New relationship advice

[What to do]

Okay, its been about six months since i have been involved with anybody and i met a woman at my work christmas party. We do not see each other at work at all, maybe a little contact over the phone but thats it. Anyways we sat together at the party and talk and had a great time. She is four years older than me and is divorced with two kids. We then had a date a few weeks later to another party. I took her out to dinner prior to the party to get to know each other better. Our conversation went great you know the usual things, family, friends and work etc. So we go to the party and have another great time. We get along like we have known each other for more than just two weeks. We go back to her place and talk and cuddle for a few hours. She asks me about my previous relationships and i ask about her marriage. She told me she has not been with anybody for four years and been divorced for two years. She says she almost had her self convinced that she could get along without anybody in her life, well until now. She tried to "Scare" me away by saying she had two kids,divorced etc.

 

Well i'm 31 and these things dont bother me, if i was younger in my 20's i would think twice.

 

The two of us spent new years eve together and had our first kiss at midnight and it was great, i miss having somebody in my life and would like to have her around.

 

She said she wants to take things slow, so it sounds like to me she wants to give it a try between us. She wants to be careful about when and how she introduces me to her kids.

 

My questions are does this sound like shes sincere? by meaning taking things slow is she maybe just looking for something bad in the relationship to justify not having one with me? I'm too old to be playing games with anybody. I may sound paranoid but i had a similar situation that ended because the girl got too close too quick and she did'nt like that. What can i do to help this situation along without her thinking i'm getting too close too quick.

[BubblesPPG]

She definitely sounds sincere. The reason she is afraid is most likely because what if she introduces you to the kids one day and then they start to love you and think of you as a great "other daddy" and then you two break up? She just wants to be sure. Not of any kind of commitment or that you'll get married, just wants to probably talk to her kids about you first and prepare them for the road ahead.

 

Best of luck.

[Ed]

It sounds like you're doing pretty good so far. If you enjoy spending time with her, then spend time with her. When you have dates with her, have fun together. Try not to turn each meeting into a fact finding mission. It takes time to really get to know someone. She wants to take it slow, so take it slow. I doubt very seriously she is trying to play a game with you.

 

Just enjoy the times you get to spend together and keep your expectations low. Doing so will take unneeded pressure off this new relationship. Other than kissing and cuddling (you can do plenty of that) leave sex out for now. There will be plenty of time for that later, if and when you make it to that point.

[Deejette]

She sounds good to me. She is protective of her family adn that is understandable. You sound respectful of her and she sounds responsible. So enjoy it and don't worry about it. As a boyfriend once said to me, "Why rush a good thing?"

It sounds like you're doing pretty good so far. If you enjoy spending time with her, then spend time with her. When you have dates with her, have fun together. Try not to turn each meeting into a fact finding mission. It takes time to really get to know someone. She wants to take it slow, so take it slow. I doubt very seriously she is trying to play a game with you. Just enjoy the times you get to spend together and keep your expectations low. Doing so will take unneeded pressure off this new relationship. Other than kissing and cuddling (you can do plenty of that) leave sex out for now. There will be plenty of time for that later, if and when you make it to that point.

[Dragonflys]

Just make sure you listen to her.

 

That will impress her more than anything else.

[JJ]

I should actually let my boyfriend answer this but I will do my best to relay how he dealt with our situation. I also am divorced with two kids. He and I met at a mutual friends party and, like you two, hit it off incredibly. I also told him I wanted to take it very slow. The reason being, the pain from a failed marriage, I had been divorced two years, and the fact that I am not the only one involved, my children would be affected by any relationship I was in. It was true in my situation that I went out of my way to look for the "bad" in our relationship. I guess with past experience, I expected it to happen. The best thing my boyfiend ever did was talk to me, without being pushy, when he could sense I was pulling back. He did this gently yet persistently. I am very independent and he respected that but he also knew I had a big wall built around me to protect me from pain. But he didn't give up trying to break down that wall and show me that true happiness did exist. And I thank him everyday for never giving up. We waited until two months of dating before he met my children. This allowed for he and I to get to know each other. We have slowly incorporated involving my children over the past three weeks. Thanks to him being such a wonderul man, it has gone very smoothly.

 

My advice to you is: If you truly want to give this a chance, be patient, she may try to see reason for it not working, but don't give up, this is just a defense mechanism on her part, two, being caring and understanding. This comes into play when she may have to cancel due to something involving her children. My boyfriend made sure I never felt guilty for cancelling, this helped me build a lot of trust in his genuinity. And three, when entering a relationship involving children, be completely sure this is what you want and that you may someday be willing to be a step-father. I wish you two luck and hope that everything works out as well as my relationship.