Woman who have male friends: Do you let your male friend pay?

[tbf]

It depends. It's rare that I do date things with male friends unless it's a couple or group thing.

 

Prior to having my two boys, I was more likely to hang with male friends in an engine bay, going for a walk, via cyberspace, via telephone or at their or my home, if I'm friends with their wives who would be there or H would be there.

 

Of the times I've gone for dinner one on one, they or I've paid, depending on who asked who. This usually meant that we were relying on each other for emotional tamponism, so whomever needed more sopping, usually paid.

[kaylan]

Btw, In the case of your friend OP, Im sure these guy friends of hers wanna get a piece.

[Babolat]

Btw, In the case of your friend OP, Im sure these guy friends of hers wanna get a piece.

 

Well, one is dating, getting ready to propose to, her good friend.

 

The other she sees as a brother; I met him last year and I saw her respond to him as a brother type. He is a player, uses women for sex via drugs and his money; she knows this, sees thru it, and laughs at it and values his friendship despite his character flaws.

 

The other I never met, and they went out 2-3 times while we were dating for drinks. She says they have been friends since they were kids.

 

This is not about trust or thinking they want to get a piece.

[xxoo]

Well, one is dating, getting ready to propose to, her good friend.

 

The other she sees as a brother; I met him last year and I saw her respond to him as a brother type. He is a player, uses women for sex via drugs and his money; she knows this, sees thru it, and laughs at it and values his friendship despite his character flaws.

 

The other I never met, and they went out 2-3 times while we were dating for drinks. She says they have been friends since they were kids.

 

This is not about trust or thinking they want to get a piece.

 

None of this means they aren't hoping to sleep with her.

[Babolat]

None of this means they aren't hoping to sleep with her.

 

I don't disagree.

 

This one "Well, one is dating, getting ready to propose to, her good friend.

"...

 

they did date 8+ years ago; she ended it and they have been friends since. It was never serious for her and she told him that from the get go, that she was not looking for a LTR. Only details I know as I don't ask abot a womans past; she volunteered this after telling me thy dated.

 

So, based on your comment, I am back to a male friend always pays if he is looking for something in return....UGH!

[Miss_raptor]

I prefer the "I'll get the check this time, you get it next," with all my friends (male or female). I tend to be generous with my money and it's a way I show I care. I don't feel entirely comfortable having my way payed, unless it's a special occasion, like a birthday or whatnot.

 

Even with my boyfriend, we take turns buying. We switch who buys dinner and who buys booze. Though if we go out to a bar, and the tab is high, we will split it.

 

I was never raised to let other people pull my weight, so it makes me slightly uncomfortable for just friends to buy stuff for me. I think it blurs lines a bit.

[crude]

I just read an article about an Aussie woman who's contemplating buying a kidney in the Phillipines to live and wondered if a man needed to buy a kidney to survive, and he'd spent $60,000 in his lifetime on dates and friends only because he was a man, how much of that money would those women give him back to save his life. I think he'd better plan his funeral. Men have to stop being saps.

[anna121]

absolutely I pay.

 

to expect male friends to pay for things for me is...gross.

 

we either split 50/50, or do the "I'll get this one; you get the next".

 

In fact we often fight over who pays. The sign of a good friendship, IMO.

[acrosstheuniverse]

When I go out with my male coworkers for drinks, they don't let me pay. The only way to get around this is being sneaky with the waitress behind their backs

 

Oh I love doing this On mine and my current bf's second or third date I went and grabbed the check (we'd had a lonnngg coffee date so it was about $20) while he went to the bathroom, he was really surprised... I guess some men are really conditioned by prior experiences to always pay for the woman, I remember when I dated the guy who made 6 x what I make, and went down to the hotel bar on one of our breaks and bought us some drinks. He was really surprised and appreciative, until that point I'd never really considered that guys often feel they have to pay for everything, because I'd only been in a 4 year relationship with a guy who was really tight and never paid for anything (we went dutch every single time even right at the beginning... whereas I'd have preferred a more, take it in turns approach).

[HappyLove]

"So, based on your comment, I am back to a male friend always pays if he is looking for something in return....UGH!"

 

 

So what do you care if they are looking for something in return, if you're never going to "date" her anyway? Are you maybe just a teeny bit afraid that she has the same setup with them as she has with you?

[RedRobin]

I really wish men would just stop paying for stuff.

 

It's retarded. Women make their own money now... It should be assumed that everyone pays half...

 

and if the place is too expensive, they can negotiate that up front before the get together...

[xxoo]

I really wish men would just stop paying for stuff.

 

It's retarded. Women make their own money now... It should be assumed that everyone pays half...

 

and if the place is too expensive, they can negotiate that up front before the get together...

 

But it's charming! and romantic!

 

Which probably isn't so comforting for the OP....

[Babolat]

"So, based on your comment, I am back to a male friend always pays if he is looking for something in return....UGH!"

 

 

So what do you care if they are looking for something in return, if you're never going to "date" her anyway? Are you maybe just a teeny bit afraid that she has the same setup with them as she has with you?

 

Not at all. The post is to get a better understanding of this; it's not really about her.

 

And if she is playing on the side, I would be very surprised, though we are not dating so she is free to do what she wants.

[Babolat]

But it's charming! and romantic!

 

Which probably isn't so comforting for the OP....

 

In a LTR I love to pay, and will always pay. because I want to and it is charming and romantic. I simply wish, in my past LTR she would have either stopped with the "I wish I could afford to take you out for dinner", or just do it, or just offer sometimes. I know she was strapped for money so I always paid..I was taught to offer. I would never have taken her up on an offer unless she insisted.

 

Male friends paying 100% of the time with their female friends...I don't find that charming or romantic. I personally think it's just not right.

[xxoo]

Male friends paying 100% of the time with their female friends...I don't find that charming or romantic. I personally think it's just not right.

 

Exactly.

 

Because it sends the message that there is potential to be more than friends.

[Phoe]

So, ladies of LS who have male friends who you go out with, do you let them pay?

 

No, not because I "won't let them" but because everyone just pays for themselves. I pay for myself when I go places with friends.

 

 

It would be weird if other people paid for me to do things...

[Phoe]

Question for the LS women:

 

If a male friend invited you out, and you knew you could not afford it, would you accept the offer and assume he would pay? If not, how would you handle this offer?

 

 

Thanks

 

Nope, I'd let him know I was short on cash and would suggest meeting up after payday or doing something that doesn't cost money.

[Phoe]

Even in a relationship, I was almost always the one paying. My exes typically could not afford it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I am going to be the odd man out, I have one male friend, and I usually make him pay.

 

 

We have been friends for ages though [since I was 15] and I am allowed to talk to him like that. He knows it, I know it. If he wants me to go out to eat with him, I usually decline due to not wanting to spend a lot of money. Then he tells me to stop being stupid and get my ass over to the restaurant/bar pronto.

[crude]

Maybe I'm crazy, but when a person treats me because it's his or her town, I feel guilty and can't wait to return the favor when they come to my town. I can't fathom the nerve of someone to expect to be paid for over and over again. That's not romantic, it's disgusting. I have no respect for someone with no character, who just sits and watches another pay for them all the time.

[RedRobin]

But it's charming! and romantic!

 

Which probably isn't so comforting for the OP....

 

Why???

 

To me, charming and romantic is when he agrees to stop by the store to buy me feminine care products because I'm stuck in bed with the flu...

 

Or volunteers to run all the way across town during rush-hour to pick up that last box of candy corn Oreos on the Target shelf because its 'limited time only'... because I have a meeting that goes till midnight and I can't.

 

THAT is charming and romantic!! Not paying for dinner....

[ChessPieceFace]

Your ex-gf is a leech.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The problem is it usually becomes no no I insist and I'm not going to start an argument over letting him pay. That said, I would be more than happy to pay. Even in full blown relationships, men insist on paying about 80% of the time.

[Taramere]

There are a couple of mixed crowds I go out with from time to time. They're two completely separate groups but each one of them contains one guy who will generally insist on springing for cocktails/a bottle of good champagne for the group at either the start or the end of the evening (or occasionally both). Other than that, the bill for the meal and wine will tend to be split amongst the group. A couple of the guys pay for their girlfriends/wives.

 

I "let" men pay if they are insistent, but there's a big difference between letting somebody who insists on paying pay, and expecting them to. In some situations it can be every bit as ungracious to refuse to let somebody treat you as it would be to expect that they do.

 

I've another male friend who is separate to either of the two groups above who always wants to pay for everything, but over the years I've trained him out of that. When he's out with me, at least. He doesn't like it, though - and on the occasions I've tried to pay for both of us he gets intensely uncomfortable, so I don't try to push that particular issue.

[NXS]

I don't understand why you would expect HER good friend to buy YOUR movie ticket. What guy expects another guy to fund his night out? That's just creepy.

 

Oh the irony!!