Was she wrong

[bluecypress]

Have been dating gf for four months, last Friday she took me to dinner to say that she only wants to date me and has not dated anyone else since we met. Said she would only be intimate with someone she was dating exclusively. Told me that she wanted me to meet her twin boys who are young the following week.

 

That Sunday I called to say hello and she said she needs to back up, it's going too fast, she is in a selfish mode and is not a good girlfriend at the moment. Asked how her view point could chance so fast, she did not have an answer.

 

Saw that she was still active on the internet service we met on . Asked her why was she active when she told me she canceled the account. She claimed that she used it to make new friends being new to the area. That did not stick with me, so in a moment of dumb anger, I accessed her account. Saw that while were seeing each other she had been responding to other men but only email not a date. Then saw an email where she asked one person if they would like to meet for a drink when he is in the area. He was from 200 miles away.

 

Told her that in my opinion she was going behind my back and in essence lying to me and that you don't use the internet dating service to make friendn. Gave her two chances to tell me if she had contacted anyone on the service before telling her about going on her account.

 

 

That flipped her out that I went on it and rightly so. She then proceeded to tell me that she did do anything wrong, was only dating me and got scared that she got too comfortable with me too quickly. She continued to claim that it was only to make friends. She then told me that she could not see me anymore because I went into her account.

 

Looking for other viewpoints, figures it had to happen someone that you were head over heels with. Doubt that there could ever be trust rebuilt.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

You were absolutely right. You judge a person by their actions and not

by their words. She tells you she wants to date you exclusively. She then lies to you about staying on with the dating service and then tries to set up a date with another person while she is supposedly dating only you. She is a cakewoman. The signs indicate that she is a liar and would like to have lots of boyfriends at the same time. Consider yourself lucky. You do not want this type of woman for it will only lead to pain and heartache for you.

[duelfeul]

The fact that you were angry doesn't justify going into her account, but i do see why you felt the need to, she kinda provoked you into doing it by lying to your face. I thought you should have been the one to leave her but the fact that its ended btwn the two of you is a good thing and you definitely don't deserve to be lied to someone who doesn't know what she wants from someone.

best of luck finding someone better!

[bluechocolate]

I called to say hello and she said she needs to back up, it's going too fast, she is in a selfish mode and is not a good girlfriend at the moment. Asked how her view point could chance so fast, she did not have an answer.

 

Her "selfish mode" comment was based on the fact that she is still interested in seeing other men & making arrangements to do so - you confirmed that by hacking into her account. You didn't really need to do that, she had already told you that she wanted to back off.

 

Anyway, now you know - which is probably for the better.

 

Doubt that there could ever be trust rebuilt.

 

I doubt it too.

[bluecypress]

Thank you for the input. No doubt that going into the account was a poor action regardless of the suspicion level. My thoughts were clouded by that fact that she pretty much spent the last month either at work or when not at work with me as her kids were with her ex. Our time not together was minimal. The months prior to that we spent 5 out of seven days together. She got me to unload all her furniture when it arrived from her home state, did the repairs to her place, put her family up in my house. Seems like it served a purpose cause when it was all done is when the s*** hit the fan. Did that stuff because I wanted to not because it was expected.

 

Still have a half a garage full of her stuff which she has not called to get yet.

 

Her actions behind the scenes are without a doubt not that of someone who wants to build a relationship with one person.

 

Without trust there is zip, so you are right, let it go and move on.

[bluechocolate]

She got me to unload all her furniture when it arrived from her home state, did the repairs to her place, put her family up in my house. Seems like it served a purpose cause when it was all done is when the s*** hit the fan. Did that stuff because I wanted to not because it was expected.

 

Ouch! So now you know she's a player AND a user - should make you feel better about no longer being involved with this woman.

 

Still have a half a garage full of her stuff which she has not called to get yet.

 

I would tell her to arrange to have that moved off your property within 5 days or you'll junk it. Honestly. Now she's getting free storage from you? F*ck that sh*t.

[lise220]

Ok... she's clearly crazy.. a nut case... I'd even go as far as to say multiple personality syndrome.

 

Now, yes, you're wrong for going in the account but it's always funny to see someone get caught! Wish I could've seen her face! We've all done some sneakin' before so I won't bash you for that. I have to agree that if you feel the slightest bit of suspicion, then let it go while it's young. Relationships that start out that way are sooo 90's and are bound to end in drama. Why fret about this girl when there are millions of others that will at least wait until after a year to spring on the "crazy" side, lol. But seriously, it's not worth it. Find someone who you won't have to question and let crazy girl do her thang. Cheaters never prosper

 

PS: if she doesn't call by Saturday to get her stuff... uhh, 2 words... Yard Sale

[bluecypress]

Thanks for the input from all of you. She has called twice to talk, but have returned any calls. Sent an email saying it's best if she removes her stuff sooner verses later.

[tattoomytoe]

let her move it by herself! tell her you broke a nail.

 

and you are having a garage sale on sunday, so the stuff best be gone by saturday!

[SoleMate]

she's clearly crazy.. a nut case... I'd even go as far as to say multiple personality syndrome

Hunnhh?? If so, there are many millions more like her in the US and worldwide.

 

"cake" behavior does not equal severe mental illness. She's just a bit of a user...but then, she is also honest to a degree as she told you she wanted to back off. THat was probably her way of saying that the r/s with you has not been as fulfilling as she had hoped.

 

When your erstwhile SO says they wnat to back off, don't start arguing with them...just say "OK". Really. It's the only response that makes sense.

[bluecypress]

Understand fully that the if one wants to back off that is perfectly normal. It was the time window of 1.5 days from one extreme to the other that creates the question of "how can that be". My conversations with her prior to her asking me to dinner was lets let the relationship build at a pace that works for both of us. She was the one that made the commitment statements and then retracted them. It was not spur of the moment, she had been telling me all week the she wants to take me to dinner to tell me what she has decided. I'm not angry at her changing her mind as much as about lying. If she would have been forthcoming I would have respected that. I also did not want to meet her kids until she was sure that she wanted to build a relationship verses dating. It would not be fair to the kids in my eyes to do otherwise.

 

I appreciated your candor as you are correct, when it's done it's done. She was also honest to a very small degree but as the saying goes the truth only hurts once.

[lise220]

"cake" behavior does not equal severe mental illness."

 

What? You mean frivolous sarcasm doesn't diagnose schizophrenia?

 

What was I thinking... i'm sure she's wonderful...

[bluecypress]

as an update, it turns out she had the same conversation as she had with me with the guy she was dating before moving to where I am. It was almost like it's rehearsed from a script or done so often it's memorized. She has not shown to pick up her stuff but I can't chuck it cause it contains lot's of pictures and objects of her kids. There is also a lot of other "family" stuff that is just wrong to dispose of.

[heckno]

Used and lied to is right.

 

I agree with blue up there.

 

family stuff that you can't dispose of? Well, she seemed to dispose of it and doesn't care enough to pick it up anytime soon..why is that? It seems her S**T is more valuable to YOU than to HER. What's wrong with this picture?

 

Send her an email, tell the Biotch to come and get her crap within 2 weeks. Print the emails, and document any other means of telling her this. At 2 weeks end, tell her goodwill will be coming to get her crap and she can pick it up there for a nominal fee. That way, she can't do anything about it legally.

 

Now, you obviously have more of a heart than her, so if you REALLY must hold on to her stuff she doesn't give 2 cents about.. keep only the pictures for safe keeping.

Put them in a plastic storage bin and store them deep away somewhere so you're not reminded that you're being used as a STOR ALL for free .

 

You see, the sooner you get this crazy as$ out of your life, and her crap, the better. Don't let this nutcase be involved in your life in anyway, for any longer than need be.

 

About the other stuff, you did the right thing in my opinion. You're probably a pretty good read on people most of the time, and while her story probably flies with 98% of the men she usually meets, it didn't with you. That's probably why she got so Peeved when you found out the truth.

 

Sometimes, we just gotta do our own detective work. People in this world, sometimes, have no scruples and become really good liars.. so the sherlock holmes in us comes out. Good for you for having the nerve to do right by YOU. And wow, kudos for the tellin the hooker how you found out.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by bluecypress

as an update, it turns out she had the same conversation as she had with me with the guy she was dating before moving to where I am. It was almost like it's rehearsed from a script or done so often it's memorized. She has not shown to pick up her stuff but I can't chuck it cause it contains lot's of pictures and objects of her kids. There is also a lot of other "family" stuff that is just wrong to dispose of.

 

Bah. BS. If it mattered so much she'd pick it up. Thats probably part of the game to keep you involved with her. How'd you find out about this other guy and the same conversation? I wouldn't feel too bad about digging around her account like that, its not a great thing but folks have to protect themselves these days when their gut tells them something is up.

 

Anyway, document whats there (list, pictures), send her emails, formal letters(registered return receipt is best) via the mail, and phone call to tell her when to come get her stuff or it goes to goodwill/junk heap (or say, it goes out in the driveway starting on this date). I'd also have a buddy/neutral party there when she comes to pick stuff up, you can't be too careful these days (CYA big time) and this gal sounds like a real "winner"