his parents HATE me

[Hope]

I can use all the advice i can get.

 

i met this really great guy and we are now engaged to be married. the problem is that his family is extremely rich and mine is extremely poor (i grew up in a trailor home). his parents think i'm not good enough for him, they want him to marry a rich girl. i don't know how to get them to accept me. i am always kind and polite, but they just don't like me. i know a lot of you might say who cares what they think, but these people are going to be my in laws and whether i like it or not they will be a part of my life and i would much rather get along with them. do any of you have any ideas on how i could do that?

[Lindsay]

don't worry, they'll grow to like you soon enough.

[Tony T]

Only on rare occasions do snobs like your fiance's family learn humility. This is not the way most wealthy people are, however. You need to feel extremely sorry for them because one day, their turn will come. Fatal illness and cemetaries are the great levelers of the playing field.

 

Meanwhile, it would take a great deal of insincerity on your part to win them over. You would have to play their game and become one of them by doing so.

 

These feelings they have for you have little to do with your origins but much to do with their need to control your fiance. They put you down because of fear. Your origins remind them of where they could go should their fortunes shatter.

 

You have the greatest obligation to be who you are and be true to where you came from. In time, when they understand that nothing they do will change your fiance's mind...when you are married to him and have their children, they will accept you because their attempts to control this young man have failed.

 

Because of your background, it is necessary that you begin to think in terms of prosperity and abundance rather than about your roots of poverty and scarcity. Once you begin focusing your mind on the great abundance of not only love and friendship but material things as well, you not only become more beloved by your soon-to-be in-laws...they may even envy you.

 

This is simply a law of the Universe.

 

I leave you with several verses from a book I will not name here, but which apply to your situation.

 

*** "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him."

 

(That means, if you relate to fools and worry about what they say, you become one of them...or, if you get down with the dogs you get up with fleas)

 

""" "He who humbles himself shall be exhalted...and he who exhalts himself shall be humbled."

 

(Self explanatory)

 

Tell these folks I said to kiss my butt!!! And have pity for them for they will never know true happiness and will never know who loves them sincerely...and who does so for their money.

[leah]

in time, they will get to know you and base their decision on YOU, not your family background.

 

my ex's family disliked me at first because of our demographic differences...and later on they really liked me. so...i know it is easier to withdraw from them now, because of the situation...but the more you get to know them and open up...the quicker the change will be.

[Jane]

Your post is somewhat similar to mine. I did not play the game and I remained assertive.

 

The more you let it worry you - the more it will come back.

 

The problem lies within them - not you, we are all equal.

 

As hard as it is just let these thoughts go. Concentrate on positive thoughts and on the outcome you want - amazingly, this has worked for me.

 

Hey - move away from the family - it will do your man so much good.

 

Get a book on dealing with difficult people maybe?

 

Get rid of your own thoughts about feeling inferior - this is crucial.

 

If the family continue like this - you watch - it will come back to them.

 

Who is the ringleader? His mother?

 

Don't hate them either. Just be neutral. Do not over try to get along with them as it does not work - they will just do more and you will feel more of a victim.

 

Don't obsess on it. Acknowledge what is happening then let it go. Never ever allow yourself to feel like a victim - the only consequence if you do this is that you will attract MORE victimology.

 

I can use all the advice i can get. i met this really great guy and we are now engaged to be married. the problem is that his family is extremely rich and mine is extremely poor (i grew up in a trailor home). his parents think i'm not good enough for him, they want him to marry a rich girl. i don't know how to get them to accept me. i am always kind and polite, but they just don't like me. i know a lot of you might say who cares what they think, but these people are going to be my in laws and whether i like it or not they will be a part of my life and i would much rather get along with them. do any of you have any ideas on how i could do that?

[Deejette]

It's very true, that when you marry someone you are marrying their family in a way too. I was in a situation where my (ex)inlaws didn't like me because I was not their same religion. My ex-mother-in-law said right to my face when I first met her, "She's very pretty, but she's not _________(name of the religion)!" and turned her back on me in disgust.

 

But, through the years, she came to love me, and now that I am divorced from her son, she still loves me and we are friends. When you show them how good you are for their son, they will change their mind. In this case, she actually understood why I had to divorce her boy.

 

If, however, they are truly heartless snobs, then avoiding them as much a possible would be another tactic. Your fiance should have enough backbone not to buckle under to them in their choice of whom they want him to love. People who really love each other do not let other's opinions separate them.

I can use all the advice i can get. i met this really great guy and we are now engaged to be married. the problem is that his family is extremely rich and mine is extremely poor (i grew up in a trailor home). his parents think i'm not good enough for him, they want him to marry a rich girl. i don't know how to get them to accept me. i am always kind and polite, but they just don't like me. i know a lot of you might say who cares what they think, but these people are going to be my in laws and whether i like it or not they will be a part of my life and i would much rather get along with them. do any of you have any ideas on how i could do that?