found bizarre email to my bf from his female friend where she threatened to beatme up

[anonymous]

okay this is a really bizarre thing and i have been searching for info about this on the internet but haven't found anything. so i thought i would ask you all...you seem like nice people...

 

i have a bf of 2.5 years, and we live together. our relationship is pretty normal and happy, i would say. the other day he went to work and i sat down to use his computer (which he knows i use it all the time). there was an email up on the screen and although i didn't plan to read it, a couple of words (esp a really bad word for a woman starting with a "c") caught my eye. it was a little email from one of his female friends i don't know.

 

basically, it said "wow your girlfriend sounds like such a b**** and a c***. i'm so sorry you're not happy in your relationship. maybe you should kick her a** to the curb because you shouldn't let someone run your life like that. the thought of some b**** treating you like that makes me want to come to your town and kick her a**. maybe when i come visit you at christmas i will knock some of her teeth out."

 

or something like that. i don't remember exactly.

 

what the hell should i do about this? i don't know what his response was, or if he responded or anything, because i immediately closed it after reading that. i can't say anything to him about it because i know i shouldn't really read his email. and he hasn't really mentioned anything about a friend visiting for christmas. this whole thing is really sketchy. what should i think about this?

 

thanks...it seems like you all have a really nice community here!

[opaleye]

If it were me I would ask him about it. It's a pretty big deal if he is talking to some girl about his relationship with you and if it's true that he's unhappy then you might aswell get to the bottom of it now. I would just sit him down and tell him that I came across the email accidently, but I read it and I am worried about what it said. I would want to address the whole unhappiness thing and make that the main topic of conversation instead of the girl calling you names cos you don't want to make it sound like it's all about you- make it about you being concerned about him and your relationship. If he gets mad then he gets mad but he's gotta understand that many people would read that if they saw it on the computer- its damn hard not to read something about yourself.

 

You can't really go on wondering about it and stressing- if he is unhappy then now is the time to discuss it. I think that you sorting this out is important because if you don't bring it up it's going to put a strain on your relationship and trust.

 

Also, if he has been talking badly about you behind your back to this girl then he needs to sort himself out because that's not on. Especially not with a girl who sounds like a freakin' psycho. It's not like you went into his email and read all his stuff- you came across it innocently and although you probably shouldn't have read it you did and a lot of others would do the same.

 

If it's all some weird misunderstanding and she's just some insane girl who's stalking him or something then even then it would be good for you to know about it (she is threatening to beat you up- that's not normal)

 

I would talk to him about it but be prepared for him to get angry, but don't back down- this is a long term relationship we are talking about and it has to be a priority over you possibly invading his privacy.

 

Good luck.

[meisje]

I agree with opaleye on how important it is to get to the bottom of this. I also agree that it needs to be a conversation about both of you and the relationship, not about some girl calling you names.

 

I would however, try to find a way to bring it up without mentioning the email (at first) because if you just start the conversation by telling him you saw the email he would probably just get angry, try to deny things and go on the defensive. It will be hard to have a god conversation with him if he's already rigid from the start.

 

Try to find some other clues to start the conversation with... things from your every-day relationship. You said you think your relationship is "pretty normal". So what's not normal about it? Try to think of something that has happened that may have made him angry or unhappy and work with that.

 

I know that's not very solid advice, I really don't have enough information to say anything further, but I just want to recommend that you leave the email out of it for as long as you can, it will make you try to think or WHAT it is he's unhappy about so that you can be prepared to address it when you confront him. Telling him about the email will only make him defensive, and you can't have a constructive conversation with someone that way.

 

On that note, I'm not saying that you should hide it from him completely. He should know that you saw it and that ir hurt/confused you. Keeping things from eachother is, in my opinion, just makes things harder. But just don't bring it up in an accusative way or he may just think "okay well then I'll just hide them better". Try to talk through the ISSUES first, before you mention the email.

 

Only my opinions, of course.

[NatoPMT]

Hi Anon – if I saw an email about me that read like that, I assume id know exactly what it was this girl was referring to. If id ‘run someones life’ and ‘treated him like that’ Id know exactly what id done to deserve this sort of discussion. If I saw an email like this from I girl I didn’t know who was coming to stay for christmas, id know fine well some porkies were being told about me.

 

You say you have a happy relationship, but this mail says he’s been telling people – or specifically her – that you have treated him badly. Do you deserve this ranting soliloquy? You say you don’t know her, but do you know OF her? Has he talked about her? After 2.5 years you’d imagine he doesn’t have any friends he hasn’t mentioned. If you haven’t done anything you think deserves this it sounds pretty suspect to me. I cant imagine its some girl stalking him, I really cant, she’s responding to what he’s told her. Just bear that in mind when he gives you his explanation because I am sorry to say it sounds to me like hes giving her some story. Why? I can only speculate but I cant think of any reason other than to gain her sympathy if you haven’t done anything to warrant this outburst.

 

Approach this gently as opaleye & meisje suggest, but keep in mind, she has said what she’s written because of what he’s written to her.

 

BB

[savethedrama4allama]

My 2 cents...

 

It sounds to me like if I'm complaining to my girlfriend about my relationship (which most of us do to a few select trusted individuals, its necessary) and she goes off like "I'm going to whoop some sense into that boy". It happens all the time. Its a joking way for her to validate my feelings. However all the swear words do seem serious and malicious, my friends wouldn't go that far, but maybe that is natural for this person? It could be that they are just friends doing what friends do sometimes. If you are genuinely concerned for your safety, or his fidelity, bring it up with your boyfriend. You should be able to come to him with your concerns.