Hannahlala Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and a half years, and have lived together pretty much the entire time. We are very happy together in most aspects, except that we dont seem able to sleep in the same bed... He snores like a freight train, and i am a very light sleeper. Its not a good combination!! It looks like we might have to sort out separate sleeping arrangements, but that kind of makes me sad... what are peoples thoughts on couples sleeping separately? Is it a bad sign, that we cant even sleep in the same room? Or just a practical solution to a problem? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Plenty of couples have to do this. You could always lay in bed together until one of you falls asleep, then the other go to the other room. But there are options here. They have strips to open the nasal passages in order to help with the snoring, and you could always invest in some nice earplugs or even use an MP3 player or something at night. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 My thoughts as a medical professional is that he needs to be seen and evaluated by a physician. Loud snoring and especially periods of not breathing (called sleep apnea, you can google or WebMD it) can actually be serious medical conditions that have been linked to respiratory and sleep disorders, day time somulance, lack of alertness, obesity, and even heart disease. There are very effective treatments available and not only will you get some sleep, he will feel and perform so much better that it will have many other benefits as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 It's not a bad "sign"; it's just a practical problem. Many couples do this, although it's more the older ones. I agree with getting the medical checkup, and then just making sure you provide for cuddling time since you won't be having the same in-bed nightly opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
string of letters Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 There was an article a few years ago on the BBC - I haven't got the link, and anyway I don't think we can post links here - to the effect that couples sleeping together in the same bed is a pretty modern invention. The vast majority of married couples in the world's history have slept in separate beds! From that standpoint, no, it is not a bad sign. On the contrary, you might almost say that the idea that couples need to sleep in the same bed creates a concept of 'normalcy' that can create tensions that could be avoided. Link to post Share on other sites
RBLL Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 It was bad for me. We were married 3 years, then changed to separate bedrooms. Divorced within a month. Link to post Share on other sites
ScarlettDaisy Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I have friends that have been married 12 years and have never shared a bed. They've got 2 children and are happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I wouldnt' recommend it. Oh sure Lucy and Ricky did it 60 years ago on TV, but that's about it. I snore too, my wife elbows me in a certain spot and I don't even notice. We wouldn't envision us sleeping in seperate beds. That's a bonding thing to sleep together. I'm warm, she's cold, she and I both like to cuddle, I like her sleeping on my shoulder. I sleep better that way I guess you can say. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and a half years, and have lived together pretty much the entire time. We are very happy together in most aspects, except that we dont seem able to sleep in the same bed... He snores like a freight train, and i am a very light sleeper. Its not a good combination!! It looks like we might have to sort out separate sleeping arrangements, but that kind of makes me sad... what are peoples thoughts on couples sleeping separately? Is it a bad sign, that we cant even sleep in the same room? Or just a practical solution to a problem? Thanks I am the loud snorer in my marriage. I come to bed after my husband is asleep and that works well. The other problem is that my husband is such a light sleeper that me coming to bed wakes him up. Sometimes I crash in the spare bedroom so as not to wake him. Nothing wrong with this if it is what works for the couple. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 I agree that it's ENTIRELY dependent upon the couple. For some people, separate beds could destroy their marriage; for others it could save it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 It depends on the relationship. My ex's parents had separate beds and were very happy together. My ex and I had terribly incompatible sleeping styles... I was an awful sleeper (parasomnia after my mother died... I'd snore, make choking sounds, wake up crying, thrash around etc.) and he was a very light sleeper, the lack of sleep made him REALLY grumpy and angry, and he ended up on the sofa or blow up bed most nights. I'd always feel really really guilty for something I couldn't change (I saw a sleep specialist and everything) and he'd be in a huff because I kept waking him up. For us, the separate beds was necessary or he'd never have gotten any sleep. But it made me feel quite rejected, too, and I hated the idea of it being a permanent arrangement. For me, the moment when you both snuggle into bed in a dark room alone is the most important moment in a relationship, when it's just you two all intimate and close up together, whispering about your day etc. I'd hate to give that up. In my current relationship either my sleeping isn't so bad, or my boyfriend is a heavy sleeper too, because we sleep fine together! Link to post Share on other sites
dj572 Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 To the OP this was a problem for me. I was the snorer. I have found out now that I have sleep apnea and use a cpap machine. I sleep much better now and I have been told I no longer snore. I highly recommend he has a sleep study. Sleep apnea is very dangerous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and a half years, and have lived together pretty much the entire time. We are very happy together in most aspects, except that we dont seem able to sleep in the same bed... He snores like a freight train, and i am a very light sleeper. Its not a good combination!! It looks like we might have to sort out separate sleeping arrangements, but that kind of makes me sad... what are peoples thoughts on couples sleeping separately? Is it a bad sign, that we cant even sleep in the same room? Or just a practical solution to a problem? Thanks Earplugs. My husband snores and grinds his teeth. It was either separate beds or murder. Hehehe. Or earplugs. They usually fall out before my alarm and I have been doing this for years. We hated the thought of not cuddling. Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I snore, and grind my teeth. Separate beds are the best solution... If this leads to divorce, it would've happened anyhow:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 My boyfriend snores and if we didn't already have such different schedules we would probably have separate bedrooms. I am a very light sleeper and the few times we are sleeping at the same time his snoring always wakes me up. I even use ear plugs and have a white nose machine. I would much rather get a good nights sleep so I can be happy and enjoy our time together when we are both awake. Nothing makes me more miserable than not sleeping. Link to post Share on other sites
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