Got dumped out of the blue, do I stand a chance to get her back? [update]

[Armyguy123]

I think I'm going through the loss again after giving in to false hope for a month. Damn. Any idea when I will stop obsessing or feeling pain.

[Never Again]

I think I'm going through the loss again after giving in to false hope for a month. Damn. Any idea when I will stop obsessing or feeling pain.

 

It's different for everyone.

 

I held onto false hope for nearly two months because her friends kept telling me that "it wasn't over". Even if this was true, hope like that is damaging...and we all understand that.

 

The healing process will take time. For me, it took a full month of NC after those foolish two months of false hope - and that was just to start feeling like myself again.

 

You will get there, but you can't rush it.

 

Just take it a day at a time. Focus on yourself, and focus on NOW.

[Armyguy123]

Thanks for the support. I hope one day I look back and go "Wow, what a mess I was and for what?"

[Never Again]

Thanks for the support. I hope one day I look back and go "Wow, what a mess I was and for what?"

 

You'll get there. And we'll help.

 

I owe a lot to these boards. Honestly, I'm still not at that point. I'm still very aware that the relationship I was fired from was the best I've had...but even good things end, and sometimes for no real reason.

 

The most important part is that you feel whole again. A relationship is NICE, but it's not a NEED, and even though you're hurting...you'll carry on without this weight.

[Armyguy123]

So after 2 months I'm starting to think that she's not coming back. She just wants me for sex when shes lonely i guess.....Here I thought I was gonna marry this girl. I'm starting to think this whole NC is just like slim chance if any if you're gonna get them back, bc 1. ya already lost them.

 

I just can't believe this girl can go from absolutely loving me to dropping me like a hat and wanting to find other men.

 

The fact that she says she wants to be single for a year and not date anyone and that I'm her best friend, gives me some hope. You can meet new friends to replace old ones. But, in a year I'm not gonna give 2 Sh*ts about her......hopefully.

 

Why am I doing so bad at 2 months. Is it because I have been mislead by false hopes and feel the rejection twice as hard? I don't even see or talk to this girl why can't I get her off my mind. I don't want this to ruin me.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

So after 2 months I'm starting to think that she's not coming back. She just wants me for sex when shes lonely i guess.....Here I thought I was gonna marry this girl. I'm starting to think this whole NC is just like slim chance if any if you're gonna get them back, bc 1. ya already lost them.

 

I just can't believe this girl can go from absolutely loving me to dropping me like a hat and wanting to find other men.

 

The fact that she says she wants to be single for a year and not date anyone and that I'm her best friend, gives me some hope. You can meet new friends to replace old ones. But, in a year I'm not gonna give 2 Sh*ts about her......hopefully.

 

Why am I doing so bad at 2 months. Is it because I have been mislead by false hopes and feel the rejection twice as hard? I don't even see or talk to this girl why can't I get her off my mind. I don't want this to ruin me.

 

That is probably the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I've heard that 1000 times on here (and from my ex). Its stupid.

 

You arent doing bad after two months. ITS ONLY BEEN TWO MONTHS. Stuff like this doesnt just go away. You have to work at it. Block EVERY way you can see her or hear from her. It gets better

[Armyguy123]

I broke down crying again. I am losing control of my thoughts and they are still stuck on her, pretty much 90% of my days. This is the first girl I loved, and pictured marrying. I think that's why this is hurting so bad. Gonna make it through my first renewed week of NC since she started misleading me pretty much asking me for sex.

 

Being stuck at home post college before leaving for flight school doesn't help either.

[Armyguy123]

Why do I make progress and encounter major setbacks all the time. I miss her more all the time.

 

Every time I get encounter difficulties or felt like talking to someone it was her I went to. Now I don't have that person to go to or talk to and now I feel incredibly lonely on a Saturday night, with no where to go and no one to hang out with.

[Armyguy123]

Oh great. One week NC and she starts texting me asking if I'm talking to any other girls.

 

"Why are you so much more attractive after we broke up"

 

Get your popcorn everyone its gonna be an exciting ride.

 

I'm bracing myself for the giant BUT, I still want to be single.

[Armyguy123]

Holy ballz.....

 

She says she doubting her decisions and wants to see where it can go again.

 

The thing is that I told her I want more than just words, and actions speak louder than words.

 

Holy crap I might actually get her back. and now I'm wondering if I even want to. WOW! this is confusing.

[Armyguy123]

She says she wants to get back together but is hesitant. I'm terrified shes gonna change her mind.

 

She admitted that I changed everything she wanted me to and is incredibly attracted to me.

 

I'm sweating from the anxiety because I don't know if shes for real. told her to be explicit with me.

 

She sends me like 10 texts for every one i respond with. I keep telling her I'm hesitant, and don't want to be mislead.

 

I want to hear I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I MISS YOU AND I'D BE CRAZY TO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

 

I'm terrified she'll just leave me again shortly after and possibly in Flight School. I told her she needs to go above and beyond in terms of showing me I can trust her again.

 

Crap I'm scared. I don't want to be sent back to square one. But it did feel good to be in control again. This is the first time shes mentioned out of no where after I did strong NC that she wanted to get back together.

 

Wish me luck everybody.

[hurts2death]

here is your opportunit to dump her...she will leave you again if you say yes

She says she wants to get back together but is hesitant. I'm terrified shes gonna change her mind.

 

She admitted that I changed everything she wanted me to and is incredibly attracted to me.

 

I'm sweating from the anxiety because I don't know if shes for real. told her to be explicit with me.

 

She sends me like 10 texts for every one i respond with. I keep telling her I'm hesitant, and don't want to be mislead.

 

I want to hear I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I MISS YOU AND I'D BE CRAZY TO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

 

I'm terrified she'll just leave me again shortly after and possibly in Flight School. I told her she needs to go above and beyond in terms of showing me I can trust her again.

 

Crap I'm scared. I don't want to be sent back to square one. But it did feel good to be in control again. This is the first time shes mentioned out of no where after I did strong NC that she wanted to get back together.

 

Wish me luck everybody.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Just a little bit ago, she told you that she wanted to be single for a year and whatever, NOW she is regretting her decision? I'm not jumping to conclusions, but sounds like she is getting lonely and you are there currently, so it sounds like she is just feeling down right now. I've noticed that once someone feels that doubt that strong, there is a very small chance that they change, especially so quickly into it.

 

You are a grown man and you have been very realistic with everything that has been going on. What you are feeling is very normal so I understand it. I'd tread incredibly softly. Also realize that you can do MUCH better than her. Someone who isnt wishy-washy.

 

I wish you well.

[hurts2death]

or if she goes from hot to cold that fastwit your emotions then for sure she has developed some kind of personality of borders? maybe border line personality....?

 

be aware...i mean you are not a product..these people get on my nerve,,i think the root of their problem is like they came from the jungle and when first came in touch with civil and products they did a mutation of the feelings and people as products too...

 

 

what is wrong nowadays? we need sth to save this planet and this way of thinking ... jesus

 

 

be carefull armyguy or yourr gonna be trapped in a spyders nest with extreme immaturity of her actions...

 

i would vanish if i was you...

 

just my opinion here..

Just a little bit ago, she told you that she wanted to be single for a year and whatever, NOW she is regretting her decision? I'm not jumping to conclusions, but sounds like she is getting lonely and you are there currently, so it sounds like she is just feeling down right now. I've noticed that once someone feels that doubt that strong, there is a very small chance that they change, especially so quickly into it.

 

You are a grown man and you have been very realistic with everything that has been going on. What you are feeling is very normal so I understand it. I'd tread incredibly softly. Also realize that you can do MUCH better than her. Someone who isnt wishy-washy.

 

I wish you well.

[Armyguy123]

I'm being incredibly careful. I handled everything well and letting her make all the moves and earn me back. I didn't go anywhere she's the one who left. I'm still unsure at this point.

 

It'd be awkward at first but I think it'd feel normal after a while.

[Never Again]

I'm being incredibly careful. I handled everything well and letting her make all the moves and earn me back. I didn't go anywhere she's the one who left. I'm still unsure at this point.

 

It'd be awkward at first but I think it'd feel normal after a while.

 

After what she did, I feel like she NEEDS to be single for awhile.

 

Otherwise she'll just end up confused again.

[bubbaganoosh]

I'm being incredibly careful. I handled everything well and letting her make all the moves and earn me back. I didn't go anywhere she's the one who left. I'm still unsure at this point.

 

It'd be awkward at first but I think it'd feel normal after a while.

 

 

There's your problem right there. "I'm being incredibly careful."

 

Friend you have been beating your head against the wall with this wishy washy immature little girl for how long now? Maybe it's time you make some changes in your way of looking at this situation.

 

Drop the hammer on her ass real hard. Rather than walk on eggs with her while she sits around with a finger up her ass debating if she's wants you then ten minuets later changing her mind, then an half hour later doing an about face again. Let her know that your done being her yo yo and if she can't get her act together then go find another guy to torment then hang up and let her do the crawling around in the mud.

 

My God man there comes a point in time in your life when you have to start taking charge. That's why you have the bars on your shoulders. There not there for decoration. There on you shoulders for a reason. If your going to be a leader, then lead. Honestly, if you keep letting this woman lead you around by your nose, how the hell are you going to lead men in the army? Time to grow the hell up and make decisions and the first one is letting her know that your done and let her make some other guy miserable. You know that's what needs to be done so do it.

[Armyguy123]

Bubba. I appreciate the pep talk. You sound like a Platoon Sergeant haha.

 

I have taken control. I told her im done playing games and this is serious. She says she wants to prove it to me. I'm going to see how this goes.

 

This seems genuine I literally did nothing, shes doing this on her own.

 

I'm sold on NC now.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Bubba. I appreciate the pep talk. You sound like a Platoon Sergeant haha.

 

I have taken control. I told her im done playing games and this is serious. She says she wants to prove it to me. I'm going to see how this goes.

 

This seems genuine I literally did nothing, shes doing this on her own.

 

I'm sold on NC now.

 

Sold on NC as in it worked to get her back or sold as in it healed you? As NC isnt meant to get someone back (just trying to make this known to new people around here)

[Armyguy123]

Sold on NC as in it worked to get her back or sold as in it healed you? As NC isnt meant to get someone back (just trying to make this known to new people around here)

 

 

You are def right. Because I dont think the NC healed me. I dont think I was over her yet at all, before she came out of no where talking to me now.

[Bentheguy]

I came across this thread two days ago when I was feeling down from my own break up, and found that army guy situation was very similar to mine.

 

Army guy I would like to thank you for sharing your feelings from this break up. I've learned alot from u and all these wonderful people who helped u along the way, after getting to page 10 last night and finding out she's giving u another chance I was quite happy, it was very nice to find out.

 

I hope she dosnt hurt u again and w.e u chose to do u have a great life.

[Armyguy123]

Hey everybody.

 

After 2 and a half weeks of talking and making huge amounts of progress and literally 2 days after I started trusting her again. Had out first date set up on Friday then BOOM! She cut me off today out of no where yet again. Says she got confused again and can't do it anymore.

 

I feel like I have been manipulated, abused, psychologically toyed with. I think she has no idea what she is doing, and any time the ball is in her court to make improvements or be self critical she hesitates and runs away.

 

Now I'm back to square one of recovery. No Contact and moving on. I can't believe I fell for that sh*t, it was so sincere and real, and I know it was, but was also real was here wishy-washyness which did it in. I have no choice now but to erase her from my life and move on. Losing her again is incredibly painful and realizing that I was dumped in August and it is now November is also very troubling.

 

I'm sorry I'm back here again......and Please please please don't post the "I Told ya so's" I'm looking for support during a tough time, not to be ridiculed of mistakes I may have made.

 

Feeling pretty down.

[BC1980]

Hey everybody.

 

After 2 and a half weeks of talking and making huge amounts of progress and literally 2 days after I started trusting her again. Had out first date set up on Friday then BOOM! She cut me off today out of no where yet again. Says she got confused again and can't do it anymore.

 

I feel like I have been manipulated, abused, psychologically toyed with. I think she has no idea what she is doing, and any time the ball is in her court to make improvements or be self critical she hesitates and runs away.

 

Now I'm back to square one of recovery. No Contact and moving on. I can't believe I fell for that sh*t, it was so sincere and real, and I know it was, but was also real was here wishy-washyness which did it in. I have no choice now but to erase her from my life and move on. Losing her again is incredibly painful and realizing that I was dumped in August and it is now November is also very troubling.

 

I'm sorry I'm back here again......and Please please please don't post the "I Told ya so's" I'm looking for support during a tough time, not to be ridiculed of mistakes I may have made.

 

Feeling pretty down.

 

I'm sorry this happened. Don't beat yourself up too much because, honestly, most people would have fallen for that. You are not the first poster I have seen with a similar story. Do not ever entertain any contact from her again because she has proven unreliable.

 

Wafflers will really mess with your mind because everything they do is fear driven. They are scared to leave the relationship, but they are also too scared to cut you off completely. The constantly fear that they have made the wrong decision (to stay or go), so they want you around in the background "just in case." They are not reliable because they feel different levels of commitment at any given time. They are experts at convincing you they are genuine, but they will drop you at a moment's notice.

 

Sadly, I have an honorary doctorate in this type of behavior thanks to my recent ex. I have read some books on this type of behavior and could write my own. I have followed your thread, and a lot of what she did is textbook. You would probably be shocked if I told you all my ex had pulled, but I was so deep into it that I couldn't see what he was doing. Looking back, there were clear signs. (wishy washy, commitment phobe, indecisive, whatever you want to call it they are cut from the same mold).

 

The only thing we can do is chalk it up to a learning experience (albeit a painful one) and have actual boundaries next time. Hardcore NC and no contact with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to contact you again, so be ready for that.

[sambo77]

Hey everybody.

 

After 2 and a half weeks of talking and making huge amounts of progress and literally 2 days after I started trusting her again. Had out first date set up on Friday then BOOM! She cut me off today out of no where yet again. Says she got confused again and can't do it anymore.

 

I feel like I have been manipulated, abused, psychologically toyed with. I think she has no idea what she is doing, and any time the ball is in her court to make improvements or be self critical she hesitates and runs away.

 

Now I'm back to square one of recovery. No Contact and moving on. I can't believe I fell for that sh*t, it was so sincere and real, and I know it was, but was also real was here wishy-washyness which did it in. I have no choice now but to erase her from my life and move on. Losing her again is incredibly painful and realizing that I was dumped in August and it is now November is also very troubling.

 

I'm sorry I'm back here again......and Please please please don't post the "I Told ya so's" I'm looking for support during a tough time, not to be ridiculed of mistakes I may have made.

 

Feeling pretty down.

 

Hey...so sorry you just had your wounds reopened. This girl sounds like she's really in a mess right now? Has she been open with you about exactly what this "confusion" means? I hate the term "confusion" - my ex gave me that cr£p too and it leaves you absolutely nowhere in terms of gaining a sense of clarity about WTH is going on in her head.

 

If I were in your shoes I'd have done exactly the same.

 

You feel manipulated, abused and toyed with because YOU HAVE BEEN. And regardless of the state of confusion she might find herself in, it is extremely cruel, selfish, and uncaring to treat someone how she has treated you.

 

Reading this makes me literally feel anger for you...and that anger originates from the fact that this wreaks of someone (you) being degraded, treated unfairly, and used. I think self-preservation has to be your focus now...you've checked and double checked this one...and it's not in your interests to give her any further time of day.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hey everybody.

 

After 2 and a half weeks of talking and making huge amounts of progress and literally 2 days after I started trusting her again. Had out first date set up on Friday then BOOM! She cut me off today out of no where yet again. Says she got confused again and can't do it anymore.

 

I feel like I have been manipulated, abused, psychologically toyed with. I think she has no idea what she is doing, and any time the ball is in her court to make improvements or be self critical she hesitates and runs away.

 

Now I'm back to square one of recovery. No Contact and moving on. I can't believe I fell for that sh*t, it was so sincere and real, and I know it was, but was also real was here wishy-washyness which did it in. I have no choice now but to erase her from my life and move on. Losing her again is incredibly painful and realizing that I was dumped in August and it is now November is also very troubling.

 

I'm sorry I'm back here again......and Please please please don't post the "I Told ya so's" I'm looking for support during a tough time, not to be ridiculed of mistakes I may have made.

 

Feeling pretty down.

 

We all make mistakes and it looks like you already know that lol.

 

You came to a pretty strong realization that many of us have figured out before one way or another: When its done, its done. Feelings are still there at some level, but when the person leaves, it doesnt usually come back. She obviously wanted to do this originally, and I think she still had lingering doubts about it at first, but kept you along just in case that is what she wanted. Sadly, turns out she didnt.

 

No reason to feel sorry for "being back here again." Thats why this site exist.

 

Just keep moving forward my friend. It gets better.