My ex wants to get back with me but I don't have the same thoughts

[Jordan]

My ex wants to get back together. We've been apart for two months and she ended it. She started to like someone else and decided that we were not going to work out. Only lately have I started to meet other women. My ex has been calling me regularly to see what I'm up to. I asked her why she's been calling often and she told me that she wants to find out how I'm doing. I dug a little deeper and found out that this other guy that she liked wasn't meeting her anymore.

 

Now she's concern that I hate her but I've let her know that this is not what I think. Yesterday she asked me to see a movie and I thought that it wouldn't hurt. She told me that she's sad that I'm "leaving her". By this, she meant that I wasn't going to be in her life anymore like before. She did explain that this other guy and her were good friends now and that's it. She HINTED that she wants to get back together with me but I'm not so willing to do so. I know that if this other guy was meeting her that she wouldn't feel the way she does now about me.

 

The thing is that I want to persue another relationship with another woman that I'm fond of. It may or may not develop into anything, yet I want to let my ex know in a kind enough matter of what I want. I feel if I went out with my ex again then she may fall for another guy six months later and that I wouldn't exactly be comfortable in the same relationship again. Being friends with my ex is very important and I want to let her know in a kind way that I want to be friends. What's the best way? I don't want to waste her time wishing to be with me, etc.

[kat]

My ex wants to get back together. We've been apart for two months and she ended it. She started to like someone else and decided that we were not going to work out. Only lately have I started to meet other women. My ex has been calling me regularly to see what I'm up to. I asked her why she's been calling often and she told me that she wants to find out how I'm doing. I dug a little deeper and found out that this other guy that she liked wasn't meeting her anymore. Now she's concern that I hate her but I've let her know that this is not what I think. Yesterday she asked me to see a movie and I thought that it wouldn't hurt. She told me that she's sad that I'm "leaving her". By this, she meant that I wasn't going to be in her life anymore like before. She did explain that this other guy and her were good friends now and that's it. She HINTED that she wants to get back together with me but I'm not so willing to do so. I know that if this other guy was meeting her that she wouldn't feel the way she does now about me. The thing is that I want to persue another relationship with another woman that I'm fond of. It may or may not develop into anything, yet I want to let my ex know in a kind enough matter of what I want. I feel if I went out with my ex again then she may fall for another guy six months later and that I wouldn't exactly be comfortable in the same relationship again. Being friends with my ex is very important and I want to let her know in a kind way that I want to be friends. What's the best way? I don't want to waste her time wishing to be with me, etc.

I think that the way which you want it to be is for the best... you and your ex obviously ended for a reason...and no matter what you will always have feelings for your ex but maybe you do need to move on and staying friends with her is a good idea...im not saying all this because this is a simular sistuation that im in but for that fact that it is the truth... I am seeing this guy who means so much to me....but his ex wants to get back with him..i understand that they will always have feelings for eachother and there is no way that i would wish that they would ever stop talking...but I really do care about him and love being with him that i dont want to get hurt...at the end of the day you have to truely find in yourself what you think is the best decision...its not easy but what ever it is it will obviously be the right one...

 

good luck with everything

[Tony T]

You are a hell of a nicer guy than I would be to want to be her friend at this time.

 

This girl left you for somebody else, which was a major statement of how she felt about her relationship with you. Now that she doesn't have anyone, she wants to USE you for companionship until something better comes along for her.

 

She's only NOW concerned about your feelings toward her, now that this other guy is out of her life. Well, too bad toots!!!

 

I wouldn't give her the time of day. What do you really need with a "friend" like that? Friends don't treat friends like that.

[Deejette]

This girl has twisted it all around and is now saying that she's sad thay you are "leaving" her. This is clearly manipulative and makes her look like a jerk. She leaves you, comes crawling back after she is dumped, and then wants you back?

 

And this friendship stuff? It's best for you to pursue the new relationship free and clear and not spend valuable time talking to your ex. The new girl will not find it complimentary to her if you are still tied to your old girlfriend, still talk to her on the phone and go out with her.

 

Your tone sounds like you have already moved on. I wouldn't worry about hurting the old girlfriend's feelings. She didn't spare yours when she ditched you for the other guy.

You are a hell of a nicer guy than I would be to want to be her friend at this time. This girl left you for somebody else, which was a major statement of how she felt about her relationship with you. Now that she doesn't have anyone, she wants to USE you for companionship until something better comes along for her. She's only NOW concerned about your feelings toward her, now that this other guy is out of her life. Well, too bad toots!!! I wouldn't give her the time of day. What do you really need with a "friend" like that? Friends don't treat friends like that.

[Nic]

cut your losses and don't even consider getting back with your ex. what she is doing is purely self-serving right now. it makes me wonder if her wanting to be friends with you was her way of having a safety net in case things didn't work out with this other guy. and now that they haven't worked out, she's running back to you. and you nailed it - if she was still with this other guy, she wouldn't be feeling this way about you.

 

if i was in your situation, i would simply tell her that you're moving on and would like to pursue something with someone else. she burnt her bridges with you, and now she has no choice but to settle for a friendship. she should have thought about that before she went and hurt you previously. she has no choice now but to learn lifes lessons the hard way.

 

the fact that she met someone else while she was with you and now wants you back, quite frankly sucks. and what's to say that she wouldn't do it again? to get back with someone who treated you like that in the first place is going to create a lot of trust issues. you don't deserve that at all.

 

allow yourself to move on with somebody who deserves you and appreciates you. you've made the right decision by not being willing to get back with her. now just simply tell her why. trust me, telling her this won't hurt her half as much as she hurt you by her actions.

My ex wants to get back together. We've been apart for two months and she ended it. She started to like someone else and decided that we were not going to work out. Only lately have I started to meet other women. My ex has been calling me regularly to see what I'm up to. I asked her why she's been calling often and she told me that she wants to find out how I'm doing. I dug a little deeper and found out that this other guy that she liked wasn't meeting her anymore. Now she's concern that I hate her but I've let her know that this is not what I think. Yesterday she asked me to see a movie and I thought that it wouldn't hurt. She told me that she's sad that I'm "leaving her". By this, she meant that I wasn't going to be in her life anymore like before. She did explain that this other guy and her were good friends now and that's it. She HINTED that she wants to get back together with me but I'm not so willing to do so. I know that if this other guy was meeting her that she wouldn't feel the way she does now about me. The thing is that I want to persue another relationship with another woman that I'm fond of. It may or may not develop into anything, yet I want to let my ex know in a kind enough matter of what I want. I feel if I went out with my ex again then she may fall for another guy six months later and that I wouldn't exactly be comfortable in the same relationship again. Being friends with my ex is very important and I want to let her know in a kind way that I want to be friends. What's the best way? I don't want to waste her time wishing to be with me, etc.