Should I try?

[alex21]

Ok my ex dumped me about 3 months ago because we were having problems dealing with long distance. We had no trouble that we couldn't handle when we were together, but being internationally separated made things very difficult. I made a big deal out of little things and eventually she had enough.

 

But we loved each other very much. Now we're back at college together and she has a new boyfriend, although she told me she doesn't like him that much, she just got with him to take her mind off me. All the feelings were still there and I asked her to dump him and try again with me. She said no because she didn't want to hurt him. I told her she was hurting me, and she said she started this and it wasn't fair to just get out of it like that.

 

So she wants us to be best friends like before. I told her that's impossible, but we could be casual friends. So I didn't contact her for about 2 weeks and then we talked again the other day. She was mad because she said I walked by her and didn't say hi, even though I truly didn't see her that time. So we got into an argument and I told her I was tired of her leading me on and giving me false hope. I told her I felt bad for her bf cause she was just using him. She told me the breakup was all my fault. We haven't really talked since then.

 

Now I know I should move on and find a new girl, but I honestly love this one. She told me she's never dumped a guy in person cause she is a "coward" so I feel like the only time it's possible for her to do it is over winter break when she is away from him. So should I try being friends with her and all that so that she can feel the old feelings again? It just kills me when I see her with him. She knows I went on a few dates, so she knows it's possible to lose me. I don't need her back, but I really really want her back. I think it would work out the second time because we never really had serious issues. Should I try or will I end up worse than I am now?

[Scott S]

Whether you can be "just friends" is something you would need to decide for yourself, of course, but from what you say, that may prove very difficult for you.

 

Like it or not, your lives have moved in different directions. Her feelings have changed. The "old feelings" will not be the same. That does not mean a love relationship is impossible, but it would be different that the one you had before. On the other hand, she may not WANT such a relationship with you right now.

 

For now, it may be most helpful for you to cultivate other friendships & interests, being careful about what would be a rebound.

[Weird]

don't buy into the "i want us to be best friends" talk. My buddy was seeing a girl a couple years ago and then broke up with her because he didn't feel she was "the one" They stayed great friends since they basically were the only people they hung out with at school. In mid 2003 she then transfered to a diff university in the same state and he started to rethink his feelings for ehr and thought maybe she was "the one" for him.

 

In early Nov 2003 he found out she started seeing a guy at her school and despite them having talked every day she kept this from him for a couple months. He tried to get ehr back but she was happy with ehr new guy despite for 3 years telling my buddy he was the guy she would marry and she could never love a person more thna him. Anyway, since the start of this year they hardly ever talk (like once a month online) and when they do it is super trivial stuff and lasts for a couple minutes.

 

You may be wondering "so what?" Well, she kept telling him last year that he was her best friend and she wanted them to stay best friends despite her seeing this guy. Her actions though go against that.

 

My buddy is happy she didn't decide to get back because he realized she was useless and he is now seeing a new girl that he says is 10 times better than his ex.

 

So again, don't buy into the "I want to be best friends" talk because when she is with a new guy it totally changes things contrary to whats he may try and say.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by Weird

[sNIP] don't buy into the "I want to be best friends" talk because when she is with a new guy it totally changes things contrary to whats he may try and say.

 

A "best friend" is not necessarily the same thing as a love interest.

 

Although in a mature, lasting love relationship (i.e. a marriage where the couple just celebrated their silver anniversary), one would likely consider one's love mate as one's best friend, it can also be a platonic friendship. It all depends on how you view it.

 

Alex, moving on is the thing to do right now. Get your mind on other things. The present situation between you two does not warrant her being at the center of your world. That does not mean acting like a d**khead towards her, of course. It does mean not putting your entire life in suspension until winter break, or spring break, or summer, or however long, awaiting something that may or may not happen.

[Weird]

I know but I am willing to bet everything that she won't be his "best friend" since she is with this new guy. It just doesn't work that way 99.99999% of the time.

 

Despite what people say, most people totally change how they are once thye are in a relationship. If his ex was single then I could see him being her best friend and actually acting that way but since she is with a guy, dollars to donuts she jerks him around and starts to ignore his ass.