Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 woke up again... i feel pain stress and a kind of panic attack... but thank god it is less... my brain really got crazy thinking a)i am the fault and the dumper for gigs b)we are still together i overcame this by thinking it is over she left and it her choice what had to be spoken it had so if she changes her mind she knows how to find me......but no hope at all. just saying. good morning everybody Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 i think i am on the right track focusing on my self.... the memories are fading slowly like pleasant ones ... hope this is good... its like a beautifull nightmare cant explain the feeling Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 here i am again suddently i feel my heart beats so fast...so fast... like in adrenaline rush..... tears come out and cools it off.... logical approach says she doesnt want me accept it.. sensitive aproach says it aint true my lovely one wouldnt let me outside in the cold..... i hope i make through the night wish all strength -john Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 goodmorning all my friends. i thank you all for the support... woke up again this time though made it and woke only once during the night. in the morning i experienced again the typical panic attack sweeting and crying and heat beating it was more controllable i believe this time... i hope i make it.... -john Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 i think i am seeing more improvement . i can watch a movie... i can lie relaxed on my bed....i think at my own future more than her.... so this is good news i suppose... lets see how the morning finds me Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 good morning all. i just realised my anxiety level of earning more money and evolving economicaly has become way bigger than the break up which i suppose is good and tells that she aint the center of the universe... sporadicaly though some memories of bed time blues stab be inside for good.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 goes what is destiny? what? sorry? i just surfing in facebook and saw a cute girl and clicked out of curiosity to her profile and and and --------------BAM-------------- cover photo included my ex in a table for drink saturday night in the description a guy looking so lame really like gypsy lol thats a boost for me but really she left all that for nth? jesus Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 i believe i will touch facebook in months again and with care.. dont want to bump into her not unless i become completely over it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 weird.. i woke up and the stress i have to evolve more economically is huge to the stress i have for her.. i care less and less everyday.. but it is weird to care so little for her already.... good morning Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 today i had an outburst and memories of our island vecation popped up ..i cried and felt better.... this island was my favorite and the best in greek mythology and the most romantic... how the f u ck she s cr ew d it all for nothing... i have also some health issues and it helps me i believe cause i keep ocupied on healing me lol good night my friends i wish all the hearts find peace ... -john Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 goodmorning all... i saw her on my dream... every dream i see is with her and us being together.. i must stop this... it pains Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 oh boy i really love that woman.... i am having outbursts like hell.. the day of my birthday when she filled my room with balloons... i am sucked in this passion.. if i survive this i will be tough like hell in life... once i hate her once i love her.... i was lost until she walked into my life..... she was all i was waiting for.... at least i know she exists healthy 130 km north of me.... guys give me some strength i think i have some serious abdominal tear from heavy lifting weights.... it sucks.. i hope it doesnt develop to hernia .... i am lost in here friday night while she propably out on drinks... http://thebloodroses.webs.com/Bleeding%20Black%20Rose.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 i feel like i am going to vomit...... where is my love? my lovely one.... i just remember her naked hugging me and her legs shaking .... why i suffer this pain... it is the worst i have gone through..... it is saturday night and probably she will be out with the flow... dirnks company talk. eye staring dudes///.... Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 STOP If you keep feeding it, it will only get bigger and bigger until it reaches a point that it will no longer be manageable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 thats correct.... thanks... i just dont know sometimes whats happening... form me thinking like -so if she left?what... she will be ok.. we did our circle and was 110% passionate its her choice.....my kid side wakes up i dont know man....i just think o **** she will forget me completely..... but non of this is good . things are over now... i am on my owm and mast respect my self... this beautifull nightmare must get burried deep inside.... carreer -health-happyness..... my targets Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 It's irrelevant at this point what she chooses to do. It has absolutely not bearing on you. You will never forget but you will learn how to move on with your life and find happiness within you. We all have our weak moment, however, it's imperative that you don't indulge in them as they are nothing but detrimental to you and your recovery journey. Keep working on yourself you will come out of this a new and improved you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 JDPT before her i had a fling with a girl for 2 weeks... it ended i got over her easy and fall in love super badly for my curent ex.... but always had the curiosity of what the first one is up to.... pathetic? human nature? weird... if i had for her then this ex which was my first love and 3 years will be remembered for ever and have this curiosity when i am over her completely.,. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparkle304 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Please get some therapy! I'm very concerned that your outbursts may become violent. People may get hurt. YOU NEED TO SEEK SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP. Do not think this is a sign of weakness, rather view it as a sign of strength that you're moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 chill friend i m feeling ok.. to whom i get violent? i am not a douch.. lol if she doesnt want once i dont want 1000.... i am just grieving trying to answer on my own and let go completely.... lol what you think of me -john 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 JDPT before her i had a fling with a girl for 2 weeks... it ended i got over her easy and fall in love super badly for my curent ex.... but always had the curiosity of what the first one is up to.... pathetic? human nature? weird... if i had for her then this ex which was my first love and 3 years will be remembered for ever and have this curiosity when i am over her completely.,. Flings are great, wham, bam thank you ma'am. I remember the good old days, I couldn't wait to get them out of my place first thing in the morning. However, when you love someone oh that hurts like hell when things go wrong. Love comes and goes and eventually we will find someone who is worth our time and will reciprocate fully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 JDPT i will stay out of my ex . i will even delete her in my brain completely... the uneven end she gave me though will turn towards her longterm... i will not interfer with her density... (will be 100%invisible from her visible universe.internet and real) but after lets say 5 years i will appear in the picture 10 times more succesfull in all aspects... say it just as i want to talk my last words for this end she gave me with my success..... or i will justify those 3 years of our lifes..... -john Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Don't look forward to down the road as she is now stuck in the past. You will be successful for you and no one else. That's the best way to live lives, or else you will subliminally find yourself doing things for your her. I do nothing for my ex everything I do is for ME. I am all that matters from this point forward and yes as selfish as it may sound this is the way it needs to be. We are moving forward now with our lives. Their chapter in the book of our lives is over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 JDPT cheers .i like your talking i was wondering that in my situation i found that gigs is also when someone lets go fo the caring emotion from the partner to look for sth godish or "greener" ..they only find out that later noone will care that way ,,,,... i believe that is a wrong choice.,.. we all need from life someone to care for us./// and vice versa care for them... i was caring for her like she was my daughter from the start...... i helped her finishing college and practice.... Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 There is GIGS by way of neglecting one or the other and then there is love morphing into it's next stage. ALL relationships start the exact same way, so passionate, can't be one second away from the other and then gradually this excitement and eagerness to be with the other person diminishes. Now, this does not mean that you stopped loving them or that things "aren't the same". The love remains but it has moved into a more calmer stage. A lot of people become highly confused and believed they are no longer "in love" with their partner and automatically assume that because they are no longer "in love" that it's time to move on to that place of excitement hence the reason why they seek it elsewhere. I recall with my ex at the beginning, we used to call out of work just to be with each other ALL day. We would either have sex all day or go to the park, go out to eat, anywhere as long as we were with each other. It felt like we traveled the world twice as we did so much. However, we gradually started realizing that we couldn't continue to neglect our responsibilities and that sneaking around and excitement was no longer there. It was now back to reality and everyday responsibilities. So we moved at this point to a more calmer stage, we would still have sex like crazy but decided not to neglect our respective duties. Although it felt at one point in our lives like we lived the life of a rock star it's now all in the past and I can only chuckle at the ridiculousness we used to do just to be with each other. It's time to move forward. I understand your approach it's as if you need to let it all out one last time and this is a pretty healthy way to do it. I found myself wallowing in the past but then immediately would reroute my thoughts and tell myself that it's all a fantasy and it's utterly detrimental to my recovery. We will be ok, in time all this pain will make sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts2death Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 so the exs didnt have this emotional wisdom we talk about.... they threw in the pit one more man... the pit though sometimes spits sth back.... i used to have great sex with my ex too... and infact as time passed we had greater than in the start..... true indimacy the excitement my ex seeks now doesnt exist and if she finds sth it will be lost cause again(she will do the same routine and dump again) i was also skeptical if we the dumpees helped them loose excitement and how or if they stopped seeing our value...and what possible factors lead to that.... the events we analyze here and research in a way .. i believe is the best therapy ... goodnight Link to post Share on other sites
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