5 years gone very quickly

[GSW]

Ill try to keep this short because i have a problem for making things much longer than i plan on.

 

Too start me and my girlfriend had been together for 5 years, at just before the 2 year mark we had broken up for about 3 months (my doing). When we had broken up before i still loved her, but she had been taking me for granted and i thought i had made the right choice. Long story short she we started seeing eachother again and she had proved to me that she didnt want to take me for granted. We where back together for the next 3 years up untill the start of June this year.

 

Now this time around she dumped me. And what felt like out of the blue, because just two weeks earlier we had both discussed how we wanted to get married.

 

At the time of the break up, now i can see i took her for granted. And honestly I focused on spending time with her more than i should have. She was and is very busy with alot on the go right now. At the time of the break up she was studying for her LSAT and also working two jobs.

 

She often wanted to go out with her friends from work and have me come, But honestly im a pretty shy person and i think that me declining the invitation may have just made me seem more prudish. Although that wasn't why i know that she viewed me as not wanting to anything fun, although it was more the situations that made me feel uncomfortable.

 

Now, her mom has contacted me since the breakup and to be polite i have spoken with her. Her and her husband feel like my girlfriend didnt feel accepted as part of her circle of friends at work and she wanted to fit in .(i think this is true because i know that she spends alot of time with them all now).

 

Ive been a mess since the breakup, esspecially because from my point of view we were in such a good place just before.

 

since the breakup i had my pathetic desperate phase right afterwards, than managed to go no contact for a month.

 

than for about a month i had done limited contact but she ignored all of my attempts at contact.

 

than after going no contact for acouple weeks she texted me, she works part time as a law clerk and she had come across some papers involving my dad (a police officer) and she said that she had come across them etc.

 

i responded with a very short "thats neat, i hope the case is going well"

 

than i didnt contact her for acouple more weeks.

 

untill i had gotten a new computer, and had been looking through old things on my old one to see if i should keep anything. i came across an old picture i had taken of her that i thought was funny because of the hat she had in it. So i sent it to her saying something like "haha look what i found" she messaged me back almost immediatly just saying " i still have that hat...." It was a joke hat so it wasn't like i was insulting her clothing taste.

 

 

Than the worst thing possible happened to me.

in my old files i came across all of the messages she had sent to me when we had broken up 3 years ago. I turned into a mess and bassically went back to square one. I sent her abunch of crap about how i still feel along with the things she had said to me those years ago.

 

i was sending this crap to her, essentially just harrassing her i guess is the best way to describe it. she continued to ignore me and eventually just sent me a text saying something along the lines of "you're bugging me at work, i dont want to get back together. I think you need to move on. I just want to be friends"

 

It was very polite but it still hurt. And i understood that i needed to stop but after reading the things she had sent me i felt like i couldnt.

 

I understand that I should take everything at face value and that when she says those things i should take them as truth, its just hard when in the past i said much worse things when we were broken up, but i still had feelings for her just needed the push.

 

She is much more stubborn than me and i know she will continue to ignore me.

But i honestly love her, and i know that what we had was special. Looking at the relationship there wasn't anything that was poisonous. I feel now that maybe it was just a overload of stress. But now i know she has support from her friends (she moved in with a friend shortly after the break up, and i know that friend in particular doesn't like me)

 

Basically the point of this thread is that i need some support.

 

i wish i knew what to do to get a second chance, but she is too stubborn and wont have a conversation with me. I havent contacted her for about 2 weeks now and plan to continue without contacting her, atleast untill i figure things out.

 

i understand that the world wont end and that eventually i will be able to find someone else. But she was my first love, we lost our virginities to eachother, and she gave me the best years of my life.

 

Extra details that i think are important that i forgot.

 

-about a month and a half after the breakup she ran a half marathon. My mom and i went to support her (she stays in contact with my mom fairly regularly, but didnt know i was going to go)

after her race i walked her to her car and gave her some flowers, she was obviouslly taken back by it, looked like she was going to cry and than asked about seeing me again. (but never responded to me when i tried talking to her 2 days later)

 

-she continues to talk to my mom, and when my mom emailed her about coming over for dinner while my dad and i were out of town she responded with " I WOULD LOVE TOO!"

 

i know that probably means nothing invloving me, but i guess i could hope.

 

as an ender thanks for reading that all. below is one of the messages she had sent me when we had been broken up before. the type of things that kind of gave me a push to not give up.

 

"

June 5, 2010 at 9:25pm

(no subject)

 

All this time, i've never deserved to be with you, i'm not all that great, you really did settle for me, and I was the luckiest girl that you did. You're an amazing person, who is able to make me feel amazing, but I can't do much right, and the little that I have done right gets cancelled out with the mistakes i've made, and the person you saw me as. But I don't want to be like that, and I miss you, and I miss how you made me feel, I'm sorry i've ruined your life, and I understand that im a huge regret, and waste of your time, because if you hadn't settleted for me, you could be with someone else right now, who could probably make you so much happier then I ever can.

The last thing I want, is for you to block my number, and just block me all around in general. I understand that you don't want to talk to me, and i'll respect that the best I can, but I'm here being the person I want to be, and I hope that one day you can like me again, because what I shared with you, I never want to share with anyone else, and I never want to feel that way with anyone else, I don't think I can... But chances are, they'll be a day where you'll be completely over me, and I won't be in your memories anymore, you'll have made new ones with someone else, and be sharing things with someone else, you'll be okay, because you can make anyone happy, and that girl will be the luckiest girl alive.

You'll be okay without me, but I want to be the one to make you happy, and I want to be the next person you share things with, I want to be that person.

One day, I hope, I hope a lot, that you'll want to see me even for alittle, maybe in the summer, or to say goodbye if you move, no matter where you are, i'll still be here to help, and I hope you'll be happy, happier then I could make you.

But I know, no ones ever going to make me as happy, and i'll be the one suffering, because anyone would be the luckiest person to have you.

And it feels like I almost know, that when I'm here being the person I want to be, which is what I'm doing right now, and when you see that, all summer, and know, the old (her name) is back, that could mean something, I hope more then anything it does mean something, because I want to share everything with you again, my feelings, and my day's and me... but I only find happiness doing that with you, and I feel happiness hoping that one day that will be with you again...

I'm sorry, this is realy long, please let me know when you're not busy, and maybe we can try to talk.. my dads taking me for a drive later, and then im going to be home working on my scrapbook and lab, so please talk to me later, if not, then I understand, but I would really like it if you did

have a goodnight

you'll be in my dreams"

[Mariposa10]

Next time you contact her, don't beg her to take you back. Make sure she knows that you've accepted the break-up. Is she interested in having some kind of friendship at all with you?? What was the reason for the breakup? Because you took her for granted?

 

 

Good luck, I hope other people with more experience can help you.

[GSW]

Next time you contact her, don't beg her to take you back. Make sure she knows that you've accepted the break-up. Is she interested in having some kind of friendship at all with you?? What was the reason for the breakup? Because you took her for granted?

 

 

Good luck, I hope other people with more experience can help you.

 

thanks for the response.

 

honestly i don't know what the reason for the breakup was. Like i said 2 weeks before she said she wanted to marry me, than after the breakup she just completely ignored me. I think at the time of the breakup she was overwhelmed by everything going on with work and school.

 

i'm not sure of the exact reasons, but i know i was never abusive or anything like that, it may have had to do with her friends wanting her to always do things with them and me being abit shy of new people, also after 5 years i think i got a bit to comfortable and really slowed down on doing special things, which is what i mean by taking her for granted.

 

She's said she wants to be friends but im unsure if that was just out of courtesy or if she was serious.

 

We didnt have a huge fallout or anything to cause the breakup so i know that she most likely doesnt have any really hard feelings for me other than me being irritating when i was completely desperate, but i know her pretty well and i think she knows that wasn't out of trying to annoy her and actually was from the heart.

 

I just know that she lives with a friend that doesnt like me, so she will be constantly have someone there telling her to avoid me.

 

I know life goes on, but without knowing how she is feeling its hard to accept that its over when i know so shortly before we were happy together. deep down i just kind of feel like it was a rash deciscion at the time followed by her having her friends around assuring her it was a good choice simply because her one friend is bitter toward me.

[Mariposa10]

thanks for the response.

 

honestly i don't know what the reason for the breakup was. Like i said 2 weeks before she said she wanted to marry me, than after the breakup she just completely ignored me. I think at the time of the breakup she was overwhelmed by everything going on with work and school.

 

i'm not sure of the exact reasons, but i know i was never abusive or anything like that, it may have had to do with her friends wanting her to always do things with them and me being abit shy of new people, also after 5 years i think i got a bit to comfortable and really slowed down on doing special things, which is what i mean by taking her for granted.

 

She's said she wants to be friends but im unsure if that was just out of courtesy or if she was serious.

 

We didnt have a huge fallout or anything to cause the breakup so i know that she most likely doesnt have any really hard feelings for me other than me being irritating when i was completely desperate, but i know her pretty well and i think she knows that wasn't out of trying to annoy her and actually was from the heart.

 

I just know that she lives with a friend that doesnt like me, so she will be constantly have someone there telling her to avoid me.

 

I know life goes on, but without knowing how she is feeling its hard to accept that its over when i know so shortly before we were happy together. deep down i just kind of feel like it was a rash deciscion at the time followed by her having her friends around assuring her it was a good choice simply because her one friend is bitter toward me.

 

I know, my ex and I also talked about marriage weeks before our break-up. So I guess it's common. But when she broke up with you, did she say I think we should break-up because....? I know you must feel bad because you don't even know what went wrong. After the breakup did she ever initiate some sort of contact with you?

[GSW]

I know, my ex and I also talked about marriage weeks before our break-up. So I guess it's common. But when she broke up with you, did she say I think we should break-up because....? I know you must feel bad because you don't even know what went wrong. After the breakup did she ever initiate some sort of contact with you?

 

at the time of the breakup she just said that she was overwhelmed. Hence why i think the work and school was a big factor. when she broke up with me we both cried and she hugged me a lot. So i know atleast at the time of the breakuo she still had feelings for me.

 

but i think that now its sort of turned into her hanging out with her work friends and its been sort of a new thing for to spend her time doing stuff with them. I know that she is liking the change but also doing "new" things is only fun for so long.

 

and ya thats the thing, is i don't know what went wrong, and it sucks because i honestly thought we were going to get married once we were out of school.

 

we broke up 2 weeks before her big test and she told me that when her test was done that we could go out for dinner. Once it was done, she ignored me about it for acouple days than texted me a fairly long text saying stuff along the lines of "I'm really glad i had you in my life for so long to help me grow into the person who i am, but now i just need to work on myself i think that its best we stay apart" Much longer than that, but i cant remember all of it but thats the just.

 

 

She only ever contacted me first once and that was when she came across a file mentioning my dad while at work. (she works as a law clerk and my dad is a police srgt.) she texted me saying something like "hey i came across a file signed off by your dad! while i was searching through blah blah blah"

[Mariposa10]

at the time of the breakup she just said that she was overwhelmed. Hence why i think the work and school was a big factor. when she broke up with me we both cried and she hugged me a lot. So i know atleast at the time of the breakuo she still had feelings for me.

 

but i think that now its sort of turned into her hanging out with her work friends and its been sort of a new thing for to spend her time doing stuff with them. I know that she is liking the change but also doing "new" things is only fun for so long.

 

and ya thats the thing, is i don't know what went wrong, and it sucks because i honestly thought we were going to get married once we were out of school.

 

we broke up 2 weeks before her big test and she told me that when her test was done that we could go out for dinner. Once it was done, she ignored me about it for acouple days than texted me a fairly long text saying stuff along the lines of "I'm really glad i had you in my life for so long to help me grow into the person who i am, but now i just need to work on myself i think that its best we stay apart" Much longer than that, but i cant remember all of it but thats the just.

 

 

She only ever contacted me first once and that was when she came across a file mentioning my dad while at work. (she works as a law clerk and my dad is a police srgt.) she texted me saying something like "hey i came across a file signed off by your dad! while i was searching through blah blah blah"

 

I think you need to wait until she contacts you again... It seems like she's overwhelmed...

[GSW]

I think you need to wait until she contacts you again... It seems like she's overwhelmed...

 

I think youre right, well i know youre right. It's just hard i guess, because like im sure so many people who have done NC before have thought "what if they never do" i guess thats part of it thought and if thats the case than so be it.

 

I know life wont end without her, i just honestly feel like what we had was worth being worked on.

 

I had spoken to her once in person and she apologized for ignoring me. She said "im sorry ive been ignoring you, i just wasnt ready to talk" we talked for probably 15 minutes just about life etc.

after that she went back to ignoring me, so i guess it is pretty clear.

 

i guess my worst fear, from knowing her for so long, and knowing how she thinks and acts. When ive seen her, it feels like she does still have feelings for me but for whatever reason she is trying to fight them. which could be school and work, She wants to get into law school next year so I can understand that she would put school first, i just wish she would give me the chance to show her that i could help her with the stress of day to day life.

 

 

anyway thanks for responding i know the OP was a long read

[Mariposa10]

I think youre right, well i know youre right. It's just hard i guess, because like im sure so many people who have done NC before have thought "what if they never do" i guess thats part of it thought and if thats the case than so be it.

 

I know life wont end without her, i just honestly feel like what we had was worth being worked on.

 

I had spoken to her once in person and she apologized for ignoring me. She said "im sorry ive been ignoring you, i just wasnt ready to talk" we talked for probably 15 minutes just about life etc.

after that she went back to ignoring me, so i guess it is pretty clear.

 

i guess my worst fear, from knowing her for so long, and knowing how she thinks and acts. When ive seen her, it feels like she does still have feelings for me but for whatever reason she is trying to fight them. which could be school and work, She wants to get into law school next year so I can understand that she would put school first, i just wish she would give me the chance to show her that i could help her with the stress of day to day life.

 

 

anyway thanks for responding i know the OP was a long read

 

I know how you're feeling... Believe me, many people on this forum do... Don't focus on the "what if she never contacts me" part. Just go out with your friends, get new hobbies. Everything will be fine, if things are meant to be, it'll happen. I try to focus on the present.

 

Good luck and whenever you feels sad you can always come to this forum, we all are going through almost the same thing.