Its_MEE Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 It's been months since I've been here. I kinda disappeared. I don't even know what to say. But I'll start with a recap of my story.. I'm 26, 1 1/2yr A, DDAY 4/27/13. MM 38, married 13yrs, 3 children, 19, 13, 1. I've been in the post DDAY cycle since DDAY. Back and forth. Yes and no. Love and hate. Etc. All three of us met up in may. He told me it was over in her face. Apologized next day... July 2nd she left... He came to my house July 3rd. She showed up... Flattened his tires... She Hasn't left again since... She will not make it easy for the you g chick to take her man... She wants her marriage. I understand. We work together.... I put my 2 weeks notice in on Monday. Been NC (LC) for weeks (my decision). He's a coward. Today: He stops me 15 minutes ago and asks me what is going on... How should he act.. I ask him to first of all clarify the question and ask what he really wants to ask.. He says.. "Will you still take me? I go home everyday, knowing that I have to tell her 'one of u has to go', but then I don't." "I'm there physically, yes, but I have not been there because I'm with you." "You're NOT with me" is what I said... "You're there and I'm here..." Wtf... I don't even cry anymore... I don't want to talk about it anymore. "Stop talking I me". I feel...... Empty. I love him... I suppose.... But I was sure I did months ago... Now... I hate him,.... I see him as weak. And how can a weak man be good enough for me? Heck no..... But.... I love him. He loves me.... Or does he??? I mean.. Why would someone who was just playing out themselves through so much? He's cried to me. "My kids"... I'm ranting not making sence. I'm sorry.... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 He's still just asking you to continue the affair. Plain and simple...that's all he's asking you for. If that's not what you want...then tell him not to talk to you again, or you'll take whatever he says or does to his wife. He needs to be AFRAID of reaching out to you again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Its not just her that wants the marriage. Its him too, or otherwise he would not have left and then went back home. He's playing you both like a yoyo. I dont blame you for hating him. He humiliated you in front of his wife, now he has brought the drama to your doorstep (how did she know where you live?) He will go back and forth for as long as you and his wife allow it. He is a cakeeater and coward and simply put, he wants you both. How long are you gonna let him play with you? Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 He's still just asking you to continue the affair. Plain and simple...that's all he's asking you for. If that's not what you want...then tell him not to talk to you again, or you'll take whatever he says or does to his wife. He needs to be AFRAID of reaching out to you again. Correct and wise Owl is. He's on the fence and playing both sides. Don't be one side of a fence. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 It's good you are finally seeing this man for who he is and what most MM/MW's are, COWARDS. Hang onto your anger (but not too long) as it will help you move away from someone who is not worth anyone's time. Please try to go NC for your own sanity. Force him off the fence. If he is serious about leaving his marriage he will do it. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 It's MEE, Let me ask you a question. If you could go back to April when you were devastated and hurt and spent the time then getting over him, would you regret the six months you've wasted now? I'm just saying that at some point, you need to cut your losses for your own happiness. It will hurt in the short term, but it will hurt a lot less than the long term. This guy isn't going to pony up. He doesn't want to and there's nothing you can do to make that happen. Being more loving, understanding, challenging, demanding, etc., won't change him. Choose you. Move on and this time, stick to it. You are 26 years old. You have an amazing future if you just choose not to squander it. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Yawn. From what I've seen, many OW take 3-4 years before they have actually and finally had it. Looks like you have a year or two left. Tick tock. At least you're not wasting what would be the best years of your life, like your twenties. Oh, wait. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imfine Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Yawn. From what I've seen, many OW take 3-4 years before they have actually and finally had it. Looks like you have a year or two left. Tick tock. At least you're not wasting what would be the best years of your life, like your twenties. Oh, wait. What BH says sounds very harsh & condescending, however he's right. Just ask every woman that wasted her 20's on a doosh whether via an affair or not. You're miserable and will look back with regret. Stop it now. So what if you love him? You can love again and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 What BH says sounds very harsh & condescending, however he's right. Just ask every woman that wasted her 20's on a doosh whether via an affair or not. You're miserable and will look back with regret. Stop it now. So what if you love him? You can love again and be happy. Trust me, I hate writing posts like that. But I saw ItsMEE here months ago with a perfect opportunity to get the flock outta there and instead of leaving, indecision begat indecision until indecision became the decision. Same freaking story, different day. Years wasted and lives ruined over a damn coward. As a third party, it's fruistrating to watch because the solution is clear as day, even to her. So why doesn't it happen. Same irrational reason as always: "Because I love him." Rinse. Repeat. As for those kids everyone is pretending to worry about: study after study clearly shows that older kids have a harder time with these transitions so the longer it goes, the worse it will be for them. That, and you gotta hate it when Pierre is right (everything's going according to schedule). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Yawn. From what I've seen, many OW take 3-4 years before they have actually and finally had it. Looks like you have a year or two left. Tick tock. At least you're not wasting what would be the best years of your life, like your twenties. Oh, wait. Plus there are lots of other attributes that matter so much more than youth. I am not sure what some posters are going to do when they are no longer the younger one. I'm still in my twenties and know there are plenty of women in their thirties and forties who would not trade me places for youth. They have some wisdom that I hope to gain but know I will attain the hard way just as they did. I hate what affairs do to people. It is maddening to see thread after thread on all sides full of turmoil. Love just isn't enough sometimes. It just isn't. Trust me, I wish it were. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Its_MEE Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 So... For all of you who doubted me here I goes... Might not seem like a lot but.... I quit my job (which we worked together at) Have been 100% NO CONTACT for 19 days... I wasn't counting.. Had I pull up the calendar which makes me even happier because I'm not even keeping count! I am so freaking proud!!!!! Hooray for me.. U have a long road of healing ahead of me but I am ecstatic! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 So... For all of you who doubted me here I goes... Might not seem like a lot but.... I quit my job (which we worked together at) Have been 100% NO CONTACT for 19 days... I wasn't counting.. Had I pull up the calendar which makes me even happier because I'm not even keeping count! I am so freaking proud!!!!! Hooray for me.. U have a long road of healing ahead of me but I am ecstatic! I think that's plenty of reason to celebrate. Nice work, itsmee. Link to post Share on other sites
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