Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 i'm just upset, because she said this "this is my last memory of you, someone who is full of s**t!" if this is the last time i ever get to speak to her, leaving her on that note. its going to haunt me forever. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Instead, get pissed that you tried to show concern and it got thrown back in your face. She treated u like a piece of dookie. Get pissed man. Use that to never contact her again. Barky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 What her friend said actually sounds quite nice --- giving you an avenue whilst leaving your girlfriend in peace at this delicate time. If you want to say anything at all, I would say something like this: "I would like to apologise for any unnecessary stress I may have caused yesterday. I hope Jane has a speedy recovery and would appreciate knowing about significant changes to her condition if she agrees to disclose them. Via a third party such as yourself is probably better in this instance. In either case, I wish her all the best". i know my ex told her to say that. she just doesn't want direct contact with me. they're afraid i'm going to commit suicide because of my past. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 listen, you did a decent thing, you've taken action to show compassion towards the highly unpleasing situation she's in. As it was expected, it derailed. You had no business asking her whom she is seeing - if anyone, and she totally overreacted by having a fit. You were sweet to say "I just wanted to know how you were doing"... it's just that sometimes, people react really poorly under a lot of pressure. So don't take it personally, I am sure she is on an emotional roller coaster right now. Just don't expect her to manage your feelings, and even less to be fair. As for the ex's best friend... I say take any help you get. Just stay away. Be strong Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 so i found out my ex was in the er, and hasn't been doing well.. its been nearly a month of n/c. should i check up on her to see hows shes doing?? YMMV, but if news of my exW being in the hospital got around to me, I'd say a private prayer for her but that's it. We're done and she is no more important to me than the billions of other strangers on the planet. IMO, that's healthy. I've had a number of friends in the hospital in the couple of years since our D and those friends, who are loving and supportive of my life, do get my prayers and personal attention in their time of need. They've earned that. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 she didn't give me the details if she was okay. she wouldn't talk to me about her illness. she was more concerned about fighting with me about me not caring. She doesn't have to tell you about her illness. This is why it was an absolutely horrible idea for you to contact her. You really need to start accepting this breakup man. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 so i posted a thread earlier about my ex being in the hospital. i found out it was serious and wanted to check up on her. so i called, asked how she was in all. found out some dude was with her, and all i asked was "are you seeing him now?" i wasn't mad at all, and she got all angry that i only care about her leaving me for someone else instead of her health. we got into a big argument and she told im "the poison in her life, i never want to see you again, we're never getting back together, don't speak to me." i began to break down and said "why are you doing this, i do care about you.. etc" she's displacing her anger towards me. the reason i called her was because it's life threatening. so this morning her best friend texted me that my ex has been stressed all week and has been stuck in the hospital. she told me not to talk to my ex gf anymore but to talk to her instead, she said "i'm here for you if you need to talk." i don't feel comfortable expressing my feelings to her, should i respond? You are quiet amazing buddy. What part of leave her alone don't you understand? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I didn't know you were still so hang up on her, otherwise I wouldn't have suggested that you contact her. I kind of understand why she got pissed off at your fit of jealousy. It was just all about you. Your insecurity and your neediness. She is ill and instead of being concerned about her, you are scared that she has feelings for someone else. The reason you were supposed to contact her was to be supportive, not to be a burden to her. She is dealing with enough sh*t and surely doesn't need a jealous ex. If you can't do that, then yes, it's best to stay away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 It's not love till there is a restraining order. Oh of course, I forgot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Oh of course, I forgot. It's also not rape if you shout BOO or SURPRISE 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I understand being upset at finding out your ex is ill. However, if your well-wishes were just that, you would not have mentioned anything about her new beau. You made the effort to wish her well. Now let her be. Thoughts/prayers are really all you should give her now. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I wouldnt have bothered. You were polite to her and she over reacted and treated you like crap. I don't understand why people want to contact. I've never had an ex contact me when I was in hospital. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I just can't believe you cross-examined her on the guy that was there supporting her. What the hell were you thinking? Not only is it none of your business, but if the woman is seriously sick, the last thing she needs is stress from her ex-boyfriend grilling her about something that ridiculous. I mean, you need to run a few laps after that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yeah her being on her death bed is not the time to giving your ex the third degree about who is with her. Kudos on you for checking to see how she is, but not on what happened after that. Get some help for yourself if you need it, though, bud or take her friend up on the listening ear. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 if you knew my ex, you'd know how much she overreacts. one time i forgot to kiss her hello when i got into the car.. and we ended up fighting for a whole weekend over stupid things. she's been really cruel to me, but i still love her regardless. i wasn't angry over the new guy at all, just wanted to know the truth and btw she didn't reveal anything about him. she just turned the whole situation around about how she's never getting back together with me, how i'm a terrible person. i didn't bring up anything about getting back, just shows that how she overreacts and displaces her anger towards me. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 if you knew my ex, you'd know how much she overreacts. one time i forgot to kiss her hello when i got into the car.. and we ended up fighting for a whole weekend over stupid things. she's been really cruel to me, but i still love her regardless. i wasn't angry over the new guy at all, just wanted to know the truth and btw she didn't reveal anything about him. she just turned the whole situation around about how she's never getting back together with me, how i'm a terrible person. i didn't bring up anything about getting back, just shows that how she overreacts and displaces her anger towards me. It's none of your business and it was horrible timing. I'd be pissed if I were her and I had to listen to that when I was feeling like crap. I mean dude, it was a moronic move and it's best you just admit it instead of trying to justify it. You really need to stop interjecting yourself into her life and accept that you aren't together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 It's none of your business and it was horrible timing. I'd be pissed if I were her and I had to listen to that when I was feeling like crap. I mean dude, it was a moronic move and it's best you just admit it instead of trying to justify it. You really need to stop interjecting yourself into her life and accept that you aren't together. i know. she wanted me to "comfort" her and show concern. i was trying to do just that. i know what i did was wrong. i let my emotions get the best of me. i'm in so much pain right now. her friend won't even talk to me, even though she said we can talk about the problem. i've been having a nervous breakdown all day. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 i know. she wanted me to "comfort" her and show concern. i was trying to do just that. i know what i did was wrong. i let my emotions get the best of me. i'm in so much pain right now. her friend won't even talk to me, even though she said we can talk about the problem. i've been having a nervous breakdown all day. And this is exactly why everyone told you not to contact her. Do you get it now? We aren't saying this to be mean, we are saying this stuff for your own good. You really have to stop self-inflicting wounds on yourself. NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 i want to apologize, but i know i shouldn't. i should just let her go. after all the names i was called, and things she said last night, i should use it at my advantage to let go. it was horrible what she said. i know all these problems she's going through is karma. she criticized me for my ethnicity, for my job, my educational background, saying i'll never have another girlfriend. i was emotionally abused throughout the relationship, it even got physical, but i never laid a hand on her. i just hope she realizes that i was always there for her, and should have been more appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 i want to apologize, but i know i shouldn't. i should just let her go. after all the names i was called, and things she said last night, i should use it at my advantage to let go. it was horrible what she said. i know all these problems she's going through is karma. she criticized me for my ethnicity, for my job, my educational background, saying i'll never have another girlfriend. i was emotionally abused throughout the relationship, it even got physical, but i never laid a hand on her. i just hope she realizes that i was always there for her, and should have been more appreciated. And you want this girl back why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 And you want this girl back why? i tend to look at the good time more than the bad. i have a problem of forgiving and forgetting. i stuck around longer than i should have. i should have been the one to break it off. she's someone elses problem now. watch her get dumtped like all her other boyfriends did in her past. shes a whore, i just realized. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 i tend to look at the good time more than the bad. i have a problem of forgiving and forgetting. i stuck around longer than i should have. i should have been the one to break it off. she's someone elses problem now. watch her get dumtped like all her other boyfriends did in her past. shes a whore, i just realized. I think you need to figure out why you became so emotionally attached to a person who was pretty abusive before you start dating again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 I think you need to figure out why you became so emotionally attached to a person who was pretty abusive before you start dating again. I'm not looking to date anybody anytime soon. I tend to love ppl unconditionally. it's not always a good thing I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizza Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) idk if i can. i just want to ask her how things are going and see if she tells me about her health problem Seems to me like you want to use this as a reason to break no contact. Find out from your grapevine why she in hospital and if she is ok, if it is very serious send a card that wishes her well. So she knows you still care if she is poorly. That is all. oh and if she dumped you i doubt, after not speaking for a whilst now, she is just going to start telling you about her health problems. ETA: Sorry just read the rest of the thread... you never wanted to contact her out of concern for her health. You wanted to use her being in hospital to break no contact, get close etc.... it was purely selfish and this is why you didn't think twice about throwing your toys out of the cot when you realized another guy was there. You need to move on from this relationship and focus on your own personal development so that you become a better person. Edited September 4, 2013 by Kizza Link to post Share on other sites
keepontruckin Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 OP, you are dead to her, if she's anything like my soon to be ex. You do not exist to her. You can bring nothing to her. She does not want to see you, hear you, or be in the same room as you. It doesn't matter what her medical state is. My wife would rather be homeless, than to ever even entertain the thought of reconciliation. This is how some people are. We all want to be Forrest Gump, and care for our ex's even after they leave and get sick. Forrest Gump was a movie. Your ex doesn't give a **** about you. Didn't then, and doesn't now. Tough words, I know, but spare yourself the grief! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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