Author psm04 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 It's make me angry at first but give it's a few days and the heartache developes. I know what you mean. It's more of a disappointment in myself these days, rather than the heartache. I tell myself that I should know better by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author psm04 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Share Posted September 1, 2013 He did not ask how you are because he could not care less. The only time they care is when they are getting sex out of the A, so they sweet talk you to make you believe they are interested in your well being. Which is a contradiction in terms, since if they were concerned they would not drag you into an A. Don't ever bother talking to him again. I will see if this is what's going to happen in my situation when we both go back to work on Tuesday (I'm pretty sure that you are right. There have been several occurrences where I've felt that he didn't really care unless it had something to do with him). He probably knows now that I'm not going to entertain inappropriate conversations. I'm sure he's going to stop putting in the effort to say hi to me, now that he isn't going to get anything out of it. I need for it to happen though, so that I can have yet more reasons to get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author psm04 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 You need a reason so you can get over him? Can you explain? One would think you would not need any reason at all. I should have said motivation rather than reason. I don't need a reason to get over him, but it helps when something like this happens, and this just motivates me even more to stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 psm04 I don't know what my former friend's relationship is like? However I do know it's very questionable or otherwise she wouldn't turn our friendship into an EA. At the moment she is struggling and my presence doesn't help matters either. She would either play mind games on me or panics and finds someone to ease her pain. It's a horrible situation to watch and the only way I can help her is aviod bumping into her and give her as much space as possible. I find the situation very scary because I'm the one who suffered from a broken heart and mild depression. The only people I can turn to is my family and close friends. I have no other love interest to fall back on and the urge to restart the EA is there. So how is it I'm pulling through and close to a good recovery, meanwhile my former friend is still a mess? PSM04 I think you will find your former AP doesn't know what to do or how to fix his problems. To him the quick and easy exit is to restart the affair with you. So while you are still working in the same building, the temptation is there and he's going to act on his intinct. The best thing to do is dwindle communication with him because you are giving him some hope everytime you speak to each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author psm04 Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 PSM04 I think you will find your former AP doesn't know what to do or how to fix his problems. To him the quick and easy exit is to restart the affair with you. So while you are still working in the same building, the temptation is there and he's going to act on his intinct. The best thing to do is dwindle communication with him because you are giving him some hope everytime you speak to each other. In think you are right on. I think he wants the quick and easy fix. In the beginning, I was also doing that, since the thought of not being able to talk to him killed me, but I'm at the point where talking to him kills me. We could be having a fine conversation, and then all of a sudden his wife might accidentally come up, or he might say 'we something' (we meaning he and his wife), and that's enough to take me over the edge. So I am staying away as much as I can, for him and for me. Unfortunately, I don't think he is at that point yet, but I don't know. I'll see what happens at work tomorrow I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Dog Woman Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 In think you are right on. I think he wants the quick and easy fix. In the beginning, I was also doing that, since the thought of not being able to talk to him killed me, but I'm at the point where talking to him kills me. We could be having a fine conversation, and then all of a sudden his wife might accidentally come up, or he might say 'we something' (we meaning he and his wife), and that's enough to take me over the edge. So I am staying away as much as I can, for him and for me. Unfortunately, I don't think he is at that point yet, but I don't know. I'll see what happens at work tomorrow I guess. You are doing the sensible thing staying out of his way. If you have decided the A is over then don't worry about what his motives are. Focus on yourself and what you want. Set clear boundaries for yourself and stick to them. I appreciate you work together so going NC is a bit difficult but have as little contact with him as possible. My exMM has broken his word of going NC and texted me tonight. Whilst it would be great to catch up and have a chat, I just know we'll end up going back down the same old road and the A will start again so I have ignored his text - eventually he'll get the message that the A is over and I don't want any contact with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 My situation is getting worst. My NC was broken today aswell. My former friend tried to corner me and this happened in front of other members of staff. I was doing my best to keep our situation a secret and hoped things would settle down. Instead there's a good chance our secret romance could be exposed. No doubt there are going to be some rumours flying about. I'm getting concerned with her behaviour. It appears to be getting more erractic and and I'm worried it's taking a toll on her. She should be healing and improving her relationship. Sadly this isn't happening, instead she is returning back to me again and again. There is something seriously wrong here because how come I'm out of the worst of it and she isn't? Unlike most situation here where it involve a MM targetting a woman. My situation is different because I'm a single bloke. I'm having growing concerns my former friend is either being controlled or in a way being bullied by her partner. Anyway look like I need to calm her down and discuss a roadmap out of this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Dog Woman Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) My situation is getting worst. My NC was broken today aswell. My former friend tried to corner me and this happened in front of other members of staff. I was doing my best to keep our situation a secret and hoped things would settle down. Instead there's a good chance our secret romance could be exposed. No doubt there are going to be some rumours flying about. I'm getting concerned with her behaviour. It appears to be getting more erractic and and I'm worried it's taking a toll on her. She should be healing and improving her relationship. Sadly this isn't happening, instead she is returning back to me again and again. There is something seriously wrong here because how come I'm out of the worst of it and she isn't? Unlike most situation here where it involve a MM targetting a woman. My situation is different because I'm a single bloke. I'm having growing concerns my former friend is either being controlled or in a way being bullied by her partner. Anyway look like I need to calm her down and discuss a roadmap out of this situation. I wouldn't discuss anything with her. Have as little contact with her as possible and if you do need to speak to her, keep it very brief and don't allow yourselves to get into deep conversation. Dont give her any signals that might indicate you want to restart the affair. I would be firm but calm and tell her what you want to happen. She could be just playing you and trying to reel you back in. If this is not the case and her husband is bullying her, get her to seek some help through family, girlfriends, professional organisations. Tell her you can't help her. My ex MM is still texting me. So far I have ignored them but I have realised that total NC might not be possible. We have the same hobby and are often at the same events and venues so I have decided if he approaches me, I am going to keep any conversation civil, brief, short and to the point and not get into any discussions to avoid me heading back down the road of an affair. Edited September 4, 2013 by Dog Woman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts