She did it with him, why not with me?

[jonasq]

Basically I am angry at my gf right now. I am not showing it outwardly but it’s eating me up inside.

 

We have been together a while and I have always wanted to cum on her face, in her mouth. She has never let me and I have just accepted that it is not something she would like and left it at that.

 

An ex bf came back in her life a year ago and I have become good friends with him since. He is married with a kid so there is no concern about him and my gf. But we got talking three months ago and I don’t even know how the conversation led there but he was talking about cumming in her face when they were together. I was instantly angry about this but after I had time to think I rationalized that he was lying, just stirring the pot.

 

Fast forward to this last week and again we got into a conversation about our sexual exploits and he claimed that he and her had taken photos and posted them online at some amateur couples site. I didn’t believe a word but I played along.

 

So I looked up this site and he is in fact telling the truth. There’s about 30 or so photos of her including her with cum on her face in a lot of them. In one she is even having a threesome, another thing I have asked for but she says she’s not that sort of girl.

 

I don’t know whether I have a right to be but I am mighty pissed at her. The photos I would prefer not to be there but the bigger issue with me is that she has been adamant for 3 years that she does not like cum on her face. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for her and that is why she wont allow me to do it.

 

How do I approach discussing this? Do I just tell her I know? Do I say that her ex told me? Do I ask why I can’t or is it better not to know? Do I ask her why she has let the photos remain on that website for the whole world to see? What would be the best way to approach this?

[Philosoraptor]

Just because she did it doesn't mean she enjoyed it. She could have felt pressured into doing a lot of things she wasn't comfortable with out of fear of losing her ex or just insecurity. Now that she has grown up a little she may have a stronger foundation of self and does not let her insecurities get the best of her anymore.

 

While I wouldn't overly concentrate on her past (her choices now do not have to match her past decisions), I would mention the site just so she can have the opportunity to remove these images. The thing is she may not remember or even know (the ex may have put them up) that they are there.

[AMusing]

I think this warrants a talk with your girlfriend. Like Raptor said, make sure she knows about these pictures. It also sounds like this ex of hers, although married with children, enjoys stirring the pot. If you stay with your girlfriend, I would advise either ending that new friendship or telling him you don't want to hear any more of his sexual exploits with your girlfriend. What he's doing is juvenile bragging at best, and insidious undermining of your relationship at worst.

 

I advise you read through this thread (warning, it is long and turns painful towards the end). A guy had a similar story as you, with a few minor plot changes. A lot of people (and all of the women, I believe, including me) gave an opinion very similar to Philosoraptor. Then there were some guys who thought women like your girlfriend are unfair and unloving: that if she loves you as much as she loved him, she should be doing everything she did with him, with you. The earlier thread devolved into a pointless drawn-out disagreement, but it'll give you a lot to think about. My response to you would be very similar to the first one I gave him, and to Philosoraptor's.

[Joaquin]

You are a fool to be discussing intimate details of yr gf with her ex.

 

Quite frankly, u deserve all u get.

 

As for the issue of she did it with him therefore why wont she do it with me. Yes, it sucks. But trust me on this, no amount of whineing is gonna help.

 

U need to determine early whether yr girl and u are sexually compatible. What she did with other men is not yr concern only what u and her do with each other.

 

I know guys that have left girls because they wont give bj's and also of girls that have left guys because they refused to go down.

[road]

Fool to talking about sex with GF's XBF.

 

Fool and liar (withholding what you know) not telling GF about what you know. Then GF may not know that those photos are on the net.

 

There are a lot of people that will give something a try. Did it. Found out they don't like it and have no desire to do so again. It is not the bee itch gave it up for him she should give it up for me. Especially when she learnt it was a turn off instead of a turn on.

Edited August 30, 2013 by road

[Chi townD]

Well, if this is real....

 

She probably doesn't want to do that because she's ashamed of her past. I mean, she literally went to places she thought she would never go and she might be feeling ashamed.

 

She's with you now and she likes that she can be a "good girl" with you. Before, she may have felt ashamed and dirty. And, what she has with you is kind, loving, warm, safe and secure. You treat her like a woman and a girlfriend. Her Ex treated her like a wh*re. There's a reason why our Ex's are our Ex's.

 

I think you have a right to be upset about her lying about her sexual past. Because, she should have felt comfortable enough to tell you. " I tried it before and I didn't like it at all. Please, don't ask me to do that."

 

Simple, done! You know where you stand. But, her saying that she isn't that kind of girl....well.

 

Personally, I would just print up copies of those photo's. Go over to her place and hand them to her and walk out without saying a word. Let her think about it and why you would be upset. So, I would take this time to calm down and when she finally contacts you. No yelling or screaming or name calling at all!

 

Tell her, " I'm a little hurt that you could feel comfortable enough to do those things with him and not with me. But, what hurt more is that you felt that you had to lie about it to me. Makes me wonder what else you're lying about." and go from there.

[OnThePursuit]

I'm guessing the guy is a member of so called "secret society" and gets to have tons of sex. You'd be a non-member, who maybe will have bone thrown your way if you're lucky, and that seems to be the case.

 

Probe the guy for more information, how he managed to get your gf to do stuff you can't. He may have some great tips, especially if you befriended him.

[bentleychic]

Maybe she did it b/c he coerced her and she doesn't like it and decided that she won't do it again. Maybe she felt that it was demeaning and swore to herself she'd never do it again. Maybe she just doesn't like it. People change.

 

If she told you she'd never done it, that'd be one thing, but you say she told you she doesn't like it. So...she doesn't like it. Respect it and deal or move on to someone that will give you what you want. Simple.

[bubbaganoosh]

She tried it and for the sake of the conversation let's assume that part of her life is over. She's telling you that she doesn't want to indulge in that kind of stuff any longer.

 

Seriously though, what do you want? A relationship with a girl who would like to be treated with a little respect because she didn't get it from her old BF and wants something better? Or do you want your own personal porn star that you can treat like a whore at your will?

 

Grow the hell up kid. Act like a man and treat her like a woman. I think she's asking for that. The way your whining tells me you have no plans on treating her any better than the old BF did.

[Joaquin]

Saying accept it. Be a man wont work.

 

He knows she did stuff he wants with another man.

 

There is no going back. This will eat him up.

 

Its such a deep feeling. Knowing she was prepared, under whatever circumstances, to do stuff that she wont do with him.

 

Truth is. He's screwed.

[jonasq]

First off, WHY is an x-bf back in her life, especially one she did things with that she won't do with you? Kind of a slap in your face to be good friends with an X, especially one she has been with in ways she won't with you.

 

He moved interstate, that's the reason they broke up. He moved back with his wife and baby. He's a decent person though, as I said I now consider him a friend.

 

Second, why in the hell was he, or you, talking about sexual stuff with her??

Were you both drunk?

 

Yeah, as I said I don't know how we ended up on that subject. But stuff he has told me is amazing. If I am to believe him, and I haven't caught him in a lie yet, then she was more than a willing participant in what they did.

 

And I must have accidentally skipped over the paragraph about nude photos and a 3some. First, what are these pictures doing on a site? And if this is a real story, why are you still with her?

 

The site is just a sharing site for amateurs to share private pics. It's not a dating site or anything.

 

I am still with her because she is damn fine in the sack. If I can get her to do the things with me that she did with him who would pass on that?

[jonasq]

Maybe she did it b/c he coerced her and she doesn't like it and decided that she won't do it again. Maybe she felt that it was demeaning and swore to herself she'd never do it again. Maybe she just doesn't like it. People change.

 

I accept that is possibly the case. But if I believe him, and as I said in the last post everything he has said so far has been true then she was more than willing.

[jonasq]

Seriously though, what do you want? A relationship with a girl who would like to be treated with a little respect because she didn't get it from her old BF and wants something better? Or do you want your own personal porn star that you can treat like a whore at your will?

 

I want a whore in the bedroom and a lady in public. She is close to that now but there was just things she was not into. I now know she is really into them so hopefully I can just lead our relationship that way.

[Quiet Storm]

If she didn't like it, if it made her feel disrespected...then it is understandable why she doesn't want to do it again.

 

However, I understand your dilemma. This is something that you would like to do. Something that she did for someone that didn't even care about her. I get why you feel slighted.

 

She tolerated something she didn't like for someone she didn't even care about. Why can't she tolerate it for you?

 

We all make choices in life. Some of those choices turn out to be mistakes. In order to learn from those errors, in order to grow, sometimes we have to modify our behavior. If she truly did not enjoy it, then avoiding it in the future reflects the fact that she was not being true to her authentic self. She has learned and matured, and her actions are now based on her wants and needs- where before they may have been based on the desire for attention and validation.

 

If you can't handle it, then let her go.

[bubbaganoosh]

I accept that is possibly the case. But if I believe him, and as I said in the last post everything he has said so far has been true then she was more than willing.

 

Jonasq

 

If that's what you want then my advice would be to sit her down and talk to her about the conversation you had with her ex. Ask her why she was willing to be in threesomes and have pictures taken and posted and the sex stuff they did and why won't she do it for you. That's going to be the only way you find out by going to the source and that's her. Be prepared though because you might not like her response to you. This could be a very touchy thing with her and maybe she has no idea that the pictures were posted. It's your choice so my friend choose wisely because you might question your way out of a relationship with her.

[Darren Steez]

Umm dude, why are you discussing how an ex banged your chick?

 

What are you. 2 years old. Be glad you're getting some, actually be glad she doesn't find out and kick you to the curb for being such a creep.

[BeholdtheMan]

Just because she did it doesn't mean she enjoyed it. She could have felt pressured into doing a lot of things she wasn't comfortable with out of fear of losing her ex or just insecurity.

 

That's one possibility and certainly a more comforting one

 

To OP: Another possibility would be your GF was a lot more attracted to her exBF on a primal physical level. She views you as the "nice guy" provider she's settling down with. You simply don't push her buttons or turn her on in the crazy way her exBF did.

 

Is her exBF a lot more physically attractive than you? More of a ladies' man?

[jonasq]

Is her exBF a lot more physically attractive than you? More of a ladies' man?

 

I would like to think not. At least I don't find him attractive

[jonasq]

Do you think with your d*ck 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Every friggen thought you HAVE is about your d*ck and where you want to come, and how deprived you are and how your girlfriend was a porn star for someone ELSE but not for you, and on and on and on and on. God, I'm so freakin glad I'm not eating right now.

 

Hey, calm down man, no need to attack. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a high sex drive.

 

Here's a little 411 for ya. Maybe she really DIDN'T like what she did for her old boyfriend - the threesomes, whoring herself out on sex hookup sites, letting strange men use her as a spittoon. This ex is obviously a pig and has made that blatantly clear, bragging to you how he whored her out and used her for a cum receptical on a sex site. What a class act he is. So it's pretty obvious she lowered herself for this pig and maybe she REGRETS it. Maybe she did it at the time because she wanted to hold onto him and was afraid if she didn't, he'd leave her. Or maybe she was afraid he'd cheat on her behind her back by seeking out this sexual activity with others and she figured she'd rather do it WITH him than be cheated on.

 

Your theory is reasonable until you consider that she is still friends with him and still speaks highly of him. If your theory is correct then that wouldn't be the case now would it?

 

You're so damned busy thinking with your genitals that you can't even stand back and try to see the bigger picture.

 

As explained just above, I don't think your theory fits. Your bigger picture is different to the bigger picture I see. I see her and I exploring these great adventures together once we talk and she knows how much I really want it.

 

The purpose of this thread was to try and get an understanding of why she has said no to me so I would know the best course of action to change that no to a yes.

 

Yeah, you must be real young because you just don't know any better. Let me guess - you're all of 20 years old, right?

 

I fail to see how my age is relevant. I too could assume that you are young yourself as you just jump in here and attack attack attack.

 

Sometimes it's foolish to assume.

[Taramere]

How do I approach discussing this? Do I just tell her I know? Do I say that her ex told me? Do I ask why I can’t or is it better not to know? Do I ask her why she has let the photos remain on that website for the whole world to see? What would be the best way to approach this?

 

I don't know where to even start with this. Those photographs magically materialise on the internet as a result of Voldemort waving a magic wand. Presumably your very good friend, your girlfriend's ex, put them there. Or is he alleging that she put them there? Or that, despite her protestations about the kind of girl she is, she agreed for those photographs to be put on public view on the internet?

 

The site is just a sharing site for amateurs to share private pics. It's not a dating site or anything.

 

Not sure "amateurs" is the word I'd describe for people who paste naked pictures of their current/ex partners onto the internet for strangers to wank over.

 

You seem very caught up with "why won't she do that with me?" rather than demonstrating concern about any of these other issues - of potential breach of trust/privacy of your girlfriend by a guy from her past who you now class as a great friend of yours. How would she feel about those pictures? I hope, given that you haven't broached any of this with her, you're not going to try to argue that she's okay with them being on the internet.

 

Maybe the best thing to do is just show your girlfriend this thread, and then let her decide whether she's made a huge mistake in not letting you come all over her face.

[NXS]

OP don't take much heed of some of the posters claiming she was "coerced... didn't like... he's a pig etc etc".

 

In the pics did she look like she was coerced? Did she look like she was enjoying it? Was she smiling?

[road]

Saying accept it. Be a man wont work.

 

He knows she did stuff he wants with another man.

 

There is no going back. This will eat him up.

 

Its such a deep feeling. Knowing she was prepared, under whatever circumstances, to do stuff that she wont do with him.

 

Truth is. He's screwed.

 

 

Being a man is realizing that extreme acts in the bed room are just that. The word extreme in this case means that most people do not want to do that stuff. A few do it often. A few tried it, don't like and won't do it again (his GF fits in here).

 

Having threesomes is not common. Having them all finish in her face is even less common.

 

Standing there and having guys run a train on your GF face shows you do not respect her. Rather it shows that she is sex toy first, person second.

 

Not any different then her doing a drug before you now you insist that she has to do it with you because you never did it.

 

Sex involves a lot of experimentation. As a scientist sees negative results he does not repeat that same experiment again.

 

The only way you will be happy is to go find a GF that is a virgin. Never dated a boy. Was raised in a convent. To date.

 

Wait that won't work she probably already experimented with girls. Didn't like it and does not want to do it again and you just have to watch her go at it with another girl or you will never be happy and she won't because she does not like it.

[jonasq]

Presumably your very good friend, your girlfriend's ex, put them there. Or is he alleging that she put them there? Or that, despite her protestations about the kind of girl she is, she agreed for those photographs to be put on public view on the internet?

 

Her ex told me they had put them up together. The site shows the dates the pics were posted, those dates show that it was back when they were together.

 

Comments from other people include things like "it was nice meeting you both" and "I loved talking on the phone with you (her name), hope we can meet one day".

 

The first pic lsted by date is with both of them holding a sign with the sites name. This seems the same for every persons pics so I am guessing that is to prove you are willing to do it.

 

In short, she obviously knew they were being uploaded so please stop harping on this issue.

[jonasq]

Sex involves a lot of experimentation. As a scientist sees negative results he does not repeat that same experiment again.

 

I am being accused of not looking at the bigger picture but what about the bigger picture here?

 

I have seen the pictures of one threesome. Her ex has told me there was about 10-12. He has not lied yet so I will take that as true.

 

If these threesomes had negative results why 10-12 different people and who knows how many times?

 

Ir's obvious she was willing with him and not with me. Maybe he was a better lover, who knows. I am just hoping I can change that I get me some of that action.

[bubbaganoosh]

Like I said, ASK HER! You want answers and she can provide them so what are you waiting for? Better yet, show her the site with the pictures and say, "See this? That's what I want too." Tell her that her good friend with a wife and kid told you about it and he said your game for anything so why are you now acting like Goody Two Shoes?