digger Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Curious if theres anything to be read into this: At the divorce proceedings I asked her for half of the wedding pictures. i MADE A SUBTLE MENTION I WOULD BE BURNING MY HALF . She said she had given them TO OUR DAUGHTER ALREADY (WHICH I DONT BELIEVE) but i could have copies made. A few wks later i asked same in a letter. When I went to collect my stuff I found she had put little 3x5 snapshots of the wedding in my boxes. None of the big elaborate ones out of the album. I also had asked her for half the snapshots--we had 8 large books full. I got all 8 books but she had taken all the pictures out that had me and her in a picture together. Interestingly, each book had ONE picture of me and her together left in it. One per book. I would think she might miss one, maybe 2 after going thru them so fast--but all 8 books?? If she hated me so bad-why would she want to retain any memories of me and her. Something tells me she wants to hold onto them--or is it just wishful thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Hmmm, that is weird. Maybe she kept the pictures out of spite because she knew that you wanted them back. I don't know if it mean anything or it's just wishful thinking, but nothing says "I never want to see you again" like divorce does. I have a question, if you were planning on burning the pictures anyway, why do you care and why are you wishfulling thinking that there's more to this then there may be? Link to post Share on other sites
I-want-to-be-happy Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 I don't know about anyone else but If my husband and I were to split up I want to keep pictures of us because he was a huge part of my life and at one time we were happy. And I think I would be hurt knowing he could just burn them all, its like saying you never cared at all. Why did you tell her you wanted to burn them anyway were you trying to hurt her? You should try talking with her to end things in a good way manipulation is never good it just leads to more hurt and confusion for both party's. Try talking to her so the two of you can at least have a good relationship for your daughters sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 i was really hurt and i thot the mention of burning them might get a rise out of her--and a sign she still gives damn maybe way back in her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by digger i was really hurt and i thot the mention of burning them might get a rise out of her--and a sign she still gives damn maybe way back in her mind. I think both of you still give a damn. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 I think both of you still give a damn. Well spotted & quite possibly true. If you really want the wedding pictures there could be negatives available, even from the original photographer - just ask for those & forget about it. Why are the pictures important? Many people like to keep photographs & I'm sure in 20 or 30 years time your daughter will like the fact that those photos are around & she could show them to her children one day. Family history is very important & I think documents & photos are great mementos of lives present & past, even the bad bits - you can't tear up your history when children are involved. any digital photos? we'd have to have a data transfer clause in the divorce settlement!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 I dont like the idea of destroying memories, when they were taken you were happy and you will no doubt regret doing it in the future even if you get some satisfaction in doing it at the time. It crossed my mind to destroy photos of my girlfriend when we split and I told her I would be doing it then realised how counter productive it would be in any sort of friendship / relationship that might happen in the future so I apologised for it and just put all the stuff away in a cupboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 maybe i said it to scare her or get a reaction--i dunno--never seriously intended to. But for naive--why do 'we' give a damn--what have u disected out of this to form that opinion? (i know i do--but not sure with her) Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Memories cannot be destroyed. Pictures can be. Which is more valuable to you? Your vibrant and powerful memories or some fading and most likely contrived pictures? Let her keep all of them, or give them to your daughter, or shred them, or use them for wiping!. Whatever she wants to do with 'em. That's her choice. You have your memories. They are better than any picture dontcha think? Plus they're animated! And can never be taken away. Oh, in a divorce, both parties still care deeply for each other, that's why it always hurts so damn much. just my $.02 mA Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by digger maybe i said it to scare her or get a reaction--i dunno--never seriously intended to. But for naive--why do 'we' give a damn--what have u disected out of this to form that opinion? (i know i do--but not sure with her) Well if she's giving you 8 albums back and all of them have 1 picture of both of you together then maybe she is doing it so that you can still have her in your mind or so that you can think about those times, but she does not want to make it obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 She might very well be saving the pictures for her daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 It's pretty selfish to destroy pictures of family history - yes, that includes your wedding - when you have kids. These things matter to kids. I don't think she misses you. I just think she was being more mature about it and realized your daughter might want to see them someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 digger, it's been awhile since I've visited but it sounds like you're doing better As for the pictures: For now, let go. If it's finalized, it's done. The past, yes... but still a part of your life --yet it doesn't have to rule you're every waking moment. Cliche, but time does heal. My therapist a few months ago now asked me what percentage of my day did I spend thinking about him. I never realized how much of my time I had spent on him and our failing marriage until she asked this question. Then she asked me to compare where I was at the height of our problems and where I was at a few months ago. It's amazing... really... time does heal. Sending happy thoughts your way-- WB Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 When my wife and I split, I got out of our house for a few days so she could pack up the stuff that she was taking. Surprisingly she left boxes of family photos and all of the wedding photos & album (I'm glad she left that stuff, because it all means something to me). While I have no desire to look through the wedding stuff, I am keeping all of this for my kids. It is afterall a part of where they came from and who they are. There are plenty of good memories for them in those boxes before things went bad. I want my kids to remember that their mother and I were once very much in love and they were conceived out of that love. It is all part of their history. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts