alexjames Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 2 months ago, a work colleague told me about a girl she knows (her friends grand-daughter). She just told me that she is a single girl who is really lovely to get on with etc and she wasn't sure if she was looking for a BF. I never really thought much of it though. But Yesterday, she told her over facebook all about me and told me all about her and suggested we talk. So I started talking to the girl on facebook, just to please my workmate! We got on well and arranged to meet before my shift started this morning. She is stunning, and we got on fairly well. We are seeing each other again on Sunday. Thew thing is though, it's quite clear to me she is just looking at friends. Is it possible, after time and no pressure to become more than friends, and if so, how would I ever go about it? I know it's early days, but she really is beautiful, inside and out. Also, I am 21 (22 next March) and she has only just turned 18, is the gap too big (3.5 years) or is it acceptable? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) i dont think 3 and half years is a gap just a step....similar generation..i know of relationships that are ongoing on much larger gaps than that.......my daughters relationship is ten years they have their issues but are not about to leave each other they work it out and are engaged planning on marrying now yes...relationships i feel when based in friendship are often stronger.....because i feel and in my opinion (which is bias to the nth degree) you know the person in the first place and understand them and accept the flaws which are often hidden when you just date a stranger ...they dont put them out on show.............so yes it could possibly develop into more......and be longer lasting and more honest...best wishes...deb Edited August 29, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Also, I am 21 (22 next March) and she has only just turned 18, is the gap too big (3.5 years) or is it acceptable? Morally? Yes, I think it's acceptable. Realistically, though, I don't know that it would work well. One of the problems that I see cropping up on this forum a lot is that the older one in the couple gets annoyed or jealous that the younger partner is staying out late, drinking, devoting a lot of time to studying, etc and just doing the typical young-adult stuff. Honestly ask yourself if you would be okay with, for example, her turning 21 and wanting to go out every weekend to bars and clubs and stay out late and be stupid and crazy. Maybe she'll want to travel and see the world. You'll be 24, and possibly in a stage in your life where you're done with all that, or you'll have a career where it's not possible. Are you going to allow her to grow up unhindered by your relationship? Of course, this is all very premature, but it's something to think about. I've just seen a lot of people here complaining about their younger partner behaving immaturely, and I always wonder how they didn't see it coming. So, consider yourself warned. Anyway, what made you think she just wants to be friends? Unless she outright said that or said she has a boyfriend or something, I would think it's too early to know what she's looking for. Since you like her, I think you should avoid doing the whole, "I'll be friends with her in the hopes that she'll someday want to date me" thing. That's a dishonest friendship with ulterior motives. How about you just actively pursue her? Flirt with her, ask her on a date, and if it doesn't seem to go anywhere, just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexjames Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 I'm not sure if you (the second answerer) is from the States, but it's slightly different over here with the whole school, college and clubbing thing. She is now out of education and has a weekend job. She is aiming to be a carer and has popped application forms into a few places. Also, now that she has turned 18, she goes for nights out and clubbing occasionally, as do I, so I can't see that being a major issue. She seems a very grounded girl who is sensible and has a protective family, so I think in many respects, there shouldn't be too many problems with that Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 She is now out of education and has a weekend job. She is aiming to be a carer and has popped application forms into a few places. Also, now that she has turned 18, she goes for nights out and clubbing occasionally, as do I, so I can't see that being a major issue. She seems a very grounded girl who is sensible and has a protective family, so I think in many respects, there shouldn't be too many problems with that Okay, great! So you'll ask her out on a date soon? Link to post Share on other sites
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