Anger problem

[Inflikted]

Some of you may already be familiar with my background info, but let's recap for those of you that aren't. I'm a 24 (almost 25) year old guy that's never had a girlfriend, never been on a date (though I've attempted to chat up/ ask out several women, especially over the last year, and every single one has turned me down), never gotten anywhere. I'm admittedly very introverted, and a bit reserved around new people, and I have some social issues here and there, but overall, I think I'm a good guy, and worth saying yes to, but it's frustrating to fail 100% of the time. Truth be told, I'm rarely actually attracted to a girl, but I've been trying to be open-minded to just dating people to see if something comes of it.

 

I've realized that deep down, I carry a lot of anger about the last girl I actually was attracted to and wanted to date. I don't direct that anger at her; rather, I direct it at the guys she seems to fancy. The way she talks to them, the way she jokes with them, the flirty way she acts with them, the way she hangs on them, even just the way she looks at them. She used to do all those things to me briefly just before I asked her out. For a brief second, I got to know what it was like to be those guys, and I loved that. But now I'm just on the outside looking in again.

 

It makes me angry that I can't be those guys. It makes me angry that I can't get a girl like her to look at me that way, talk to me that way, flirt with me that way, hang around me that way. I'm so unbelievably jealous of those guys. I want so badly to have what those guys have. I want it so badly, and it makes me angry that I can't. I don't get to know what it's like to be "that guy". I don't get to be the guy that finds an awesome girl and actually gets to attract her; I'm the guy that finds an awesome girl and has to sit by and watch as she gets all googly-eyed over other guys.

 

That resentment, that jealousy, that anger is so strong that it makes me uncomfortable sometimes. I just can't get past it. I hate those guys. I hate guys like them. I hate guys in general, because they're all just competition, competition I'll never be able to compete against. I want to be "that guy" for an awesome girl so badly, and it makes me angry as all hell to know that I can't.

 

That's not to say that I'd ever act on this anger in any kind of way. But it's like, I've hit a point where I'm not even "sad" that I can't date anymore, I'm just angry that on the rare occasion that I find a girl that I feel would be a great match for me, there's always some other guy (or guys) around that are just flat out more attractive to her than I am.

 

I try not to dwell on it, but at best, I'm just covering the anger up. It's still there, deep down, and I wish I could figure out how to make it go away completely.