What are your thoughts....

[Eros Cupido]

Ok, so I will try to keep this short and sweet. However I feelI need to give you some context before you dispense your most welcomed advise. J

 

Have you ever heard the expression “ a man does what he can, until hisdestiny is revealed to him” or better yet have you ever read Romeo and Julietin Act 2 Scene 2 Juliet says to Romeo

 

“But to be frank,and give it thee again.

 

And yet I wish but for the thingI have.

 

My bounty is as boundless as thesea,

 

My love as deep. The more I giveto thee,

 

The more I have, for both areinfinite.”

 

These are rather profound expressions of love and desire, and many ofus today dream only of such emotion and depth. But in reality very few of usever love with such intensity or know this is what you are destined for.Howeverthe most important harsh reality is, if you love this way, you hurt proportionately.I have been blessed with this great pleasure of feeling and am experiencingboth sides of the spectrum this very instant.

 

 

 

Our meeting I like to believe was an intervention of fate. I say thisbecause in London there is no shortage of woman therefore LDRs are unheard ofor at least to me. We met by total chance and ti be honest at first it was mycuriosity that got the beter of me. But that first time we spoke we chatteduntil 4am in the morning, and so it went the entire week. I never connectedwith anyone like that in my life and for a well guarded person I was powerlessin letting down all my guards. I still don’t understand it today but thosefirst two weeks I felt feelings within me that I only ever read about likeabove. We only video chatted two weeks later, and with no exaggeration when I firstsaw her I was absolutely thunderstruck. She was and is simply gorgeous. She hasthe most amazing eyes, when you look into them you lost in nothingness. Anywayswe chatted like this for 4 months before I made the first trip to Ukraine tomeet her. It was an amazing adventure. We instantly connected there was noawkward moments, it was like we were married for 10 years. The next year and 9months we travelled between Ukraine and London every month. Even when we wereapart we were living in each others lives, chatting on skype all day at work,get home and hours on video chat, text, calls, etc. We shared and explored thecorners of each others hearts. I love her so much that everytime she or I left Iwould ball (cry) myself in private.

 

 

 

As 2 years where approaching we decided to move in together to see howwe got along because we were talking marriage. Just as she was about to comedown my mum passed away in what has to be the most tragic way possible. What really hurt was that my mum and I although we loved each other fiercely, we were not on speaking terms for a long time and I hadn’t seen her in almost 5years. We never got to reconcile and that is a pain I will have to live with the rest of my life. It was pretty much the same with my dad as he was a raging alcoholic.When I got back to London I forced all that hurt and grief to the back of myhead. She came down and we lived happily for the next eight months. I swear that was the best 8 months of my life. She inspired me to be better than I was and I achieved great things. We both inspired each other. Then out of the blue all those feelings I was respressing reared its ugly head. You see there was a lot ofhistory with my family, and some of the events that happened even I sometimescan believe happened and how cruel people and life and be. I found myself staringinto space and silent for hours on end. I just broke-down and reclused intomyself. I guess it was a natural defense, I know I should have let her in butim human in the end and I succumbed. We started to argue and fight, it was notpretty. Then oneday close to her leaving back to Kiev to sort out our weddingarrangements I get an email from her. And reading the words of how she feltabandoned shook me out of my depression. Knowing she felt that way tore me tobits. I started being myself again, we were getting better again. Then it washer birthday and I did this really nice romantic dinner and got on one knee andasked her officially to marry me. That night we made love and the passionbetween us was more than electric, words cannot describe the energy that wasflowing between us. We reconnected the next fews days and then she left.

 

 

 

That’s when things started falling apart. She kept on going back towhen I had my episode. I explained in detail over and over again why I took itall so badly. Im not sure whether she couldn’t believe that such things could everhappen or she didn’t believe me. But she not letting go of it destroyed us. Forthe next 5 months is was utter torture. In the end we had gone so far down thatdark road we just didn’t have enough fight let. That was December 2012.

 

 

 

I was so devastated that I was close to suicide, losing another person Iloved dear to me was more than I could take. So on Valentines day I sent her100 red roses. All she said was thank you. However the next day I received apic form a mutual friend and in it she was sat down, embracing the bunch ofroses with her cheek feeling it and her eyes closed. The interesting thinkthough is you can see clearly in the pic she is still wearing the ring I gaveher. Anyways since June I have been travelling a lot to Paris for business andthe second visit I got to stay the weekend. So I wandered around a little andended up in Luxembourg Gardens. The place is spectacular and the scenery grandall around. I was lost in her about her and I penned this down:

 

 

 

Looking up into the starry night,

 

I now longer put up a fight.

 

I float away to a special place,

 

Beyond the light, deep into space.

 

 

 

In this place I see her eyes,

 

and yet again feel loves true prize.

 

Reaching out to touch her face,

 

yearning for that feeling which never does erase.

 

 

 

In loves triumph they do embrace,

 

then in an instant does reality rear its face.

 

I am awakened, back to this cold dark place,

 

back to wishing, will I ever again see such grace.

 

 

 

Then I am sat, alone in the night,

 

and reassure myself she is alright.

 

Even though she is not her now,

 

I feel her presence, here, next to me somehow.

 

 

 

I’m flooded with thoughts of a princess,

 

and her loving warm caress.

 

I imagine her touch,

 

that which i have missed so much.

 

 

 

I do my best not to cry,

 

always failing on the first try.

 

Try as I might, I can’t stop these tears and cries,

 

Constantly falling from my eyes.

 

 

 

Embracing the emptiness inside,

 

wishing he could take it all in his stride.

 

True love never dies, or fades away,

 

for deep in his soul is where she will always stay

 

 

 

That night I got a private call and all I could hear over the line was weeping.I knew it was her. We kinda have been talking now ever since but its not likeit used to be. We are both apprehensive and also proud. The point is we bothlove each other intensely I know this. But we havnt seen each other since thelast time she left which is about a year now. I know that for anything tohappen we have to see each other face to face.

 

 

 

So…..i made up my mind and imgoing in two weeks time. this is going to be a totally shocker for her as she knows that this is something I would never do. Im just going to travel 2000 miles and roll up to her door and knock. Thingis, I am just scared as hell. I know its 50/50, im prepared for that. Its eitherwe get closure or we reconnect.

 

 

 

What do you great folks think? especially those that have done thisbefore.

 

 

 

Thanks!

[justwhoiam]

One thing I'm sure of: summarising is not your cup of tea.

 

Anyway:

1) Why didn't you meet her for one year? She didn't want to meet you anymore?

2) Did she break up with you?

3) Why would you knock on her door unannounced after one year? What if she has company? It doesn't sound like a very good idea.

 

Please keep your posts shorter (much shorter).

[HeavenOrHell]

Post too long to read, sorry

[ThisGal]

I agree with the others, this was way long to read. I read it anyhow. I have to say that I'm tired of people letting fantasy dictate their life. You quoted Romeo and Juliet. Please people! This is real life, not a book, but reality. Love doesn't have to be what we read about in books or see in the movies, it isn't real. Don't do that to yourselves.

 

And now my response will ahve to be long to address everything you mentioned haha.

 

Anyway, you have had some history with this woman. Back-and-and forth for quite some time. That's a lot of traveling, wondering how come you two aren't living together by now?...you would be saving time and money. But that's good you two have had a lot of time together, a lot of communication, face-to-face interaction/meetings. Congrats on your engagement! Unfortunately, sad to hear that you two are not on good terms (or at least not how it was before).

 

She needs to comprehend that you were going through a very rough time with the passing of your mother (sorry to hear about that). She should feel compassion. The way you reacted at the time was probably not the best but it's understandable, everyone reacts to grief differently. She needs to get over that! Forgive you for how you handled it and show that she cares and loves you by being there for you, not shunning you for how you were at the time.

 

No! I do not think that you should come to her home unannounced. No one likes surprises. I know I wouldn't like it! Especially after a 12 month gap without seeing each other in person. You need to ask her if you can see her again, if she refuses to then there isn't much you can do about it. She clearly isn't the woman you should marry if she hasn't forgiven you.

 

You should have a raw, emotional, mature conversation with her on the phone soon and express all this to her. Let her know that you love her and want to be with her...if she does not reciprocate then let her go. You can't force someone to feel a certain way about you. If the feelings aren't mutual then it isn't. Give her some space if she refuses to see you; which would mean you should not contact her, no emails, no text messages, no Skype, etc and let her initiate contact with you when she's ready. If she does not reach out to you then that tells you all you need to know. She was never fully ready to be with you. I'm sorry things are not going as planned but planning to go to her home without her permission will only make things worse. It is not romantic.

 

And I have to address one more thing. Do not ever think about suicide because a relationship did not work out. You should ALWAYS love yourself first. Have respect and put high value on your life because every life is precious. Do not put this woman on a pedestal as she's only human like you and the rest of the world. You may need to seek professional help if you're suicidal or have suicidal thoughts. Pray God and ask for help as well.

 

I wish you two nothing but the best. Take care. Good luck!

Edited August 30, 2013 by ThisGal

[Eros Cupido]

all thanks for the responses. sorry for the delayed reply by work is rather manic right now.

 

@ justwhoiam

1) we have seen each other since she left to go prepare for our ceremony. we got to fighting the first four months and since we have barely spoken. she has not directly said she doesn't or does want to see me. and the same with me.

2) to be honest we haven't officially broken up. we just got to the point where after the four months we got to the point were we both went absolutely insane she not wanting to believe what happened and me tirelessly trying to explain it to her. what made it even more frustrating at the time was the fact that there was a lot of miles between us and if we were stood face to face I imagine we could have easily over it within a few days. it was the wrong time to be long distance, this is one of the risk of LDR I realise.

3) be my heart and soul belongs to her and after talking to her I believe hers are with me. if she does have company and I will walk away and accept that she never felt for me like we always described to each other. Although I will be crushed at the time I will leave there knowing I did all that I could and the acceptance of that will help on the road to reconciling my feelings for her.

[Eros Cupido]

@HeavenorHell

 

sorry but im not going to apologies for this being a little long. I feel you need to know and understand the depth of my dilemma before you are able to give a meaningful response. To be must honest this was a a lot longer and this is a précis of my intended post. There is still quick a few key events and situations that I have not been able to post.

 

However I do appreciate you taking the time to at least read through.

[TMichaels]

... be my heart and soul belongs to her and after talking to her I believe hers are with me. if she does have company and I will walk away and accept that she never felt for me like we always described to each other. Although I will be crushed at the time I will leave there knowing I did all that I could and the acceptance of that will help on the road to reconciling my feelings for her.

 

So if you've already made up your mind what you're going to do, haven't you already answered your own question?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Eros Cupido]

@ ThisGirl

 

Firstly please see my response to HeavenorHell.

 

Most importantly, I am sad that you have not experienced love yet. I assure you love is more than just a fantasy, it does exist!! And it is a rather might force, one that should not be taken lightly. Please don't be offended but reading the rest of you post it is apparent that you have never felt this emotion before. I find it rather generic, but in retrospect I can also appreciate it is coz you don't know me personally.

 

You know we all love in different ways, and based on our personalities and life experiences we do in varying degrees. Also people have different ways of expressing themselves. Like I use Romeo and Juliet and the poem that I wrote to personify and illustrate the depth of our relationship with each other. Even you through all your realism, imagine the level of grief you would feel if you lost a parent or sibling. I imagine you would be devastated, that my dear is love........

 

However I agree with you on some things. It is true I cannot and will not make her or anyone for that matter to do anything they don't want o do. And yes it we have had that long meaningful conversation. It is because of that conversation that I embarking on this. we have spoken about meeting, I asked her to come down or I will come up. Her only response was "think on what you said" and nothing more. The only thought I have relation this that is when we were fighting I told her that I loved her so much that it we broke I would come to her and fight to get her back. She is equally as extrovertedly romantic as I am and knowing her as I believe I do I know she will find this real testament of love. Now don't get me wrong I have no delusions of grandeur I know that I could be dead wrong and as I said I preparing myself for all eventualities more so the negative. This is the chance that I have to take. Life is short and if you don't take those opportunities that you are handed you WILL regret them later on in life. And that is REAL in any universe, creed or beliefs.

 

Lastly I don't not believe I need professional help. The harsh reality is if you had lost so many loved ones tragically in such a short space of time even the most strongest among us will break down in a momentary lapse of faith. I assure you I have already grieved and resolved those issues and my life is stronger and happier today. Right now I would like to have back the one thing that makes me happiest and if there is a chance that this can happen I will not let it pass. I may be wrong or I may be right, but I will never know if I don't make the journey....

[ThisGal]

@ ThisGirl

 

Most importantly, I am sad that you have not experienced love yet. I assure you love is more than just a fantasy, it does exist!! And it is a rather might force, one that should not be taken lightly. Please don't be offended but reading the rest of you post it is apparent that you have never felt this emotion before. I find it rather generic, but in retrospect I can also appreciate it is coz you don't know me personally.

 

I am in love with my boyfriend. I know what love is. I just think people who use fictional characters to describe their love is dramatic and quite cheesy. If you re-read what you wrote you may feel silly. Believe me, I love my b/f very much and he is the only man I've ever fallen for like this. GL with you and your g/f and have a safe flight.

[Eros Cupido]

@ TMicheals

 

Indeed I have! In many ways I had done already so before I posted. I am very much determined in my resolve and plans are already underway.

 

I guess my real reason for posting is for me wanting to speak to people who have or knows someone who has had such experiences before. Also every person thinks differently and has different opinions. I respect each one and I believe it will keep me ground and in touch with reality when this finally goes down. This is a rather brave move and very much in the realm of unknown for me. Its also a one time short so I have to be prepared for all scenarios.

 

Have to say I have gotten a lot of different responses on all the forums I posted this so im getting stronger by the day.

[Eros Cupido]

@ ThisGirl

 

As I said we are all built uniquely. And therefore we all have different ways in which we love different people in our lives.

 

For romantic love I find there are three levels of love:

1) Love - most people feel this, its mostly based on lust and familiarity. when the comes to an end generally in a month or two or even a few day you are over it.

2) Big Love - this is where you genuinely have deep feelings for someone, you are close to them share almost everything. Generally it takes about a year to get over but eventually do.

3) Finally there is Great Love - this is pretty much the same as above but this one changes your life forever. its like to things made for each other. this one you NEVER get over.

 

Unequivocally we are number 3. which one are you?

 

Why do you find it cheesy? Is it maybe because you don't understand it or the literary content? Also don't you sound contradictory, you initial say love is not real but then go on to say you have a partner and you love him. How can you be in love and not believe in love..... It doesn't mean because we cannot see, touch, taste or smell something is doesn't exist. Feeling in all its form is one of the most underrated of the five senses in the world, and should be taken more seriously...... Or that is my opinion at least.

[Eros Cupido]

@ ThisGirl

 

Thanks will do, I will update you when I get back.

 

Appreciate our views and comment.

 

Good luck to you to!

[ThisGal]

@ ThisGirl

 

Unequivocally we are number 3. which one are you?

 

Why do you find it cheesy? Is it maybe because you don't understand it or the literary content? Also don't you sound contradictory, you initial say love is not real but then go on to say you have a partner and you love him. How can you be in love and not believe in love..... It doesn't mean because we cannot see, touch, taste or smell something is doesn't exist. Feeling in all its form is one of the most underrated of the five senses in the world, and should be taken more seriously...... Or that is my opinion at least.

 

I'm not going to answer based on your own definitions of love. I have my own and my love is as real as it gets. It's not for you to understand. Sorry.

 

However, I never said I do not believe in love. If you're referring to this bit I said "Love doesn't have to be what we read about in books or see in the movies, it isn't real." What I said isn't real are these fictional characters, Romeo and Juliet and whatever stories we read about and movies we watch, they have clearly influenced you. I am more than capable of understanding the content, I have my Master's degree. I just dislike this type of fairy tale delusions that people insist on mimicking. It's unhealthy. Anyway, I guess I'm being too harsh. I'm done posting in here. Hope all goes well, Romeo.

 

Thanks, good luck to you also

Edited August 31, 2013 by ThisGal