Talking to people has been the best therapy - so here it goes!

[im_thedude]

Hey ladies and gents, just joined up because I've been struggling with this and talking it out with people has been the best therapy I've gotten. Thanks in advance.

 

About a month ago, my girlfriend of nearly three years broke up with me. She had not contacted me like she normally did, so after a while I called her to ask her what was going on. The tone in her voice was all I needed.

 

Now, a little back story. My girlfriend and I got together in college, after knowing each other in high school. She had the biggest crush on me in high school, and it was random Facebook comment that sparked us off. I met her in person on campus, then asked her out of a date soon after. Throughout our relationship, though, my girlfriend had been in a rut. She didn't have her driver's license, and didn't have a form of transportation. Her friends from high school were drifting away and she was too proud to be the one to initiate hanging out with them. The few friends from college she met, she too was too proud to initiate hanging out most of the time. All of this meant that my girlfriend and I spent A LOT of time together throughout our years. We fell in love really fast. It was wonderful.

 

But one large schism between us came to be her wanting to, as she always said, "be herself." I didn't fully let her be herself. She wanted to do activities together that I occasionally wasn't in the mood for, so I would tell her. She would do certain things by herself that I wasn't all too thrilled about, and she would accuse me of preventing her from being herself. One big example was her friends she made from social media. She had gotten a Tumblr and began socializing with numerous guys online pretty frequently. I'll admit, I got jealous and defensive. I was most worried that these people she began befriending would, to put it simply, make her happier than I could.

 

But I compromised with her and was fine with it. Then she got an Xbox Live account, and made a group of guy friends that she played with every night. Then she got involved with the website, The Chive, which is known for having it's female users submit sexy photos of themselves. I wasn't okay with either of these new activities of hers, and aggressively made it known that I was unhappy with her communicating with these people. She would assure me that they were nice people, that nobody was flirting with her, and continued talking to them even against my wishes. I felt utterly disrespected by this.

 

Then, she finally got herself a used car, and got hooked up with a new job shortly after. She befriended all her coworkers really fast and it seemed like her life was finally turning around. This was about a month before we broke up. Two days before she broke up with me (over the phone when I had called to see what's up) she had gone ice skating with one of her co-workers, just the two of them. Now, I taught her how to ice skate and bought her the ice skates she uses. Ice skating had become one of our regular activities as a couple, but I'll admit I stopped being as excited about it as she was and usually ended up upsetting her when I told her I didn't want to go. This was a mistake I'm kicking myself for.

 

I was not cool at all with her going ice skating with one of her male co-workers, again, because I felt threatened that she was looking for happiness I couldn't give her. I made this known, again, but she went anyways. Two days later she broke up with me. It's been about a month, and I'll admit I've broken every rule in the "post breakup handbook." I know I came off as desperate the days, and even weeks, following the breakup. I got frustrated when she ignored my calls and texts. I got angry when I did get her on the phone and things didn't go my way.

 

She had explained to me that for the past year, she was sacrificing who she was as a person to make me happy, and that it just wasn't working anymore. She was too unhappy not being able to be herself. She was too unhappy not having a significant other who loved and shared all her interests. And, in her own words, she was tired of the "Rules" I had in our relationship, as far as her not talking to other dudes online and stuff. I can't stop feeling like, had she sat me down a year ago and explained this to me, we could have worked through this. Instead, the problems only manifested themselves in the heat of arguments, and I would promise to change and stop putting the things she likes down, but I would end up failing in doing so.

 

After repeatedly being on my knees, contacting her every other day, I have gone cold turkey and stopped contacting her. From what she has told me, I have no reason to believe she will ever contact me again, other than to give me some of my stuff back. What was been so extremely difficult and upsetting is having no indication of her feeling guilty, or regretful, about us not being apart. Nor have I seen any indication of her missing me, or having a hard time getting through this. I've told people around me - it feels like she flipped a switch and was a totally different person after she broke up with me. This morning I learned the hard way that the phrase "ignorance is bliss" is very true - I decided to check her Instagram and saw that she had a fairly sexy photo submitted in The Chive. It made me nauseous. I don't know whether to be sickened and angry by her moving on so fast, or to overanalyze and overguess why she would be driven to doing something like that - maybe she's just confused, maybe this is her way of acting out against the confines of a relationship, I don't know. All of that is wishful thinking.

 

I mean, I know that I have no reason to be in love with somebody who has told me she has no feelings left for me. She has told me that, and that she has no love for me anymore. I know it's illogical to still want to try with someone who has given you no indication of them wanting the same. I know it's crazy to still love and want to be with somebody who would go posting flirty photos online so soon after breaking up. A part of me feels like she doesn't deserve me, even though I admit I made a number of mistakes in our relationship. Someone told me that I won't be able to get through this until I reach a moment of clarity - where my conscience and my sub conscience both align. Consciously, I've tried every trick in the book to move past her. I've surrounded myself with friends. I've picked up old hobbies again. I've began looking at other women. But sub consciously, even after ALL of this, my heart still feels this tremendous gravitational pull toward her. Even though she told me she has no love for me, I just feel in my gut that it was a lie. Two months ago we went on the road trip of our lives together, and the love in her eyes was real. It really was. So I feel in my heart that somebody who felt love for me so little ago still has to feel SOMETHING toward me.

 

I've sat and overanalyzed, hypothesized what exactly was going on for a long time. I figured, maybe she just got a taste of this new found freedom and friendship after getting out of her rut and wants to see what single life is like. And that, at some point, she will come down from her high and realize she still has feelings for me, and that she can have her cake and eat it too. Even though I said she has no reason to contact me anymore, for some reason I still hold out hope that she will. I know it's insanity, but it's been really hard controlling these feelings of hope.

 

Sub consciously, I feel in my heart I still want her. I know we can't be friends - we know too much. I know a "fresh" start as a couple won't work - again, we know too much and I can't just forget what has happened. I just want her back, so I could prove to her I love her enough to work through our problems. I want a second chance so incredibly bad but feel like the sun has already set, and it hurts like hell. I wouldn't wish how I feel right now on my worst enemy. The pain always creeps back in when I analyze what she has said, what she has done. People keep telling me how time will heal all wounds, but I don't feel like I've gotten any happier. I know that so much of my heart is stuck on wishful thinking and romantic, in-your-dreams sequencing. I don't know what to do. I think of her constantly. I miss her warmth in bed. I miss the way I felt when we kissed. I miss her cats. I miss her in my passenger seat. I miss the passionate love we had together. I miss my best friend and the explosive, lively conversations we had. And.. I see her in everything. Down every street, in every store. We've been in all of them together at one point. I need help.

Edited August 29, 2013 by im_thedude

[Philosoraptor]

I'm sorry for your loss. This relationship was full of neediness and insecurity on both sides. Let me tell you that some of your requests were quite reasonable. It doesn't seem like she curbed her habits at all, so I don't understand where the "you stopped me from being me" came from. It seems like you helped her a lot in both growing and opening up, and then she decided with her new sense of self... that you weren't good enough for her anymore.

 

It wasn't anything specific you did. She took what she could to blame the breakup on you and make you feel bad for the things you did. But taken no ownership for the choices she made. She burdened you with her issues then didn't offer the same caring and concern when you brought up things that you were unhappy with.

 

Remember that, YOU WERE UNHAPPY. You were not happy with a lot of this relationship and unless you want more of the same, you should not get back with this woman. You may miss some of the good, but the issues will still be there. She hasn't changed. Let her slut it up and catch a venereal disease, don't beg for someone who would not put your happiness and the relationship's wellbeing before her own selfish need for attention.

[im_thedude]

I'm sorry for your loss. This relationship was full of neediness and insecurity on both sides. Let me tell you that some of your requests were quite reasonable. It doesn't seem like she curbed her habits at all, so I don't understand where the "you stopped me from being me" came from. It seems like you helped her a lot in both growing and opening up, and then she decided with her new sense of self... that you weren't good enough for her anymore.

 

It wasn't anything specific you did. She took what she could to blame the breakup on you and make you feel bad for the things you did. But taken no ownership for the choices she made. She burdened you with her issues then didn't offer the same caring and concern when you brought up things that you were unhappy with.

 

Remember that, YOU WERE UNHAPPY. You were not happy with a lot of this relationship and unless you want more of the same, you should not get back with this woman. You may miss some of the good, but the issues will still be there. She hasn't changed. Let her slut it up and catch a venereal disease, don't beg for someone who would not put your happiness and the relationship's wellbeing before her own selfish need for attention.

 

Thanks for the sage advice. I definitely feel like she never learned the meaning of compromise as much as I did. I felt disrespected, but even when things were bad, I don't know... I guess they were good. I spent so much time with this person, and was so close to them, that it's been a jarring transition.

 

You're not the first person who has called her selfish, or has spoken about me helping her grow up. We definitely grew up together. I matured a lot throughout the relationship, and I totally agree about how she's decided I'm not good enough for her only after she finally "found" herself. I can't help but feel like I was a victim of circumstance, but it still hurts all the same. Hopefully that turning a new leaf moment comes soon for me.

[Chi townD]

Can't really add to this. Raptor said it all quiet nicely. But, I will say this. Go NC on her. Completely dark. Heal and move on from this. It sound like you're smart enough to realize some of the things that were lacking in the relationship. Learn from it and apply what you've learned in your next relationship.

 

NC will not be hard for you. I speculate this bitch is so far gone, it will be a long time before she thinks about anybody but herself. So she'll probably not contact you. Which, in my opinion, is a blessing in disguise.

[im_thedude]

I'm at 6 days NC. Honestly it was pretty easy after the first two or so days, since I already learned the hard way (several times... too many times in fact) that contacting her only pushes her away and solves nothing. I have a huge note on my desk saying "DON'T DO IT" because I still find myself checking on her social media to see if she's said anything. And really, each time it's only made me upset.

 

I do want to be clear here about how my feelings stand right now. I want her to come back and apologize, and suggest we try again. I still do, after all of this. When things were good, oh my God - they were amazing. We were such great friends together, and had such chemistry. I was reading that grass is greener syndrome thread and feel like I was a victim of her feeling that way. I damned well know the grass won't be greener on the other side, with the way I treated her. Barring the break-up itself, which was very sudden for me, and all the aftermath, I would definitely say the happy moments still outweighed the unhappy moments for me. Clearly the scale tilted for her, but I would like to tilt it back.

 

...Under MY conditions. Honestly, I've worked it out in my head in the slim chance that it happens. I don't think she will contact me for a long time because I do agree she is pretty far up her own ass. But when, or if, she does, I plan on telling her that sure, we can try again, but only if she promises then and there not to take liberties with me and to respect my feelings and the well being of the relationship more than she did before. And you better believe that means she would need to cut out 90 percent of the crap she pulled before.

Edited August 30, 2013 by im_thedude

[leafguy]

Sorry to hear about all of this.

 

Stay the NC route and become happy with yourself first. You sound like a stand up guy. Focus on yourself, and you will forget all about her when the next one comes along and doesn't have these issues.

 

I can't really add much as I took alot of crap too and got screwed in the end, and I am 2 days NC and working my way to back to being the old, confident, jackass me.

 

There are plenty of women out there that don't need the satisfaction of chatting up other guys when they have the true one they want.

 

Stay the course and you will find it.

[im_thedude]

Sorry to hear about all of this.

 

There are plenty of women out there that don't need the satisfaction of chatting up other guys when they have the true one they want.

 

 

Oof, that's so sobering it hurts. But thanks friend, I appreciate it.

[leafguy]

Sorry...sugarcoating isn't my strong suit...it only leaves things open

for interpretation and that's when problems start.

 

Again, just stay the course and you will find it. Or failing that in the slim chance she comes back, make sure you lay it all out and change the dynamics of the relationship, otherwise it is doomed before it starts again.

 

I am living proof of it.

[im_thedude]

I appreciate your sound advice. This community has definitely made me feel better already.

[im_thedude]

Some perspective on what my days have been like: work seems to do the best at keeping my mind busy enough to not think about my ex. I live in Los Angeles, and one of the biggest activities my ex and I did was to explore the city. We've been all over. So whenever I go out with friends, there are inevitably things that we drive by, or something that is said, that remind me of her.

 

It's those moments where I'm in between activities, or I'm bored, or tired, that I seem to think of her most. I'm still going strong with NC, and won't break it, because like I said there is just no logical point. I keep having dreams about her, though, and that's really messing with my head. This last night I dreamed about her as if we were still together, but that she was moving away for a whole year and wouldn't see me for a long time. Strangely, I remember feeling in my dream extremely worried about her losing love for me while she goes away, which was a similar feeling I felt in real life when she began making all these new acquaintances.

 

Staying the path, but still - it's just hard.

[Chi townD]

Okay, you sound like an explorer just like I am. In your free time, plan some trips away. Leave LA and go exploring Napa Valley, or take a trip up to San Fran, or head out to Nevada, to Vegas or Reno. Explore new places and make those memories your own. Plus, planning these trips will help keep you focus and motivated.

[im_thedude]

I have (another) trip up to SF with my best friend in the works. Over the years, most of traveling was with my ex, but San Francisco was one of the few places we didn't get a chance to see together... so it isn't tainted with old memories of us being there.

[im_thedude]

I broke NC after a week, and really do feel like I'm back at square one. I got no response.

 

I get three free sessions with a therapist through my work, so I'm going to take advantage of that.

 

It's been one month now, and the only real change I've felt is I definitely am not on my knees anymore. I still just have these moments of nagging hope in my mind. Every text I get, I wish it were her. She pops up in my head and I just wonder if she thinks of me at all.

 

I'm going back to NC again, but one thing that I've just been unable to stop doing is looking at her freaking Tumblr. It feels so juvenile and pointless - I'm in my twenties and I'm sitting here checking her Tumblr, I guess to see if she's posted anything that might somehow be about me. Or if she's posting things that we used to share a common interest for, so I could derive some meaning from it. I know this is torture. I'm starting to think I might be a masochist, frankly.

[BC1980]

Just take it as a lesson learned. Nearly everyone here has broken NC and has had to learn the hard way that it's sometimes best just not to know if they would respond or not or what they would say.

 

Like you said in a previous post, there is no logical point to breaking NC. There is a slim to none chance that you will hear what you want to hear. Just remember, when it gets hard and you want to break NC, know that doing so will not make you feel any better. So you have to start feeling better by doing other things.

[Chi townD]

If you're looking at her Tumblr, then you're not in NC.

 

You're still connecting to her life through social networks.

[im_thedude]

Just take it as a lesson learned. Nearly everyone here has broken NC and has had to learn the hard way that it's sometimes best just not to know if they would respond or not or what they would say.

 

Like you said in a previous post, there is no logical point to breaking NC. There is a slim to none chance that you will hear what you want to hear. Just remember, when it gets hard and you want to break NC, know that doing so will not make you feel any better. So you have to start feeling better by doing other things.

 

It's so freaking frustrating having the rational part of my brain being eaten away by these other feelings! But you're absolutely right, and I appreciate you keeping it real. Same goes for @Chi_townD

[im_thedude]

My ex contacted me first for the first time since she broke up with me last night. She texted, asking if I was free Sunday morning to meet and talk. At first I said yes, and we agreed on a place. Then, about an hour later, I texted her this: "I'm sorry, but I have to ask, are you seeing me just to give me my stuff back?"

 

She said she wanted to talk so I could have the opportunity to tell her all my feelings in person. I told her I had no desire to rehash what has already been said in person as some sort of formality, much less as any form of charity. She said she just wants to move on with her life and doesn't want to feel like I never got any closure.

 

Finally, I told her that I wanted to see her, but just to talk and hear how things are going - not to talk about what happened. I told her I couldn't let what has happened hurt me anymore, and that meeting up for the sole purpose of trying to reach closure, before parting ways would only bring about more pain. She didn't respond after that.

 

A big part of me is glad that we aren't meeting up, because frankly the scars are too raw and I really do not want to get hurt any more by her. Then another big part of me is kicking myself because at least I would have got to see her, and we could have probably at least made small, innocent chit chat about what life has been like.

 

Did I do the wise thing, here? She didn't see nor contact me for a month after she dumped me - is her reason for even wanting to see me a valid one, or was she bluffing and did I blow an opportunity?

[Chi townD]

Dude, she did a lot of screwed up stuff. Talking to other dudes. Going ice skating with other dudes. Posting sexy pics of herself online KNOWING that you can see them. And then having her tell you that she doesn't love you or even have feelings towards you anymore.

 

Those are pretty harsh things. And I think she had a little time to reflect on how poorly she treated you. Therefore, her meeting you to have you "express your feelings" was bullsh*t. She wanted to meet to ease her own guilt. Meeting you wasn't about benefiting you, it was to ease her selfish guilt so SHE could move on. Does that make any sense?

 

So, yeah. Good job on canceling the meet up. Sounds like you got a handle on things.

 

By the way, thanks for the shout out!

[im_thedude]

Her wording definitely struck me as self-centered - it was about *her* feeling like *I* got closure, so she could just move on and live with what she did. I didn't once get the sense that she actually wanted to see me or hear me speak.

 

Frankly, I hope she stews in her own guilt. I've stopped looking at all her social media stuff completely, and with each passing day the urges to see what she's up to have been less and less. Cheers Chi town!

[Chi townD]

Her wording definitely struck me as self-centered - it was about *her* feeling like *I* got closure, so she could just move on and live with what she did. I didn't once get the sense that she actually wanted to see me or hear me speak.

 

Frankly, I hope she stews in her own guilt. I've stopped looking at all her social media stuff completely, and with each passing day the urges to see what she's up to have been less and less. Cheers Chi town!

 

Yep! and we teach this to others. Not to be vindictive or vengeful. We want them to keep their guilt so they can learn from it!

 

That they can't treat people like garbage and expect people to accept that kind of behavior. For them to re-evaluate themselves and understand that people need to be treated with some respect and dignity ESPECIALLY when you hurt them!

 

Rarely is there ever a "clean break up". They happen, but for the majority, someone always ends up getting hurt at a certain degree.

 

Keep on moving forward! NC and heal dude! You're doing great!

[Viro12]

Thanks for the sage advice. I definitely feel like she never learned the meaning of compromise as much as I did. I felt disrespected, but even when things were bad, I don't know... I guess they were good. I spent so much time with this person, and was so close to them, that it's been a jarring transition.

 

You're not the first person who has called her selfish, or has spoken about me helping her grow up. We definitely grew up together. I matured a lot throughout the relationship, and I totally agree about how she's decided I'm not good enough for her only after she finally "found" herself. I can't help but feel like I was a victim of circumstance, but it still hurts all the same. Hopefully that turning a new leaf moment comes soon for me.

 

I feel you man. I'm going through a similar thing right now. People change when their status change. The people who were once insecure will go wild when their life starts to get back on track. They will go out and seek for the stuff that they always want to do. They'll think "they deserve better" when they forget who was it that was there for them in the first place.

 

I think it has to do with the lifestyle change and burying everything about their past that they weren't proud of with it. It's very selfish of them.

[im_thedude]

So, I've not been doing that well lately. In fact, I feel all over the place, so excuse the following post. It seems like for the past week, every night I've dreamed about my ex girlfriend. In the dreams we're usually together. And another thing that I'm kind of embarrassed about - I seem to think about her sexually a lot now.

 

There's been no contact since last week when I turned down meeting up with her - which I'm still positive was the right move. I came really close to calling her yesterday. I guess I wanted to call with hopes of having a lively conversation about how we've both been. I really am - above all - just curious about how she is doing, and I just want to hear how life has been treating her. That's one honest to goodness thing I do know. I remember wanting to call and try as hard as possible NOT to bring up all the drama that has happened. Way earlier, within a couple weeks of the break up, I remember calling her and actually having a good 20 minute conversation about our lives. She was enthusiastic and happy. Then I ended up going on about how I missed her and it totally turned her off the conversation.

 

Anyways, I didn't call her yesterday. I actually ended up talking to my dad and literally asking him to talk to me out of it. Then last night at work, one of my ex's co-workers showed up at my store and clearly recognized me. Is it pathetic to hope that at least she mentioned to my ex how she saw me?

 

I mean, at this point, I still know there is no chance of getting back with her. A rapidly growing part of me does not want to get back with her with each passing day. But I still do at least want to be civil and try to establish a nice friendship with her because we did get along really well. Then I think about how friendship with her is just my mind grasping for some consolation prize since I can't be with her anymore. Other threads on this forum have begun to make me frustrated, both for those who are moving on better than I am, and for those who managed to work things out with their significant others. It's all extremely torturous and confusing. I know what everyone is going to tell me - to stick with this NC route, grit my teeth and get through it. I feel like I'm on the cusp of desperation again. Or maybe it's the cusp of insanity.

Edited September 10, 2013 by im_thedude

[im_thedude]

I broke no contact and had a nice 30 minute conversation with her on the phone this morning.

 

Since she broke things off, apparently she had been legitimately scared that I would hurt her or confront her, or worse. I don't know how she jumped to this irrational conclusion, seeing as how I am not and never have been the type to just go postal or anything like that.

 

We spoke like two adults about what caused her feelings to fade in the relationship, and it was very therapeutic for me. I told her that I understood how she felt, and have accepted it. I acknowledged how I got complacent and how I ended up focusing more on the material, external version of us as a couple - going out and exploring new places, the activities we did - but I forgot to also take care of and work on the internal version of us a couple. And that really was my ultimate shortcoming that caused her feelings to be the way they are. The last half a year of our relationship, I had known her feelings for me had fallen. She was always honest with me about it. I remember, at one point, muttering how there was no point in trying to fight for her anymore. I have a lot of guilt for giving up on truly making her happy during our relationship. I admitted this to her.

 

I told her that I don't want to be some rotten, sore subject in her mind going forward in the future. I want - for the both of us - to be able to look back fondly on our relationship, taking positive things away from it. I asked if she's ignoring me because of how I acted immediately after the relationship ended, or if she's ignoring me because she wanted to close to book on me completely, and she said the former.

 

She asked about the possibility of us running into each other in public, and how I would act. I told her I just wanted her to be comfortable and not feel obligated to act any certain way. We also talked the possibility of hanging out in the future, and she more or less said she doesn't know, and just needs more time. She asked how I would react when she would possibly have another boyfriend, and I told her I wouldn't even know about it unless she told me about him. And I admitted I couldn't possibly guess how I would feel. This question bugged me a little bit - why bring up the possibility of a next boyfriend during this conversation - but I think she was trying to gauge how level-headed I am/could be moving forward.

 

Then we briefly chatted about work and friends before hanging up. She caught herself when she said "talk to you later" out of habit, but I just smiled a little bit because for the first time since our break up I didn't feel like she thought of me as some crazy, lunatic enemy.

 

I'm going to give her (more) space after that phone call, knowing that now she knows I'm doing okay and am past being hysterical and desperate. It was good to show her a positive, improving, perceptive side of myself for once after everything. I really do feel like our tenuous relationship got better after the call. But as always, that nagging hope seems to have pulled the wool over my eyes and I've been thinking about her nonstop today. Hope has crept into my conscience, making me wonder if she'll reconsider her thoughts about the future between us.

 

On a logical note, I'm open to suggestions about how to avoid visiting her social media websites. I'm good on not calling or texting her, but since I use a computer so often it feels so tempting (and I've given in many times, sadly) to check out her stuff online. I use Google Chrome and can't figure out a way to put her certain websites behind a password. I actually had posted a note card up next to my mousepad saying "DON'T DO IT" and it only helped me resist going on her sites for a few days. It's become a bad habit of mine and I need some real suggestions on how to cut the problem off at the limbs.

Edited September 12, 2013 by im_thedude

[im_thedude]

It's been a few weeks and I've not really felt much better.

 

I've not talked to her in a long time, and haven't seen her in about two months, since she broke up. I blocked all of her social media sites from even being view able, to stave off the temptation. This is largely after I noticed one particular guy she had met online overtly flirting with her. Given my suspicions during our relationship, I just know my ex is probably flirting back. It makes me upset to think about it. Logically, from what I've read, she seems to have had a case of GIGS and I regret reading that thread because GIGS seems to instill a faint hope that she might "snap out of it."

 

I'm losing the memory of what she looks and sounds like. In the weeks after our breakup, I could still close my eyes and remember and feel the exact pressure her body had on mine when we would lay together. Or how our hands clasped together. I remember the individual freckles on the bridge of her nose. The thought of her literally fading from my conscience has had the opposite effect than what everybody seems to say will happen on these forums. It makes me extremely upset. I don't know how to deal with this.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you are a crackhead!!!

 

You're a crackhead, pot smoker, cokehead, speed freak.....at least that's how you have to view yourself. You're an addict. And you're just like any other addict trying to get clean. You have the SAME withdrawal symptoms as an addict. Can't eat. losing weight, can sleep, emotions are all over the place. The "drug" is always on your mind and you're always thinking of ways and excuses just to get one more hit!

 

And look what happened! You broke NC and after the phone conversation, you felt better. Calm. You heard her voice and you reasoned with yourself stating that you're getting closure...

 

BUT! the next day or even a few days after, you started to feel bad again. Now, you're wondering how to stay off of her social media. I guess you're feeling the pull of the drug again and chasing that dragon; wanting another hit!

 

So, you have to do exactly what addicts do! You need to take it one day at a time. Don't worry about what would happen if you run into her. Or run into her with another boyfriend, or being friends, or even the possibility of having a civil relationship with her. Just get through today without contacting her. Even if it feels like not knowing is gonna kill you. Just get through today. Tomorrow will come and you may not feel the same the next day.