M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 So I'm already paying standard child support, health insurance, plus 50 pct of all non-covered medical costs for my kids. Ex now wants me to help pay for private kindergarten school. I need to first give some background and say that she chose, against my advice and will, to take them away from a city where the schools are top-ranking in the state to a backwaters city where the public schools are a shambles. It just shows her brazenness that she'd ask me to give out even more money in support of an idea that I strongly opposed. Someone will surely come along and give me the "best interest of the child" crap (B.I.O.T.Ch) but it's just tough luck for her. I don't have the extra money to pay for her unnecessary private school when I'm already a single dad paying more than standard child support. She has her parents who--as far as I knew-- were paying for the astronomical costs of the school. They've created a monster in her daughter so they can deal with the financial burden. She can easily eliminate this burden by enrolling them in a quality public school, even if she has to move out of her parents' little bubble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 All I will say is this.. I just received my FIRST Child Support check! Now I ahve paid over 200k in support (all paid off). Golden uterus in action my man.Not fair-just how it is. My check? $70.54 Seventy dollars and 54 cents ! What in the world will I do with this kinda cake? I think I will send her flowers! REVITUP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 You're right. Maybe my children's generation will see a better prospect for equality in marriage. I hope I've set a good example for them of being a man who stands up for his kids and doesn't get beaten down and manipulated by his woman. At least they will respect their father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 If the private school was funded by grandparents, then it's very unlikely the butden will be converted to you. It's not a best interests of the child issue n If you had established a history of private tuition, even them the greater likelihood would be it's not within your financial capability. It's very common for grandparents to pay tuition and that includes college. Bizarre to think she knew what she was moving them to but didn't approach you or the court at the time. Pfft. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 So I'm already paying standard child support, health insurance, plus 50 pct of all non-covered medical costs for my kids. Were these all court-mandated? Just say'n - if she wants more money, she may have to go back to court to get it. Otherwise, I would politely decline. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Moniq Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 I hate to say this but I want more money. But Im not going to ask for it. I am trying to get a job but once I do, guess what? It goes to daycare. I will have almost no money in the end. How am I supposed to live? Thank god my mom is helping me but I hate to depend on her... She works to hard for her money, which is not a lot. My husband wanted to separate and now im stuck with no job and trying to figure out the rest of my life. Mind you my kid is still in diapers and the other is in First grade, of which I would have to pay for aftercare for him.... Im broke!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 Thanks for input, everyone. I am paying as much as I can in child support and additional court-ordered expenses. Even if she took me to court over this (which I honestly don't think any judge would grant it), I don't have extra money for private school. Besides, her parents fought underhandedly to sequester my kids in their little bubble hometown (far from any major city), so they can be the ones to handle the burden of private school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) you have a great point. people underestimate being a single mom. but it cost a lot of money and energy , for one single person. even if the dad take care financially, its still ask a lot of a single mom. especially the person that take care more of the time for the kids and first care giver. I would agree with you, but in my ex's case her parents are taking over numerous aspects of her role. She eats dinner at their house several times a week, she gets my kids' private school paid by them (currently), her parents assist in dropping them off and picking them up from school, and about half the time when I speak to my kids on the phone I hear her parents in the background--they even manage the phonecalls and determine which of my kids talks and when! She may wear the badge of a single mom and receive the glory, but she carries very little of the burden. I think she just wants to have control over kids with minimal responsibility. Even my lawyer said that I basically lost custody not to her, but to her parents. Edited August 30, 2013 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 I lived in a decent school district when my daughter started school, but I wanted to send her to a private school. Her dad didn't want to split it, and I actually lost in court. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 I lived in a decent school district when my daughter started school, but I wanted to send her to a private school. Her dad didn't want to split it, and I actually lost in court. And rightly so. Did you honestly think you can just enroll kids in a school against his will and then demand he pay for it? 2sure, I've valued lots of your comments on LS but this kind of disappointed me. Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Looks like this thread is a statement to me and not a question. But I kind of agree with OP's statement...and I'm biased since I'm closer to his sitch IRL. His ex created the problem by moving...before that there was no school funding issue. Now he has to pay for it? And he's already paying child support. My Ex on the other hand was hell bent on keeping our daughter in the 5 star public school she started in, so much so that she moved into the only apartment complex in the neighborhood. Her retired parents have spent 2 summers in a row visiting HER up here instead of the other way around. That's how it could go... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 You can tell her NO. I need to ask - does your exW work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 30, 2013 Author Share Posted August 30, 2013 You can tell her NO. I need to ask - does your exW work? As far as I know, she works. But she's not required to inform me about her work situation (as I am). Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 And rightly so. Did you honestly think you can just enroll kids in a school against his will and then demand he pay for it? 2sure, I've valued lots of your comments on LS but this kind of disappointed me. Well, to be complete...I sent her to the school I wanted to and paid for it myself. The only reason I listed it as an expense to be shared when we were in court was because he wasn't paying anything he was supposed to anyway: child support, health expenses, child care. I just went in with everything in the hopes of getting some action. I think unless it's a poorly performing school district, choosing a private school is beyond what child support orders should cover. But, if the kids attended a catholic school prior to the divorce, the court could see that as a reasonable expectation. I just wanted you to know that ...it's not an automatic thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted August 31, 2013 Share Posted August 31, 2013 Wow, WTF, and Lord Have Mercy...well it is a southern thing! Divorcing parents have my deep respect, could not imagine have to deal with with the welfare of children while sorting out the mess. So glad that in the 16 yrs, no children, so it was done-did-and-overwith. And that took all I had. These crazies no matter the family dynamic have quite a lot to answer for. ~Keep on trucking~Mystery:cool: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted August 31, 2013 Author Share Posted August 31, 2013 Wow, WTF, and Lord Have Mercy...well it is a southern thing!: What are you saying this in response to, my OP? Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted September 1, 2013 Share Posted September 1, 2013 (edited) M30- I'll give you my story to hopefully give some perspective. Like your's, my XW took the kids and moved from the city to the sticks 2 states away (she lives with her parents). They have lived there for 3 years, my XW still doesn't work. So, I pay the normal support stuff, and on top of that, I cover my travel expenses to go back there and see the kids. On top of that, when I go back, I always buy food, clothes, shoes, etc. I also have my own college funds started for the kids (they're all very young). It's quite a bit, and sometimes it feels unfair. Then, my XW always asks me to pay for piano lessons, horse riding lessons, gymnastics, etc. I pay it and don't worry about it too much. It isn't helping my financial situation, but my financial situation is only temporary, so I figure I will just gut it out. In a year, everything will be different, so right now I'm just grinding it out. Why do I do that? Well, the simple answer is because they're my kids, I love them and I want them to have the best lives they can have. Money is just money...easy come, easy go. But life and time and experiences can't be replaced. I don't want my kids to miss out, and I know that my XW is pretty helpless when it comes to taking care of those things. So I pay it. No biggie. At the end of the day, her inability to pay for those things is her cross to bear. To me, it's a minor inconvenience. But I feel good about doing it and I feel good knowing that I can provide for my kids without having to sweat other people for money. I've gone back and forth over the last few years on my XW and her not working, etc. But now I just look at it this way....she really is a wonderful mother to my kids, and while I think it would be a FANTASTIC idea for her to just get a part-time job, because our kids are still so young, I'm appreciative that they can have the opportunities and comfortable lives that they have, and that their mother is there for them and not at work with them in day care, and I'm willing to pay for it. Edited September 1, 2013 by RonaldS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I hate to say this but I want more money. But Im not going to ask for it. I am trying to get a job but once I do, guess what? It goes to daycare. I will have almost no money in the end. How am I supposed to live? Thank god my mom is helping me but I hate to depend on her... She works to hard for her money, which is not a lot. My husband wanted to separate and now im stuck with no job and trying to figure out the rest of my life. Mind you my kid is still in diapers and the other is in First grade, of which I would have to pay for aftercare for him.... Im broke!!!!! Go the military route for the support. When I was first married to my husband, his e. wrote a letter to our commander saying she needed more money. She got it directly from the military. It came out of his check before he even saw it. Someone can help you get the money you NEED! Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 "best interest of the child" crap (B.I.O.T.Ch) Funniest thing I've read ALL day!! As usual, I'm in a role reversal, the wife who is the long time breadwinner and healthcare benefits provider whose STBXH is making lists of things I need to pay for him before we divorce, otherwise, I'm leaving him destitute. Mind you, he makes PLENTY of money to support a family of 5 on his own, but is horrible with money. He's not going to have anyone but himself to support. My youngest (17) will be with me. I can't wait to see what excuse he comes up with to try to squeeze money out of me after I leave! I'm paying off the majority of his bills and giving him $4k to get his own place. I might resort to drinking if he keeps asking me for money!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JJLA Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I don't know about Florida, but in California we have a case called In re Marriage of Alter. In a nutshell, repeated gifts to a party (such as support by parents) can be imputed to them as income. This would lower your child support. Maybe there is a comparable Florida case? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 I don't know about Florida, but in California we have a case called In re Marriage of Alter. In a nutshell, repeated gifts to a party (such as support by parents) can be imputed to them as income. This would lower your child support. Maybe there is a comparable Florida case? Wow, I'll look into that. Link to post Share on other sites
JJLA Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 M30USA, Doing cursory research, I see there is a Florida case: Ordini v. Ordini, 701 So.2d 663 (Fla. 4DCA 1997) It says gifts from parents who supported the parties during the marriage are considered income. Keep in mind that I'm a California attorney, and my research plan does not include Florida law. I can't attest it is still good law and has not been overturned by further case or statute. In California there is the policy consideration that all income should be included, not just taxable income, so if a gift or familial support is recurring, then it should be counted for purposes of calculating support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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