xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Well, today marks a month and one day since me and my ex of a year 1/2 broke up. I decided yesterday to go and visit her at work during my lunchbreak, if anything just to see her and maybe a small conversation over a cig or 2. We haven't talked since a phone call a few days after the breakup. I'll tell you what happened, and then ask a few questions, and see if I can get a better understanding to help me heal and move on. When she first saw me, she immediately to me seemed to have an anxiety attack. I knew that showing up would surprise her, but I didn't expect to see this wave kinda go over her, her eyes giving away most. I think she may have been shocked, but she said she needed a smoke break, and we went ouside her work. I had in mind a few things I was going to say, and very easily got them across. I told her I was doing new stuff, that kind of thing. The only time I used the word "miss" was when I was talking about how I hated being at my house and "missed" being over there at hers; mostly because of the atmosphere and people I had grown close to over there. She talked to me in a nice tone, seemed to be in a very good mood, mentioned the guy she was seeing once or twice, but basically the conversation was sweet and simple. She seemed to give me a good bit of attention, but it was like she wanted to talk more than I did, and interupted me with a new subject. I think maybe her mind was racing about things to talk about. It seemed like she didn't want to talk anything personal, which even I feel was a good thing. I talked about also about work, and so did she. At the end when I mentioned I had to get back to work, she did too, she said to me to talk to her sometime at the house. I thought that statement pretty much sums up what I had been thinking she would be feeling; that right now she is happy without me, but probably still cares somewhat. Our relationship didn't end too awfully bad for either of us.(harder for me, the dumpee) I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't care deeply for her, and even I understand that right now it wouldn't be a good and healthy relationship to have. So after this meeting, I think the best thing for me do is go into NC for a good time. But sometimes i'll wonder if I should go talk to her, or I might be driven crazy to go see her. What I would like to know is how you all read these clues, like her body language, and maybe give me a better picture of what she was secretly telling me. I can probably give more details if needed, but I'd really like some input. (and some support) Girls might be able to read her actions better, but anything would help. She did seem like a different person, but I believe I appeared different to her too. Like maybe she wasn't expecting me to do what I did. Thanks for the help in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't care deeply for her, and even I understand that right now it wouldn't be a good and healthy relationship to have. Then why bother to try & analyse her behaviour? and maybe give me a better picture of what she was secretly telling me. I don't know about her secrets but she did mention once or twice this other guy she's seeing. I would interpret that as a loud & clear message that she is not interested in getting back with you right now. You've made an approach & surprised her now leave it up to her to decide if she wants to pursue a friendship with you. In the meantime get on with improving yourself & moving on without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 I wanted the contact to help me finalize with her and cope. But thanks for the advice I'm already following. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 I'm sorry I wasn't able to provide you with the advice you were looking for. But thanks for the advice I'm already following. I thought that this: I don't know about her secrets but she did mention once or twice this other guy she's seeing. I would interpret that as a loud & clear message that she is not interested in getting back with you right now. You've made an approach & surprised her now leave it up to her to decide if she wants to pursue a friendship with you. was in answer to this: What I would like to know is how you all read these clues, like her body language, and maybe give me a better picture of what she was secretly telling me. I can probably give more details if needed, but I'd really like some input. (and some support) Girls might be able to read her actions better, but anything would help. I wanted the contact to help me finalize with her and cope. I don't understand then why you want to "read clues" & get a "better picture of what she was secretly telling" you. Oh well. I hope you find the support & advice you're seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate I thought that this: I don't know about her secrets but she did mention once or twice this other guy she's seeing. I would interpret that as a loud & clear message that she is not interested in getting back with you right now. You've made an approach & surprised her now leave it up to her to decide if she wants to pursue a friendship with you. was in answer to this: What I would like to know is how you all read these clues, like her body language, and maybe give me a better picture of what she was secretly telling me. I can probably give more details if needed, but I'd really like some input. (and some support) Girls might be able to read her actions better, but anything would help. I wanted the contact to help me finalize with her and cope. I don't understand then why you want to "read clues" & get a "better picture of what she was secretly telling" you. Sorry. I guess today i'm a little crazy, but I pretty much got accomplished what I wanted. Some times it takes a big bonk on the head to get things straight. I do appreciate your advice though. Now I guess its time to move on, and finally get past the past.... Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 You took a calculated risk in seeing your ex after a period of NC following the breakup. Basically, putting your 'toes' into the water to see if it was too hot... was it really over? Did she miss you? Was there a chance you could get back together? Apparently she was surprised by your visit. This could mean several things but more than likely it simply means, she was overwhelmed emotionally with the interaction. Clearly, your ex stating several times 'the new guy' was to let you know she had moved on in someways. Does "talking to her at the house" connote something more than the commonly uttered phase "call me sometime"? Probably not more, since she ended the relationship. Healing probably would better served by continuing to move forward in your life and letting the NC rule fade into something that is not a rule, instead just part of your past life. Good luck! Originally posted by xxsilverdragonxx Well, today marks a month and one day since me and my ex of a year 1/2 broke up. I decided yesterday to go and visit her at work during my lunchbreak, if anything just to see her and maybe a small conversation over a cig or 2. We haven't talked since a phone call a few days after the breakup. I'll tell you what happened, and then ask a few questions, and see if I can get a better understanding to help me heal and move on. When she first saw me, she immediately to me seemed to have an anxiety attack. I knew that showing up would surprise her, but I didn't expect to see this wave kinda go over her, her eyes giving away most. I think she may have been shocked, but she said she needed a smoke break, and we went ouside her work. I had in mind a few things I was going to say, and very easily got them across. I told her I was doing new stuff, that kind of thing. The only time I used the word "miss" was when I was talking about how I hated being at my house and "missed" being over there at hers; mostly because of the atmosphere and people I had grown close to over there. She talked to me in a nice tone, seemed to be in a very good mood, mentioned the guy she was seeing once or twice, but basically the conversation was sweet and simple. She seemed to give me a good bit of attention, but it was like she wanted to talk more than I did, and interupted me with a new subject. I think maybe her mind was racing about things to talk about. It seemed like she didn't want to talk anything personal, which even I feel was a good thing. I talked about also about work, and so did she. At the end when I mentioned I had to get back to work, she did too, she said to me to talk to her sometime at the house. I thought that statement pretty much sums up what I had been thinking she would be feeling; that right now she is happy without me, but probably still cares somewhat. Our relationship didn't end too awfully bad for either of us.(harder for me, the dumpee) I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't care deeply for her, and even I understand that right now it wouldn't be a good and healthy relationship to have. So after this meeting, I think the best thing for me do is go into NC for a good time. But sometimes i'll wonder if I should go talk to her, or I might be driven crazy to go see her. What I would like to know is how you all read these clues, like her body language, and maybe give me a better picture of what she was secretly telling me. I can probably give more details if needed, but I'd really like some input. (and some support) Girls might be able to read her actions better, but anything would help. She did seem like a different person, but I believe I appeared different to her too. Like maybe she wasn't expecting me to do what I did. Thanks for the help in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by ion You took a calculated risk in seeing your ex after a period of NC following the breakup. Basically, putting your 'toes' into the water to see if it was too hot... was it really over? Did she miss you? Was there a chance you could get back together? Healing probably would better served by continuing to move forward in your life and letting the NC rule fade into something that is not a rule, instead just part of your past life. Good luck! I agree. It's the healthiest thing for me to do. I know its hard on its own, but it would be far more damaging if I stayed around her...waiting on a string. I put things her court, she knows I'm around, she'll definitely be the one that contacts me next. I have no want or need to talk to her after today's actions. That's what I wanted to realize. Thanks for the post. Link to post Share on other sites
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