yet he thought it was fine to sometimes ignore me.

 

Ha! I think I didn't respond to a text in about 3 minutes and got an "earful" about it. According to her it was because I was busy texting someone else. But it also was fine for her to go hours ignoring me.

Edited August 31, 2013 by KentuckyGent

[Goodbye]

Ha! I think I didn't respond to a text in about 3 minutes and got an "earful" about it. According to her it was because I was busy texting someone else. But it also was fine for her to go hours ignoring me.

 

 

 

 

Were you the OM?

[KentuckyGent]

Were you the OM?

 

Yes I was the OM. Still not over it. I'm in self imposed NC on my end. She pops up every now and then by phone and I lap it up like a thirsty dog.