Got dumped out of the blue, do I stand a chance to get her back? [update]

[Armyguy123]

I can literally go hours now without thinking about my ex. Its like I lost interest or something. I don't care what shes up to anymore.

 

Still upset but I dont feel it anymore. It's more just being bummed than actually being upset.

 

I can function at pretty much 90% now. There's still that lingering general uneasiness but It's not enough for anyone to notice anymore.

 

I think It'll only get better from here and the worst is over.

 

Hope everyone is having as good of fortune as me. I'm sure time is my main factor as I was dumped in August and its now December.....Still kinda feels like it was yesterday.

[Armyguy123]

Reference to original thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/420941-got-dumped-out-blue-do-i-stand-chance-get-her-back

 

Just a little update for everyone.

 

Too Long Didn't Read: Things are getting better, not 100% but better. Far more good days than bad days.

 

I cant believe I am approaching the 4 month mark. I wonder if my ex ever thinks about me but it pretty clear to me now. I am a very loving and caring person and never dumped anyone, so it still blows my mind that people can just vanish on you with such ease, but I guess it is a hard fact of life to learn.

 

I am much much much better now. I have been in NC for well over a month now since she came back just to leave again. I have blocked her on all means of communication.

 

I've met a new girl who is everything I wanted my ex to be, I can't even really explain how I met her, I like to say its my good karma for remaining a good person and not letting my break up turn me into something nasty.

I am just scared of getting into things to fast with this girl. I hate the fact that my ex has given me trust issues, and I still am not 100% over her. I know I can trust this girl though which is a nice feeling to have again. I want to get over my ex, and talking to this new girl I believe is accelerating things. I'm taking it very slow and I hope that I can create new memories to erase the ones with my ex.

 

I don't think about my ex nearly as much and I'm able to think more clearly about it. I'm gonna keep trucking along with it and hopefully things will continue to progress. I am worried though with Christmas coming up and my birthday a week after that she might reach out to me in some way. I honestly might be upset a little if she doesn't but I think its definitely for the best.

 

I've recognized that our relationship is over and that I am free to do as I please. I was tired of not moving on while she got to do as she please and debate whether or not to come back while I had no say in the matter. I decided that hell yea I have a say and I'm gonna do whatever I want now.

 

I'm in great shape, i have a clearly visible six pack, and I have multiple girls hitting on me. I am able to go to my army training now near her home and have a good time.

 

I know that I did nothing wrong, and that I am a good person. In fact yesterday I pulled two gentlemen out of their flipped their car, that they flipped off the road in an ice storm. Was a crazy experience and I was still in uniform so others that came to help looked for me for what to do. They thanked me for coming to their aid, when so many people kept on driving by. I waited with them in my jeep to keep them warm til the police and paramedics came and then talked to them for a bit, they all thanked me for my service and for helping out, it felt really good to be able to help these guys.

 

Anyways I am doing much better than I was a few weeks ago, but I am not 100% there yet. But I'm giving it a good damn fight of trying to get there. I have no hopes of ever seeing or speaking to her again, which is a terrible thing to happen but something that needs to occur to start pressing forward. I'm off my anti anxiety medication that makes me literally not "feel", and my therapy visits have gone from bi-weekly, to weekly, to now monthly just to check up on me.

 

No girl should have that kind of power over me to almost completely derail my life. I still know one day, she'll come to realize what a good thing she threw away, and when that day comes I will be able to laugh and look to what I have and thank her for setting me free to find it, then I will finally be able to say;

and leave her in the dust for once.

 

I hope everyone is having the same luck I am having.

[Midwest Wtiter]

Good for you for starting to take back your life. Give this girl a chance but be honest. I'm on here now trying to move past a recent breakup.

 

Here's something to think about: When I met the guy I'm trying to move past, I was 4 months past a breakup of a 5 year relationship. It was brutal. I was probably a bit like you-- apprehensive, still missing the other guy, but I liked this guy. We dated for almost 16 months, but I can honestly say I eventually loved him. Not right away... it took a bit, but eventually I realized that if I had to choose between him and the former guy, I would have picked him.

 

So take a few baby steps. Give her a shot.

[Omei]

Oh! Oh! Date me date me!!!

( kidding loved your post)

 

Good for you handsome!

[Armyguy123]

Basically journaling my thoughts again;

 

Went on my first date with another girl since I got dumped in August. Was nice to know I still got it! (brushes off shoulders) The girl is super into me and we had fun.

 

The problem is, is that there were small triggers that would remind me of stuff I liked in my ex and it made me miss my ex. I think I'm still very attracted to my ex and miss her still. But, I think its the memories that I am attracted to, not the new reality of her not really wanting anything to do with me. I'm going to keep seeing this girl, but I'm just really afraid I'm not going to be as attracted to her as she is to me. But I want to give it a chance, its too early to tell anyway. I made her cry (good cry haha) with a nice gesture, I thought I was just being a gentleman, dudes seem too all be a-holes out there nowadays if girls don't get treated with general courtesy and respect.

 

The thing is I didn't have an ex I was trying to get over, and still had intense feelings for last time I started dating (with my ex.) With my ex I never had a serious relationship come to a painful end before I met her and was still young.

 

Is this the reality of dating in your early 20s and that all those shows; Friends and How I met your mother are all about........damnit, wish this stuff was easier haha, am I supposed to eventually turn 28 and go hey time to get married. (turning 23 soon)

 

Almost at 2 months NC. Still have feelings for ex but they come and go and I am able to handle them. I think I'm going to need many more months of NC to fully get over her. I am worried she is going to contact me on xmas, new years, and my bday which all happen within a one week period and is connected to a lot of fun memories.

[dreamingoftigers]

When I started dating my last ex, It had been about 4 years since my previous ex before him.

 

A lot of things triggered in the early days. By it fades.

I think it's something neurological where your brain is trying to figure out who it's in the relationship with or redefining relationship. I. E. "before we were in a relationship with someone who liked scrambled eggs, this guy likes scrambled eggs, access all files related to relationships and scrambled eggs. Oh shoot, there's the ex and we miss him. Oh well, the more experiences we get with the new guy and scrambled eggs, the more the file will be overwritten."

 

I just think many people don't talk about it very often.

We expect our past attachment to have completely dissolved before getting involved with someone new, but most of the time the oxytocin that dissolves the attachment won't kick in until there's a new one.

 

Basically journaling my thoughts again;

 

Went on my first date with another girl since I got dumped in August. Was nice to know I still got it! (brushes off shoulders) The girl is super into me and we had fun.

 

The problem is, is that there were small triggers that would remind me of stuff I liked in my ex and it made me miss my ex. I think I'm still very attracted to my ex and miss her still. But, I think its the memories that I am attracted to, not the new reality of her not really wanting anything to do with me. I'm going to keep seeing this girl, but I'm just really afraid I'm not going to be as attracted to her as she is to me. But I want to give it a chance, its too early to tell anyway. I made her cry (good cry haha) with a nice gesture, I thought I was just being a gentleman, dudes seem too all be a-holes out there nowadays if girls don't get treated with general courtesy and respect.

 

The thing is I didn't have an ex I was trying to get over, and still had intense feelings for last time I started dating (with my ex.) With my ex I never had a serious relationship come to a painful end before I met her and was still young.

 

Is this the reality of dating in your early 20s and that all those shows; Friends and How I met your mother are all about........damnit, wish this stuff was easier haha, am I supposed to eventually turn 28 and go hey time to get married. (turning 23 soon)

 

Almost at 2 months NC. Still have feelings for ex but they come and go and I am able to handle them. I think I'm going to need many more months of NC to fully get over her. I am worried she is going to contact me on xmas, new years, and my bday which all happen within a one week period and is connected to a lot of fun memories.

[Armyguy123]

Today was a rough day. When my parents called and asked what I wanted for Christmas. I really don't want or need anything. The only thing I want is my relationship or a similar one back. I finally realized that I am not happy but not too sad, and that I am moreso operating at the minimum requirement just above being depressed. I miss her so much and the futility of the situation exaserbates things. I want to be able to reach out and talk to her, but I know it will only set me back and make my recovery take longer.

 

I'm tired of not being happy and just going through the motions each day with nothing really to look forward to except to sleep in on the weekends, then followed by terrible loneliness. I'm still talking to this new girl but I'm so confused about everything it sucks.

 

Relationships suck some times.

[ponchsox]

Today was a rough day. When my parents called and asked what I wanted for Christmas. I really don't want or need anything. The only thing I want is my relationship or a similar one back. I finally realized that I am not happy but not too sad, and that I am moreso operating at the minimum requirement just above being depressed. I miss her so much and the futility of the situation exaserbates things. I want to be able to reach out and talk to her, but I know it will only set me back and make my recovery take longer.

 

I'm tired of not being happy and just going through the motions each day with nothing really to look forward to except to sleep in on the weekends, then followed by terrible loneliness. I'm still talking to this new girl but I'm so confused about everything it sucks.

 

Relationships suck some times.

 

I feel your pain, brother. I'm coming up on 3 months after a breakup and 6 weeks NC. I don't have the urge to contact her but I still think about her several times a day. I met a girl for coffee last week and she agreed to a second date but I just don't have any motivation to date right now.

[Armyguy123]

So tomorrow is my birthday and a girl I'm seeing took me out for dinner. It was nice, but I am just not feeling it with this girl at all, and pretty much ended things.

 

I am almost 100% sure my ex is going to contact me in some way tomorrow, and I know its going to hurt. I haven't spoke to her in 3 months since she came back just to leave.

 

I have pretty much dreamed about her every night, and it takes me about 30-45 min to shake it off.

 

I have been handling this well and by no means am i ready to walked all over by her bc she really screwed me over and treated me unfairly. Just not looking forward to having a birthday by myself.

 

I am going to ignore anything she says to me tomorrow.

 

Summary: Miss what I had with her but doing ok.

[Armyguy123]

Almost if on queue what i predicted.

 

Was heading back from the gym, getting ready to go out with my bros for my birthday, then boom. got the "Happy Birthday! (my name!)" text. I knew it was coming.

 

I proceeded to delete it immediately and not dignify her a response after not speaking to me for months, then texting me on Christmas and my B day.

 

It felt good to take such a strong stance and resist texting her, and I think not saying anything is sending a much stronger message and keep her guessing.

[radiodarcy]

Almost if on queue what i predicted.

 

Was heading back from the gym, getting ready to go out with my bros for my birthday, then boom. got the "Happy Birthday! (my name!)" text. I knew it was coming.

 

I proceeded to delete it immediately and not dignify her a response after not speaking to me for months, then texting me on Christmas and my B day.

 

It felt good to take such a strong stance and resist texting her, and I think not saying anything is sending a much stronger message and keep her guessing.

 

Happy Birthday ArmyGuy!

 

It sounds like you gave yourself the best gift you could ever receive; by ignoring your ex's attempts to contact you. I hope you're out celebrating with your friends!