Got dumped out of the blue, do I stand a chance to get her back? [update]

[Armyguy123]

Im just struggling to accept its over and that I will probably never see her, kiss her, make love to her, hold her again. This makes me so sad. Why would she throw that away....

 

She honestly doesn't even deserve it anymore. She will probably never truly be happy again for awhile I made her life to good.

 

Who knows maybe our paths will cross again after my flight school and she will realize what a mistake she made. By, then I'll probably won't want anything to do with her.

[bubbaganoosh]

bump

 

I have gone 1 full day no contact. I just have this feeling that I will never be getting back with her and that is it over for good. Its making me really sad and depressed.

 

I miss her so god d*** much. I have never been hurt like this before. Makes me wonder if it could happen again to me or get a divorce.

 

I found a note she wrote me that I kept in my wallet. It said (my name) the more I get to know you the more I feel like I need you in my life. I love you so much! That tore me up bc how can someones feelings change so much in such a short period of time.

 

I just wish there was something I could do, to fall in love with me again. Advice? Keep at no contact?

 

Ok "second louie", it's time we had a talk so listen up from an old guy (65) former army and in a situation like yours but far worse. I've posted this before and it might be long, sorry 'bout that.

 

I was going steady with my HS GF for back in 1964. In 66 I went in to the army. Went to Vietnam and when I came back, we got engaged. With me so far? I was home for 45 days and had to go to Germany in June of 68. Still had 1 1/2 years left in the army. In Oct of 68 I got a letter from her. Big, thick letter. Thought it was a "Dear John". It was worse. She was pregnant. Wanted to know if I wanted her and the baby. I called her and said yes and I would come home for Xmas and get married. I did. Now the fun part.

 

We got married and a couple days later I came back to her house and she was talking to some guy. I asked who he was and she said friend from school. Idiot me believed it. Few days later same thing. Same story but I had a gut feeling something was wrong. Then a few more clues and I started thinking that he was more than a school friend. He was. Actually he was the father of the kid she was carrying. We had a blowout and I went back to Germany married to a woman who was a liar and a cheat and carrying another guys baby. She pestered my CO because I wouldn't send her the paperwork for an ID card. CO mentioned it to me. I thought too bad. She wrote him again and lucky for me my CO was a good guy. He took me to the snack bar and we had a good talk. Long and short of the talk was he told me to send her the paperwork or when the baby comes I'll be hit with all the doctor bills and hospital bills.

 

The guy that knocked her up was a bum. Worked at a gas station and didn't have two pennies to rub together. My wife was smart enough to get me to marry her being that I was in the army which made her a dependent and she got the same benefits I got. In other words, the government paid the bill. The bum got away scot free and I got the shaft. She finally had the baby and by counting backwards, she got pregnant when I was in Germany.

 

We divorced and I signed my rights to her baby over to them since it wasn't mine, and the ink on our divorce wasn't dry and she married him and I went NC on her. She tried to contact me three of four times and I still went NC on her from 1969 to 2009. Finally when I did talk to her she gave every half assed excuse known to man and it's now 2013 and its now 4 years NC. Sorry for making this long.

 

Your a young guy with a future and a plan. That plan is to fly choppers. You also have some baggage. A girl who has no clue what she wants and in the process is screwing your mind over. You want to be a pilot then you need to fully concentrate on that. If not, your dream will go down the drain. You also said that you have to be deployed somewhere for 16 months and if she is so confused with you being close and all this is happening with you and her, there is no way she will be able to handle the 16 months and somewhere along the line she will let you know that she can't do it any longer, so my advice to you Lt Army guy 123 is be the pilot you want to be. Be the officer your supposed to be and be the man they trained you to be. Being an officer and a pilot in the army, other people are going to be depending on you. That means that maybe some time in the future your going to have to make a quick decision and in order to do that you will need a clear mind. Your the officer and that makes you not only in charge but responsible for others. The others will be depending on you so before this situation gets more out of hand, it's time for you to make your first big decision. Your future as a chopper pilot or a girl who can't make her mind up and is causing you to lose focus. Hope this helps you and good luck to you.

[Armyguy123]

Thanks for the kind words my friend. I'm sorry for your experience. Really puts things into perspective.

 

I'm doing better each day but I just know there will be a day where she comes crying back. For now I need to move on and improve myself and not wait for her. I hope when she does change her mind I am fully recovered and want nothing to do with her.

[PR08]

Your a young guy with a future and a plan. That plan is to fly choppers. You also have some baggage. A girl who has no clue what she wants and in the process is screwing your mind over. You want to be a pilot then you need to fully concentrate on that. If not, your dream will go down the drain.

 

so my advice to you Lt Army guy 123 is be the pilot you want to be. Be the officer your supposed to be and be the man they trained you to be. The others will be depending on you so before this situation gets more out of hand, it's time for you to make your first big decision. Your future as a chopper pilot or a girl who can't make her mind up and is causing you to lose focus.

 

With bubba's post, you've now been given the best advice you will ever get on this forum. You won't get anything better than this.

 

Take it to heart and put it into practice.

[Armyguy123]

I'm starting to think her mom had something to do with it. She married a Navy pilot right out of college and they had 1 kid together my Ex's half sister. I'm wondering if she warned her about getting serious right out of college. The stupid thing is I no intention of getting married just yet. I need to get situated in my career path as well.

 

IDK, I'm probably just what if'ing it. She told me about 1 week prior to break up she had a long talk with her mom and started crying during it.

 

I'm at day 3 of official no contact and not limited contact. No sign of getting over this anytime soon.

 

I also began to seek out professional help, I need to get over this and not risk losing my Army career over this.

[mummyjonno]

I'm starting to think her mom had something to do with it. She married a Navy pilot right out of college and they had 1 kid together my Ex's half sister. I'm wondering if she warned her about getting serious right out of college. The stupid thing is I no intention of getting married just yet. I need to get situated in my career path as well.

 

IDK, I'm probably just what if'ing it. She told me about 1 week prior to break up she had a long talk with her mom and started crying during it.

 

I'm at day 3 of official no contact and not limited contact. No sign of getting over this anytime soon.

 

I also began to seek out professional help, I need to get over this and not risk losing my Army career over this.

 

You certainly are what ifing it. Think about it this way. If this girl loved you, truly loved you. No one on this earth could change her mind on you. Not even her mother.

 

The guy up top is right, you not only can do so much better. You deserve much better so when you think of her and get sad, angry and upset. You remember that

[Chatmonkey]

Hey man, my girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. I am so deeply in love with her and now i am left to pick up the pieces of my heart. I have cried my eyes out in front of her and ever since she did the deed. I will not be getting over this any time soon either and just want you to know that we are going through this together at the same time.

 

I will be doing my best to keep up NC with you. See if we can do it together.

[bubbaganoosh]

bump

 

I have gone 1 full day no contact. I just have this feeling that I will never be getting back with her and that is it over for good. Its making me really sad and depressed.

 

I miss her so god d*** much. I have never been hurt like this before. Makes me wonder if it could happen again to me or get a divorce.

 

I found a note she wrote me that I kept in my wallet. It said (my name) the more I get to know you the more I feel like I need you in my life. I love you so much! That tore me up bc how can someones feelings change so much in such a short period of time.

 

I just wish there was something I could do, to fall in love with me again. Advice? Keep at no contact?

 

One other thing my friend. Get that note out of your wallet and burn it. Bet you a shiny red apple you doing the same thing I did with the big thick letter I got. I kept it and kept reading it and all it did was give me the "coulda shoulda woulda's" until one good buddy of mine asked me if he could read it. I said yeah go ahead. He read it and said and I'll never forget his words. "Man this stinks". Then he did the unthinkable. He pulled out his lighter and burned it on the fire escape of our barracks. He then came over to me and said, "All gone" Now (and this is why I liked the guy because he always knew what to say) lets go out and get laid". We went out and got nothing but a large pizza and a couple beers and maybe a hour later a few other friends showed up and they were there to give me support. Got my pizza and beer free. I paid for my own hangover though. Get rid of the note NOW! Can't give you an order. I was only a buck sgt.

Edited September 7, 2013 by bubbaganoosh

[Armyguy123]

I'm really tempted to break NC and text her asking her saying I hope your first week of teaching went well and see how she responds but she will prob just use me as an emotional sponge.

 

I also have to report to my Army base for training in 2 weeks and I'm tempted to ask to see her when I go down. I'm more emotionally stable now, physically fit, but I'm still hesitant because I might spiral backwards if I see her and don't get the response I want.

 

There's got to be something I can do besides NC to make her remember I'm the same guy.

[Armyguy123]

Its now 5 days of pure no contact and I dont think she is going to try to talk to me at all.... its making me sad on top of already being sad.

[mummyjonno]

Its now 5 days of pure no contact and I dont think she is going to try to talk to me at all.... its making me sad on top of already being sad.

 

Try two weeks, it'll be two weeks tomorrow for me (my ex is also a soldier)

 

Some people on here have gone day, weeks and months with no contact.

Over time your hope will diminish, there is no hope:

 

If someone can throw your love away that easily they aren't worth it

[Armyguy123]

I'm trying to have more respect for myself, but I'm blinded by love goggles I guess. If you truly someone you make it work, like I did, no matter the stress. Managing Army, Fraternity, Academics, and her was incredibly stressful but I made it work. She is starting a new job and feels stressed and quits on the one thing that should relieve stress, doesn't make sense. But in the end I guess I loved her more than she loved me. I deserve someone much better. I'm just sad I have to suffer until then. All this "Pick yourself up and move on" "you're a soldier, take a knee, and move out" stuff is so much easier said than done. I'm just sad some of my peers in the Army have girlfriends that are sticking by them through all the tough stuff. I wish mine was as tough as I am. I may be sounding sad and out on the forums but that doesn't mean I'm not a tough son of a b****.

 

She fell out of love with me somewhere along the line. I don't know where it happened, or how it happened, but it makes me sad, and I hope hope hope hope she was not talking to another guy.

 

One day maybe in a month, 3 months, a year, 2 years, she'll have a moment where she misses me. I am too good of a person for her not to do that.

 

My personal challenge is to try and hold NC until then and show I'm stronger and let her cave first, and even then I may keep going.

 

thanks for the support everyone. Just got to take it one day at a time.

[BarOfButter]

Hey, I know how you feel. I'm also a new officer in the Army Reserve (my username:laugh:), also balanced academics, military, fraternity, and job in college. The one that dumped me also couldn't take stress as well, she started acting differently after she started a new job.

 

I mean to us, having a bad job is more of "just embrace the suck and drive on" but to those who dumped us, it may have been something that really affected them. My dumper didn't want to see me at all when she started her new job and just wanted to wallow in her stress and worry. I feel that they emotionally and mentally left the relationship long before they actually did the breaking up.

 

I'm having the same thoughts as you too, what if she finds someone else, what if I just wait for her to want me back??

 

In my eyes, no matter what you've been thru in the Army, all the training or experiences, nothing toughens you up for a break up. It's their loss since we have college degrees, officer's commissions with a nice pay check (when we are on orders that is), skills from BOLC that would make nice careers in the civilian world, physically fit bodies, and not to mention mental sharpness. As much as it hurts us, it was their loss!!!

 

We're both brothers because of the same uniform we wear and we're of similar rank, please PM me with your number so we can talk more about our similar situations!

[mummyjonno]

Hey, I know how you feel. I'm also a new officer in the Army Reserve (my username:laugh:), also balanced academics, military, fraternity, and job in college. The one that dumped me also couldn't take stress as well, she started acting differently after she started a new job.

 

I mean to us, having a bad job is more of "just embrace the suck and drive on" but to those who dumped us, it may have been something that really affected them. My dumper didn't want to see me at all when she started her new job and just wanted to wallow in her stress and worry. I feel that they emotionally and mentally left the relationship long before they actually did the breaking up.

 

I'm having the same thoughts as you too, what if she finds someone else, what if I just wait for her to want me back??

 

In my eyes, no matter what you've been thru in the Army, all the training or experiences, nothing toughens you up for a break up. It's their loss since we have college degrees, officer's commissions with a nice pay check (when we are on orders that is), skills from BOLC that would make nice careers in the civilian world, physically fit bodies, and not to mention mental sharpness. As much as it hurts us, it was their loss!!!

 

We're both brothers because of the same uniform we wear and we're of similar rank, please PM me with your number so we can talk more about our similar situations!

 

LOL Nice username :laugh:

[BC1980]

I'm trying to have more respect for myself, but I'm blinded by love goggles I guess. If you truly someone you make it work, like I did, no matter the stress. Managing Army, Fraternity, Academics, and her was incredibly stressful but I made it work. She is starting a new job and feels stressed and quits on the one thing that should relieve stress, doesn't make sense. But in the end I guess I loved her more than she loved me. I deserve someone much better. I'm just sad I have to suffer until then. All this "Pick yourself up and move on" "you're a soldier, take a knee, and move out" stuff is so much easier said than done. I'm just sad some of my peers in the Army have girlfriends that are sticking by them through all the tough stuff. I wish mine was as tough as I am. I may be sounding sad and out on the forums but that doesn't mean I'm not a tough son of a b****.

 

She fell out of love with me somewhere along the line. I don't know where it happened, or how it happened, but it makes me sad, and I hope hope hope hope she was not talking to another guy.

 

One day maybe in a month, 3 months, a year, 2 years, she'll have a moment where she misses me. I am too good of a person for her not to do that.

 

My personal challenge is to try and hold NC until then and show I'm stronger and let her cave first, and even then I may keep going.

 

thanks for the support everyone. Just got to take it one day at a time.

 

It takes time. You are in the phase where you are still in disbelief. Sooner or later, you will come to accept it. It took me about 2 months to really accept that my last relationship was over, and I cried a little when that moment of clarity came. But I got up the next day and kept on going. You can make what you want out of the situation.

 

I also cried when I realized that I wouldn't just take him back at the drop of a hat. I felt that it was really done because both of us had given up in a sense. That took about 3 months to realize. I found that worse actually because I felt like I was letting go of something really good, but, again, I got up the next day and kept going.

 

You've got to give it more time, but it does help to get your emotions out on here. We'll be here for you.

[abby_tx]

My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue just as your gf did. I did the whole, "but I am in love with you" and begged and pleaded. Then I wanted to discuss the breakup over and over to figure out what his EXACT reasons were. There wasn't an answer that was good enough. I never could get the closure I wanted. Finally (as in just this weekend) I realized I am sick of letting someone make me feel this ****ing ****ty. I'm a great person and he didn't realize it, so he doesn't deserve another second of my time.

 

You will not get better if you continue to torture yourself with "what if"s or replay the good scenes of your relationship in your head. She dumped you. Her loss. Move on. Get one last vent/rant out and then try as hard as you can not to think about her or talk about her. Strengthen friendships, make goals. Live your life. If it truly is a timing issue, then it could happen in the future. But you can't let yourself think that now.

[bubbaganoosh]

 

 

 

 

 

In my eyes, no matter what you've been thru in the Army, all the training or experiences, nothing toughens you up for a break up.

 

!

 

Yes it does my friend. Believe me. I don't know if you have experienced combat yet and I hope you never do, but all it take is one gun shot aimed at you and it doesn't matter if it misses you by an inch or 50 feet, that bullet was meant for you. The guy who fired that shot doesn't give a rats ass if your GF broke up with you. He only want to kill you. I tell you this from experience. Once gunfire starts, I promise you with all my heart you won't remember her name let alone what she looks like or what she did to you. The only thing on your mind is living and if someone you know just happens to be a casualty somewhere in your mind you'll be thinking that "better him than me" and soon after that, the break up for what ever reason will mean "squat" compared to someone trying to take your life.

[Omei]

Yes it does my friend. Believe me. I don't know if you have experienced combat yet and I hope you never do, but all it take is one gun shot aimed at you and it doesn't matter if it misses you by an inch or 50 feet, that bullet was meant for you. The guy who fired that shot doesn't give a rats ass if your GF broke up with you. He only want to kill you. I tell you this from experience. Once gunfire starts, I promise you with all my heart you won't remember her name let alone what she looks like or what she did to you. The only thing on your mind is living and if someone you know just happens to be a casualty somewhere in your mind you'll be thinking that "better him than me" and soon after that, the break up for what ever reason will mean "squat" compared to someone trying to take your life.

 

For that MOMENT yes, but what they mean is overall on a "daily basis" take your little story and he didn't get shot once its all over who do you think he wants to share it with? "Gosh I wish I could really tell my gf what happened to me"

[bubbaganoosh]

For that MOMENT yes, but what they mean is overall on a "daily basis" take your little story and he didn't get shot once its all over who do you think he wants to share it with? "Gosh I wish I could really tell my gf what happened to me"

 

 

I don't agree with you. After my first experience when I was in Vietnam the last thing on my mind was telling loved ones what happened. I would do them no good and drive them crazy. I had thought about writing home and telling my story and a friend of mine who was a career man and on his second tour in Nam told me it's a bad idea and to keep it to yourself until you got home. Even then I didn't talk about it and when it was brought up, I glossed over it.

 

Point is, he will get over this only if he wants to. Keep dwelling on it and it just festers and takes you down.

[Sugarkane]

Am I right she only lived 15 minutes away from you and didn't want to make it work? I've lived 1 hour + from my current SO. I hope you focus on your career, it sounds like you have a lot going for you. Which is really attractive. I envy you when I got here it was the downturn where I worked and had hardly Any work. Got depressed very quickly.

[SweetHeartBeats]

Hi Armyguy123,

I've been reading your thread and it's a tough one. I found myself in a similar situation about 3 years ago. My bf left and I was pretty distraught. I think he was going through GIGS. We were together over 7 years and I felt I was never going to let him go.

What everyone here is saying about NC is the best thing you can ever do. You love her let her go, let her figure out whatever is going on through her mind. The urge to contact her will be there but you need to care about yourself first.

 

After 3 years that my ex left me he came back. He still loves me and wants to work things out. I didn't contact him once. I didn't look at any of his social media. My point is to stick to no contact. It'll be hard in the beginning. As much as you care and as much as you would want to talk to her don't do it. If its meant to be she will find her way back to you.

 

Remember YOU matter the most!

[Armyguy123]

So I've gone NC for over a week and half now and I miss her a lot. But I'm starting to think she may not be the girl I thought she was, which is saddening. She is showing that she is more selfish and didn't want to go the extra mile when I always have.

 

Last time we spoke she says she doesn't want me to hate her bc that would make her too upset at a time when she is stressed, lonely, and overwhelmed. This is her being selfish she wants to avoid the guilt not because she cares about my pain, she wants to not feel bad herself because she is the one who caused it.

[Armyguy123]

Let me provide some more info.

 

So her ex dumped her out of the blue over 4 years ago. He left her for another girl and left her heart broken. This guy was slated to get married to his fiance so when she would talk to him sometimes I wouldn't care. So a few months ago i caught her talking to him again which I allowed but didn't like. She said she wished he never was happy and was alone and was mad he was getting married. Turns out I accidentally found out he broke off his engagement and broke up with his fiance. She hid this from me and was talking to him behind my back. When I confronted her about it she started defending him and said she was just catching up. I said, why are you defending your ex who you supposedly hate over me your current bf who you love. She said she wanted to see if he had changed, which I then said what the hell does that mean. Do you want to be with him? She said no, but she was just curious how he was doing and if he is a better person. She started crying and said she was sorry and to please not dump her. I accepted her apology and assumed she was done texting him. She kept texting him and said she had a dream with him in it. I snook a look in her phone to be 100% sure. This broke my heart that she was doing this.

 

What I'm afraid of is that she never fully got over him and had renewed feelings and hopes for her relationship with him. This was a man who broke her heart over 4 years ago, cheated on her, and mistreated her. Her family hated him and she would only cause herself pain if she would try to get back with her. I may be reading far too much into this but I'm afraid she may try to talk to him now to fill the void after the end of our relationship. If she does this I would probably be over her faster but be forced to go through a lot of pain knowing that she lied to me about being over this guy. This guy is in the Navy and I want to beat the s*** of him for knowingly talking to her behind my back when she was with me.

 

This is probably me again what iffing this to death and is probably not the case.

 

My one thing I like about this is she told me he was insecure about the size of his manhood and it was way below average. That's not the case for me, Italian stallion baby.

 

Well this ends my rant about her talking to her ex and making me not trust her as much.

[Armyguy123]

Everyday that goes by it makes me miss her more and want to break NC. Its hard to talk to someone almost everyday for two years and then abruptly stop. I still find myself thinking that she will break the NC but it will most likely be her just checking up on me and not changing her mind. I cant wait til my feelings change about her so this gets less painful.

 

I've talked myself out of writing a letter, calling her, or sending a long email as I don't think theyd get my message across and be well received. Shes so busy with work now I bet she only thinks about me at night. I think about her almost all day everyday

I miss her so much that I start to cry periodically throughout the day now but only for about a minute or two.

[BarOfButter]

Hey, stay strong. Every day of no contact is another victory. If you feel like writing her a letter, write a letter, pour your feelings out, anything and everything you feel, then throw the letter out. I write constantly, or scribble to be more accurate, my thoughts and feelings just so i wont go insane from bottling it up, even though no one will read it and I throw it all out in the end. Talk to someone about it! LS is a great place but talking with other people you trust in person is great as well. I'm sure your unit's chaplain is available, I just talked with the Battalion Chaplain today about my problems and it felt great. Every day that goes by, it will get easier. The pain will get easier and lighter. Live day by day. As time goes on, this hardship will get easier, I promise.

 

Keep yourself busy. Hang out with friends, pick up a hobby, do anything to stop thinking about her. She probably is talking to that other guy. Trust me, you dont want to be with another girl who's thinking about another guy. I've been in that seat and it hurts. Your common sense can see thru her lies.