We had the talk: my best friend and I have feelings for each other

[baker_xx]

I wasn't sure if I should continue from my last thread, but I just made a new one. Here's the link of the post I made in late June: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/403495-i-think-i-m-falling-love-my-best-friend

 

If you don't feel like reading it, the summary is that I've basically developed romantic feelings for my best friend, after he started showing signs of similar interest. Anyways, 4-5 months later and countless late nights, we finally had the talk. We both confessed what we had been thinking for a while, that we have feelings for each other. The whole situation is far too complicated for a short post, but let me try. He's had a girlfriend ever since we've been good friends, (about two years) but even before we admitted to our feelings he would constantly talk about how he wants to break up with her, how it's not the same...etc. A week after we had the talk, we had another about everything: that he thinks I'm not ready, and wants me to be completely certain about "us", before we rush into anything. He's very keen on "waiting for me," and claims he'll break up with his gf when I say so.

 

His main concern is that he'll brake up with his gf and then realize he's not what I really want. It's not that he doesn't love her, he just thinks he'll be happier with me. I agree with the fact that I'm uncertain, but I always am about everything. And I also believe things are never going to be perfect, sometimes you just have to jump in. I've been trying not to fall in love with him for so long and it's getting hard. I'm resisting my feelings, because I don't want to expect too much from him, and be let down...but that's too late. We also had our first kiss that night...and apparently he told his gf. I can rant about this forever, so I'll stop myself. Point being, this is complicated. Obviously neither of us are certain, and maybe I'm asking too much especially since we only talked about how we felt less than 2 weeks ago. Idk.

Edited September 1, 2013 by baker_xx

[Lansing]

Make sure he does not break up with his GF "for you"... You really should put distance between the two of you. It isn't fair that he is basically emotionally cheating on his GF with you. I had a situation where I started having feelings for this girl but she had a BF... we got closer and closer and she did break up with him and we dated right away. It was a BAD way to start the relationship. She didn't have time to process the breakup/etc and used me as a crutch to get over him. You will start wondering if he treated another girl that way how will he treat you down the road. As hard as it is you shouldn't let things continue as they are. And, if he does break up with her it should be because he doesn't want to be with her and not because he thinks the grass is greener with you.

[todreaminblue]

I also dont think its fair and think you should wait until they are not together,just because he thinks he will be happier with you doesnt mean it will be that way,at the moment its exciting and new but new becomes second hand one day.....just like his gf is now second hand........so you will be too one day......if you guys end up together...and when things become routine and comfortable ......with you adn the excitement has faded into forgottenville......he may have another friend he becomes close with when you argue or fight (because you will) thats the trials of being in a committed relationship .......and they get to talking and sympathising with each other.....cant say this will happen cant say it might not happen.....

 

 

 

be careful with your heart and giving it to a guy who is taken......how strong is that heart of his you have to wonder......if he can discard someone elses heart for yours........good luck...

 

 

 

i hope things turn out for the best in this love triangle..they hardly ever do btw.and the two women involved yourself and his gf....that neither of you, end up really hurt....someone has to though......it probably wont be him that will have a broken heart..its you or her that will or maybe even both in the long run.......best wishes....deb

[StrongLass]

All I see here is a immature guy who doesn't want to be alone stringing two women along.

 

Oh, and one of them getting her hopes up despite the ever increasing drama & red flags.

 

In the beginning stages all romantic relationships feel "right" but that's just the first stage of love. Some people think they should be feeling butterflies all the time but that's simply not reality. Judging by what you've said I don't think this guy understands that.

 

He'll probably repeat the same triangular cycle with you if you let him.

[baker_xx]

Thank you all for your helpful advice, I agree with nearly all that you've said. I've analyzed the aspects of this situation to death, and have thought of every possible outcome.

 

I definitely don't want him to break up with his girlfriend for me, I know that. I have told him to figure out their relationship before anything else. We actually have been quite distant lately, considering how much we normally see each other. I think we're both aware that if we continued spending a lot of time together, things between us would escalate rather quickly...and I know neither of us want that. I'm actually really grateful that he's not rushing anything, because that means he's not using me as a way out of his relationship. I can't even describe how terrible the idea of us starting our relationship out of his breakup seems to me now. It would just be a disaster.

 

Regardless, if we ever get together I know nothing lasts. I look at relationships as an experience, because they all come to their conclusion. All I know is I'm quite possibly in love with him, and I'd like to see one day where it takes us. I know eventually we'll be together and then it will eventually come to its end, it's just a matter of when.