Woman feeling me up at work

[tbf]

Considering how you laughed off and encouraged prior touching, if someone exceeds your boundaries, you have to say so. I'd document this through email to her.

 

Something simple like:

 

Hey, there's something that's been bothering me that we need to address. When you put your hands down my shirt in front of everyone, you pushed it too far. I was hoping it would go away but your comment on x day about how you would help unbutton my shirt, pushed it too far again.

 

No more. This has gone too far.

 

This way, you have documentation to send to HR and management about sexual harassment, if she becomes a hag or doesn't respect your boundaries, particularly if she responds by email.

 

If HR and management won't do anything about it, you have grounds for a sexual harassment or hostile work environment case.

[KathyM]

The problem is, you tolerated unwanted touching previously, so these women think you are OK with it, and they will continue to do it unless you set boundaries. When you see them about to touch you, you need to step back, step away, turn your back, or remove from their touch whatever is being touched by them, and they will get the message that their touches are not wanted. You need to set boundaries, and you haven't done that, so they think you are wanting that kind of attention. In the case you mentioned, you could have simply removed her hand from your shirt.

[serial muse]

Ugh, that's sexual harassment - and I don't think you invited it or asked for it. Joking around /= license for roving hands.

 

I like tbf's suggestion - document, document, document. I know you're planning to be out of there soon, but just in case, might as well keep track of this. And definitely a firm brush-off in response to future touching.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't know about that. There are some people out there who are just crude and know no boundaries. I have met some of them. I've been stalked and had to take a "friend" to court for it to get a restraining order. Also, had him arrested when he broke the order.

 

Before that I would have said that if a man continues to pursue you, you are not drawing firm enough boundaries with him or are in some way encouraging him. But, after what I endured while adamantly protesting his attentions and setting boundaries (with other people present as witnesses), my opinions have changed. There are some people who just do not care about other people and their privacy/boundaries, etc. They are selfish brutes. Some of them are men and some of them are women.

 

 

Douchebag men will do that...a woman pretty much has to be drunk to put her hands on a guy like that...I aint buying it. Ive had my ass grabbed, and I have had some drunken fool women grab my arms back when I was a bouncer in a bar...But if a guy gives off an air of "dont fck with me", then NO woman is coming near, I dont care if its Brad Pitt on his best day..

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

The problem is, you tolerated unwanted touching previously, so these women think you are OK with it, and they will continue to do it unless you set boundaries. When you see them about to touch you, you need to step back, step away, turn your back, or remove from their touch whatever is being touched by them, and they will get the message that their touches are not wanted. You need to set boundaries, and you haven't done that, so they think you are wanting that kind of attention. In the case you mentioned, you could have simply removed her hand from your shirt.

 

Somebody gets it....

 

TFY

[BeholdtheMan]

This woman is so gross! As a woman, I apologize to you for her behavior!

I appreciate the sentiment but I really don't hold her behaviour against women in general.

 

In my adult life, this is the first time a woman has reached into my shirt at work.

 

Some people, regardless of gender, just don't have a normal sense of boundaries or they simply don't care about how the other person feels.

 

I don't think I invited this lady reach into my shirt and massage my pecs. I was OK with her squeezing my arm and prodding my chest every now and then, but sneaking up behind me and sliding her hands down my shirt...really?

 

I'm giving her the cold shoulder now and I'm pretty sure she's starting to get the message.

 

The problem is, you tolerated unwanted touching previously, so these women think you are OK with it, and they will continue to do it unless you set boundaries.

I tolerated the earlier touching because it was far less invasive. I'm not going to make a scene because women are squeezing my arms or poking my chest.

 

Sliding hands down my shirt took it to another level. I'm pretty much ignoring her now. She tried to rub my chest again today and I just brushed away her hand with mine. I'm keeping our conversations short and work-related.

 

Douchebag men will do that...a woman pretty much has to be drunk to put her hands on a guy like that...I aint buying it.

You'd be surprised at what some women think they can get away with, especially if she treats it as a joke.

 

This chick isn't propositioning me for sex or anything...she's just treating my body like a slab of meat she can grope whenever she feels like it.

[FitChick]

A female friend was in a similar situation and used humor. She grabbed the offending hand and said loudly so everyone else could hear, "Does this hand belong to you? You better hang onto it or you might lose it!"

[KathyM]

 

I tolerated the earlier touching because it was far less invasive. I'm not going to make a scene because women are squeezing my arms or poking my chest.

 

Sliding hands down my shirt took it to another level. I'm pretty much ignoring her now. She tried to rub my chest again today and I just brushed away her hand with mine. I'm keeping our conversations short and work-related.

When you tolerated the earlier touching, it gave them the signal you were OK with it, so they escalated, thinking you would be OK with that too. I'm not suggesting making a scene, just using your body language to make it clear that their touching is not appropriate, such as brushing her hand away like you now did.

[BeholdtheMan]

I think the most valuable lessons I've learned from this experience are...

 

1) Shut people down early if you don't want them to escalate later

 

2) How nasty it is to have a desperate person drooling over your body and trying to grope you all the time. It must be even worse for a woman in this situation