Got dumped out of the blue, do I stand a chance to get her back? [update]

[Mcscooter]

She wants to see you, but remain broken. I'm sure you rather see her and be together. It's not clicking and the puzzle pieces aren't going together. Keep it NC. Ignore her even if it hurts you. It's only necessary to accept her, if she wants to get back together. Because that is an answer you would want right. If you decide to be there just to comfort her, down the road your only hurting yourself. Phase her out somehow and move on. You'll be doing yourself a favor. After all it is her lost and she needs to know. You can't always have what you want. In her case staying friends with you. I say Hell no to that. Emotions get in the way a lot, learn how to control it. In my situation I learned how to lose a lot of emotions. It's real useful to be heartless sometimes. Especially when your deployed. I'm sure you can understand that.

[Armyguy123]

Everything in life seems to be in black and white now. Everything just isn't as flashy and colorful without her. I'm confused if I should even try or care at this point. And worry if she took me back would just do so another time. This confusion is indescribable and just like blehhwwrrjdjshsb. Hearing her cry and say she missed me on the phone last night was BS. She only misses the comfort. I'm going to try for a NC goal of one week now and go from there. Then ill try for two weeks. But seriously f*** this I want nothing more than to be done with these feelings. I still deep down love her and it just pisses me off I can't anymore. I'd get in the car and drive three hours right now to see her. But she wouldn't do the same which is more than unfortunate, and makes me very very sad. I hope one day I will be over her but since I lost her so abruptly when things were so well I'm afraid I may struggle with her for a very long time, even when seeing another woman. Some day shell miss me enough to contact me again but I am starting to think she will never ask to get back bc she is too stubborn and the distsnce between us won't allow for it. Only time will tell. F*** I'm depressed, lonely, and defeated. At a time in my life where I don't need it! F***!!!!!!!!!!

[Mcscooter]

Your just under stress right now and it's understandable. Take some time to re-calibrate yourself. Get yourself to a steady path. Challenge yourself with NC. Life right now may seem black and white, but as soon as you regain yourself the colors will come back. It shouldn't be a girl making you happy, but you making yourself happy first. The key to moving on is focus. Focus on yourself. Do not focus on her. focus on what you need to accomplish in life, never let a female hold you back from anything. Just keep focusing. Do something productive while your at it. PT more, find a hobby, make goals.

[Armyguy123]

Got a first text from her from her own accord. (my name) I really shouldnt do this but im just so nervous about my first day of work tomorrow with students. Can you help me out? or something like that I got mad and deleted it. I was like last time I tried to help you feel less stress at work by sending you flowers you f***ing dumped me. WTF! This is such a mixed signal for me because I dont if she actually wants to talk to me and reach out for legitimate support or just wants to use me selfishly for her own comfort. I responded like 2 hrs later and said good luck but i cant talk to you right now, and thats it. If she truly cares about me and talking again intimately shell try again. For now I need to drive on with my NC pledge and truly show her no support.

 

In terms of PT brotha I've been running everyday and have lost 15 lbs since break up, and jacked now. Im a new 2LT and I have to be in shape for my PSG or ill embarrass myself in front of my Platoon, especially as a pilot where it is really tough competition.

 

Thanks for your help and your service. The Army is just sent in to clean up yall's mess. You Marines like to operate at sqd level and get into thick s*** thats why I'd never go infantry. That and why carry your ruck when you can fly!

 

take care.

[Mcscooter]

Your doing good man, if she really wanted you. she'd beg. Like what you also said though. You'd drive a long way just to see her, but she wouldn't do the same. sounds like your on the right track. I already know it isn't easy. It's life, but than again if life was easy. Where would all the fun be. Enjoy yourself your only in your 20's once.

 

It's one team, one fight. Good luck. Feel free to come back to the forums anytime. Help me, Help you.

[mummyjonno]

I have to agree with the other posters. It seems like she doesn't know what she want's and is wishy washy. Either that or there is someone else and she's using "being unsure of our future" as a get out clause instead of saying I met someone else.

 

You did a great step by deleting her from facebook. I couldn't delete my ex but I did delete my entire facebook. Now the tricky bit begins. She may try and call you, text you and keep you as her back up.

 

But if she doesn't want you right now, when you are so close to being able to be closer together and be more of a couple then she's going to try and keep you as her back up plan.

 

All I advise you do is No contact. Sounds rough, but it's better to begin getting over what has happened now rather than live in twice because she still doesn't know what/who she wants.

 

Anyone in the military needs a strong women, they need to know that regardless of where and what they are doing they don't have to worry about what's going on with them. You don't and won't have this with her. I'm an officer's daughter and was at one point married to a soldier, unfortunately you know that drill xx

[Armyguy123]

I still can't over her. I want her more than anything. I just want a quick and easy way to be able to change her mind or show her what she's gonna lose. She already says she misses me and feels alone at night this sh*t is too painful and hard. I keep breaking NC. I think NC is not gonna work. How does one actually get someone back. It seems like there's nothing I can do, only she can do that. There has to atleast be something small to remind her that her man hasn't gone anywhere and that I'd love her back.

[Armyguy123]

Well I think I scrwed my chances again by breaking NC. Im so dumb. She prob contacted me bc I didnt contact her for a few days. Damnit I need to just go a full week.

[Armyguy123]

bump

 

I have gone 1 full day no contact. I just have this feeling that I will never be getting back with her and that is it over for good. Its making me really sad and depressed.

 

I miss her so god d*** much. I have never been hurt like this before. Makes me wonder if it could happen again to me or get a divorce.

 

I found a note she wrote me that I kept in my wallet. It said (my name) the more I get to know you the more I feel like I need you in my life. I love you so much! That tore me up bc how can someones feelings change so much in such a short period of time.

 

I just wish there was something I could do, to fall in love with me again. Advice? Keep at no contact?

[Armyguy123]

Woke up today after she was in my dream. I was really upset than i started crying again for the first time since we broke up. I'm a mess. Gonna stay strong and try not to contact her. Im scheduled to go train with my unit in 2 weeks and I'm really nervous I'm going to ask to see her because she only lives 15 minutes away.

[hurts2death]

Chin up why see someine that doesnt want you? doesnt make sense,,, stay strong its just your mind that messes you . if she wanted you she would have called i guess she knows the number right?

Woke up today after she was in my dream. I was really upset than i started crying again for the first time since we broke up. I'm a mess. Gonna stay strong and try not to contact her. Im scheduled to go train with my unit in 2 weeks and I'm really nervous I'm going to ask to see her because she only lives 15 minutes away.

Edited September 5, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Inflammatory language redacted.

[Armyguy123]

Easier said than done my friend. Having your best friend of the last 2 and half years just up and quit out of the blue because the relationship is going to add some distance for a while is very saddening. I thought I could trust her to stay with me through it. Its kind of selfish for me to demand her time for the duration of my flight school for 15 months but I thought we were special.

[Chi townD]

Easier said than done my friend. Having your best friend of the last 2 and half years just up and quit out of the blue because the relationship is going to add some distance for a while is very saddening. I thought I could trust her to stay with me through it. Its kind of selfish for me to demand her time for the duration of my flight school for 15 months but I thought we were special.

 

 

Maybe YOU did, but she had other plans. Look at it this way. You're probably one more heartbreak away from the person that you're truly meant to be with.

[Armyguy123]

The thing that is bugging me every day is how attached she was too me shortly before the breakup. It seemed like all she wanted was to see and be with me. I just can't come to grasp with the reality that something changed very quickly, and almost unhealthily.

 

I just need to stay strong with NC and make her fully realize that I am 100% gone. Not gonna be there for her when times get tough for her. If she wants to get back in contact shell have to be the one to do it.

[Armyguy123]

Maybe YOU did, but she had other plans. Look at it this way. You're probably one more heartbreak away from the person that you're truly meant to be with.

 

 

I don't believe in fate my friend. I just think its luck and timing. I think this was the right relationship at the wrong time. Beginning of adulthood with a lot of pressures coming from developing a career.

[PR08]

I am an officer in the Army Reserves and it has been my dream to become a helicopter pilot. I fought and fought to earn a slot and earlier this month finally landed a slot.

 

My sincere and honest congratulations. That is one hell of an achievement.

 

That is your goal, and that is what should drive you. No woman (or man, in another case) is worth you giving up your dreams in life. Stick to this like glue and keep it at the forefront of your mind. Don't let your recent break-up throw you off. I appreciate that is easier said than done, but provided you aren't just inventing a fantasy life as a backstory, a man of your character can surely dig deep and find the required reserves.

[Armyguy123]

Any one have any NC success stories. I know this girl would be instantly and undeniably attracted to me again given the right circumstances. Every day I don't see her or hear from her I try to understand what is going on in her mind.

 

I found this earlier which is only about 1 month old. How do you go from that to the current situation in less than a month. There's no way she doesn't think about me. She even says she thinks about me at night when she is alone and wonders what I'm doing. I just can't bring myself to believe that this girl is gone. She must have just got some dumb idea in her head that she couldn't take the distance and the extra pressure from it. I'm a soldier so I would handle it no problem.

 

Its been 2 and a half weeks and I'm not getting any better, anyways heres the email I found from her while she was in Europe with her family;

 

"I sent you two post cards because we didn't have wifi till now. I don't know if they'll get to you before I get back to the US. We visited four islands and I have a lot to tell you when I get back! and I have taken lots of pix. I can't wait to show you! Anywho I just wanted to let you know I miss you soooooooo much! I dream about you every night and constantly bring up your name. I really want to do something like this with you one day. I love you so much I can't even explain."

 

F***, that hit me really hard.

 

I am contemplating professional therapy now.

[Armyguy123]

Do I accept her friendship and play along with it in hopes I will be able to reignite the passion or would that be too painful for me?

[PR08]

Any one have any NC success stories. I know this girl would be instantly and undeniably attracted to me again given the right circumstances. Every day I don't see her or hear from her I try to understand what is going on in her mind.

 

I've got one.

 

My first girlfriend left me because she thought she could do better. I begged and pleaded for about a month before I realized I had to let go and start living for me. I dropped off the face of the earth as far as she was concerned and never spoke to her again. Just under a year later, she started sending me long messages on Facebook asking what I had been up to. Then the constant 'friend requests' on that terrible website, all of which I denied. Then came the 'I made the worst mistake and want to try again' messages. She just wasn't taking the hint.

 

Point was, I did 'NC' the way you're supposed to, and I got over her. Most importantly, I realized I had to just focus on my life. I graduated with an excellent degree and now work on the other side of the world in a fascinating (and coincidentally well-paid) job that makes all of my friends jealous.

 

Where's she? The girl who thought she could do better than me?

 

She works as a waitress in our hometown.

[PR08]

Note - In no way a dig at people currently working as waitresses or waiters.

[PR08]

Do I accept her friendship and play along with it in hopes I will be able to reignite the passion or would that be too painful for me?

 

No, it doesn't work. It delays your recovery and kills any attraction she may still have for you.

[NvrLetUDown]

I see shades of resemblance in my situation and yours. My gf of almost 2 years broke up with me and we made plans for trips and shows the weeks before. It's been about 5 weeks and the only way I got out of my funk was the put my mind to it.

 

Stop torturing yourself by reading old emails and notes those don't matter anymore. I did that the first week and did not truly get better until I went to New York for vacation with my siblings (I'm from Canada). You are the key to your happiness. My ex told me it was bad timing as well and if we were 26-27 instead of 21 we would be something but its all about timing and good luck.

 

It's all about taking the time to make yourself better because you didn't do anything wrong and need to work on yourself . Girls can sense confidence and chasing someone will only make them run. Stop with the mental gymnastics thinking about why could or should have been done because they're the ones that left us, show them what they're missing an be HAPPY. Keep your chin up !

[Armyguy123]

There's literally no way she is not struggling with the sudden break up like I am. Probably not as bad but still in some way is doubting her move.

 

By the time I finish flight school Ill be 24 and shell be 26. I'm thinking she doesn't want to wait that long for me to finish, its such a shame. Her and I were a great team, and everyone always commented how good we were together. I don't know if I could take her back because my Mom absolutely hates her now.

[mummyjonno]

Easier said than done my friend. Having your best friend of the last 2 and half years just up and quit out of the blue because the relationship is going to add some distance for a while is very saddening. I thought I could trust her to stay with me through it. Its kind of selfish for me to demand her time for the duration of my flight school for 15 months but I thought we were special.

 

It's not selfish, it's not like she won't get to see you. Just less than she already does.

 

Think about it what would she do if you deployed? That's a whole 12 months+ she wouldn't get to see you (minus r'n'r) Do you think she'd cope then? No. Do you think she'd sit around waiting? I think not.

 

I get the impression you'd be worried sick and receive a "dear john" Letter.

 

She's not worth it honey. You think she is right now but if she's not willing to fight for you, for your relationship she's clearly not

[Armyguy123]

you're probably right. I'm just having a very very very hard time coming to grips with the reality of things.