Should I just give up?

[punkin]

I have a friend of mine that has been hurt really bad in a previous relationship and is so afraid to let anyone touch him so he won't get hurt again. The problem is that I really like him a lot and deep down, he is a really sweet guy. Do you think there's a possibility that he could open up to me if I'm patient or should I just give up and move on?

[Tony T]

Really depends on how much time you've got. But if you spend a lot of time with him now during his grieving period, he will psychologically link you to this painful period and make you ineglible for anything more that a personal advisor to him. If you become his good friend now, he will classify you as a platonic friend and that's where it will stay.

 

If you are really interested in this guy, let him know that at some future time when he feels he's ready, you would be interested in going out with him. Tell him if he needs you, to give you a call. Then get out of his life for now, totally. Maybe call him once a month for five minutes. DO NOT discuss his ex with him.

 

Once he knows of your interest, if it is mutual he'll call you when he's ready. I promise you, you don't want to get involved with someone who is going through a lot of grieving and pain. You don't want to be a rebound for him.

[Ed]

If you are wanting a love relationship with this guy, you may as well forget it for now. You didn't say how long ago this happened to him and it may or may not make a difference.

 

What he probably needs more than anything is a friend and it would be best if it were someone that does not have romantic intentions. So if you can't drop that notion, you probably do need to move on. There is a possibility that he senses your other interests in him and that may be what is preventing him from opening up to you.

[Nic]

if you have too much patience with him and stick around for the long haul, you are more than likely cementing something that is bound to be nothing more than platonic.

 

it's quite likely that the last thing this guy wants right now is to know that someone is attracted to him. it's probably the last thing he needs right now. he obviously has a lot of baggage and there is just no way a relationship would work and it would more than likely scare him off. he'll need a lot of time to deal with his pain and his issues, and he may not even feel comfortable talking about them. some people prefer to keep things to themselves. if he wants to open up, he will.

 

the best thing for you to do is go out and focus on other people. hanging in there for someone who is so obviously not ready, is futile and you will be wasting your valuable time. stick by him as a friend, because everyone needs a good friend, but don't wait for him. you could be missing out on some wonderful opportunities by focusing on something unattainable.

I have a friend of mine that has been hurt really bad in a previous relationship and is so afraid to let anyone touch him so he won't get hurt again. The problem is that I really like him a lot and deep down, he is a really sweet guy. Do you think there's a possibility that he could open up to me if I'm patient or should I just give up and move on?

[Deejette]

He is wounded and is not really ready to enter into a full relationship with you. The dates you do have might even center around talking about his ex, and that is not a good place for you to be in if you want a romantic relationship with him.

 

You want him to talk about you, not about her. Too often, that is what the walking wounded do, the whole date is about the departed woman.

 

So, understand that it will take him some time to recover and don't let your heart get broken because you are competing with a memory.

if you have too much patience with him and stick around for the long haul, you are more than likely cementing something that is bound to be nothing more than platonic. it's quite likely that the last thing this guy wants right now is to know that someone is attracted to him. it's probably the last thing he needs right now. he obviously has a lot of baggage and there is just no way a relationship would work and it would more than likely scare him off. he'll need a lot of time to deal with his pain and his issues, and he may not even feel comfortable talking about them. some people prefer to keep things to themselves. if he wants to open up, he will. the best thing for you to do is go out and focus on other people. hanging in there for someone who is so obviously not ready, is futile and you will be wasting your valuable time. stick by him as a friend, because everyone needs a good friend, but don't wait for him. you could be missing out on some wonderful opportunities by focusing on something unattainable.