LK30 Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Hi all, I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 3 months now. I'm 34 and she's 33. We get on really well and she has already told me she loves me. She has so many lovely qualities and I can honestly say she is the nicest girlfriend I have had before. The only issue I have had, and I guess nobody's perfect, is trusting a girl. I've always been a bit untrusting of women, and it didn't help when we went out a month ago as a team (as I work with her) and she got a bit drunk. She ended up kissing (it was literally a peck on lips) a colleague. He encouraged it. I know when she drinks she acts really silly. I confronted her over it the next day and she could not apologise enough. She has told me it was a stupid thing to do and ashamed of herself. I genuinely believe her, but it left me worried bearing in mind my trust in women isn't great! I have managed to deal with it, but this week it has reared its head again. Nothing has happened, but I found myself dwelling on it. I again raised it with my gf yesterday and she said she can't understand why. She said she can't apologise yet again as she's already done that. I told her part of my worry was at Xmas when I was kissing her on a night out and then she ended up kissing my friend. She told me she can't understand why I'm raising that either as we were all drunk and it happened 8 months ago. She also reminded me weren't even together then. Personally I don't know what's wrong with me. This is a lovely girl who went through a real bad patch last year in an abusive relationship and admitted she was vulnerable and found herself going out all the time and getting drunk, but now she has met me she said she is in love, and very happy, and has no need to go out as she is happy with me and sees us having a future together. I really don't want to mess this up as I know losing her would be awful and I would probably live to regret it. Any advice would be great. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
AverageCat Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Tell her apologizing does not reverse actions and if she wants this to work she needs to support you whenever you have insecurities over this. Remember that these are insecurities/trust issues that SHE CAUSED, so it's up to her to help fix them. If she can't even support you whenever you bring this things up then you should immediately break up with her. I've had similar issues with my gf (although we've both done things much smaller then kissing another person). Whenever one of the parts has insecurities the other person is there to support them and IMO that's how it should be. The moment she says things of the type "Your Problem - Deal With It" then the balance is off and she's not really there for you so why even bother? .. Also I don't know in what world you live in, but in the one I'm from girls who kiss other guys while in an R are not angels. Stop BSing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Annapol Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Dealing with something similar right now, and can't help asking the question, if she's so in love, how can she put herself (and you) in that position? And, no, I don't know how to "unsee" what you've seen. And, and, I totally understand that somehow she's worth it, but how to get over the hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Maybe the problem is the drinking. Basically if you can't hold your booze, then don't drink. Period. Too many times people do and say stupid things while under the influence of drinking. Some girl had a thread on here a couple months ago that while she was drunk, and with her fiancé she was in a conversation with other people at a bbq and someone asked her out of all the guys she was with, which man had the smallest penis. She replied, "My fiancé". Her fiancé was standing right there and she humiliated him beyond belief. Still don't know if their still together but the booze did the talking and she may now be single again. My advice is this. If it happens again and she has a bit too much and does something stupid...........again. Leave and don't turn around. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Well, she shouldn't be kissing other guys if she's in a committed relationship! She's going to have to take steps to keep you, because you're not going to put up with it. It's happened twice already. Personally, I would have left after she'd kissed my friend. But if you want her, then let her know she's going to have to get it together. Link to post Share on other sites
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