Re: Missing *spark*

[Tony T]

That spark you talk about nearly always vanishes in a relationship. That incredible feeling we have when we first meet someone and begin seeing them very seldom remains at it's initial intensity. Usually, it grows rapidly to a high, stays there for a while, and then sort of slowly sinks as two people get to know and get used to each other.

 

There are a lot of psychologists who think the purpose of that "high" we feel during the initial stages of a relationship is to lure a couple together long enough for them to procreate the species...and then it goes from there. It does work that way quite a lot as many divorces take place when children reach a certain age. Lots of couples who can tolerate each other despite the negatives stick together only for the sake of the children.

 

It is possible that those feelings could return in your relationship, but probably not at the magnitude they once were. You would have to be away from each other for a while...or just resume your relationship and do special things for each other to try to bring back some of that special "high". Be romantic and try to do those things that brought about those feelings initially.

 

Just because those sparks have gone doesn't mean the relationship is over. In more mature people, that's the time when a more meaningful companionship begins and love evolves into something more lasting and less chemical based. However, young people mostly insist on the chemicals and when the chemistry peters out, they usually move on.

 

If you really love this guy, stick with him. This is when you find out if you REALLY love him or if your relationship has just been powered by chemicals this whole time. Finding someone we are compatible with whom we share many goals and feelings with is a monumental task these days. If you have a guy like that, hold on to him. Love comes in many colors and flavors, and yours has just changed both a little bit but is probably a better and longer lasting type of love at this point.

 

Of course, the risk you take is that you will meet some stud who will flush those chemicals back into your head. You are very young and that is likely to happen. That's why people make committments...to stick by their partner no matter what temptation or situation may present itself.

[Deejette]

It is interesting that the human mind gets used to things quickly and then starts taking them for granted. For example, where I work I overlook a beautiful view, which used to take my breath away when I was new on the job. Now whole days will go by and I will not even notice the wonderful view as I am lost in my tasks.

 

The same is true with relationships and that is one of the reasons why people keep moving on, or at least changing the scenery. They simply get used to what they have and are entranced by the novelty of the new person, until becomes "the same old, same old."

 

So it takes a lot of thought to keep things alive and making them special. Both of you need to do special things to make that effort to keep the romance and love alive. Moving on to a new partner is not always the solution, because, as Tony notes, when that chemistry also dies, what do you do next? Move on to someone else?

 

If the guy is really a good guy and is not abusive, even if your family is not too keen on him, it is worth it for you both to give it a try and realize that it takes planning and thought to keep a relationship sparkling.

That spark you talk about nearly always vanishes in a relationship. That incredible feeling we have when we first meet someone and begin seeing them very seldom remains at it's initial intensity. Usually, it grows rapidly to a high, stays there for a while, and then sort of slowly sinks as two people get to know and get used to each other.

 

There are a lot of psychologists who think the purpose of that "high" we feel during the initial stages of a relationship is to lure a couple together long enough for them to procreate the species...and then it goes from there. It does work that way quite a lot as many divorces take place when children reach a certain age. Lots of couples who can tolerate each other despite the negatives stick together only for the sake of the children. It is possible that those feelings could return in your relationship, but probably not at the magnitude they once were. You would have to be away from each other for a while...or just resume your relationship and do special things for each other to try to bring back some of that special "high". Be romantic and try to do those things that brought about those feelings initially. Just because those sparks have gone doesn't mean the relationship is over. In more mature people, that's the time when a more meaningful companionship begins and love evolves into something more lasting and less chemical based. However, young people mostly insist on the chemicals and when the chemistry peters out, they usually move on. If you really love this guy, stick with him. This is when you find out if you REALLY love him or if your relationship has just been powered by chemicals this whole time. Finding someone we are compatible with whom we share many goals and feelings with is a monumental task these days. If you have a guy like that, hold on to him. Love comes in many colors and flavors, and yours has just changed both a little bit but is probably a better and longer lasting type of love at this point. Of course, the risk you take is that you will meet some stud who will flush those chemicals back into your head. You are very young and that is likely to happen. That's why people make committments...to stick by their partner no matter what temptation or situation may present itself.