2 hearts torn by lack of confidence.......

[M. Flacher]

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[FONT=arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=black] [FONT=arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=black] [FONT=arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=black] There has always been a special woman in my life (Brina) who was captured my heart. She is my best friend. She has been apart of my life since I was 13 years

old

when I was the new kid in the building. She was the first person to welcome me. Over the years we have developed a bound that has lasted through several years and various relationships we both have had; but I could never admit my love to her because my issue at the time was our age difference. The moment I fell in love with her I was 21 years

old

and she was only 16. As time went on, we grew closer as friends. I knew she had deeper feelings for me when she threaten my girlfriend at the time. My girlfriend at the time felt that I was to close to Brina. Consequently, Brina's boyfriends weren't to fond of our friendship either, but we have stuck through it and have always stay friends regardless. I never pursued her because when I wasnt involved, she was and vica versa. I respect the relationship I was in and her relationship

so

I never took the chance to let her know how I real felt. The big reveal to our feelings was one week prior to my wedding. At this particular time in our lives I was 28 years

old

and she was 23. We were finishing up the rehearsal wedding/dinner and was taking several people home in my truck, she just

so

happened to be the last people I dropped off. We spoke for sometime in my truck and told her that I was going to miss hanging with her because I knew I was going to change but that we were going to still be friends. She told me that she loved me and was happy that I was finally with someone that would make me happy. When everything was said and done and tears shed, she told me she wish she had the opportunity to be in a relationship with me, she kissed me on my lips passionately and left the truck. It was a beautiful kiss that filled me with joy and sadness. I want to persue her but I fought with myself. I knew I couldn't jeopardize my relationship as well as hers. Soon after that, that moment had become a blurry vision of the passed. One year into my marriage, Brina was engaged. I was

so

happy for her. I thought to myself, finally someone will treat and take care of her the way I always wanted to do in the past; But sadly 3 months after the public proposal to Brina that took place in front of all her family and friends, was now over. Brina was in a downward spiral of trouble. She completely change and cut everyone off including me. I want nothing more than to be there for my friend and it took almost a year before she open up to me. It wasn't until I seek her out to be the godmother of my child that she opened to me again about almost anything but it ended up being about her boyfriend. Neither I or her family approved of this guy. He was not supportive her wants, needs or beliefs. Talking to her and giving her support she was able to break up with this guy and that where our friendship took a wrong turn all depending how you look at it. At this time in our lives I am 33 and Brina is 28. One day we were talking as I was expressing myself as to how a guy should treat her. I don't know exactly how the conversation took this turn but, the term "what if" came up.... "What if" is not something I recommend anyone to do because all it does is lead to a path of wrong decisions or opportunities all depending who you ask. Brina pretty much told me that if I wasn't married she would have pursed me. Which lead to a conversation about when she had feeling for me and how we didn't know that either of us felt this way. Believe me when I tell you we both of us were in shock. Mind you this conversation was via texting

so

we decide to meet the next day for lunch

so

we could talk face to face. We confessed our love for one another and how neither of us persue one another due to the relationships we were in blah blah blah...... all I know is that at the end we agreed that it was a mistake that we were never together and when it was time to leave it was seal with a passionate kiss like one I have never experience before. That kiss lite a fire in my heart, I remembered all those times where I wish that I was with her, I felt like a teenager all over again. For whatever reason I decide to pursued her the way I always wanted. I meet with her about two weeks later where our conversation was much more intense. Confessions about how we felt, the fantasies we had of one another then and know. It lead to some pretty heavy kissing. Two months has passed and know we are both at a cross road........we had planned to meet again to see what a day together would truly be like with each other. The topic of sex came up and the green light was given for the go ahead......two days before the meet and the red flag was raised. I wanted to be with her but I didn't want to have sex....she didn't want to meet period because she felt it was wrong because I am a married man and she doesn't want me to put my married at risk and doesn't want to feel guilty.......

so

know what? We are at a stand still in this relationship that feels all

so

right but is all sorts of wrong. We both agree not to continue down this path. But how do we continue being friends when we both have deep feelings for one another. It not something we can turn off and ignore. What are going to do when we see one another at family functions, parties, etc. She is truly the woman who has capture my heart then, now and always but what about my wife and kids? I don't want to lose them because of this....... I love my wife and kids and I know this would probably never happened if my wife and I didn't have

so

many problems. I have to work to make the relationship stronger but how can I when I know the girl that I have always loved, loves me just as much......what can I do to return to the friendship we once had?

 

 

Any and all advise is welcomed...........

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[Hazyhead]

I'm confused. Who do you actually love? Honestly I don't know what you expect to be told here: "See her behind your wife's back, keep her a secret, and that way you get to have everybody"? Man up. You are hurting two people (I mean your wife and your AP) whilst protesting wanting to do the right thing. Years of history are not an excuse, they might be a reason to leave your marriage (and it sounds like you have others too) but they are not a Have an Affair Free card.

[Quiet Storm]

If you don't want to hurt your wife and children, then you must cut off all contact with your "friend", so that you can focus on your marriage and family.

 

You are too weak to keep your feelings in check.

 

Romantic feelings can be controlled just like any other feelings. Toddlers learn that they can't throw themselves on the floor in anger. We teach them that they are allowed to be angry, but they can't act on that emotion by hurting others or causing disruptions. Two year olds learn this. You can do it, too.

 

It is natural to feel attracted to others. Since you have known each other for so long, it is not surprising that you have a bond with this woman.

 

What you have to do- as a man, as a husband, and as a father- is to recognize your weaknesses and keep yourself out of situations that have the potential to hurt your family.

 

Since it is too difficult for you to control your emotions when you are around this woman, you must cut off contact with her in order to protect your wife & family.

[Owl]

OK...you've acknowledged that you have "feelings" for two women.

 

Congratulations, that means that you now need to let one of them go from your life, forever. Otherwise, you'll be emotionally cheating on one or the other everytime you meet.

 

Simple enough...pick one and go.

 

Sucks, but there ya go. Pretty much the only advice you're gonna get here.

[trailrunner1975]

If you pursue this further, you will most likely wind up wishing you had not. I too was in a situation where an almost life-long female best friend fessed up her true feelings. That reignited my long lost feelings as well and sent us on a disaterous collision course with reality that still hurts to this day. Stay where you are or get single then pursue. It is muy difficult to juggle all that you are facing and survive it without any damage to all involved.