Els Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Take care of yourself, Ruby. {{hugs}} 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'm sorry Ruby but it sounds like you made the right decision. If you are always going through internal conflict about a relationship, it means that it's not the right one for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 (((((((( Ruby ))))))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
myothernic2 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Sorry to hear this:( but I admire your strength. Man it's hard to walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 Thank you all for the sweet comments. It helps. I've felt a lot of compassion for him throughout all this. In general, he has more fear and doubt in his heart than I do. But now I understand that this is something he'll have to work through in his own good time. He asked me if I think we'll be a part of each other's lives in the future. It became clear to me a while ago that his biggest worry was me just disappearing from his life. I said I don't know, especially given that we live in different cities and there's no telling where he'll go next. He's very unhappy with his increasingly stressful job and exploitative employers, and is looking for something better. But I said I believe that if we're meant to be in each other's lives in some way, it will happen naturally, so there's no need to worry about it. Of course I'm sad, but I feel a strong sense of peace about it all, and I'm pretty sure I can be his friend and even give him genuine advice in the future if he asks for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
myothernic2 Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Thank you all for the sweet comments. It helps. I've felt a lot of compassion for him throughout all this. In general, he has more fear and doubt in his heart than I do. But now I understand that this is something he'll have to work through in his own good time. He asked me if I think we'll be a part of each other's lives in the future. It became clear to me a while ago that his biggest worry was me just disappearing from his life. I said I don't know, especially given that we live in different cities and there's no telling where he'll go next. He's very unhappy with his increasingly stressful job and exploitative employers, and is looking for something better. But I said I believe that if we're meant to be in each other's lives in some way, it will happen naturally, so there's no need to worry about it. Of course I'm sad, but I feel a strong sense of peace about it all, and I'm pretty sure I can be his friend and even give him genuine advice in the future if he asks for it. Was there a particular straw that broke the camel's back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 Was there a particular straw that broke the camel's back? No, no one incident in particular. The example that motivated me to start this thread was just one more example in a pattern of incidents that demonstrate a lack of attentiveness, thoughtfulness, consideration. I don't want a lifelong partner and father of my children who's like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 No, no one incident in particular. The example that motivated me to start this thread was just one more example in a pattern of incidents that demonstrate a lack of attentiveness, thoughtfulness, consideration. I don't want a lifelong partner and father of my children who's like that. (((Ruby))). I had the same realization with my most recent ex. He also did not give me many compliments, but did criticize me, a lot. He also claimed to love me, but it wasn't right, I knew (and know) that he was not "in love with me". There is a difference. Wonderful man in many respects, but not the one for me. He was not someone I saw being the father of my children, nor the man I would happily grow old with. You're a strong and intelligent woman, Ruby. Your posts have always helped and inspired me. I know you're sad right now, but it will get better. Sending lots of love your way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
myothernic2 Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 No, no one incident in particular. The example that motivated me to start this thread was just one more example in a pattern of incidents that demonstrate a lack of attentiveness, thoughtfulness, consideration. I don't want a lifelong partner and father of my children who's like that. I can see where you're coming from. It's like every one has something that's less than desirable (seems more so as you get older) and you have to decide for yourself, if that something is a deal breaker in your world. Glad that you were able to ascertain what's in your best interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 22, 2013 Author Share Posted October 22, 2013 Thanks I'm feeling surprisingly strong and at peace with my decision. I can be OK with a lot of flaws - but a pattern of thoughtlessness and lack of consideration that makes me feel unappreciated and unloved is not something I can live with long term. Toward the end, he kept emphasizing what a solid choice he is and how well he can take care of me from a practical standpoint. I know he'll be at least a decent husband and father. I doubt he'll ever stray or betray his commitments. I also think he'll get better in time, as he matures. But I told him I'd rather be with a humble guy who really loves me than a king who doesn't appreciate me and treasure me. I'd rather eat the simple food of a monk in a house full of love than gourmet meals in a palace that's short on love and warmth. Love and sweetness is the real joy, the real prosperity. Without it, no amount of money or comfort will do much for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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