BeholdtheMan Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 There are two women at my work. One I find decently attractive, the other one is completely unattractive to me. You could offer me money to have sex with her, and I'd probably turn it down. In the office, the three of us would often joke around and talk. These two girls would playfully touch me. Poke my chest, squeeze my arms. I just kinda laugh it off. I don't think either of these chicks are coming onto me. They're just being flirty and playful. Honestly, I'm less grossed out by the physical contact with the attractive girl. She also doesn't take the physical contact too far. As for the unattractive girl...today, we (along with other employees) were hosting this event at a convention centre. I was sitting on a chair and this chick comes up to me from behind and slips her hands into my dress shirt through my open collar. She says "my hands are cold and I need to warm them up". I did not enjoy this at all. Other employees saw but they kinda laughed it off. She's like the female clown of the office and everyone tends to laugh at her antics. I was pretty annoyed and grossed out. I just ignored her. I started sitting with my upper body leaning forward so that she couldn't slide her hands down through the collar opening of my shirt. Reality is...I didn't want to make scene in front of everyone and humiliate this chick by telling her to stop groping my chest. I'm a guy and I wasn't really threatened by this chick's actions. I was just majorly turned off. How would you have handled this situation if you were in my position? A dude would get fired for what she pulled. I think this situation is a bit trickier for a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Tell her you are uncomfortable or contact HR. But unless you do something to deter it, this behavior will continue. Link to post Share on other sites
MrTurk Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Reality is...I didn't want to make scene in front of everyone and humiliate this chick by telling her to stop groping my chest. I'm a guy and I wasn't really threatened by this chick's actions. I was just majorly turned off. How would you have handled this situation if you were in my position? A dude would get fired for what she pulled. I think this situation is a bit trickier for a guy. Its a double standard....as many things are when dealing with women. You may even get laughed at if you report it to HR. I used to work store security busting shoplifters when I was younger. One of the female shoplifters punched my male coworker in the stomach and tried to flee. When the cops showed up to arrest her, the male wanted to press charges on her for assault. All the cops just laughed at him. As men our rights are not the same as women in the society we live in. All a woman has to do is say a guy looked at her wrong...and HR will bust your ass for it. If it was me...I would file a formal complaint with HR without even hesitating. Just for the simple fact of what you explained. Many women just assume its OK to touch us....but not the other way around. . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Fart on her... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 There are two women at my work. One I find decently attractive, the other one is completely unattractive to me. You could offer me money to have sex with her, and I'd probably turn it down. In the office, the three of us would often joke around and talk. These two girls would playfully touch me. Poke my chest, squeeze my arms. I just kinda laugh it off. I don't think either of these chicks are coming onto me. They're just being flirty and playful. Honestly, I'm less grossed out by the physical contact with the attractive girl. She also doesn't take the physical contact too far. As for the unattractive girl...today, we (along with other employees) were hosting this event at a convention centre. I was sitting on a chair and this chick comes up to me from behind and slips her hands into my dress shirt through my open collar. She says "my hands are cold and I need to warm them up". I did not enjoy this at all. Other employees saw but they kinda laughed it off. She's like the female clown of the office and everyone tends to laugh at her antics. I was pretty annoyed and grossed out. I just ignored her. I started sitting with my upper body leaning forward so that she couldn't slide her hands down through the collar opening of my shirt. Reality is...I didn't want to make scene in front of everyone and humiliate this chick by telling her to stop groping my chest. I'm a guy and I wasn't really threatened by this chick's actions. I was just majorly turned off. How would you have handled this situation if you were in my position? A dude would get fired for what she pulled. I think this situation is a bit trickier for a guy. It's not trickier! Say something! State a boundary dude! "Stop touching me" is perfectly clear, eh? Or "I didn't ask you to touch me"! And don't worry about embarrassing her - she already doing that for herself! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Tell her you are uncomfortable or contact HR. But unless you do something to deter it, this behavior will continue.After two months, I'll be at another job (for unrelated reasons). I'm kinda just putting up with it for now. As long as we don't do events together, I doubt she'll have the opportunity to do something like this again. I'm venting more than anything else. I admit the double standard...more like two double standards: male on female harassment vs. female on male harassment and unattractive harasser vs. attractive harasser Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 After two months, I'll be at another job (for unrelated reasons). I'm kinda just putting up with it for now. As long as we don't do events together, I doubt she'll have the opportunity to do something like this again. I'm venting more than anything else. I admit the double standard...more like two double standards: male on female harassment vs. female on male harassment and unattractive harasser vs. attractive harasser There is something about you that "invites" this....Even the hottest man in the world wont get touched if he conducts himself in a way that is uninviting of that type of crap... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 And don't worry about embarrassing her - she already doing that for herself!True that...I think I was just caught off guard Almost like "WTF is she doing" and as much as it pains me, I have to admit it, I chickened out when I could've confronted her. I won't be at this job for much longer...I figured I'd rather just put up with it, instead of making things very awkward and possibly having to deal with a spiteful woman. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 True that...I think I was just caught off guard Almost like "WTF is she doing" and as much as it pains me, I have to admit it, I chickened out when I could've confronted her. I won't be at this job for much longer...I figured I'd rather just put up with it, instead of making things very awkward and possibly having to deal with a spiteful woman. Really? Staying silent is betraying yourself! Speak your truth dude! She's pawing you and your not saying something? You need to honor yourself more than that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 There is something about you that "invites" this....Even the hottest man in the world wont get touched if he conducts himself in a way that is uninviting of that type of crap... TFYI'm decent looking and I work out, I'm not a male model by any stretch I said something earlier jokingly that I regret now. One time when I was being touched by both of them at once, the unattractive one said "we're not making you uncomfortable are we?" I just laughed and said "haha, I take it as a compliment". However, that time no one was sliding her hands into my shirt. It was playful touching. I'm OK with that. The hands under my shirt thing annoyed me. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm decent looking and I work out, I'm not a male model by any stretch I said something earlier jokingly that I regret now. One time when I was being touched by both of them at once, the unattractive one said "we're not making you uncomfortable are we?" I just laughed and said "haha, I take it as a compliment". However, that time no one was sliding her hands into my shirt. It was playful touching. I'm OK with that. The hands under my shirt thing annoyed me. Yeah, we all work out...Trust me...If you dont want it, theyll know...And no words will have ever been spoken... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
HEY2147 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 If you don't want to cause a scene just when you can ask her to talk to you alone then when you're alone just say "Look I didn't want to tell you this back there but don't touch me like that again alright it's not funny or fun, it's just annoying alright I don't play like that okay, so don't play like that with me don't do that again alright we can still hang out with everyone and have fun but don't touch me like that understand?" If she still does it go to HR 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I'm decent looking and I work out, I'm not a male model by any stretch I said something earlier jokingly that I regret now. One time when I was being touched by both of them at once, the unattractive one said "we're not making you uncomfortable are we?" I just laughed and said "haha, I take it as a compliment". However, that time no one was sliding her hands into my shirt. It was playful touching. I'm OK with that. The hands under my shirt thing annoyed me. You need healthier boundaries. Stop sending mixed signals. If men were doing this to a woman - you bet it would cause a scene! Say something! In a calm voice "I didn't ask you to touch me" should suffice... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Lol I think you just need a big dose of MTFU. Seriously, there are FAR worse things in life to worry about or even post about here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Try a very unimpressed, "That's inappropriate", and then immediately change the subject. If you give it zero attention or reaction, she'll get bored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I admit that some of my behaviour likely led her on. I honestly wasn't expecting her to reach her hands into my shirt in front of other employees. I'm fine with a bit of touchy feely, just not touching to this degree. I really don't wanna go to HR as she's friends with a lot of people in HR (she's been working in this company for much longer than I have). I'll also be changing jobs after two months. Next time she crosses the line, I'm gonna say "I know you're just playing around, but I have a girlfriend and this feels inappropriate" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
adelia Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 It sounds like the joking went too far and she did something inappropriate. You had said you three were friends. well a friend IMO would pull me aside later and be honest that they didn't like it and to please not do it again. I wouldn't go straight to HR unless you feel she's the sort that won't respect your wishes. It will likely end worse and be more awkward taking that step without first telling her in person it bothered you.just my two cents.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulforlove Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Since you seem to be friends of some sort and based on the fact you will be there for a couple of months ..you should just take her aside and tell her that you felt this was inappropriate behaviour (as you both are adults) just my thoughts .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Well, the difference is that if it were the ATTRACTIVE woman doing it, you wouldn't have started this thread. The double standard exists for a reason - if you found her hot, you'd be loving it and wouldn't be crying 'sexual harrassment.' THAT'S the difference. This works for both genders. Have you ever seen that SNL skit? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 Well, the difference is that if it were the ATTRACTIVE woman doing it, you wouldn't have started this thread. The double standard exists for a reason - if you found her hot, you'd be loving it and wouldn't be crying 'sexual harrassment.' THAT'S the difference.I wouldn't be loving it. I'd be less grossed out for sure, but I would still feel uncomfortable. ...and yes, I'm aware that a lot of attractive "harassers" get a free pass and that a lot of men are just told to "man the fu** up" when subjected to unwanted physical contact Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Women can get away with a lot more on that front than men. One place I used to work had a few horny old hags that made me uncomfortable with the way they talked and acted. I just ignored them for the most part. Heck you could do 2 months standing on your head. If you go to HR they're probably not going to do anything and you'll just look like a troublemaker. The lady might actually flip the script on you and accuse you of something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeholdtheMan Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 I won't go the HR route since I think it'll be a waste of time, too much of a risk... They could label me as a troublemaker, have a laugh at my expense, this woman might "flip the script" as you say and accuse me of something... I only have two months. Today she asked me why I'm buttoning up my collar so high, she said I should undo a few buttons. I said "the AC is cold" and then I ignored her and continued typing on my computer. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 There is something about you that "invites" this....Even the hottest man in the world wont get touched if he conducts himself in a way that is uninviting of that type of crap... TFY I don't know about that. There are some people out there who are just crude and know no boundaries. I have met some of them. I've been stalked and had to take a "friend" to court for it to get a restraining order. Also, had him arrested when he broke the order. Before that I would have said that if a man continues to pursue you, you are not drawing firm enough boundaries with him or are in some way encouraging him. But, after what I endured while adamantly protesting his attentions and setting boundaries (with other people present as witnesses), my opinions have changed. There are some people who just do not care about other people and their privacy/boundaries, etc. They are selfish brutes. Some of them are men and some of them are women. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I only have two months. Today she asked me why I'm buttoning up my collar so high, she said I should undo a few buttons. I said "the AC is cold" and then I ignored her and continued typing on my computer. This woman is so gross! As a woman, I apologize to you for her behavior! Try not even answering her at all from now on out. About anything that is not work related. Total ignore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
King_Crimson Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I'm going to have to see pics of this 'unattractive woman' before I make any comments... Link to post Share on other sites
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