My story of what it's like

[lionoftheforum]

This has been wearing on me for some time now. I have no one to turn to in the real world, so I turned to anonymous people on the netz. What follows is mostly me posting stuff on the net. Feel free to comment.

 

I’m in a committed relationship with person A. We’ve been together for 8 years and recently had a child together. I love this person, they love me (to the best of my knowledge). However they are deeply introverted and I feel some aspects of our communicative interplay is lacking. Not a big deal, but it does wear on me. I wish they would talk and interact more, but that will never happen. Also, even though they are a doer, they aren’t into doing most of what I’m into. To be fair, they try. I think our relationship foundations are mostly based upon 80% shared values and mental attachments rather than shared interests. They are fun sometimes, but usually not. I do accept all of this. I do think the shared values and mental attachments are far more important in our pair bonding than fun. Which leads me to...

 

I’ve been doing stuff with person B for about 7 months now. Get my drift? The initial spark just happened. No sneakiness, no seeking, no excuses. This other person is loyal, clingy to those they are loyal to, and expressive. Most of all this person is fun. They will do almost anything I want. Very refreshing. It’s as if the holes in the above relationship have been filled and for 7 months I’ve had everything I want. It’s like a feeling of near personal completion via a relationship. Think of it as relationship-self-actualization.

 

It should be pointed out that person B knows about person A, but person A doesn’t know about person B. At this point I think the relationship with person B is starting to wane. About half of the tell-tale signs are there. Also, they’ve started seeing someone else but claim this new relationship is insignificant. I’ve known the above person for a long time and I value my relationship with them. The friends and lovers parts. On one hand I think ending this kind of relationship is a good idea. It’s mentally and emotionally taxing. On the other hand, I’m fond of them to the point that I think about them a lot. I can’t get them out of my mind, at least not yet. I want to be around them. This person knows this and claims they want to keep doing what we have been doing as if everything is fine. I’ve told them not everything is fine and asked them for feedback. They usually shrug it off and tell me that I’m “over thinking” the situation. They don’t like “hard”, so this doesn’t surprise me. Actions are telling, words only hold so much weight. I do believe they “try” to manage this, but for the wrong reasons. I’d guess it’s primarily appeasement on their part because they are loyal and very kind.

 

Right now, I’m distancing myself from person B. It sucks. I’m going to miss these stellar experiences. This is what it’s like managing two relationships at the same time. It’s complicated and difficult. So is life.

 

I might rewrite this with the sex roles, depends on the response.

Edited August 28, 2013 by lionoftheforum

[veryhappy]

If you recently had a child and you were the mother of the child, there wouldn't have been time to have so much fun activities for the past 7 months. So you are likely the man in the relationship.

 

What's your question? Besides testing our logic to following the person A, person B, genders removed problem?

 

You are basically a man who cheated on a pregnant/newly mother partner. It harly goes well and gets a lot of understanding even between people who have or are cheating.

[Betterthanthis13]

In the OP you referred to your adulterous affair as "relationship self actualization"??

 

That's a new one. I don't think that's what Maslow had in mind when he developed the theory of hierarchy of needs