how to erase all the memories

[greenhorn]

I am about to break off a seven year old relationship but i am not able to do it.I just cant control myself and go and contact her and in turn get humiliated by her.Now a days it does not matter to her that she is with her frnds and should not humiliate in front of them.I come back and would cry whole night and then again go and contact her and again get hurt.I hate myself for being so weak but i cant help it.Life is so difficult for me i recently moved to this foreign country where no one knows me and i am all alone.I would contact her and then get hurt then i wud swear to myself that i wont contact her and again do that.I am just not able to erase her from my heart.I wonder if there was some drug to do that. I just want to lie down as one is in coma so that i dont get to feel anything get to think anything.

Last friday she said me so many thing that i was crying while sitting at my desk and i hated myself for being so weak. i was so hurt that when i went back to my apartment i tried to kill myself but then i thought that i am in this foreign country and it wud be so diffiicult for my parents to know this and they would have to come all the way to claim my body so much of pain for them.This not the excuse i m not a coward i have the courage but thinking of my parents i have to stop always.

She has changed suddenly..she made me go so weak in this relationship and now she has suddenly changed how can i change overnight how can i forget everything.She accused me of making her life hell and she said tht i dont need ur love or importance and this is what hurts that you love someone so much and that person accuses you of making the life hell.

I dont know what to do .there is this my male frnd who is also in a diff country he says that i need professional help but i find myself very difficult to go to a shrink and admit tht i a so weak i am so much humiliated but whatever it be i just want to forget her.he also suggested me to find some other girl make frnds with her but not a serious relationship cause this is the way he got healed when he was broken but for me it is so difficult cause i m in a foreign country and dont knw anyone.

Worst the fact is that i am in the field of IT consulting so i need to meet ppls everyday give presentations and it is so difficult to do all these things when i m so hurt and i am always supposed to be very strong solving the issues of my client rather than having mine so i just cant tell this to anyone.

I cant tell this to anyone not even in my family and i need to tolerate this inside me but it hurts so much. I have everything else in life that one would wish a good job,bank balance but this is the one which is hurting me always and everything else seems waste to me.

i donno what to do if anyone can suggest me how to erase everything how to rewind my life

 

thanks

[Pocky]

You need to see this as a learning experience and move on with your life. There is someone you are meant to be with and they are waiting patiently for you to let go of your inhibitions and move on. Your happiness does not depend on any one person and to allow yourself to wallow in fear and self-pity is only a disappoint to your true self. End the relationship. Rediscover your inner person and find your happiness. You are the greatest person in your life.

[greenhorn]

thanks for the nice words but i am finding it so difficult to implement them and worse is the fact that since we were class fellows once so she would now go and tell to everyone that she dumped me and the rest of the guys and grls wud laugh at me for getting dumped.That wud sound so miserable though i have made myself incommunicado with everyone but i know they are talking about me and laughing at me.

i just dont know why i got this treatment from someone whom i loved and cared so much.

[Pocky]

So what if people are laughing at you? Time to stop worrying about what other people think. You don't have to prove yourself to them; you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, but yourself. It's time you found your pride and stopped allowing someone else dictate what type of person you are.

[greenhorn]

Hey Pocky,

Tell me one thing if you had initiated a relationship and made the other person go so weak in that relationship wont you feel bad to change suddenly.Wont it matter anything to you that the other person is so hurt and crying all time.Where does the conscience go ? I cant do bad to someone who does bad to me and how can others so easily do these things.Does she not feel there that i am all time crying for her.

I keep asking to god tht did i deserve this when i dint do bad to anyone why this for me and if there wasnt a happy ending then why did god let me in to this.

and one more thing i want to go to a shrink now wht do u say will it help.

by practical means i am supposed to be a mature person cause i am 27 yrs \

 

thanks once again.

[Pocky]

Tell me one thing if you had initiated a relationship and made the other person go so weak in that relationship wont you feel bad to change suddenly.Wont it matter anything to you that the other person is so hurt and crying all time.Where does the conscience go ?

 

Not everyone is the same. Not all people have the same perception on life. Not everyone has the same compassion. What you may see as cruel and unjust may be seen by someone else as inevitable and necessary.

 

I cant do bad to someone who does bad to me and how can others so easily do these things.Does she not feel there that i am all time crying for her.

 

When are you going to stop allowing her to treat you this way? You have as much responsibility to stop this as she does.

 

I keep asking to god tht did i deserve this when i dint do bad to anyone why this for me and if there wasnt a happy ending then why did god let me in to this.

and one more thing i want to go to a shrink now wht do u say will it help.

by practical means i am supposed to be a mature person cause i am 27 yrs \

 

Things happen and sometimes while they are occurring we can't see why something would happen. We learn from everything. You'll learn from this and you will use this knowledge in the future. While it's painful now, one day it won't be and you will be more aware, more understanding and hopefully more compassionate.

[greenhorn]

Thanks Pocky .thanks for your kind words

BR

[Patiently waiting]

Originally posted by Pocky

You need to see this as a learning experience and move on with your life. There is someone you are meant to be with and they are waiting patiently for you to let go of your inhibitions and move on.

 

 

Hmmmm.......could this be me? Ahh, if it were only so easy.......alas' I am Patiently waiting and not "waiting patiently", plus I have 10 years on you greenhorn.....what a bummer.....it was almost perfect.

[greenhorn]

Thats what, i know what everyone else is saying is true and correct but it is so difficult ot implement them.I am trying to be normal but it not getting through it whole day and whole night i keep on thinking and trying to reason it out .i dont feel like working .and i fear that if it goes on this way i would loose my job .I know i am ruining myself but cant help it and this is the only place where i can write these things.

[sami]

No one will ever completely erase the past memories. Some may successfully accept and live with them. Others take good lessons out of them. The latter become wiser and more mature.

[moon]

I can completely understand your pain. My boyfriend broke up with me (after four years) saying he didn't need me anymore. He also went so far as to say I was just angery because he doesn't need me anymore. Then he took up with another woman and I've heard nothing from him since. It is so incredibly hard. Nobody prepares you for the loss of love that took years to cultivate. I think it is true that you must remember that this girl will always in a sense be a part of you. You spent seven years together. That wasn't just seven years in a relationship, but seven years of YOUR life. We only get so many years, you know.

 

I am dealing with massive anger and saddness issues myself right now. Somebody told me recently that I should write down on a sheet of paper all the things that I have in my life right now that make me happy. I should then turn the paper over and write down all the things that I don't like. At the bottom of the list I should write down my goals for the future and how I want to make the good things happen for myself. I think you should try this.

 

**For one, you are in a foreign country. That is cool. You have a job.....that's good. You have friends to talk to.

 

But I would get into therapy if you can. I have been seeing somebody for the past few weeks and it just feels good to spill a lot of information that I am feeling, not just to a friend, but to a person whose job is to analyze it.

 

In the mean time.....what does this foreign country you are in offer you? Can you get into some expat activities? Can you take up a new language? See what you can gain from the experience.

 

I know this may sound hard to accept, but many people can't reach seven years with a person. They break it off before then. You spent a good many years with this girl. Feel lucky that you were able to make it work for so long.

 

Is it possible that this girl just feels like she hasn't sewed her oats yet? Could she just be running from the committment because she doesn't even know who she is at this point? Is she in a sense lost? I guess give her some time to find herself and give yourself the same luxury.

 

I think it is soooo true that there are so many other people experiencing the SAME kind of pain as you.....it is like a death---the loss of love. Be kind to yourself. Don't even think about killing yourself again!!! You are more important than that.....if anything you were the guy who won your girlfriend's heart for seven long years........that is a major accomplishment in itself. But try not to define yourself by the girl alone anymore, define yourself by what you can do for yourself and what you've done for yourself in the past. Don't suffer in silece. Take it easy!

[utwonderwoman]

watch the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and see if you would still be willing to erase all memories.

[greenhorn]

sorry i had lost the track of this thread but my todays pain made me go through all these thread.

yeah in this foreign country there is so much to do but u can do things only when u feel happy.If i am happy and if i get peace of mind then i can drown myself to work.But i cant work or do anything except cry when i m hurt.

and for me happiness comes with her and goes with her nothing in this world gives me happiness or sadness.I am so selfish that if she is with me i wont care for any damn in this world.

I have this weakness that i can work only when i am happy.Once i remember i was in the Bangalore office for whole of four days without going to home.I worked day and night for four days cause there was a disaster in the Yazaki Inc in Detroit and i had to work to bring it normal.Now if i had been not feeling happy i wud have thot ki kick me out of job i am not gonna do anything.

And tell me if a girl find some good guy does it means that she dumps the old one.

The reason that she gives me for dumping is that she cant marry me and again for one silly reason that her parents wont agree but i dont think this as a reason.I said cant u give a try if it doesnt materialises i wont pressurise again but she is not willing to do so.rather she says that we shud be friend cause we always were frnd.Now i am not that cheap that i makeher remember all the time she said that she loved me or show her the letters that she loved me.

I dont know what should i do ? cant think more cause by now i have already taken sleeping pill and started to feel drowsy.

 

thanks for all the kind words and my god show kindess to all in this world......

 

by the way can i get that movie in Finland,thats where i am presently based at .two days back i saw FORREST GUMP and i was crying throughout the movie that the guy loved her so much i love her the same way.

 

but God is not same for everyone i guess

[aarsky]

I am in the same position as you except Im not in a foreign country as you and there are people arounfd me to be with other then her. I keep telling myself that I will not contact my ex g/f and i keep doing it, only to be hurt in the end. I know our relationship wasnt perfect, but the emptiness thats in my heart right now is very strong. When I call her to try and do things, I always get the maybe answer or we'll see answer, but then I find out she has more spare time then she admits to and is doing things wioth other people. I've thought about the ending it all route, but is it really worth it. Does the other person at this point in time really care what happens to you, because I know deep down my ex has no feelings for me anymore. I was married for 12 years and got over the feelings I had for my ex wife although it did take a while. So if i can get over her, I should be able to get over this. And so can you. I have written some threads about this in the break up section and received an answer of just trying to put the ex out of your mind. So little by little I am trying to change things around, like getting rid of things that remind me of her. I know it sounds silly, but this morning I threw out an older watch that I bought when her and I went on a trip two years ago. And I deleted her phone numbers off my cell phone so I dont see them when i scroll through my phone book. It takes time as Im told but time heals and so will you. I know it must be hard to be alone in a foreign country, but there must be colleagues of yours that maybe you can befriend and take your mind off of her. I am told there is someone for everyone out there, but first you must get a grip on your pride and self esteem, because no one wants to be around someone whos always down. So you need to try and keep upbeat and happy no matter how difficult it is. I am trying to do the same. And I am told that if you look to hard to find it, it will never come, because when you least expect it, it will happen.

 

I am wishing luck to all of you with a broken heart who will soon find their true happiness.

[Uncle Cthulhu]

Try this, it's done wonders for me:

 

 

Only kidding...seriously though the way I've gotten over relationships in the past is by first of all, packing away as many things as possible that remind me of her (possibly burning them in a huge bondfire). Secondly keeping good friends around myself for support, trying not to be alone or at least to not feel alone as much as possible, and lastly trying to convince myself that it's her loss.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Oh I also second watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

[sultana]

I SEE GREEN HORN YOUR HAVING A VERY BAD TIME, I AM TOO, I LOVE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY TOO AND MY CAREER IS NOT AS GREAT AS I HOPED.... BUT ONE THING IS DEFINITLY TRUE, CONCENTRATE ON YOURSELF, TRY TO PAMPER YOURSELF AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, HAVING SUCCESS IN YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE HELPS YOU KNOW, SPECIALLY IF YOU ENOY IT.

 

THIS GIRL IS JUST PLAIN CRUEL, SHE GETS HER STRENGHT FROM YOUR WEAKNESS, TRY AND NOT CALL HER, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, EVERYDAY IS A STEP, I KNOW HAT IT IS TO WANNA END YOUR SUFFERING BUT IS IT WORTH IT? I MENA SHE PROBABLY IS HAVING A GRAND TIME TIME! AND YOU ARE THERE MISERABLE.

[nneehhaa]

There will be a time when you have had enough...

Wait for it or reach it!

[greenhorn]

Thanks ppl for your kind words.

 

Yeah there will be a time when i will have had enough, for they say that time is the biggest healer.

 

I have not reached it and waiting to reach to it and i know how i am passing through these days.I try very hard to be cheerful and be happy and be smiling but there is always sadness beneath it,everything seems fake.There are sometime when you sit and think what happened, why it happened and above all why it happened to me?

 

Every small things brings back you the memories of the past days especially days like new year's eve and all.

 

Yeah i am waiting for that time to reach but it seems tooooooooooooo far to me right now.

[DoggyDog]

Going thru these sad emotions will make you stronger. A female co-worker of mine whose husband left her for OW and she had 2 kids in their teens gave me two books to read and I'm trying also to cope. Anyway, she said something to me that helped her....."What God has brought you to it....God will get you thru it" Keep saying it and write those words where you can see them. I look at them everyday at work...It's true...Things happen for a reason.

Maybe your situation came to make YOU STRONGER WITHIN YOURSELF ...Maybe God thinks you need to let go of her because you were too dependent on her ... your every move was for HER not YOURSELF.

 

I'm doing the same....I know I was very dependent on my MM....I really think I was brought here for a reason...to not DEPEND on anyone but myself. I am much stronger today than in November...But I will admit, I think of him everyday. and I let myself do that because you must learn to FEEL the PAIN, and not become NUMB by pretending it doesn't hurt....It HURTS LIKE HELL....

and I WILL allow myself to feel it because this is how YOU WILL HEAL and then be able to LET GO....(written in one of the books on Budhism and the soul)

 

Be safe to yourself and strong for yourself. LS is here.

 

L DD