Jiminy Cricket Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 so i found out my ex was in the er, and hasn't been doing well.. its been nearly a month of n/c. should i check up on her to see hows shes doing?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FebruaryAmor Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Sorry to hear that. What did she go in the ER for? And I think if you really care which it sounds like you do...I would send a get well card or a get well balloon. That will mean alot yet u wont have to hear her voice or see her. So you wont break the NC Link to post Share on other sites
StyleOnEm Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I would. Life is more important than ego. But make sure if you do contact her, do it for the right reasons- because you genuinely care about her well-being. Do not mention anything relationship related. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 the thing is she has no way of me knowing she was in the hospital, i found out through the grapevine...should i just say "hey, how are things?" i don't want to make it seem like i was stalking her. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Can you find out from your grapevine if she is okay? If she is okay, stay NC. If she isn't on her deathbed, leave her alone and prioritize your healing. When she dumped you, she forfeited your ability to care for her. Unless she's terminal or seriously ill, don't use it as an excuse to break contact or to portray yourself as the still loving ex. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Can you find out from your grapevine if she is okay? If she is okay, stay NC. If she isn't on her deathbed, leave her alone and prioritize your healing. When she dumped you, she forfeited your ability to care for her. Unless she's terminal or seriously ill, don't use it as an excuse to break contact or to portray yourself as the still loving ex. idk if i can. i just want to ask her how things are going and see if she tells me about her health problem Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 idk if i can. i just want to ask her how things are going and see if she tells me about her health problem I don't know why you broke up but your doing NC for a reason. Poorly or not is it really worth breaking? If said grapevine knows she's in hospital they'll possibly know why or if it's serious or not. At most (if they don't know) send a card and flowers/balloon. It's the way of saying "Hey I'm sorry your unwell feel better soon" without physically saying it and breaking your NC Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Sending a card IS breaking NC. No contact means NO contact. That said, you have a history with her. Find out her condition. Contact her parents. Ask them how she is and ask if they think your sending a card would hurt her more than help. Be clear you are not looking for reconciliation but that you do have enough residual feelings to be concerned. Maybe contacting her parents will be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I wouldn't unless it's life-threatening. If she sprained her ankle playing volleyball or something, I wouldn't say a word. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nerdlingZA Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 If you contact her or send her flowers you will look like a stalker , don't say a word bro. I know it tempting as you wanna look like "the good guy" but it won't help , you'l only be creeping her up , mybe she doesn't even want u to know she's in hospt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Keep in mind that you are no longer in a position where you can contact her or "care" for her as harsh as this may sound. You two are broken up. I view this as my ex is now a stranger to me, not that I may not care how she is doing but she has family and friends who can take care of her with no need of me being there for her in any way. NC means NC under any circumstances. Your ex is a big girl and if she can't take care of herself, if not I'm certain she has loved ones who will be there for her. It's not an ego thing but just keep in mind that your presence there is no longer required. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Keep in mind that you are no longer in a position where you can contact her or "care" for her as harsh as this may sound. You two are broken up. I view this as my ex is now a stranger to me, not that I may not care how she is doing but she has family and friends who can take care of her with no need of me being there for her in any way. NC means NC under any circumstances. Your ex is a big girl and if she can't take care of herself, if not I'm certain she has loved ones who will be there for her. It's not an ego thing but just keep in mind that your presence there is no longer required. well last time we talked, she said that it had to do with cancer. this was back in june. now i don't know what she went to the er for.. but i still care for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 well last time we talked, she said that it had to do with cancer. this was back in june. now i don't know what she went to the er for.. but i still care for her. Doesn't matter dude. Your title as caretaker was forfeited due to the break. Plus, your presence might bring more stress than anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 well last time we talked, she said that it had to do with cancer. this was back in june. now i don't know what she went to the er for.. but i still care for her. And that's perfectly fine, you can care for her from her to China. However, this is your life now, she is no longer part of it, neither are you part of hers. I put myself in your shoes and for my own sake and emotional well being I would not contact her. She is not alone in this world, I'm confident that she has people in this world who will be there for her. You should not feel guilty or bad that you aren't "there for her" why? because you no longer need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 She dumped you, its not your problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Plus surely if it was something serious wouldn't she be admitted to hospital rather than me in the a+e = British emergency room..? Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 well last time we talked, she said that it had to do with cancer. this was back in june. now i don't know what she went to the er for.. but i still care for her. I don't know. Since it something serious, I would send her a card and express your best wishes. Even if she broke up with you, that's how life is. That doesn't make her evil. Offering support to another human being in great distress that you once knew well and cared for shouldn't be considered such a great deal. Show a bit of kindness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 so i posted a thread earlier about my ex being in the hospital. i found out it was serious and wanted to check up on her. so i called, asked how she was in all. found out some dude was with her, and all i asked was "are you seeing him now?" i wasn't mad at all, and she got all angry that i only care about her leaving me for someone else instead of her health. we got into a big argument and she told im "the poison in her life, i never want to see you again, we're never getting back together, don't speak to me." i began to break down and said "why are you doing this, i do care about you.. etc" she's displacing her anger towards me. the reason i called her was because it's life threatening. so this morning her best friend texted me that my ex has been stressed all week and has been stuck in the hospital. she told me not to talk to my ex gf anymore but to talk to her instead, she said "i'm here for you if you need to talk." i don't feel comfortable expressing my feelings to her, should i respond? Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 You sent your condolences... now leave it be. No initiated contact . Barky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 You wanted to see if she was okay. You did that. Now leave it alone. Stay away from her friend and keep strict NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 she didn't give me the details if she was okay. she wouldn't talk to me about her illness. she was more concerned about fighting with me about me not caring. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Just leave it be bro. Best advice I can give you. Barky Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 she didn't give me the details if she was okay. she wouldn't talk to me about her illness. she was more concerned about fighting with me about me not caring. Shes made it clear she wants nothing to do with you tho so stop putting in effort. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 she didn't give me the details if she was okay. she wouldn't talk to me about her illness. she was more concerned about fighting with me about me not caring. She has other people around to care for her. It's time you take care of yourself. Let it go. She's made it clear to you. The thing is, if her wellbeing was important to you, even when you knew that there was another man with her, her health would have taken precendence and you would have refrained from bringing it up. Wrong place. Wrong time. That in itself is a sign to you that you are in no way capable of having contact with her because it'll only p*** you up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 What her friend said actually sounds quite nice --- giving you an avenue whilst leaving your girlfriend in peace at this delicate time. If you want to say anything at all, I would say something like this: "I would like to apologise for any unnecessary stress I may have caused yesterday. I hope Jane has a speedy recovery and would appreciate knowing about significant changes to her condition if she agrees to disclose them. Via a third party such as yourself is probably better in this instance. In either case, I wish her all the best". Link to post Share on other sites
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