Broken Up

[MV]

My boyfriend and I were in a relationship for a little over a year. Everything was going great - better than ever, or so I thought. Then, out of the blue with no warning, he ended it. It's been almost 2 months. We speak on the phone about once a week and I see him out sometimes. It's really difficult for both of us.

 

The only reason he gave me for the breakup is that he just needs some time, he needs to figure out what he's doing with his life and he doesn't know what he wants.

 

Does anyone have any similar stories or advice? Why do guys do this? I see this a lot. One person ends the relationship and then often wants the other one back after a while. Does anyone have any stories of breaking up and getting back togehter? Can it work?

[Bluecat]

My girlfriend of 18 months just broke up with me recently. She gave me the reason that she needed to find her own identity. We talk on the phone almost every night, and we write letters back and forth. She likes another guy, but she still really likes me too. She does not want an attachment to any one person right now. I love her very much and I am willing to give her time; I need some as well. But I can't help but feel like I am missing part of my life.

 

I am searching for someone to talk to about this. There is a lot more to the story that I think is very relavent. It has a lot to do with being Christian.

 

I'm not sure if this helps you any yet. But I'm sure that I can offer more advice / opinions if you would like some. I just don't want to pour my heart out if no one is listening.

 

BC

[MV]

Well, I'm listening. How long have you been broken up?

My girlfriend of 18 months just broke up with me recently. She gave me the reason that she needed to find her own identity. We talk on the phone almost every night, and we write letters back and forth. She likes another guy, but she still really likes me too. She does not want an attachment to any one person right now. I love her very much and I am willing to give her time; I need some as well. But I can't help but feel like I am missing part of my life. I am searching for someone to talk to about this. There is a lot more to the story that I think is very relavent. It has a lot to do with being Christian. I'm not sure if this helps you any yet. But I'm sure that I can offer more advice / opinions if you would like some. I just don't want to pour my heart out if no one is listening. BC

[Bluecat]

We broke up a little over a month ago. So not too long now, in my opinion anyways. She says that it has been long enough to start dating other people now, but the thing is I do not want to date anyone else, I only want her. I am willing to give her time, and I will wait on God as always. I just can't help but feel like a part of me is missing. I am not sure if I should try to get over this feeling or if I should continue to see her in the hopes that we will get back together soon. I love her so very much and there is no one I would rather be with; I mean I am really head-over-heels in love with her.

 

I wonder if perhaps it is because I am in college and she is still in high school and she feels like she is growing up too fast. Maybe I should just give her time to be a kid and finish high school. grrr... just can't stop thinking about her every minute of every hour of every moment.

 

BC

[Dali]

The only thing you can do right now (and I know how painful it is) is to move on with your life for the moment.

 

In my experience, as soon as I begin to get over someone and they become less of the focus of my life, that is when they seem to come back into the picture. It's almost as if you dwell on the person constantly than that action seems to push them further away from you. And that's not what you want, obviously. Since she knows how you feel, than let her find her own way. It's painful, but then you will know if this relationship is meant to be.

 

I think you should give it time, it is probably best that you cut down on talking to her and seeing her. Let her know what life is like without you in it. Then she will either miss you or...not. Either way, you'll have an answer.

Good luck. We broke up a little over a month ago. So not too long now, in my opinion anyways. She says that it has been long enough to start dating other people now, but the thing is I do not want to date anyone else, I only want her. I am willing to give her time, and I will wait on God as always. I just can't help but feel like a part of me is missing. I am not sure if I should try to get over this feeling or if I should continue to see her in the hopes that we will get back together soon. I love her so very much and there is no one I would rather be with; I mean I am really head-over-heels in love with her. I wonder if perhaps it is because I am in college and she is still in high school and she feels like she is growing up too fast. Maybe I should just give her time to be a kid and finish high school. grrr... just can't stop thinking about her every minute of every hour of every moment. BC

[Dali]

It can work out, a lot of times both people need time to see what life is like without each other. Make sure that you know the real reason he broke up with you, be honest with yourself.. did it seem like he was still interested?

 

Did he seem confused? Do you think he really just needed time? Start dating around and don't wait around too long.. Let it be obvious that you aren't going to be waiting around forever.

[MV]

Dali, you said you were the breaker-upper - did you ever want that person back?

 

I have been casually seeing someone else and I think my ex knows (or suspects).

 

Anyway, I have not called him in 2 weeks. He called me once last week and e-mailed me a brief note yesterday. I think he is just trying to make sure I am still around.

 

I think the real reason he broke up is that he needed space and time; I know he still cares for me because we have a lot of the same friends and they tell me what he says. Also, when I do see him he looks very hurt when we look at each other. I don't know.. It's been 2 months and it feels like we are just slipping further apart. Sometimes when we talk, he sounds on the edge of wanting me back, but then he keeps saying, "I just don't know what I want."

 

Everytime I start to feel better and let go, I will get a phone call or email from him.

 

Do you think I should just tell him it's better if we don't call, email, or see each other ever?

It can work out, a lot of times both people need time to see what life is like without each other. Make sure that you know the real reason he broke up with you, be honest with yourself.. did it seem like he was still interested? Did he seem confused? Do you think he really just needed time? Start dating around and don't wait around too long.. Let it be obvious that you aren't going to be waiting around forever.

 

My boyfriend and I were in a relationship

 

[Dali]

Did I want the person I broke up with back again?

 

Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. Usually I would end up taking him back just because he would put pressure on me and I would give in for one reason or another.

 

And then I would resent him because I really wasn't ready yet.. I broke up with him about 6 or 7 times within 3 years. And he never accepted it.

 

I think you should give him as much space as possible right now since he obviously is very confused. If he knows you still hold a place for him in your heart even though you have moved on (which is good that you are), than if it's meant to be and he truly cares about you as much as you believe, than he will be come back to you.

 

I would be friendly with him as casually as possible right now, it's going to be very uncomfortable if there is anything more. But don't become too distant, let him know what he's missing out on.. There's a balance to it. You have to find the middle ground.

 

I hope it works out.. and if it doesn't, there are plenty of other guys out there who you will find are

 

even better than you think this guy is.

Dali, you said you were the breaker-upper - did you ever want that person back? I have been casually seeing someone else and I think my ex knows (or suspects). Anyway, I have not called him in 2 weeks. He called me once last week and e-mailed me a brief note yesterday. I think he is just trying to make sure I am still around. I think the real reason he broke up is that he needed space and time; I know he still cares for me because we have a lot of the same friends and they tell me what he says. Also, when I do see him he looks very hurt when we look at each other. I don't know.. It's been 2 months and it feels like we are just slipping further apart. Sometimes when we talk, he sounds on the edge of wanting me back, but then he keeps saying, "I just don't know what I want." Everytime I start to feel better and let go, I will get a phone call or email from him.

 

Do you think I should just tell him it's better if we don't call, email, or see each other ever?

[Isabel]

Hello MV. It's me Isabella.

 

I just checked my mails and see no reply and therefore I thot I should write to you here instead.

 

I believe there will be one point in our life we query ourselves if we were doing the right thing - being attached to someone permanently. What if there are better ones around for me to pick? What if my life changes for the better if I swope partner? There is alot of what ifs. You were in a 18-mth-long relationship and in my opinion, it was fortunate for both of you to break up now. In early courtship, we are marred by our good feelings for each other. But a life-long relationship cannot survive on those feelings alone. It takes a lot of working towards a loving harmonious accepting relationship. if for some reason, she decides that she doesn't love you enough to stay with you, it is better to happen now... trust me...