Did this guy just play mind games with me??

[SpiralOut]

I met this guy through mutual friends. He seemed like a very sensitive, sweet guy. We had so much in common it was crazy. He said a bunch of stuff to me that normally would freak me out to hear so soon, but we were drunk (at a wedding) and he's sensitive, so I figured he meant it. He said stuff about us being kindred spirits, and I am what his soul needs, that I have a really good vibe, stuff like that. He has always been that kinda guy - we went to highschool together and that is his personality - so from anyone else I would have thought they were full of crap, but from him it sounded normal. I thought he meant it.

 

We don't live in the same city. I didn't expect to see him again but he asked to come visit me so I said yes. We spent the weekend together. He acted like a perfect gentleman. He did not push me to be sexual. He treated me everywhere we went, even though I didn't expect him to. He's really smart and he cares about the world. Just listening to him talk turns me on. He doesn't call himself spiritual but I felt that he has a strong spirituality. I felt a very strong emotional bond with him. I don't feel that with many guys. I felt like maybe he was the one.

 

After he left, we stayed in touch. He would send me good morning texts, and he went out of his way to read my website when I hadn't asked him to. I told him I could visit him in September and he sounded excited about it. I booked time off so I could see him. We told each other how much we wished that we lived closer so we could see each other more often.

 

Then he started acting all distant, avoiding certain questions I asked. Finally I asked him what was up. He told me he wasn't certain about a relationship. He sent that as a single text message. I responded to it and had to wait hours for his response. I felt really upset and disrespected to have a conversation like that happen through text messages AND be dragged out all day long. He wouldn't even say what he was thinking. He kept being vague, using words like "unsure" and "I don't know." He said he felt we might be incompatible. When I asked why not, he ignored the question. He said that he just doesn't think we should "be an item." After that he ignored all my text messages. I even told him I felt hurt to be turned down via text message, I thought we were closer than that. He didn't respond.

 

I am okay with him not wanting to be with me. It was the way he turned me down that hurts. He went from being open and connected, to completely disconnected, cold, ignoring me. It felt like he was talking at me, not with me. I have no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

 

What happened?? I can't help but feel he is hiding something from me. Something seems wrong about this. When two people like each other, they don't end things like this. They talk about it first, don't they? But I felt we didn't have a conversation at all. I felt pushed away.

[bentleychic]

I say he met someone else more accessible in the mean time. That's just a guess, though.

[SpiralOut]

Yeah I thought maybe he met someone else but didn't want to say so. In only one week, though?? It sure didn't take him long to meet someone. I wonder if he said all the same stuff to her that he said to me.

 

And even if he found someone else, why wouldn't he be honest about it. And why would he end things like that? When you respect someone, you don't act that way. I've dated guys before who ended things in a much more respectful way. One guy even found someone else, and told me so. It hurt, but I appreciated his honesty. At least he didn't just avoid my questions and then IGNORE me when I said I felt hurt. He acted like he gave a **** about my feelings even though he didn't want to see me anymore. But this guy didn't seem to care at all. WTF!! I guess he's not so sweet after all. Or maybe he is but is just a coward.

 

I feel foolish.

Edited September 1, 2013 by SpiralOut

[HappyLove]

"When two people like each other, they don't end things like this. They talk about it first, don't they?"

 

NOPE! You would think a normal sane person would talk about things but not these losers out here nowadays. Sorry you had to go through this he's a player & liar then disappeared when he got what he wanted. Don't drive yourself crazy asking why just cut all contact from him and I hope you find a nice respectful man. Just remember to judge people's actions not words. People will tell you anything!

[SpiralOut]

Well I didn't have sex with him. I wanted to but I had this strong feeling that I would get hurt really badly if I had sex with him. We did other stuff, but not that. I figured I would wait until I knew we were serious before doing that. So maybe he left when he DIDN'T get what he wanted? I don't know.

 

I am also weirded out that he didn't seem to care if we stayed on good terms or not. I told him that I felt hurt and confused but that I hope we can stay on good terms (since we share mutual friends). I don't want to feel awkward around him if I run into him again. But he said NOTHING in response. He doesn't even care if we stay on good terms or not?? He can't at least pretend, so that we can at least be civil when we bump into each other again? When I tell my friends what happened, it will eventually leak over to his friends. Doesn't he care about that? This is just so weird.

Edited September 1, 2013 by SpiralOut

[HappyLove]

Well I didn't have sex with him. I wanted to but I had this strong feeling that I would get hurt really badly if I had sex with him. We did other stuff, but not that. I figured I would wait until I knew we were serious before doing that. So maybe he left when he DIDN'T get what he wanted? I don't know.

 

I am also weirded out that he didn't seem to care if we stayed on good terms or not. I told him that I felt hurt and confused but that I hope we can stay on good terms (since we share mutual friends). I don't want to feel awkward around him if I run into him again. But he said NOTHING in response. He doesn't even care if we stay on good terms or not?? He can't at least pretend, so that we can at least be civil when we bump into each other again? When I tell my friends what happened, it will eventually leak over to his friends. Doesn't he care about that? This is just so weird.

 

 

Don't base how he responds to how you will respond. When this settles down after a little bit you will feel much better. So don't give him any power over you. You did nothing wrong. You tried to handle the situation like a sane adult. He's the one with issues. If it were me and I saw him again I'd hold my head high and not even acknowledge the twerp. If his or my friends ask me about it I'd probably say something like oh him that was so long ago I don't even remember. Lol, you get the drift, I just wouldn't put too much into it. Be glad you learned the true him early on.

[SpiralOut]

Thanks....

 

yeah come to think of it, whenever he mentioned past relationships (we talked about it briefly) he sounded unemotional and unaffected by them. He would just say "yeah it didn't work out." One of the girls I mentioned he didn't even remember at first!! Maybe because it was from 10 years ago, and he just doesn't think about it anymore? It still seemed weird to me, though. I figured it meant he was over it, but maybe he gets over women TOO easily?

 

and his last relationship lasted the same length of time as mine, and they'd been broken up for just as long as I'd been apart from my ex. When I said I hadn't dated anyone seriously since then, he told me it was the same for him. I said I had lived with him and asked if he'd lived with his ex. He had. I thought it was a coincidence, but maybe he was mirroring me. If it took him that long to move on from it, why does he sound so unemotional about it.

Edited September 1, 2013 by SpiralOut

[hopefulfaerie]

I know exactly how you feel! And I mean EXACTLY!!!

It's truly awful and I'm so sorry for your pain!

My relationship ended prematurely when I was still in the honeymoon phase for lack of a better word. We clicked from day one. He said a lot of the things your guy said.

 

I would advise NC right away! I know how bad that will suck!!! And I'm not going to lie. It is going to be the hardest thing and EXTREMELY painful. Like painful to your core!

But it's really the best thing you can do because you will have your answer.

If he misses you snd knows he screwed up, you will know it.

Otherwise, he may just let you go but NC makes you strong in the end.

We are all here for you. O almost broke NC the other day but I came here instead and I'm so glad I did! It's been almost 3 months NC for me and it's excruciating at times but I am starting to see the light and get MUCH stronger. I know in another 3 months I will be that much better off.

 

Like I said, I'm so sorry for your pain. One day at a time is what I still do. If I stopped and thought about it in terms of days, weeks, years? I would go crazy!

All I know is I'm NOT contacting him today! Tomorrow I'll do it again and the next day again. Until one day (I pray!!!) I won't have to think about it anymore.

 

Stay strong!! Be nice to yourself too!

((( hugs )))

[spiderowl]

Sorry this happened to you. I hate to say this, but experience has shown me that if a guy is enthusing wildly from the beginning it usually means he hasn't thought it out properly and is probably like that with everyone he dates.

 

It sounds to me like he doubts you two have long-term compatibility. He's found it hard to say this, hence the text, but not responding for ages is unkind and thoughtless. It does tell you something about what kind of guy he is.

 

I wouldn't waste any more time on him. I also learned a very painful lesson that if a guy says he likes you and lots of other nice things, it doesn't mean he's a nice guy himself. Consistent behaviour is what matters, how they treat you. Quite honestly, I would take everything a guy says with a pinch of salt for at least the first six months. It takes that time for someone to get a clear idea of whether they are likely to be compatible and can overcome disputes and grow stronger together. They do say that the light that burns the brightest goes out quickest (or words to that effect).

 

It doesn't make things any less painful for you, I know. I'm sorry you are hurt.

[Sparkle304]

Yep, this happened to me too. He gave me EVERY indication that he wanted to be with me.....invited me away for weekend trips, invited me to meet his mom, told him how insanely attracted he was to me and how that is so rare to find. And then instead of coming over to make dinner, he calls me and says it over. I haven't made contact since although I have been sooooo tempted to. Yay me! 16 days NC

 

But it HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!!! Don't try to search for answers........it will drive you crazy. There are no answers.

 

Time to heal yourself.......

 

We're here to help you through it........

[FitChick]

You don't need to know why. It won't change the situation and it takes up your valuable time.

[SpiralOut]

Thanks you guys . . .

 

It drives me crazy to think that he talks that way to every other woman. It makes me think whatever we had was fake. It wasn't special at all.

 

I thought I had finally found something real. I have been searching for a connection like that for the past two years. None of the other guys I dated made me feel that way.

 

I want to believe that he just didn't want to hurt me, but it feels like he doesn't give a **** about whether he hurts me or not.

[flitzanu]

he probably met a new girl, one closer geographically.

[SpiralOut]

he probably met a new girl, one closer geographically.

 

Yes. And she is his soulmate!! He has never felt this way about anyone before because of how rare it is!! It only happens once every million years.

[SpiralOut]

I don't know how to stop feeling angry about this. I keep feeling the urge to text him again to tell him how stupid it is to say stuff like that to someone. You shouldn't say stuff like that unless you are really serious about them. True, it was foolish of me to believe it. But there are lots of foolish, vulnerable people out there who can get hurt by stuff like that.

 

Maybe I'm just angry that I was fool enough to fall for this crap. I'm usually really good at noticing jerks. A guy who acts all sweet and sensitive, he gets under my skin. He strikes me as someone who could not possibly ever hurt me. How wrong I was to think that.

[hopefulfaerie]

I don't know how to stop feeling angry about this. I keep feeling the urge to text him again to tell him how stupid it is to say stuff like that to someone. You shouldn't say stuff like that unless you are really serious about them. True, it was foolish of me to believe it. But there are lots of foolish, vulnerable people out there who can get hurt by stuff like that.

 

Maybe I'm just angry that I was fool enough to fall for this crap. I'm usually really good at noticing jerks. A guy who acts all sweet and sensitive, he gets under my skin. He strikes me as someone who could not possibly ever hurt me. How wrong I was to think that.

Please don't beat yourself up! I do that too. I get really angry and even embarrassed that I allowed myself to fall for his crap.

My guy was VERY sensitive, caring, thoughtful and all an act!

I am supposed to have 3 year old twin girls right now but I lost them when I was 5 months pregnant. Obviously Mother's Day is a little rough for me and he and I had talked about that a little.This past Mother's Day I woke to a text from HIM!!!!

It said "Here's to hoping you think of the good memories and not the bad today. Happy Mother's Day"

As you can imagine I thought that was the sweetest thing ever!!! It felt so good that someone acknowledged the fact that even though my twins are not with me that I'm still a mother and what that means.

 

Anyway, my point is I FELL FOR THAT!!! Big time! Yeah, I feel pretty stupid for that one!

Makes me think it was all a big joke to him. Even using such a tragic loss of mine to "win me over" or whatever the hell he was doing.

I don't know but if you ask me I think that was pretty low.

I DO forgive myself though and you should too!!!!!!

Don't be so hard on yourself. If you are going to be mad, be mad at him!!

We are guilty of nothing but believing in and loving someone. What's so bad about that?

Be kind to yourself! Again we are all here for you!

[SpiralOut]

Yeah maybe it was good I was able to feel close with someone even if it was fake. I just don't understand how he could call me a kindred spirit, then show no interest in continuing to speak to me. I didn't just like him romantically, I also felt like we were friends too. It hurts to feel like I lost a friend.

 

To be honest, I had my own doubts. I wanted to see him again so I could see if I was right or wrong. I also wanted to be able to talk to him in person about it. I'm upset that he took that chance away by ending things himself. I didn't even get to decide for myself.

 

For one thing, he was kind of a sloppy kisser. It worried me. And I felt concerned with how skinny he is. He used to weigh more, so I don't think that's his normal weight. Even my friend noticed it. I worried about his health, like does he eat enough? And he said he sells beer illegally to friends of his friends. I guess that's not a HUGE crime, but it made me feel uneasy. And I felt like he was a bit on the feminine side. I couldn't decide if that was something cute for me to get used to, or if it would end up bothering me. I worried that I might be made to wear the pants in the relationship.

Edited September 1, 2013 by SpiralOut

[hopefulfaerie]

I know. That's what I miss too is the friendship.

I know I can always find another guy to date but I really thought we were good friends.

ha. Guess not

[JDPT]

He has the gift of gab and sold you the world as harsh as it may sound. He realize he no longer wants to pursuit you and this is his way of ending things. Implement NC immediately as already suggested. Simply write this one off and take it as experience.

[Leigh 87]

Oh I am so sorry, I am also in a similar position.

 

I think he meant what he said to you. At the time.

 

NOT ALL MEN are liars!

 

The guy I was seeing, I believe genuinely thought I was amazing at the time. Then he obviously changed his mind for whatever reason.

 

Sounds like this guy really thought you guys could have something, then he changed his mind.

 

I am also very upset but I had not seen this guy long so I will be fine in a day.

 

I think we should both stick to NC and moving on.

 

We won't hear from them again so we should just move on, since nothing we do or say will make them want to be with us.

 

Good luck with feeling better.

[flitzanu]

I don't know how to stop feeling angry about this. I keep feeling the urge to text him again to tell him how stupid it is to say stuff like that to someone. You shouldn't say stuff like that unless you are really serious about them. True, it was foolish of me to believe it. But there are lots of foolish, vulnerable people out there who can get hurt by stuff like that.

 

Maybe I'm just angry that I was fool enough to fall for this crap. I'm usually really good at noticing jerks. A guy who acts all sweet and sensitive, he gets under my skin. He strikes me as someone who could not possibly ever hurt me. How wrong I was to think that.

 

you just have the urge to "one up" or prove him wrong, which unfortunately won't happen. i know the urges well. best to just let this one die and save some face.

[SpiralOut]

Don't worry I have no spoken to him for almost 2 days now. What's the point, it's not like he cares anyway.

 

I should be okay in another week or so (I hope).

[HappyLove]

If you text him just to tell him off, he wins. He got under your skin. Don't do it you'll only feel worse after and be back to square one. At the end of the day is a jerk like this someone you want a relationship with? I've been in your shoes they sell you the world and turn out to be jerks. Then after things cool off you realize there were a couple red flags you ignored and in the end they really did you a favor!

 

A mans rejection is God's protection!

[FitChick]

 

To be honest, I had my own doubts. For one thing, he was kind of a sloppy kisser. It worried me. And I felt concerned with how skinny he is. He used to weigh more, so I don't think that's his normal weight. Even my friend noticed it. I worried about his health, like does he eat enough? And he said he sells beer illegally to friends of his friends. I guess that's not a HUGE crime, but it made me feel uneasy. And I felt like he was a bit on the feminine side. I couldn't decide if that was something cute for me to get used to, or if it would end up bothering me. I worried that I might be made to wear the pants in the relationship.

 

Sounds like quite a catch!

[Leigh 87]

He has the gift of gab and sold you the world as harsh as it may sound. He realize he no longer wants to pursuit you and this is his way of ending things. Implement NC immediately as already suggested. Simply write this one off and take it as experience.

 

 

 

 

I don't think it's that likely he lied to her the entire time about how he felt about her.

 

I think he meant what he said, but simply changed his mind; met another girl he felt more strongly about than spiralout or just stopped "feeling it" with her.

 

I am sure that is what my dude did. I do not think all men are that compelling as actors. Most guys just lose interest after initially meaning what they say.