trying to get my wife to end a long standing swinger relationship

[kennedy37]

My wife does not want to end an open relationship we have had for over 4 years with another couple and it is driving me crazy . I do not want to fight or argue or make a scene , or hurt the other couple or give cause for my wife to leave me . About 4 years ago we started a open relationship or swing partner with another couple . I agreed to do it for a number of reasons providing everyone was respectful and kept things quiet and my wife never got emotionally involved . We knew the couple for years before agreeing . We are different then many of the swing couples . We lock doors, use separate rooms and always done extremely discretely . We did it as an experiment that we have grown to really enjoy and love . My wife's personality has totally changed for the better , she is a different woman completely . She is fabulous and amazingly so much fun . She is also very smart concealing our activities . The other couple are just as quiet , well mannered and respectful . They are extremely attractive and my wife adores the other guy and he is a magnificent lover to her . She says she is not in love with him but I think she is . This is the only couple we have ever tried this with and we love it . But it is time to end it because I think she is in love with this guy and I do not want to loose her . We have an open relationship with the other couple , I do not restrain her . My schedule is totally different from his and his wife's , so I give her freedom to enjoy herself and have fun and she does . It has become an obsession with her and she spends more and more time with him in bed especially when I am at work or traveling . His wife sees nothing wrong with the obsession , but it is driving me crazy .

[aliveagain]

Be honest with everyone, tell them how you feel, that it is starting to affect your relationship. These things never end well, someone always breaks the rules and falls in love.

[KathyM]

It's pretty hard to put restrictions on this after you've been OK with it for four years or whatever. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife does love this other guy. Pretty hard to not develop attachments to someone you've been sleeping with for awhile, and for whom there are no negatives that day-to-day life will bring. In fact, he has the advantage over you now, because your wife gets to see the day-to-day about your relationship with her, and go through all the mundane stuff that living together and being married entails. This other guy, on the other hand, only provides her with the "positives" without the mundane stuff. Good luck trying to turn things back around after it's gotten so out-of-hand. You've created a monster, so to speak, and now you are at a loss for how to deal with it. You've allowed for your wife to be physical and fall in love with this OM. If you change the rules on her now, after she has developed feelings for this guy, she will probably resent you for the double standard (that you were O.K. with it when you wanted it, but not when she wants it). All you can do now, if you want to try to put the horse back in the barn, is to tell her you think you've made a terrible mistake and are compromising your marriage and your relationship with her by bringing other people physically into your intimate relationship, and you don't want to see your relationship with her go downhill, and that you propose to break it off with this couple and work on your intimacy together and your bond with each other.

[Helena1975]

I do not understand such a relationship. How do you feel when she is out with him? When is the time two of you are in bed. Seems like she is always out. When you love somebody you do let another person to share that person with you. People are people not things you borrow and return back or not. If you want to be with other people then you should stay single and date.

[kennedy37]

Be honest with everyone, tell them how you feel, that it is starting to affect your relationship. These things never end well, someone always breaks the rules and falls in love.

 

I now know I made a mistake and deeply regret it . But it is much more than that . I am president of a small manufacturing company , her lover is the son of the owner , I work for the owner, I am not the owner just the working President . I have 6 small manufacturing facilities in 4 states , my Salary has over doubled in 6 years . We make needed items in hydraulic fracturing operations . I am 5 years older than my wife, her lover is almost 5 years younger then her . He comes from a wealthy family a I am lucky to have my job , If I rock the boat to much I loose my job .

[kennedy37]

I do not understand such a relationship. How do you feel when she is out with him? When is the time two of you are in bed. Seems like she is always out. When you love somebody you do let another person to share that person with you. People are people not things you borrow and return back or not. If you want to be with other people then you should stay single and date.

 

It was so easy to do at first , then later you realize you made a horrible mistake. I am just an average guy , nothing special to look at . But I am the president of a small manufacturing company . My wife's lover is the son of the owner of this company . If I push to end it , I could loose my job , my Salary has over doubled in 6 years .

 

It was really fun at first , sex is sex it is not love . I am not in love with the other guys wife , but my wife is in love with him , or at least I think so . Both women agreed they would not fall in love , just have fun . My wife was bored with me , and I actually thought it would change her life and it did . She was a virgin when I met her . I wanted to help turn her into a much better lover , since she refused to listen to me , she listened to the other woman . I said it sounded good , lets see what happens . I never view my wife with him, they always lock the door . She has changed for the better and now loves sex , before it was just her wifely duties . If you are a good wife or lover , then you have no idea how a woman can make a man feel rejected . So after years of her rejection, I gave her something different , she changed for the better for me and I love it . But now I can not separate her from him .

[kennedy37]

It's pretty hard to put restrictions on this after you've been OK with it for four years or whatever. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife does love this other guy. Pretty hard to not develop attachments to someone you've been sleeping with for awhile, and for whom there are no negatives that day-to-day life will bring. In fact, he has the advantage over you now, because your wife gets to see the day-to-day about your relationship with her, and go through all the mundane stuff that living together and being married entails. This other guy, on the other hand, only provides her with the "positives" without the mundane stuff. Good luck trying to turn things back around after it's gotten so out-of-hand. You've created a monster, so to speak, and now you are at a loss for how to deal with it. You've allowed for your wife to be physical and fall in love with this OM. If you change the rules on her now, after she has developed feelings for this guy, she will probably resent you for the double standard (that you were O.K. with it when you wanted it, but not when she wants it). All you can do now, if you want to try to put the horse back in the barn, is to tell her you think you've made a terrible mistake and are compromising your marriage and your relationship with her by bringing other people physically into your intimate relationship, and you don't want to see your relationship with her go downhill, and that you propose to break it off with this couple and work on your intimacy together and your bond with each other.

 

We have a strong bond so if I let her have her way I think things will be fine , we still have our children to raise . she used to reject me constantly , now she does not . So that is good for me . Maybe it is because of the guilt feelings that is inside her knowing she loves the other guy and knowing he is a much better lover than me and she prefers sex with him verses me . I work for his father , he is a very wealthy man . When you deal with wealthy people they are different . You must also understand the other guy allows things with his wife also and she has no objections . For them it is simply fun kept very quiet . And actually it has been a blast , but I know she is spending way to much time with him while the kids are in school .

[Helena1975]

Well when I said you do not share person you love it means you were not in love when agreed to it. To me it was over back then but you just tried to put a bandaid on it instead of resolving a problem. She was bored with you because she had never had another man and wanted out without loosing you just to let you go letter. It was kind of diplomatic way of doing it.

[kennedy37]

Well when I said you do not share person you love it means you were not in love when agreed to it. To me it was over back then but you just tried to put a bandaid on it instead of resolving a problem. She was bored with you because she had never had another man and wanted out without loosing you just to let you go letter. It was kind of diplomatic way of doing it.

Women are smarter than men for sure , obviously your smarter than me . I never knew she wanted out of our marriage . She still says she loves me and will never leave me , it is just I do not trust her to be honest with me . Men are kind of dumb , at least I know I am . I was never abusive and constantly loved her . The traveling only started with the New owner came on the scene about 7 years ago , but we had known the couple before that . I guess my traveling gave her time to think and plan her fun . I do not care about the sex she has with the other man , it is just sex . But I used to care about the rejection she showed me . She had the world at her finger tips , she is not well educated , but I never pushed her to work . I make 340 k a year own 2 homes out right . but I am successful because of her lovers father .

 

Some women are cold hear-ted , I never touched another woman in our marriage or even wanted . It only happened to put spice in her life , she had often talked about what it would be like to be with another man , whom was tall and handsome . I am short and not so handsome , but I am a work a -holic . She was never multi orgasmic , just one and go to sleep . With him she will have 12 orgasms and think it is because of him . But also she now does things to me she would never do before , he taught her so much , she refused to listen to me .

 

But I agree your right , I am quite dumb about many things

[kennedy37]

Well when I said you do not share person you love it means you were not in love when agreed to it. To me it was over back then but you just tried to put a bandaid on it instead of resolving a problem. She was bored with you because she had never had another man and wanted out without loosing you just to let you go letter. It was kind of diplomatic way of doing it.

 

I do believe if I would have not given her a chance to have an open marriage and open sex with another man , that eventually she would have been driven by boredom and had an affair with someone else . You can give a woman everything she needs or wants and she will still be bored to death .. She does everything because she is bored . She shops because she is bored , she buys a new car because she is bored . She gets a massage because she is bored . We only have 2 children and she is a fantastic mother .. When I see her there is rarely a real smile , at least before it was this way . Then we started the close friendship with the other couple and she began to laugh and smile and have fun constantly , for me that was worth it all to see her happy . I adore her and want her happy .

 

The only thing that bothers me is her vagina lips are hanging down horribly due to the tremendous amount of sex she is having with him . I even met with a Doctor in private to ask about this , he said yes some women begin to have protruding vulva lips due to high amounts of sex, others do not , it is their genetics . So this was the only thing that really bothered me . But I consider that shallow .

 

I simply can't get it out of my mind what I did wrong with her , maybe I treated her too good , Some women can be treated like dirt and they treat their man like a god , some women can be treated like a god and not return the favor . Women are complex , much more than a man .

[GorillaTheater]

The only thing that bothers me is her vagina lips are hanging down horribly due to the tremendous amount of sex she is having with him.

 

The punchline had to be coming sooner or later.

[Helena1975]

How can you love such a boring women. She seems lifeless to me. Bored of everything she does. I would not want to be with the person like that. And of course she tells you she loves you and never leave you because she has got cake and she is eating it too.

[smoky eyes]

It sounds like she needs a job. Never mind your high salary. She needs something to get her out of the house, contributing to the family, and not spending all day in bed with him.

 

How's his wife in bed?

[Nyla]

My wife does not want to end an open relationship we have had for over 4 years with another couple and it is driving me crazy . I do not want to fight or argue or make a scene , or hurt the other couple or give cause for my wife to leave me . About 4 years ago we started a open relationship or swing partner with another couple . I agreed to do it for a number of reasons providing everyone was respectful and kept things quiet and my wife never got emotionally involved . We knew the couple for years before agreeing .

 

We are different then many of the swing couples . We lock doors, use separate rooms and always done extremely discretely . We did it as an experiment that we have grown to really enjoy and love . My wife's personality has totally changed for the better , she is a different woman completely . She is fabulous and amazingly so much fun . She is also very smart concealing our activities . The other couple are just as quiet , well mannered and respectful . They are extremely attractive and my wife adores the other guy and he is a magnificent lover to her .

 

She says she is not in love with him but I think she is . This is the only couple we have ever tried this with and we love it . But it is time to end it because I think she is in love with this guy and I do not want to loose her . We have an open relationship with the other couple , I do not restrain her . My schedule is totally different from his and his wife's , so I give her freedom to enjoy herself and have fun and she does .

 

It has become an obsession with her and she spends more and more time with him in bed especially when I am at work or traveling . His wife sees nothing wrong with the obsession , but it is driving me crazy .

 

Jesus Christ. Where to begin....

 

It was terribly naïve of you to involve a colleague in your swinging activities. I don't understand why you thought it would make sense to involve your superior's family in your sex life. Your sex life should not mix with the work environment. EVER. The fact that you have received double your salary since your wife has been sleeping with your boss' son shows that you are being paid to let some other man screw your wife. Doesn't that sicken you? I don't think your wife respects you or the marriage very much or else she would not humiliate you like this.

 

When a spouse suggests swinging, it usually means that they want permission to sleep around while married. The reason why open marriages and swinging rarely work out is spouses will get jealous or fall in love with someone they are swinging with. It is just human nature.

 

You sound like a man who avoids confrontation by letting people walk all over him. This is not attractive and it leads to people taking advantage of you the way your wife is right now. I hate to sound harsh but you need to man up and set some boundaries. I wouldn't respect my husband if he was always approaching issues with "Yes dear. Do whatever you want because I don't want you to leave."

[aussietigerwolf]

The punchline had to be coming sooner or later.

indeed... I think it's popcorn time... Want some?

[bubbaganoosh]

She changed for the better for you and you love it? Where is it better? She's screwing the other guys eyeballs out to the point that when she pulls her pants down to her knees, her pu$$! is still in her underwear! It's all worn out and this is better. She's screwing your bosses son and if you complain you lose your job and this is better?

 

Dude. You would have been better off letting her cheat, then you could have thrown her worn out ass out in the street. That would have been better then what your getting now.

 

Where was your mind. If you wanted to make things better in your sex life, buy some pornos. Buy some toys. Role play. YOU DON'T BRING IN A RELIEF PITCHER IN YOUR BEDROOM AND THINK THAT ALL WILL BE WELL IN HAPPYLAND! What you should do is tell her to take her droopy snatch and get the hell out.

[kennedy37]

Jesus Christ. Where to begin....

 

It was terribly naïve of you to involve a colleague in your swinging activities. I don't understand why you thought it would make sense to involve your superior's family in your sex life. Your sex life should not mix with the work environment. EVER. The fact that you have received double your salary since your wife has been sleeping with your boss' son shows that you are being paid to let some other man screw your wife. Doesn't that sicken you? I don't think your wife respects you or the marriage very much or else she would not humiliate you like this.

 

When a spouse suggests swinging, it usually means that they want permission to sleep around while married. The reason why open marriages and swinging rarely work out is spouses will get jealous or fall in love with someone they are swinging with. It is just human nature.

 

You sound like a man who avoids confrontation by letting people walk all over him. This is not attractive and it leads to people taking advantage of you the way your wife is right now. I hate to sound harsh but you need to man up and set some boundaries. I wouldn't respect my husband if he was always approaching issues with "Yes dear. Do whatever you want because I don't want you to leave."

 

There are millions of women whom allow their husbands to abuse them and millions of men who do the same thing

[Nyla]

There are millions of women whom allow their husbands to abuse them and millions of men who do the same thing

 

What is your point? This still does not change your situation or my opinion of it.

[kennedy37]

Jesus Christ. Where to begin....

 

It was terribly naïve of you to involve a colleague in your swinging activities. I don't understand why you thought it would make sense to involve your superior's family in your sex life. Your sex life should not mix with the work environment. EVER. The fact that you have received double your salary since your wife has been sleeping with your boss' son shows that you are being paid to let some other man screw your wife. Doesn't that sicken you? I don't think your wife respects you or the marriage very much or else she would not humiliate you like this.

 

When a spouse suggests swinging, it usually means that they want permission to sleep around while married. The reason why open marriages and swinging rarely work out is spouses will get jealous or fall in love with someone they are swinging with. It is just human nature.

 

You sound like a man who avoids confrontation by letting people walk all over him. This is not attractive and it leads to people taking advantage of you the way your wife is right now. I hate to sound harsh but you need to man up and set some boundaries. I wouldn't respect my husband if he was always approaching issues with "Yes dear. Do whatever you want because I don't want you to leave."

 

Some people go through life and never make mistakes , some do things that at first seem OK and then turn sour . I finished high school in 94 , I was a virgin , not many guys are a virgin nowadays coming out of high school , I was short only 5 feet 4 , 130 pounds , today I am giant 5 ft 5 160 pounds , and still not much to look at . I was valedictorian in my little home town and got my Engineering degree from Texas A&M in 98 , went to work for George P. Mitchell the father of modern day Hydraulic Frac'ing . I never had sex with any girl in college , instead we drove down to the border several times a year to visit prostitutes , that was the height of my sex in college . I never wanted or felt good in relationships , some guys are and some are not . Nearly all my friends screwed their brains out in college . I have always been an introvert when it comes to women . I never really cared much at all , I do not consider it weak , most marriages do not work and people cheat on each other anyway , none of my friends stay married and the women were just as bad as the men . Today many of those that screwed their brains out work for me , I hire and fire them in a heart beat , I am brutal to many of them , so I am not weak . My father was an engineer also and just like me was kind of an introvert , but he stayed married to my mother whom kind of domineered his life , so I guess I got it honestly. I have never had a lot of respect for women watching my mother treat my father the way she did . But I love her and will never abuse any woman . One day I will get tired of my wife and let her go screw her brains out , but I refuse to desert my children . Besides it is not all bad, my wife's lover's wife is a nympho and she screws my brains out .

[kennedy37]

How can you love such a boring women. She seems lifeless to me. Bored of everything she does. I would not want to be with the person like that. And of course she tells you she loves you and never leave you because she has got cake and she is eating it too.

 

It is easy to love her , I was an Engineer working for George P. Mitchell when I met her , she just finished high school , I had never had a relationship with a woman . I did visit prostitutes in the border towns . both of us were

totally ignorant when it came to sex , she had 2 beautiful children and I love her for being a great mother and will never leave her nor my children .

[Nyla]

Some people go through life and never make mistakes , some do things that at first seem OK and then turn sour . I finished high school in 94 , I was a virgin , not many guys are a virgin nowadays coming out of high school , I was short only 5 feet 4 , 130 pounds , today I am giant 5 ft 5 160 pounds , and still not much to look at .

 

I was valedictorian in my little home town and got my Engineering degree from Texas A&M in 98 , went to work for George P. Mitchell the father of modern day Hydraulic Frac'ing . I never had sex with any girl in college , instead we drove down to the border several times a year to visit prostitutes , that was the height of my sex in college .

 

I never wanted or felt good in relationships , some guys are and some are not . Nearly all my friends screwed their brains out in college . I have always been an introvert when it comes to women . I never really cared much at all , I do not consider it weak , most marriages do not work and people cheat on each other anyway , none of my friends stay married and the women were just as bad as the men . Today many of those that screwed their brains out work for me , I hire and fire them in a heart beat , I am brutal to many of them , so I am not weak .

 

My father was an engineer also and just like me was kind of an introvert , but he stayed married to my mother whom kind of domineered his life , so I guess I got it honestly. I have never had a lot of respect for women watching my mother treat my father the way she did . But I love her and will never abuse any woman . One day I will get tired of my wife and let her go screw her brains out , but I refuse to desert my children . Besides it is not all bad, my wife's lover's wife is a nympho and she screws my brains out .

 

If you don't care then why are you posting about this problem?

 

Being an introvert and an engineer does not mean that you have to be a cuckold. My husband is both an introvert and an engineer just like you. Guess what? He is a confident man who carries himself with a quiet dignity. My husband would not be tolerating what you are putting up with from your wife.

 

Being strong has nothing to do with being brutal. You clearly do not

understand what strength is about. Rationalizing your wife's behavior with "Most marriages do not work and people cheat anyway" is a sign of weakness. You are skirting the issues by sticking your head in the sand. If your wife's swinging did not bother you, there would be no need to complain about it.

 

You would not have to leave your children just because you divorced their mother. Honestly, it appears that you lack the courage to change your life. If you did not want or feel good in relationships, why would you bother to get married? It looks like you are trying to convince me and yourself that you are detached from the situation with your wife.

[kennedy37]

If you don't care then why are you posting about this problem?

 

Being an introvert and an engineer does not mean that you have to be a cuckold. My husband is both an introvert and an engineer just like you. Guess what? He is a confident man who carries himself with a quiet dignity. My husband would not be tolerating what you are putting up with from your wife.

 

Being strong has nothing to do with being brutal. You clearly do not

understand what strength is about. Rationalizing your wife's behavior with "Most marriages do not work and people cheat anyway" is a sign of weakness. You are skirting the issues by sticking your head in the sand. If your wife's swinging did not bother you, there would be no need to complain about it.

 

You would not have to leave your children just because you divorced their mother. Honestly, it appears that you lack the courage to change your life. If you did not want or feel good in relationships, why would you bother to get married? It looks like you are trying to convince me and yourself that you are detached from the situation with your wife.

 

 

I do care, but at times I dont care

[Nyla]

I do care, but at times I dont care

 

I knew that you were not being completely honest so it is great that you admit it.

 

You know your wife best. How do you plan on fixing this situation?

 

I think there needs to be some boundary setting.

[Helena1975]

I don't understand you anymore. You wanted her to stop that relationship and afraid of loosing her, and now you are defending her and you seem do don't mains her keeping that guy. I think she can not take you seriously anymore and I think you are very confused you keep going back and forth.

[kennedy37]

I knew that you were not being completely honest so it is great that you admit it.

 

You know your wife best. How do you plan on fixing this situation?

 

I think there needs to be some boundary setting.

 

I never envisioned this would happen 5 years ago , never gave it any thought . At times I am deeply depressed , other times it is all OK . I should have never used this forum to even talk about this . Certainly I can tell no one that I know. To my knowledge the owner of my company does not know his son is screwing my wife , He is a performance driver , and I perform for him .

 

the only boundary setting that can may happen is leaving her , At the moment that is not an option . My son is autistic and needs special help . My wife is bi-Polar Schizophrenic , but I only found that out about 2 years ago, she is on the mild side . She is also a expert liar . I pay a private man to keep tabs on her . Our first few years of marriage she used sex as a weapon against me . I caught her in a online relationship with another man . I knew it would end in an all out affair , maybe not with this man but with someone else , so I decided to intervene and give her the chance of a life time . Have an open affair with a very handsome man whom at least was married and very wealthy . She went for it .

 

She gets bored very easy , though she was a virgin when I married her , she has changed , she knew I was an idiot about sex .

 

At least all has been out in the open , just gets so emotional sometimes for me because she only has sex with me so I do not leave her . This is all getting complicated for you . I am married to a crazy woman that refuses to get help and now I realize I contributed to her craziness and it is so hard to deal with .