truth_seeker Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I don't know how to stop feeling angry about this. I keep feeling the urge to text him again to tell him how stupid it is to say stuff like that to someone. You shouldn't say stuff like that unless you are really serious about them. True, it was foolish of me to believe it. But there are lots of foolish, vulnerable people out there who can get hurt by stuff like that. Maybe I'm just angry that I was fool enough to fall for this crap. I'm usually really good at noticing jerks. A guy who acts all sweet and sensitive, he gets under my skin. He strikes me as someone who could not possibly ever hurt me. How wrong I was to think that. In time, you will heal. When you meet someone else, you'll forget about him. Also, remember this: Karma will always find you and get you. His behavior will come back to bite him. Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) I'm very sorry about what happened to you, and I feel your pain. He lost interest on the way (s h I t happens) or he found someone else, or he is a phobe commitment guy. Best for you us stop contacting him. You have no chance if you continue texting him, and he's disrespectful already for not responding you. Let him alone for a while. I'm very sorry Edited September 2, 2013 by forgetmenot75 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks for all the supporting comments. I feel better reading them. I know I said some bad things on here about him. He had some qualities that my ex was missing, so that's why I overlooked his lesser qualities. He speaks with intelligence, he is open-minded, he expresses opinions. He was interested in learning and actually ASKED if we could visit a museum. I felt an intellectual connection with him. I missed having that with someone sooo badly. I still haven't contacted him. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) sometimes you think someone is just so right and they turn out to be so wrong.........that is why falling for someone is always a risk.......sometimes they arent ready to commit even when they are right for you so therefore become wrong for you........ you cant predict, you cant wall yourself against it......if you fall in love you jump in spite of the risk, you actually have to be vulnerable there are no half measures....that is why i loathe falling in love.........hate it...with a passion...hate being open with men..hardly ever am open with guys.....would rather go jump out of a plane with no parachute..........very few men actually know my heart i would say one only knows my heart as much as a guy could know.....because when i fall in love thats when they get to know it...not before......i allow myself to be vulnerable when i truly care for a guy no half measures.......its a risk.....and i am normally the one to say yes i want to get to know you and for you to know me...they let me call the shots which i am grateful for........ i am sorry it didnt work out for you ....i cant tell you not to be vulnerable or even how not to be vulnerable....or you coudl end up like me..... for someoen that you really want to know you have to be that way.....because if you arent vulnerable you cant know them they cant know you...sounds like to me the guy had a problem with being vulnerable with you or shied away from feeling too much for you....got scared maybe......who knows because he wont say, he has shut you completely out...i do this....sometimes............... i recently put myself out there to get hurt and yep got hurt .....now i am lol a hot mess with bed hair from tossing and turning...not gonna brush it, i am rebelling and planning on planting herbs in my hair ....my new idea fro the heart broken.herb hair for therapy....should have take a plane ride and a jump huh...remind me next time i go goofy and you read it on the board.;0)... but you dont give up(i am allowed to i am prehistoric i am an old dinosaur who should have known better).....you should take your time and heal again...get yourself ready to be vulnerable again, it doesnt really work with not being vulnerable if you truly care about someone....you want them to see you ...all of you...however scared you are and awkward you feel....you want to be close to them.....open heart in the future for you i hope that for you......hugs from dinosaur deb.....oooo(these are the hugs) smilin atcha Edited September 2, 2013 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SubliminalSessions Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Yep, this happened to me too. He gave me EVERY indication that he wanted to be with me.....invited me away for weekend trips, invited me to meet his mom, told him how insanely attracted he was to me and how that is so rare to find. Yep, same thing happened to me. Said all the right things, introduced me to mom and sis...and then immediately after started doing the same weird communication tactics. Good to hear others going thru the same thing...well, not that it's good you're going thru it, just that I'm not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Yeah - feel a little guilty, because my ex-bf is like that and now I've turned him loose upon an unsuspecting world of women! :-( You have to watch out for the type that come on immediately strong. The guy I fell for (well two, actually - one a long relationship, one was extremely short) came on with the "I've known you before, we're soulmates" stuff. I believed him because he felt so familiar in some ways. In the course of five years though, I was able to find emails to other women before me (his email was a mess and I was going to help him sort it all out - he saved just about every email but spam for seven years!) . Very similar sounding words as to me. I no longer felt that "special" anymore and then began a long process of waking up. He's found someone new and I'm sure he is mouthing the same "feelings" to her. It's all the newness and he gets overexcited. Between the third and sixth months he starts getting bored and looking around again. Because he's not really in love, except with the things a woman can provide. But he wants variety, so he has to fall for someone new all over again and hook them in. Yet this man has absolutely nothing to offer (except perhaps good sex the first three months - it wanes after that). Doesn't work, can't help out with things, doesn't give gifts after the first year, overweight... But again, I know he'll come on strong to another "series" of woman and so I feel sorta bad for them. The first one after me, I tried to warn -- but of course she probably thinks I'm nuts. lol On the other hand -- I feel good he's not my problem! (Google Narcissist behavior - lots of help there!) Link to post Share on other sites
SubliminalSessions Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Karma will always find you and get you. His behavior will come back to bite him. But is it really karma though? I mean, people play the same games regardless if you've treated everyone rightfully or disrespectfully. I don't think it's healthy to so much focus on them getting 'karma'. Sometimes too, we don't know if the person is doing it spitefully, or if perhaps something about the other person may have caused them to behave in such a way. Or they just confused... My only karma would be for someone to realize what a great guy I was, and that they gave it up...and to come back to me later and apologize to me. Because I have that happen every once in awhile. When they realize they messed up, and come to me and tell me they did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Thanks you guys. I still haven't contacted this guy. He "liked" one of my comments on facebook the other day, but I haven't reacted to it. I'll wait to see if he comes around and decided if he wants to talk to me or not. Not like it matters either way. After what happened, there is no way I would give him another chance. There is just that part of me that wants to believe he really did like me for me. It seems like most guys I've dated only wanted one thing from me. He seemed different. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 why are you still friends with this guy on fb?? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 why are you still friends with this guy on fb?? Yeah, guys can hit you up even if they do not want a relationship with you. Facebook is sort of annoying; if you like a guy, but he is not wanting a relationship with you, it is really annoying when they "like" your statuses.... You know, it will only get your hopes up! I deleted the guy on fb I liked but who changed his mind about wantint an R with me, as he would still "like" my things... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Thanks you guys. I still haven't contacted this guy. He "liked" one of my comments on facebook the other day, but I haven't reacted to it. I'll wait to see if he comes around and decided if he wants to talk to me or not. Not like it matters either way. After what happened, there is no way I would give him another chance. There is just that part of me that wants to believe he really did like me for me. It seems like most guys I've dated only wanted one thing from me. He seemed different. Hey, don't be like that.. I am sure he DID really like you! For whatever reason though, he just did not want to have a serious relationship with you. The guys I have dealt with have, at times, really liked being around me, yet for one reason or another, I just was not "it" for them; I did not compel them to want to drop all their other future options in women, and start a relationship with me. It is not all about sex. There is a good chance he genuinely liked hanging out with you, too:) You want more than just a friend out of him though. I would delete him off facebook. He won't change his mind about wanting to be with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Always be wary of someone who moves too fast too soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 When he said he wasn't sure about a relationship, a good response would have been "relationship?? I thought we were just getting to know each other" A bad response would have been to get upset and emotional and demand answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I thought deleting him off facebook right away would make me look like a drama queen. Maybe later I will de-friend him. I don't know. I don't go on there that often. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I thought deleting him off facebook right away would make me look like a drama queen. Maybe later I will de-friend him. I don't know. I don't go on there that often. He was the one who acted like a drama queen to disrespectfully ignore you and then have the audacity to 'like' a comment on your Facebook. What exactly was the comment anyway? Hopefully not regarding relationships. It's beyond me how you would even have him on your Facebook still. He's not a real friend, online or offline. He's just a guy who decided to discard you. Just be happy you didn't have sex with him. You would feel 20X worse. Delete him, don't ever initiate contact and move on with you life. It doesn't matter if he 'did really like you' what matters is his actions. He disregarded your feelings when he decided to ignore you like dirt. Continue to push through this difficult time. Don't question your self-worth, just know he missed out on a great connection. Day-by-day you will feel a bit better; you'll eventually look back and think "shiet, I really gave that skinny, bad kissing, beer selling, feminine looking fool a chance? Psh". I understand being treated this way hurts. It really burns but you'll be alright. One day. Edited September 9, 2013 by ThisGal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Defriend him, who cares what he thinks. You're not a 'drama queen'. He's being vague for a reason.. maybe he'll keep you around, maybe he wont. Dont expect a straight answer from him - you likely wont get one. Thats how people are sometimes. Nothing to do with you. Not trying to be mean.. just truthful. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 it isnt right to say that over a phone period......th eonly time i have ever doen this was when i was really sick ...head sick and i said it over th ephoen because i couldnt see anyone so direct confrontation was out......i hate confrontation normally, but no matter how much i hate it, i would not want to ever do this to someone it is disrespectful and pretty thoughtless....i am sorry youw ere treated this way....on to a more thoughtful man in your future is something positive i can say...hugs.........deb Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 flavius josephus did not exist. he sucks. blue eyes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 I just defriended him. the "like" was on a music video I had posted. So he pays attention to a music video but he can't respond to me when I say I hope we can stay on good terms. You guys are right, that really IS rude of him. He could have at least said "I hope so too" or whatever. You know, something to indicate that he gives a ****. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpiralOut Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) He just called me and left me a voicemail message. He sounded nervous. He said that he called to apologize for "acting weird" and that what he did was out of kindness, not trying to be mean. Then he told me it was up to me whether I wanted to call him back or not and he told me to take care. I don't know what to make of this, except that I will take my damn time deciding what to do. I don't want to be with him romantically anymore. Those feelings are gone. I don't know what he wants. I would also like to know who the hell gave this thread a two star rating. That's really mean. Edited September 21, 2013 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Ignore the rating of the damn thread! Haha. Grow a thicker skin, fast. The world is inhabited by morons. After reading the whole thing, I'd suggest instead of wondering "what he wants", ask him. Not all men are great at talking about their feelings, he apparently is, but perhaps he's very aware of your sensitive nature and is trying to avoid directly hurting your feelings. Tell him that he's hurt your feelings by not being direct and ask him to be absolutely truthful with why he has become so distant. But, saying that, if you're not interested in him any more, then no contact is the only way. You can take one last stab, who knows what will come of it, but I'd forget he exists if I noticed any sign of flaking again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Hey he is reacting to you defriending him from FB. I woudn't reply at all, specially if you don't have romantic interests on him anymore. He wants to have you hanging around, don't let him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 He just called me and left me a voicemail message. He sounded nervous. He said that he called to apologize for "acting weird" and that what he did was out of kindness, not trying to be mean. Then he told me it was up to me whether I wanted to call him back or not and he told me to take care. I don't know what to make of this, except that I will take my damn time deciding what to do. I don't want to be with him romantically anymore. Those feelings are gone. I don't know what he wants. I would also like to know who the hell gave this thread a two star rating. That's really mean. Men like that always come back... Don't respond to him. Really. All he's going to do is 'act weird' again then you're going to feel silly that you replied back. His apology wasn't sincere, he wasn't genuinely sorry, sounded like he tried to make an excuse for his cold behavior. How he treated you was no where near kind. I guess he's trying to say that he wasn't interested in being in a relationship with you so he was acting out of 'kindness' by ignoring you since he didn't want to hurt your feelings with the truth. Either way, do yourself a favor and continue to ignore him. You said it yourself, you no longer want him romantically. Give him a taste of his own medicine and ignore him as if he does not exist. lol @ the rating, don't take it seriously. Some ppl take others being hurt as entertainment. Anyway, take care! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jadedbyluv Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 It's ultimately up to you if you respond or not. Just take some time to really think about it. Someone told me that mature people talk about their intentions instead of running away. He actually did you a favor by showing you what type of guy he is early on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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