LilGirlandOW Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 So sorry you have experienced this (the heartbreak of seeing her and having to interact with her), LilGirl. He wants you to interact with her? Ooooh, my! I guess you don't want to, for sure, huh? The compartmentalization theme is familiar to me, in that my exMM told me during our break up conversation that he had felt he could compartmentalize and yet he is learning that all the compartments in his life end up touching one another. Don't most men compartmentalize aspects of their lives more than women do? Maybe you have posted the answer to this on another thread and I haven't read it so forgive me if that is so, but my question to you is, "Do you see this having a resolution for you?" I hope so, I am so conflicted about if its him I want long term or not. I dont think he's a serial cheater... I dont think I would have to worry about him cheating on me, as long as I stayed the person I am (not talking physically). So I dont know that answer.... I seem to love the crumbs, I love your analogy... Its almost like the dinner table is set, yes I'm loving the crumbs, but MM slides under the table and is basking in them with me. When I seem to want more or need more, he voluntarily gives more, maybe if i pushed he would leave for me... I'm not a pusher. Yes, I sometimes feel physically lonely, but we are in day-to-day, alot of time minute to minute contact... I only remember 3 nights in this past year of our A that we didnt at least text all night, we watch the same movie and text and send pictures through it, we have the same fav TV shows, or we'll have a snack we bought earlier in the day together via text or phone call. Its an oddly close A 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 Yes of course it does! Outshine Brand right? LOL, will have to check! Have never bought them before! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 I hope so, I am so conflicted about if its him I want long term or not. I dont think he's a serial cheater... I dont think I would have to worry about him cheating on me, as long as I stayed the person I am (not talking physically). So I dont know that answer.... Is making certain he's not a serial cheater your only reason for not being resolved as to whether you're sure you want him or not? I seem to love the crumbs, I love your analogy... Its almost like the dinner table is set, yes I'm loving the crumbs, but MM slides under the table and is basking in them with me. The crumbs are all you really want then? You prefer eating under the table as to sitting up to it? If so, do you know why? When I seem to want more or need more, he voluntarily gives more, maybe if i pushed he would leave for me... I'm not a pusher. Yes, I sometimes feel physically lonely, but we are in day-to-day, alot of time minute to minute contact... I only remember 3 nights in this past year of our A that we didnt at least text all night, we watch the same movie and text and send pictures through it, we have the same fav TV shows, or we'll have a snack we bought earlier in the day together via text or phone call. Its an oddly close A I understand that. When you are getting a lot of attention from MM it can be quite comfortable. But, aren't there still times when you want him with you and he's not able to be with you? LilGirlOW, a final question for you! I've been very curious in reading your posts as to your replies toward those who write somewhat hostile posts directed at you. I haven't yet seen you return the hostility. (Maybe you have and I haven't seen it?) Your attitude is quite endearing. You seem to be a loving and sensitive person. So how do you maintain your consistently sweet demeanor when hassled on this forum? What has kept you here and posting under these circumstances? (is this a t/j of my own thread? If so, maybe we should start another thread dealing with this issue, OK, I'm starting one now. Do you mind answering this last question on the new thread? Thanks, ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 I miss him. So much. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Fact is, we can figure it out til the cows come home but still, there isn't a cure for heartbreak. Just time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 I miss him. So much. I feel for you, really. I hope you continue to stay strong. Keep posting here, distract yourself in other ways, etc. Also, if he happens to come across your mind, let yourself think about him for a bit. I think that helped me rather than forcing him out, only to have a breakdown days later. I still think about him, but I don't act on my thoughts. That's all we can hope for! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 I feel for you, really. I hope you continue to stay strong. Keep posting here, distract yourself in other ways, etc. Also, if he happens to come across your mind, let yourself think about him for a bit. I think that helped me rather than forcing him out, only to have a breakdown days later. I still think about him, but I don't act on my thoughts. That's all we can hope for! Thanks, psm and also, 2sure! Time; sometimes enemy, sometimes friend! Although I do miss him, I'm fine! If I can't call him or see him, at least I have the freedom to say, "I miss him!" Have been w/friends today and headed out for more interaction soon! (Don't know how to post quotes from two diff posts onto my one reply post. Help, anyone?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 The A we engaged in was merely a method MM used to cope with the dysfunctions that existed in his own psyche and marriage before he met me, not the reason for the dysfunctions that exist in him and his family. However, I believe it did contribute to the chaos in his own life and the resultant growing chaos in their family. I don't know how to edit a post so am adding this to the above post I made to Ifwisheswerehorseson page one of this thread: XMM is no more dysfunctional than I am. The A was also a method I used to cope with dysfunctions that existed in my own psyche before I met MM. And we did/do love each other. Though we are now XMM and XOW! I've seen a tremendous amount of growth in his life and really admire him for his desire to get things straightened out! Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 I feel for you, really. I hope you continue to stay strong. Keep posting here, distract yourself in other ways, etc. Also, if he happens to come across your mind, let yourself think about him for a bit. I think that helped me rather than forcing him out, only to have a breakdown days later. I still think about him, but I don't act on my thoughts. That's all we can hope for! This is great advice. Somewhere along the way I started doing the same, and I think it helped my healing so much more than trying to tamp down the feelings. When he came to mind, I allowed myself to miss him and grieve, I imagined myself sending him love and light, and then I was able to put that thought back down and carry on for a bit until the next time he came to mind. It began to occur less and less, and was less painful as well. I would caution you to not try to stay so busy that you don't think about him. Grief is a rive you have to go through eventually. Avoiding it only prolongs the journey. Take some time to be sad...that's how it becomes easier to bear. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 Thanks, Glowing, Psm04. Last night/this morning=tough. I'm wondering if posting about it and reading about others makes it worse instead of better. Has anyone had that experience? Keep replaying our last (break up) conversation and his expressions of grief are haunting me. I feel terrible about them and they play over and over in my head/heart like that song you can't get out of your mind. I want to run to him and make it all go away. Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 that's very normal. It will get easier. My therapist recommended a book called "Women Who Love Too Much", which I found VERY helpful during this time. I also recommend the daily devotion version. You can find words that help you anywhere, and maybe getting away from *here* is a good idea. Start a secret pinterest board and pin empowering quotes that help you feel strong and capable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
psm04 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 Start a secret pinterest board and pin empowering quotes that help you feel strong and capable. That's so funny that you mentioned Pinterest. I joined Pinterest a few months ago, and it was definitely a good distraction from everything! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks for the book referral, Glowing! Am actually doing great! Have been planning some exciting things with my work that will involve travel and am feeling footloose and fancy free! Just a slight dip for a little bit there; now back up and running! Sky's the limit! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 Was listening to this favorite today and am posting because there is great symbolism in this song. Higher Ground is where I wanta be! Taking the high road here! Would love to have your company! Just love the photos that go with this music! Link to post Share on other sites
tiernan Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 I admire your calm and peace. I hope it will work for you. Wish you alll the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Speakingofwhich Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 Thank you for your good wishes, Tiernan! I love XMM very much and know he loves me. But, I am trusting God to pull me through this as I know His plan for me doesn't include being involved in another person's marriage, though I did make the mistake of getting involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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