Need some pointers for my sanity. First time doing a LDR

[Distanced]

So we've been together for three years prior. Great relationship, tons of fun. We'd see each other daily and we would talk about our future and getting married. She's 2 and a half years younger than me. I'm in college, and she just started college. She's somewhere about 21 hours away, in one of the largest party schools in the US.

 

When time was ticking and getting closer to her departure date, i kept thinking maybe we should just break up and rekindle something later. She was totally and completely against that.

 

Its been about two weeks so far. She's been going out to parties drinking (for the first time, ever) and meeting a bunch of new people. She tells me stories about some of the people, and quite a bit of them are guys. Apparently at one party someone tried to kiss her and she turned and left.

 

I love this girl and i want to marry her. She's everything in the world to me, but it feels like the tides have changed. She's super busy, we aren't talking too much. We've skyped twice and talked on the phone three times since she left for about a total of 5 hours or so. She's going to parties and getting drunk and sending me drunken selfies and slurred text messages.

 

I'm so worried she's going to do something stupid and cheat on me or something. I read that most long distance relationships end after 2 months, and i'm torn between trying to survive until december to see her or to end it now and avoid the possible heartache.

 

Some days we don't talk for 12 hours. Sometimes she doesn't even seem interested and some days she does. Maybe she's being thrown into a whole new life and everythings changing and i'm overreacting i don't know.

[ThisGal]

When time was ticking and getting closer to her departure date, i kept thinking maybe we should just break up and rekindle something later. She was totally and completely against that.

 

You shouldn't have put that idea in her head.

 

If she was going to cheat on you while away she was going to do it anyway; of course more tempted to cheat while away since one has more liberty and privacy to do so, however, just because one's away will not make a faithful, dedicated and loyal partner cheat.

 

Talk to her at a good time, preferably when she's not tipsy lol. Tell her you're worried she's going down the wrong path, you sincerely care for her and want her to take it easy and you want to be able to trust her.

[Distanced]

You shouldn't have put that idea in her head.

 

If she was going to cheat on you while away she was going to do it anyway; of course more tempted to cheat while away since one has more liberty and privacy to do so, however, just because one's away will not make a faithful, dedicated and loyal partner cheat.

 

Talk to her at a good time, preferably when she's not tipsy lol. Tell her you're worried she's going down the wrong path, you sincerely care for her and want her to take it easy and you want to be able to trust her.

 

First off, Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice. I can't say I'm worried about her cheating, per say. If she does, i know her. She'll break down and tell me. What i'm worried about is all the guys there having an obvious advantage over me. The fact that they are there and available. What if she gets a crush, and talking to me becomes more and more of a hassle until everything just fizzles out. She's going out to parties and events every night and i feel like it must be a chore to take the effort to come back and talk to me. We have a scheduled skype date tonight and I've been waiting by my computer for hours. She was at the beach today and i haven't heard from her in hours and i'm just sad that i think she'll blow me off.

[smoky eyes]

She's going out to parties and events every night and i feel like it must be a chore to take the effort to come back and talk to me. We have a scheduled skype date tonight and I've been waiting by my computer for hours. She was at the beach today and i haven't heard from her in hours and i'm just sad that i think she'll blow me off.

 

Having spent years in an LDR, it IS a chore to trek home to talk, even if you love the person. Time differences make it even more annoying. Can't you guys sort something out, like a phone plan with free unlimited minutes to a certain number, so that she can at least duck out of a party for 10 minutes to chat to you? Rushing home to talk and feeling like you're missing out on life because of it sucks.

 

On the other hand, it doesn't sound like she's doing that. I would tell her that it is not at all considerate to just leave you waiting there. A text at least to say she'll be late or won't make it should be mandatory! My ex-LDR partner and I were in different countries and I would still spend the 50 cents or whatever to let him know. Mega-inconsiderate of her.

[ThisGal]

First off, Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice. I can't say I'm worried about her cheating, per say. If she does, i know her. She'll break down and tell me. What i'm worried about is all the guys there having an obvious advantage over me. The fact that they are there and available. What if she gets a crush, and talking to me becomes more and more of a hassle until everything just fizzles out. She's going out to parties and events every night and i feel like it must be a chore to take the effort to come back and talk to me. We have a scheduled skype date tonight and I've been waiting by my computer for hours. She was at the beach today and i haven't heard from her in hours and i'm just sad that i think she'll blow me off.

 

No problem. I'm in a long distance relationship myself (hence this forum lol) and my b/f trusts me completely. He knows that men hit on me quite often however, he knows my character. You know your girlfriend very well I'm sure especially after dating for 3 years. For instance, I was on a 1 week long cruise and I was unable to communicate with my b/f because the reception on the ship was horrible, I would get some roaming but rarely. I went out dancing almost every night. No matter how many men are "there and available" I am loyal to my man. I would never entertain the thought of cheating. I love him. And as soon as I got reception I called him and let him know how much I miss him.

 

Lol the point of that story is ...yes, long distance relationships can be tough to handle, however, they are manageable if BOTH parties are willing to make it work. If she loves you talking to you isn't a hassle. I'm not saying it's always simple to schedule time to talk, especially with the time difference, but it is doable if she really does want to talk to you, she'll find a way to make it work! She would not want you to feel that you're an inconvenience. It's not a 'chore' to communicate with someone you care about, it's enjoyable.

 

As for your Skype date... having you wait for hours is very inconsiderate! She needs to respect you and your time. You need to let her know that you do not appreciate her canceling plans and not informing you and how thoughtless it is, also you'd like more communication (ongoing communication is vital in LDR). If she's unwilling to make some changes, ignoring her may be a good idea. Once she does not hear from you she will feel the need to start initiating contact.

Edited September 2, 2013 by ThisGal