One year ago today...

[Red Wolverine]

...I met xMM. It's a milestone because the last year has been tremendous.

 

*Recognized a loved one was an addict and got her into treatment.

*Left a dysfunctional marriage.

*Faced a rather big cancer scare.

*Created a new home and norms for my children.

*Welcomed a new baby into my extended family.

*Thrived in my career.

 

I took today off work to extend the holiday weekend. Coincidentally, it's a year since I met him. Am I sad? Nope.

 

Letting him go means I get to spend today getting my nails done, shopping, and making plans for the weekend. I also have a date tonight with a single man I've been seeing.

 

If I was still in the affair, we would have spent the day together. I'd be happy for as long as it lasted because there would have been an end to the day. There would no chance of a long weekend together.

 

Even if he had met his timeline, he'd be deep in divorce issues, children adjustment concerns, and the usual day to day. Meeting his deadline wouldn't have been the end. Issues would have continued to dominate, I'd still be a secret, and I'd still have the stress of anyone finding out I existed.

 

So, today that's all gone. Everything is honest, stress free, and full of choices. That is worth more celebration than a pseudo anniversary of the biggest shame of my life.

 

Carry on

[BetrayedH]

Enjoy your weekend.

 

I'm a little skeptical about the scant information on this new single guy. Hmm. I might need to require final approval authority; I'm feeling a little protective.

[Red Wolverine]

Enjoy your weekend.

 

I'm a little skeptical about the scant information on this new single guy. Hmm. I might need to require final approval authority; I'm feeling a little protective.

 

This might change your mind....

 

Just got a floral delivery. I felt instant dread when I saw them.

 

Opened the card and it said, "To new beginnings." It was from the single man.

 

I've told him everything and said I didn't want this day to be about xMM. Mission accomplished.

 

I was truly fine but this sealed the deal.

[BetrayedH]

This might change your mind....

 

Just got a floral delivery. I felt instant dread when I saw them.

 

Opened the card and it said, "To new beginnings." It was from the single man.

 

I've told him everything and said I didn't want this day to be about xMM. Mission accomplished.

 

I was truly fine but this sealed the deal.

 

Well played, single guy. Well played.

 

Enjoy your date.

[bentleychic]

Oh wow. Does single guy have a single brother? LOL How awesome is that?! Enjoy your date tonight!

[happy stillmore]

I am soo happy for you. It is uplifting to me to see someone who has been there and is happy again. Someday I will be there. Free to live my life the way I want. I am curious because I have wondered if I would disclose that I had a serious relationship with a MM to a future date. I'm guessing if I did, it would be after I knew him of course. I was wondering if it would scare off men and make them afraid they couldn't trust me. I am thinking that honesty is the best medicine. It sounds like your single man is understanding. I do not want to keep secrets anymore in my life. I hope I find a man who understands me.

[Red Wolverine]

I am soo happy for you. It is uplifting to me to see someone who has been there and is happy again. Someday I will be there. Free to live my life the way I want. I am curious because I have wondered if I would disclose that I had a serious relationship with a MM to a future date. I'm guessing if I did, it would be after I knew him of course. I was wondering if it would scare off men and make them afraid they couldn't trust me. I am thinking that honesty is the best medicine. It sounds like your single man is understanding. I do not want to keep secrets anymore in my life. I hope I find a man who understands me.

 

That was important to me. When the affair ended, I immediately noticed the relief from the stress, the lies, and the waiting ending.I was heartbroken but somebody making a decision (me) still made the situation better. You can't separate the good from the bad. In an affair, it's a mixed bag. The package includes tremendous highs but those lows will destroy you.

 

I didn't see the point in meeting a single man with no restrictions then lying from the start. When the enviable conversation about divorces and past relationships came up, I told him the truth. He was surprised but accepted this didn't define who I am. My actions at the end are much more in line with who I am.

 

People make mistakes. The smart ones learn from them, take responsibility, and don't repeat them.

[Red Wolverine]

I am very proud of you and your way of thinking. Your post was inspiring & I hope inspiring to other ex-OW's as well. I am about 13 months out from DDay & I have days when I see the light at the end of the tunnel and other days I don't. It seems like you are coping and healing quite well. Keep up the good work!

 

Thank you. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings but letting him go was easier than I would have anticipated. I have nothing to compare it to but I really believe telling his wife made all the difference. I can't think of him and not think of her. I can't feel bad and not think of how she is feeling. Again, true remorse is not selfish. Thinking of myself would be selfish.

 

Truth is he was never mine to love. I got the best of him but not all of him. After seeing the selfishness he is capable of, I don't want all that comes with him. The price, for so many people, is too high.

 

Hang in there but please try to look at your perspective on what you lost. Was it yours and is it REALLY a loss? Not what you wanted or hoped it could be, what it was. In my case, I realized I can't love or miss something that wasn't complete. I never really had it so I can't miss it.

Edited August 30, 2013 by Red Wolverine